My childhood friend won’t claim his seed

[Drifter]

He had a one night stand when he was eighteen years old and found out the chick he slept with gave birth to a girl. He periodically checks how his daughter is doing by scrolling on IG but doesn’t want to enter her life. This was my friends routine for a few years as he worked to better himself until he messed up one day by commenting under a IG post of hers with his full name. She dmed him the next morning and is blackmailing him by asking him to undo the wrong he did to her and to wife her. If he refuses she swore she would go public in the community about the father of the kid and my friend’s family are uber-religious who will hate to have their reputation smeared but what makes this fucked up is that my friend’s family already found him a girl. Everything he was running away from came back to hit him like a truck and I just ended a phone call where he was distraught, crying, and can’t even eat.


This is my best friend from my childhood we grew up in the same public housing complex how do I help him? He already has nightmares of the local habaryars gossiping” Alla inanka wuu zineystay markaas nah cuniga ayuu dhilada ku dayacay” and he tells me he hears variation of those words in his head on repeat

 

[Luciddreamer]

 

[Averagegyallie]

he should just tell his parents and become more involved in his daughters life. It’s his own fault it’s not fair that the poor girl is fr to raise the child on her own

 

[Muji]

Sounds like you have a very bummy friend.

He chose to have sex without a condom so therefore must deal with the outcome of this. But instead he wants to play daddy via Instagram whilst the woman takes care of raising their child.

She should of contacted the authorities to get child support and then the family. He is clearly not religious if he is have sex before marriage a sin that is punishable with death in Islamic countries so spare me the tears.

 

[Furioso]

He needs to take responsibility and take care for his child. He doesn’t have to marry the mother of his child and shouldn’t if he isn’t in love with her. She has nothing over him if he owns up and comes clean to his family. What is the point of living such a cowardly life? Tell him that what some habaryars think of him doesn’t mean jack shit and that there’s a lot more on the line. He can choose right now the type of person he wants to be.

 

[astorecalledkmart]

If he's the father, he needs to marry the mother of his child and assume his responsibility. He has sinned once - as long as he isn't caring for his child and is not married to her mother, his sin grows everyday

If he is a real Muslim, he knows what he has to do, irrespective of what the culture/community will say

 

[Muji]

If he's the father, he needs to marry the mother of his child and assume his responsibility. He has sinned once - as long as he isn't caring for his child and is not married to her mother, his sin grows everyday

If he is a real Muslim, he knows what he has to do, irrespective of what the culture/community will say

He doesn’t need to marry her. Surely it’s worse to be a hypocrite in Islam. Pretending the kid was consummated through halal means is a lie. He needs to grow some balls, pay her for the maintenance he has missed and stop playing the victim.

 

[Furioso]

He doesn’t need to marry her. Surely it’s worse to be a hypocrite in Islam. Pretending the kid was consummated through halal means is a lie. He needs to grow some balls, pay her for the maintenance he has missed and stop playing the victim.

Anyways, I don’t know who would even believe that the child was consummated through halal means. The child might be in elementary school by now. OP’s friend is shitty as hell to put more importance on his reputation than taking care of his child. Absolutely pathetic.

 

[astorecalledkmart]

He doesn’t need to marry her. Surely it’s worse to be a hypocrite in Islam. Pretending the kid was consummated through halal means is a lie. He needs to grow some balls, pay her for the maintenance he has missed and stop playing the victim.

I agree with everything, but it isn't hypocritical for people who have a child through zina to get married after the fact. The problem would be if one party was angry at being forced to get married, and so took their anger out on the innocent child

In any case, this guy sounds like a pick and I hope his daughter turns out alright. As her father, you're 100% right in saying he's responsible for her in the deen, but marrying her mother would provide the baby with added protection. Some scholars argue that a child born out of wedlock doesn't inherit from their father, so there are other reasons why they should be married, even if they divorce later that day

In any case, he's a man of little honour, but the honorable thing to do now is marry the mother if she wants to marry him. He sacrificed his happiness the moment he committed zina

 

[HanadR6]

How old is your friend?

