Married gals how much is your Mehr?

[DuctTape]

I am not a believer in a religion which classes me as mentally deficient and unable to lead prayers, where I can break a fast of a man if I were to pray in front of him. Where I am told to cover up because it's my fault that I am to sexual. Where apostasy means death in certain regions of the Islamic countries. Where child marriages are given the green light because the greatest man married one. I can list a whole host of problems if u like. Splitting moon flying horse, sex slaves etc.

Seems like we are having two separate conversations here.
What I was talking about was how inconsistent your views are. Literally everything you say is with intent to provoke or bait users into arguments.
When you yourself have admitted to trolling multiple threads on and off again, how can anything you say be trusted?
Intellectually dishonest through and through. Just come clean about your beliefs from the start.

 

[government]

@Luke It's too outdated for this day and age. How does it exploit men??? Look how your fellow debater [unintentionally, might I add] exposed it...

Aren't you a Muslim meher is a financial backing if something happens to the husband or they get divorced you know in the West the women gets money when she leaves her husband it's the same thing

 

[daacad]

I am a dead corpse how did you know ? ive come to tell you idiots heaven doesn't exist

ayeeyo suntaada dadka kalatag

 

[EternalLightX]

ayeeyo suntaada dadka kalatag

Why don't you just bugger off back to beating your wife the Quran makes it perfectly ok for you to do that

 

[Coulombs law]

@Luke It's too outdated for this day and age. How does it exploit men??? Look how your fellow debater [unintentionally, might I add] exposed it...

It is not outdated, Muslim families are not implementing the full Islamic principles when it comes to marriage, Meher is supposed to be a small gift given to the bride, but families due to culture exploit that.

Just because family take advantage of the meher aspect of marriage does not deem it outdated, a little islamic reminder could do away with the problem.

 

[EternalLightX]

Seems like we are having two separate conversations here.
What I was talking about was how inconsistent your views are. Literally everything you say is with intent to provoke or bait users into arguments.
When you yourself have admitted to trolling multiple threads on and off again, how can anything you say be trusted?
Intellectually dishonest through and through. Just come clean about your beliefs from the start.

Haha now that would be boring

 

[daacad]

Why don't you just bugger off back to beating your wife the Quran makes it perfectly ok for you to do that

first of all I will never beat a wife of mine and the Quran never said that stop with the lies ayeeyo

 

[EternalLightX]

It is not outdated, Muslim families are not implementing the full Islamic principles when it comes to marriage, Meher is supposed to be a small gift given to the bride, but families due to culture exploit that.

Just because family take advantage of the meher aspect of marriage does not deem it outdated, a little islamic reminder could do away with the problem.

Waar baax !! We don't need to monopolise marriage

 

[Luke]

@Luke It's too outdated for this day and age. How does it exploit men??? Look how your fellow debater [unintentionally, might I add] exposed it...

High mehr is definitely archaic considering the income disparity is minuscule to what it historically has been. It is all circumstance dependent and has always been so. Iirc it is encouraged for poor people to significantly lower mehr so they can get married. If I were a very wealthy man, and for some reason decided to marry an uneducated and unskilled woman, do you think it's inappropriate for her to demand a high mehr? I think it's perfectly fair, considering I'm taking her out of her comfort zone knowing she'll be almost entirely dependent on me. It is an entirely different thing if we're both capable of sustaining ourselves and have family in the next town over.

The problem is with women (and perhaps men?) assigning unintended value to mehr. Higher mehr = higher quality woman and the less he pays, the less 'valuable' she is. Ironically, I think it's futile because in the end it balances out as women want to get married just as much as men. It's for each to decide what an appropriate amount is, but nowadays, I would say a few months rent and bills is perfectly adequate. Not to mention that a full upfront payment is not mandatory.

 

[TooMacaan]

Sexist how?
It's a means of support for the wife should anything bad (death or divorce) happen.
It's literally a back-up. I don't see anything sexist there.

It's sexist because an individual only receives it for being born with a vagina and saying agreeing to marriage(the latter is something which both parties do). That's basically the only criteria.

If something bad happens or a divorce happens, well...I'll quote an earlier post by Luke: "As for love.. my ex-wife certainly didn't marry me to get her hands on a whopping £1000" ...yea, the average price (which is $1000--$5000) isn't substantial for its supposed "purpose"...and won't help much in terms of support, back up, or financial security (it'll be gone pretty quick). Not to mention, there is already financial security laws/procedures for divorce (although much worse in terms of exploiting men[in some cases]) to help out with that, in western countries.

So with all that said, what's the real purpose of Mehr? It's symbolic and I hate what it infers.

 

[daacad]

In Surah al-Nisa, it is said, “Give to the women their agreed dowers [willingly]….” (4:4) and, “…as an obligation….” (4:24). According to Imam Malik, if the parties agreed that there would be no mehr then the nikah would not be valid.

 

[TooMacaan]

It is not outdated, Muslim families are not implementing the full Islamic principles when it comes to marriage, Meher is supposed to be a small gift given to the bride, but families due to culture exploit that.

Just because family take advantage of the meher aspect of marriage does not deem it outdated, a little islamic reminder could do away with the problem.

If it only took a little reminder, why isn't this greed cultural addition already eliminated??

 

[government]

If it only took a little reminder, why isn't this greed cultural addition already eliminated??

