How to stay calm

[SOULSEARCHING]

How do you deal with parents who nag about everything? I don't like to talk badly about my parent's but some times they drive me insane.
There isn't a day I come home where my father or mother is complaining about something so trivial.

Never have I heard them say anything positive.
An example is my mom comes from her friends house and starts saying how unclean the house is... I vacuum atleast 2x a day and clean the dishes 5x and make breakfast and dinner ...but still I'm useless ...like mom I could be out doing drugs , drinking and be up to no good like your other daughter, do you want to destroy me too? I'm your only good child you have.

My dad makes the biggest mess, he floods the bath and toilet when he uses it and my mom will rage into my room and say "you don't know how to maintain a house, nobody will marry a lady like that, it's over for you" when she knows it was my dad who did it, why can't she tell him off?


Today I just told them to SHUTUP.
And I'm here now outside sleeping in my car

Please make duaa for me.

 

[Dharbash]

How do you deal with parents who nag about everything? I don't like to talk badly about my parent's but some times they drive me insane.
There isn't a day I come home where my father or mother is complaining about something so trivial.

Never have I heard them say anything positive.
An example is my mom comes from her friends house and starts saying how unclean the house is... I vacuum atleast 2x a day and clean the dishes 5x and make breakfast and dinner ...but still I'm useless ...like mom I could be out doing drugs , drinking and be up to no good like your other daughter, do you want to destroy me too? I'm your only good child you have.

My dad makes the biggest mess, he floods the bath and toilet when he uses it and my mom will rage into my room and say you don't know how to maintain a house, when she knows it was my dad who did it, why can't she tell him off?


Today I just told them to SHUTUP.
And I'm here now outside sleeping in my car

Please make duaa for me.

This seems serious if you’ve been kicked out of your house and sleeping outside. Since this is frequent and I’m assuming not going to end anytime soon, are you able to live with a friend or rent a cheap house?

You said earlier you’re in your last year until you get your degree, you should leave the house but leave nearby in case anything happens to them.

By the time you finish your degree I’m sure you’ll have enough time to find a job. In Sha Allah everything works out in your favour walaal.

Must be difficulty living with parents constantly at each other’s throats, if you have any, how are your siblings coping with this.

My parents used to fight as well, they stopped that completely now, I wonder why it stopped every now and then. So I can understand the frustrations you have, I’ll make dua for you In Sha Allah.

 

[SOULSEARCHING]

This seems serious if you’ve been kicked out of your house and sleeping outside. Since this is frequent and I’m assuming not going to end anytime soon, are you able to live with a friend or rent a cheap house?

You said earlier you’re in your last year until you get your degree, you should leave the house but leave nearby in case anything happens to them.

By the time you finish your degree I’m sure you’ll have enough time to find a job. In Sha Allah everything works out in your favour walaal.

Must be difficulty living with parents constantly at each other’s throats, if you have any, how are your siblings coping with this.

My parents used to fight as well, they stopped that completely now, I wonder why it stopped every now and then. So I can understand the frustrations you have, I’ll make dua for you In Sha Allah.

I work atm , but it's not enough to move out and my friend's aren't Muslim so I can't live with them and majority live with their family. But in saying that I have thought and planned out what I will do once I graduate. I've been saving some money from 6 months ago, I'll likely move out of this state and change my name and identity for the sake of my mental health and well-being.

 

[astorecalledkmart]

Obviously we dont have all the details, but it's anti-thetical in Islam for parents to kick out their unmarried daughter for something of that nature as it can lead to fitna with young women being vulnerable and out of the home; having said that, despite your frustrations, they are still your parents and it's also anti-thetical in the deen to disrespect them. You do a lot it sounds like, but no matter what, they have done more for you, even if you are doing all the work now and they deserve your unreserved respect. Maintain and strengthen your relationship with Allah even further as an anchor in your life; confide in your dad at least and tell him that you feel overwhelmed - Somali dads don't clean bathrooms, but they carry clout, and if he's a good dad, he'll be terrified of the idea of his daughter running away from home (sounds absurd, but it's happened a lot) and will hopefully talk to your mom about cutting you some slack, but remember to keep cool - the gates of paradise lie at the feet of your mother and she went through a lot to bring you into this world.
InshaAllah I'll make dua for you.

 

[Dharbash]

I work atm , but it's not enough to move out and my friend's aren't Muslim so I can't live with them and majority live with their family. But in saying that I have thought and planned out what I will do once I graduate. I've been saving some money from 6 months ago, I'll likely move out of this state and change my name and identity for the sake of my mental health and well-being.