 

[Halimo-2018]

He had a one night stand when he was eighteen years old and found out the chick he slept with gave birth to a girl. He periodically checks how his daughter is doing by scrolling on IG but doesn’t want to enter her life. This was my friends routine for a few years as he worked to better himself until he messed up one day by commenting under a IG post of hers with his full name. She dmed him the next morning and is blackmailing him by asking him to undo the wrong he did to her and to wife her. If he refuses she swore she would go public in the community about the father of the kid and my friend’s family are uber-religious who will hate to have their reputation smeared but what makes this fucked up is that my friend’s family already found him a girl. Everything he was running away from came back to hit him like a truck and I just ended a phone call where he was distraught, crying, and can’t even eat.


This is my best friend from my childhood we grew up in the same public housing complex how do I help him? He already has nightmares of the local habaryars gossiping” Alla inanka wuu zineystay markaas nah cuniga ayuu dhilada ku dayacay” and he tells me he hears variation of those words in his head on repeat

Tell him this is a human being who cares about reputation. Two wrongs dont make it right. Tell him to be in the life of his daughter or he will be crying even more once she grows up gets pregnant and not expose to the deen. Tell him a lot somalis have kids out of wed lock with each other all the time no one cares at end of the day humans make mistakes. Tell him is going to be alright this is his chance to be a man.dont let him mess up and tell him he needs to say no the marriage if his not happy with it. Its his life he needs to own it. This is fixable now if he waits it could be worse.

 

[Furioso]

If he's the father, he needs to marry the mother of his child and assume his responsibility. He has sinned once - as long as he isn't caring for his child and is not married to her mother, his sin grows everyday

If he is a real Muslim, he knows what he has to do, irrespective of what the culture/community will say

He shouldn’t marry her if he doesn’t love her. The child alone cannot sustain the relationship. An unhappy marriage is not the solution to anything.

 

[Luciddreamer]

He shouldn’t marry her if he doesn’t love her. The child alone cannot sustain the relationship. An unhappy marriage is not the solution to anything.

A dysfunctional marriage also affects the child heavily.

 

[TekNiKo]

Islamically its not his kid and he owes no child support, bastard child, must take mothers name.

 

[beenleey]

Sorry, the idea of him checking upon his child by once in a while looking thru her twitter, akin to how I check up on people from secondary school is hilarious and sad to me.
I want to ask why the girl only started to blackmail him after he accidentally commented? Did she not know who he was before or?
Anyway, marriage should be a big no they don't love each other and is unhealthy for that child to be from such a household where the parents are only together because of that. He should rather admit what he did and be a parent to his child, I can understand why he'd not want to tell his uber-religious parents buts its unfair that his child and the mother go through such a hard life in which your firend is partially to blame for.

 

[Drifter]

he should just tell his parents and become more involved in his daughters life. It’s his own fault it’s not fair that the poor girl is fr to raise the child on her own

My friend’s family arranged with him a smart girl with a good education and reputation, and both of them hit it off and he’s in love with her while his ex is promiscuous, lives in the bad area, and he doesn’t want to support a girl who sleeps around just to support his baby girl. He doesn’t want his past to chain him and he wants to come clean with the girl he’s about to marry about his dilemma

 

[Mehmet]

Tell him this is a human being who cares about reputation. Two wrongs dont make it right. Tell him to be in the life of his daughter or he will be crying even more once she grows up gets pregnant and not expose to the deen. Tell him a lot somalis have kids out of wed lock with each other all the time no one cares at end of the day humans make mistakes. Tell him is going to be alright this is his chance to be a man.dont let him mess up and tell him he needs to say no the marriage if his not happy with it. Its his life he needs to own it. This is fixable now if he waits it could be worse.

He should run and never turn back

 

[astorecalledkmart]

He shouldn’t marry her if he doesn’t love her. The child alone cannot sustain the relationship. An unhappy marriage is not the solution to anything.

Walaal your point is well taken, but someone like this doesn't understand what love is - he watched his own blood grow up without him on a computer screen and he still only cares about himself. If he can't understand love, he should be made to understand responsibility. The mother wants him. The child needs him. His happiness is a moot point - the little girl's happiness is all that should matter at this point. He needs to man up and deal with the mess he created for the sake of his child; otherwise, the courts need to step in and clean the mess up for them

 

[Halimo-2018]

He should run and never turn back

Why? His daughter needs his guidance. Why would he abandon her? She needs her dad specially considering the culture shes in. Maybe Allah will forgive him if takes care of his responsibly from now onward.

 

[beenleey]

Islamically its not his kid and he owes no child support, bastard child, must take mothers name.

You're heartless and this isnt about islam but about personal responsibility genetic offspring.