How come Somalis don't co-parent?

I don't want to make a thread on this, but this is just a spin-off. I wonder if the love you have for their mother affects the love you have for your children? Say you're married to woman you're genuinely in love with. Just have a deep, persistent affection towards her - would it be easier to love and care for the children you have with her? Alternatively a marriage of convenience where two individuals marry each other my they simply meet each other's criteria in looks, income, status etc.

I know the rational and PC answer would be to separate the two, but surely there is some emotional spillover because your children are inextricably linked. They're the literal manifestation of your connection.
In an ideal world adults would be sensible moral people. But sadly, I think when a marriage sours the children can be a reminder of that partner or worsen the feeling of failure. A weak minded person can easily take that pain out on the kids.

Hooyo’s do this too, probably more than the dads. Dads just leave. But hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
 
A whole lot of these xalimos are a waste of space. I mean even if you try coparent the littlest of thing will make them cause a fuss. Im convinced when you take out the children and they come back happy it makes their blood boil :stopit:
 
I find this topic a complete joke.
Most somali parents if not all are immigrants. Hence, when they came over they literally had nothing. Why is this important? The father has no rights in the west we all know that and to compare us to well settled cadaan individuals is simply unfair.
Oh but all the dad's sit in a cafe/tim hortons and drink shaax all day. This stereotype is far from the truth. Yes, they sit and drink coffee/tea but then they proceed to have a 12hr minicab shift to bring in the money.:ehh:
Frankly, id leave as well. Wife doesn't want you there and kids are provided for. Thank the government for doing my job.:p
It is what it is... and if you don't like it just go get yourself an ajnaabi, I'm sure they'll treat you better...:mjkkk:
BS. There are plenty organizations for fathers who actually love and want to be in childrens lives in the West and here are just some.

some.https://www.sharedparenting.org/

The truth of the matter is, Somali men couldnt care less about their children. They are dead beat men. And the biggest prove is that they also abandon their children in Somalia, a country where Somali women have zero rights.
 

Desert Flower

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A whole lot of these xalimos are a waste of space. I mean even if you try coparent the littlest of thing will make them cause a fuss. Im convinced when you take out the children and they come back happy it makes their blood boil :stopit:
Are u speaking from personal experience?
 
I don't want to make a thread on this, but this is just a spin-off. I wonder if the love you have for their mother affects the love you have for your children? Say you're married to woman you're genuinely in love with. Just have a deep, persistent affection towards her - would it be easier to love and care for the children you have with her? Alternatively a marriage of convenience where two individuals marry each other my they simply meet each other's criteria in looks, income, status etc.

I know the rational and PC answer would be to separate the two, but surely there is some emotional spillover because your children are inextricably linked. They're the literal manifestation of your connection.
Interesting point. I always thought about that too. Like he might thinks she’s too buuq & can’t deal with it. But I still think regardless if we bring children into this world gotta look after them. Yeah I always want to her the woman & man’s. Gotta be fair.
 
The problem is the inferior mentality on both sides, both are too immature to separate personal conflict and issues from either business or in this case what's in the best interest of the child.

If the Father is the one who breaks the marriage, this will scorn the wife and make her more likely to use the children as a weapon, when this happens he either abandons the kids to her or does so after a period of time to preserve his own sanity.

Most of these Fathers don't know anything about the law or going through court case battles to get his rights, it's also a very costly affair, nor does he have strong community that could enforce things.

If the wife is the one that breaks the marriage off against the Father's wishes, she is more lenient with co-parenting but the problem this presents with the old generation is that out of sheer anger and pride he abandons them all, because this was not the cultural norm in nomad culture, for a wife to abandon the husband is the epitome form of humiliation, and even worse to chase after her and raise his kids while she is with another male.

With the new generation there is a difference, they don't have this pride so the majority of the males use this leniency she provides for co-parenting as a means of trying to get back together with her to sooth his ego not taking no for an answer.

In the end the ex-wife is forced to cut him off from his children if she decides there is no way back together, and he won't stop using the leniency as a tool.

The issue her is the inability to separate personal interest from collective interest, we live in a society today that promotes individualism, egocentrism and selfishness, and people that adopt these types of despicable self-serving attributes always wallow in endless cycles of misery, pain and depression, never reaching any success in life nor leaving behind a positive legacy.

Because to achieve all this requires the noble attributes of selflessness, benevolence and sacrifice, which are alien concepts today for the masses.

This is why Somalia is a *****, because the scum dominate.
 
The problem is the inferior mentality on both sides, both are too immature to separate personal conflict and issues from either business or in this case what's in the best interest of the child.

If the Father is the one who breaks the marriage, this will scorn the wife and make her more likely to use the children as a weapon, when this happens he either abandons the kids to her or does so after a period of time to preserve his own sanity.

Most of these Fathers don't know anything about the law or going through court case battles to get his rights, it's also a very costly affair, nor does he have strong community that could enforce things.

If the wife is the one that breaks the marriage off against the Father's wishes, she is more lenient with co-parenting but the problem this presents with the old generation is that out of sheer anger and pride he abandons them all, because this was not the cultural norm in nomad culture, for a wife to abandon the husband is the epitome form of humiliation, and even worse to chase after her and raise his kids while she is with another male.

With the new generation there is a difference, they don't have this pride so the majority of the males use this leniency she provides for co-parenting as a means of trying to get back together with her to sooth his ego not taking no for an answer.