That’s up to you, but please don’t disconnect from your parents walaal. The very people that cared for you when you were born up to now but never expect anything in return this great job. However this, have you thought of speaking to them about this issue, maybe they might listen.

Do you have relatives you could live with in the mean time? And you haven’t answered my question, if you siblings do they also notice the things you do?

 

[astorecalledkmart]

I would strongly advise NOT to leave home or stay with friends, especially as a young woman...as tough as it is at home, you are safe and know that it's your family. Friends are just strangers with smiles on their faces - you don't know their real intentions.
Go apologize to your parents, but tell them that you feel overwhelmed. You only have one set of them and our time with them is limited. A direct approach is best, plus it'll only get worse the longer you wait. Otherwise, apologize anyway, keep your head low and do as you're told for now, study hard and get a scholarship to move away in a reasonable manner or find a good boy to marry.

 

[Dharbash]

Obviously we dont have all the details, but it's anti-thetical in Islam for parents to kick out their unmarried daughter for something of that nature as it can lead to fitna with young women being vulnerable and out of the home; having said that, despite your frustrations, they are still your parents and it's also anti-thetical in the deen to disrespect them. You do a lot it sounds like, but no matter what, they have done more for you, even if you are doing all the work now and they deserve your unreserved respect. Maintain and strengthen your relationship with Allah even further as an anchor in your life; confide in your dad at least and tell him that you feel overwhelmed - Somali dads don't clean bathrooms, but they carry clout, and if he's a good dad, he'll be terrified of the idea of his daughter running away from home (sounds absurd, but it's happened a lot) and will hopefully talk to your mom about cutting you some slack, but remember to keep cool - the gates of paradise lie at the feet of your mother and she went through a lot to bring you into this world.
InshaAllah I'll make dua for you.

Great advice, wish I could rate it

 

[astorecalledkmart]

Great advice, wish I could rate it

JazakAllah khair

I'll rate you instead lol

 

[Dharbash]

JazakAllah khair

I'll rate you instead lol

How do I rate?

 

[SOULSEARCHING]

That’s up to you, but please don’t disconnect from your parents walaal. The very people that cared for you when you were born up to now but never expect anything in return this great job. However this, have you thought of speaking to them about this issue, maybe they might listen.

Do you have relatives you could live with in the mean time? And you haven’t answered my question, if you siblings do they also notice the things you do?

I have two older siblings who live at home, they see everything but they don't care. My sister is lazy, all she does is lock herself in her room and study she's 30 years old doing her PhD, she's exmpt from doing anything. Her focus is just her degree. My brother is man he doesn't need to clean or cook..

My dad has two brothers living in the USA, but he doesn't talk to them they had a disagreement long time ago so they're not a option for me.

 

[Mehmet]

I have two older siblings who live at home, they see everything but they don't care. My sister is lazy, all she does is lock herself in her room and study she's 30 years old doing her PhD, she's exmpt from doing anything. Her focus is just her degree. My brother is man he doesn't need to clean or cook..

My dad has two brothers living in the USA, but he doesn't talk to them they had a disagreement long time ago so they're not a option for me.

Just ignore them and move out when you are able to

 

[Dharbash]

Wow that’s difficult to work with and plus your parents aren’t willing to understand or negotiate as they’re even willing to Excommunicate own siblings.

Let me ask, what do you want besides leaving the state and changing your identity. Is there another option you have thought of?

 

[Dharbash]

Maybe see a therapist or sheikh as well

 

[Calaso]

How do you deal with parents who nag about everything? I don't like to talk badly about my parent's but some times they drive me insane.
There isn't a day I come home where my father or mother is complaining about something so trivial.

Never have I heard them say anything positive.
An example is my mom comes from her friends house and starts saying how unclean the house is... I vacuum atleast 2x a day and clean the dishes 5x and make breakfast and dinner ...but still I'm useless ...like mom I could be out doing drugs , drinking and be up to no good like your other daughter, do you want to destroy me too? I'm your only good child you have.

My dad makes the biggest mess, he floods the bath and toilet when he uses it and my mom will rage into my room and say "you don't know how to maintain a house, nobody will marry a lady like that, it's over for you" when she knows it was my dad who did it, why can't she tell him off?


Today I just told them to SHUTUP.
And I'm here now outside sleeping in my car

Please make duaa for me.