If their was no meher what will stop a man from marrying a woman for passport maybe some financial gain etc and after that is done just leave

 

[TooMacaan]

Aren't you a Muslim meher is a financial backing if something happens to the husband or they get divorced you know in the West the women gets money when she leaves her husband it's the same thing

There are too many assumptions that are embedded with this whole Mehr practice. Just look at the little things being suggested...
What if the woman dies? What if the woman divorces her husband? Where is the man's financial backup??? Oh? What's that? Men don't need it because they will be earning the income while women stay at home and do domestic duties for no pay? Is that why men pay these little mehr? And again, as I mentioned previously...1k to 5k doesn't do much in terms of financial backing anyways.

Also, I don't agree with the western practices of divorce settlements either (not only is it symbolically degrading but economically, it can be exploited to make it unfair by lawyers...and the consequence of this? very crushing to the man and can ruin his life in some cases).

 

[government]

There are too many assumptions that are embedded with this whole Mehr practice. Just look at the little things being suggested...
What if the woman dies? What if the woman divorces her husband? Where is the man's financial backup??? Oh? What's that? Men don't need it because they will be earning the income while women stay at home and do domestic duties for no pay? Is that why men pay these little mehr? And again, as I mentioned previously...1k to 5k doesn't do much in terms of financial backing anyways.

Also, I don't agree with the western practices of divorce settlements either (not only is it symbolically degrading but economically, it can be exploited to make it unfair by lawyers...and the consequence of this? very crushing to the man and can ruin his life in some cases).

So what these are valid question all these things happen in real life. And let us be honest if a mans wife dies usually either they both work or he does also their is something called inheritance so the guy will get money from his wife too. Also a woman chooses the amount of money she wants it's not like it's a fixed number

 

[TooMacaan]

If their was no meher what will stop a man from marrying a woman for passport maybe some financial gain etc and after that is done just leave

You really think an average of 1 to 5 thousand dollars is stopping a man from leaving? That kind of money is almost nothing to a high middle class guy and its cuhmp change to a rich guy. Relationships shouldn't be based on using fear of losing money to keep men in line...

What stops a man from doing those horrible things and then just abandoning the woman?
Women (and men) need to be taught to filter all Fboys/gold diggers out and look out for virtuous individuals, someone who they can trust, respect, share similar values with, love; someone who is kind, patient/willing to work through problems, and someone who they know the family background of (that way it is less likely for them to get tricked/manipulated).

 

[government]

You really think an average of 1 to 5 thousand dollars is stopping a man from leaving? That kind of money is almost nothing to a high middle class guy and its cuhmp change to a rich guy. Relationships shouldn't be based on using fear of losing money to keep men in line...

What stops a man from doing those horrible things and then just abandoning the woman?
Women (and men) need to be taught to filter all Fboys out and look out for virtuous individuals, someone who they can trust, respect, share similar values with, love; someone who is kind, patient/willing to work through problems, and someone who they know the family background of (that way it is less likely for them to get tricked/manipulated).

Again your argument is based on the fact that meher is a certain number which it's not for example of a woman is marrying a rich guy obviously she won't ask him for 1k /5k you're talking about
And if the women is marrying a middle income guy she may not ask for meher upfront Heck if she's marrying a poor person her meher maybe apples jokes aside tho it all depends on the man and the woman and what they agree on.
Also I agree with your other point

 

[TooMacaan]

So what these are valid question all these things happen in real life. And let us be honest if a mans wife dies usually either they both work or he does also their is something called inheritance so the guy will get money from his wife too. Also a woman chooses the amount of money she wants it's not like it's a fixed number

Ok, the scenario that happens if a man dies (he will get inheritance or they both work) is also applicable to a woman whose husband dies...therefore it cancels out and Mehr is unnecessary.

Something you mentioned in a couple of your posts that I didn't address: A woman doesn't always get to choose her price, sometimes she has strict family and they wont allow her to marry the man she wants because they deem the Mehr being offered as too little. So what will she do then?


((By the way, even if she got to set her price, what is the point of having it at all in the specific situations where it isn't capable of providing financial security? Does that mean that only rich or middle income men should provide mehr because anything that is provided by a less wealthy guy won't be enough for the woman to be financially secure? And if poor men are not capable of providing mehr, should (or even would) girls go for these guys??
Again, the symbolism is

 

[government]

Ok, the scenario that happens if a man dies (he will get inheritance or they both work) is also applicable to a woman whose husband dies...therefore it cancels out and Mehr is unnecessary.

Something you mentioned in a couple of your posts that I didn't address: A woman doesn't always get to choose her price, sometimes she has strict family and they wont allow her to marry the man she wants because they deem the Mehr being offered as too little. So what will she do then?


((By the way, even if she got to set her price, what is the point of having it at all in the specific situations where it isn't capable of providing financial security? Does that mean that only rich or middle income men should provide mehr because anything that is provided by a less wealthy guy won't be enough for the woman to be financially secure? And if poor men are not capable of providing mehr, should (or even would) girls go for these guys??
Again, the symbolism is

Regarding your first point you're forgetting that men usually are the sole provider of income in the household or the women participates in the income of the house while you will rarely see in the Islamic world a woman that is the only provider of income in the house and you will see more women that are housewifes therefore a woman needs money of meher and inheritance while a man doesn't need that money I'm talking in general.
Also let us say go with your secnario and say the parents refused the man because of low meher the women can simply tell her parents that she won't except another man even if he has a high meher so the family will be forced to let her marry the man she wants since it's up to the woman to decide if she wants to marry a man or not.

 

[Don]

I'm willing to pay 700k meher for that special woman inshallah