Inshallah




Go to your other family call adeero and unties have them arrange emergency family meeting say

Enough is enough you love hoyo abo dearly but you need your own house be your own boss solution get married

Tell barkhad abdi sxb is time to link up meet him in half way between England Somali somewhere like turkey with student Visa $200

Get pregnant have small wedding lowly cause is ugly guy parents will produce most amazing looking child

Come back to London go strait to camden council best london borough council there will do the rest

Temporary accommodation to permanent under 1 year then you clean when you want sleep have peace

Your are set 1 bed flat 1 cute little baby not a single mother because you still married halaal to barkhad abdi

Send him $100 a month and tell him
to go back to somali get security job in bodygurad in villa somali farmajo always need extra men for protection

Your life is done and complete your education have hoyo babysit the kid you go to work 9 to 5 buy yourself mini and amazon bloggin gear camera act

And you can tell us how you feel, we can then subscribe like and common

 

[Dharbash]

Tell barkhad abdi sxb is time to link up meet him in half way between England Somali somewhere like turkey with student Visa $200

Get pregnant have small wedding lowly cause is ugly guy parents will produce most amazing looking child

Come back to London go strait to camden council best london borough council there will do the rest

Temporary accommodation to permanent under 1 year then you clean when you want sleep have peace

Your are set 1 bed flat 1 cute little baby not a single mother because you still married halaal to barkhad abdi

Send him $100 a month and tell him
to go back to somali get security job in bodygurad in villa somali farmajo always need extra men for protection

Not helping niyo, and is this all coming from experience? it seems too specific.

 

[Mehmet]

How do you deal with parents who nag about everything? I don't like to talk badly about my parent's but some times they drive me insane.
There isn't a day I come home where my father or mother is complaining about something so trivial.

Never have I heard them say anything positive.
An example is my mom comes from her friends house and starts saying how unclean the house is... I vacuum atleast 2x a day and clean the dishes 5x and make breakfast and dinner ...but still I'm useless ...like mom I could be out doing drugs , drinking and be up to no good like your other daughter, do you want to destroy me too? I'm your only good child you have.

My dad makes the biggest mess, he floods the bath and toilet when he uses it and my mom will rage into my room and say "you don't know how to maintain a house, nobody will marry a lady like that, it's over for you" when she knows it was my dad who did it, why can't she tell him off?


Today I just told them to SHUTUP.
And I'm here now outside sleeping in my car

Please make duaa for me.

Oh no not good and we will pray for you

 

[Mehmet]

Inshallah




Go to your other family call adeero and unties have them arrange emergency family meeting say

Enough is enough you love hoyo abo dearly but you need your own house be your own boss solution get married

Tell barkhad abdi sxb is time to link up meet him in half way between England Somali somewhere like turkey with student Visa $200

Get pregnant have small wedding lowly cause is ugly guy parents will produce most amazing looking child

Come back to London go strait to camden council best london borough council there will do the rest

Temporary accommodation to permanent under 1 year then you clean when you want sleep have peace

Your are set 1 bed flat 1 cute little baby not a single mother because you still married halaal to barkhad abdi

Send him $100 a month and tell him
to go back to somali get security job in bodygurad in villa somali farmajo always need extra men for protection

Your life is done and complete your education have hoyo babysit the kid you go to work 9 to 5 buy yourself mini and amazon bloggin gear camera act

And you can tell us how you feel, we can then subscribe like and common

No one should risk their life for a corrupt crook like him smh

 

[Waaqo of Punt]

Tough cheese m8

 

[riyaale]

The mind controls the body and u control the mind. u aren't being created by the events and circumstances of life. life isn't happening to u, u create ur life by choosing how u respond or react. stay home and pretend nothing happened until u finish ur degree, save money and get ur desired job.
u said u help ur parents financially, cooking and cleaing the mess. That's very noble act .
I salute u my wonderful and brave friend.

 

[AussieHustler]

I have two older siblings who live at home, they see everything but they don't care. My sister is lazy, all she does is lock herself in her room and study she's 30 years old doing her PhD, she's exmpt from doing anything. Her focus is just her degree. My brother is man he doesn't need to clean or cook..

My dad has two brothers living in the USA, but he doesn't talk to them they had a disagreement long time ago so they're not a option for me.

@SOULSEARCHING

Though I’m naturally a very sympathetic and empathetic person and would like to give you the benefits of doubt, your stories don’t add up. In an earlier thread, you painted your old sister as a drug addict and a lesbian who brought home her female lover and your parents don’t bother with her, but you’re the only one they give a hard time. You might have problems with them, but your story keeps taking so many different lives. What’s happening?