In the end the ex-wife is forced to cut him off from his children if she decides there is no way back together, and he won't stop using the leniency as a tool.

The issue her is the inability to separate personal interest from collective interest, we live in a society today that promotes individualism, egocentrism and selfishness, and people that adopt these types of despicable self-serving attributes always wallow in endless cycles of misery, pain and depression, never reaching any success in life nor leaving behind a positive legacy.

Because to achieve all this requires the noble attributes of selflessness, benevolence and sacrifice, which are alien concepts today for the masses.

This is why Somalia is a *****, because the scum dominate.
On point. I have seen you in a min, I hope you’re well.
 

Gambar

VIP
The problem is the inferior mentality on both sides, both are too immature to separate personal conflict and issues from either business or in this case what's in the best interest of the child.

If the Father is the one who breaks the marriage, this will scorn the wife and make her more likely to use the children as a weapon, when this happens he either abandons the kids to her or does so after a period of time to preserve his own sanity.

Most of these Fathers don't know anything about the law or going through court case battles to get his rights, it's also a very costly affair, nor does he have strong community that could enforce things.

If the wife is the one that breaks the marriage off against the Father's wishes, she is more lenient with co-parenting but the problem this presents with the old generation is that out of sheer anger and pride he abandons them all, because this was not the cultural norm in nomad culture, for a wife to abandon the husband is the epitome form of humiliation, and even worse to chase after her and raise his kids while she is with another male.

With the new generation there is a difference, they don't have this pride so the majority of the males use this leniency she provides for co-parenting as a means of trying to get back together with her to sooth his ego not taking no for an answer.

In the end the ex-wife is forced to cut him off from his children if she decides there is no way back together, and he won't stop using the leniency as a tool.

The issue her is the inability to separate personal interest from collective interest, we live in a society today that promotes individualism, egocentrism and selfishness, and people that adopt these types of despicable self-serving attributes always wallow in endless cycles of misery, pain and depression, never reaching any success in life nor leaving behind a positive legacy.

Because to achieve all this requires the noble attributes of selflessness, benevolence and sacrifice, which are alien concepts today for the masses.

This is why Somalia is a *****, because the scum dominate.
You’re actually right and on point. A lot of these people are immature and shouldn’t be parents. Another thing they do is insult the parent in front of the children. It’s total dysfunction for no reason and it’s despicable. If you left your ex husband why are you mad he’s with someone else or vice versa? Sometimes also it’s the family oo isku diraya. Sometimes the parents will buy the kids expensive gifts to buy their affection not knowing all they want is time. It’s all so petty. At the end of the day, that’s the still the father/mother of your children and you’re only hurting your kids by being petty and immature.
 
Are you a guy? If you are, you are in a better position to answer this question.

In short, I believe this to be true. Hence why you'll see men who divorce their kids when they divorce their mother.

Its why I'm adamant on being with someone who loves me as much, if not more, than I love him. It benefits my children. Men are selfish.

Anecdotally speaking, I have yet to see a Somali father talk about his joy of being a father. It seems many are just apathetic and/or are going through the motions. A means to pass on their khasaaro genes, if anything.
Yes I am, and the question was also targeted at other guys. I'm a man, but I am not a father. I imagine that is something that would drastically affect my view on this. Maybe even the thought exercise of it will sound ridiculous once I (insha'Allah) have children.

That said, the idea of having children to me exclusive comes in a package with a loving wife. I imagine being a good parent is significantly easier when you feel like you're building towards something, opposed to picking up pieces. Having a child for the sake of having a child is as some women opt for through artificial means, is literally not intelligible to me. I don't mean that just for the sake of the child's future.

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I think everyone is selfish, men just have more agency to act on it. The onus is on us to not abuse our position. Women need to be more careful as they have more to lose from failed marriage by earthly measures. Society dictates that a man that abandons his kids is a loser, but a woman that abandons and neglects her children is worse than an animal. She has to be defective. Either way, we'll all have to justify ourselves in front of God.
 

Ebuo

high quality fob
Cause I find it odd mothers who raise the kids on her own than when they get older and making money dad shows up
This is true, I have friends and cousins whom their fathers start showing up when they started graduating and getting jobs and money :westbrookswag:
And they send some money to their father if asked, just for the reputation of their families.
 
If exes are not smart enough to come up with a good co-parenting schedule, whoever is playing games, deserves to be reported to the authorities.

Yes there are;

1. Men who run away and love the opportunity to "start fresh"
2. Women who use the children as weapons

Both are selfish and are hurting their babies.

That's why you don't marry men who don't love children/raise their babies or women who have certain personality traits.
 
I don't want to make a thread on this, but this is just a spin-off. I wonder if the love you have for their mother affects the love you have for your children? Say you're married to woman you're genuinely in love with. Just have a deep, persistent affection towards her - would it be easier to love and care for the children you have with her? Alternatively a marriage of convenience where two individuals marry each other my they simply meet each other's criteria in looks, income, status etc.

I know the rational and PC answer would be to separate the two, but surely there is some emotional spillover because your children are inextricably linked. They're the literal manifestation of your connection.


@Bronco

There are men who see their babies as an extension of the wife, if he falls out of love, he will punish/abandon the babies to get back at her OR even worse, he will have zero feelings for the baby.

This explains why some men are so callous and unfeeling to their own offspring.

Islamically, the babies are the man's responsibility to look after and provide for. Children also take the name of the father, not the mother. Offspring are the flag bearers of the male gender, not the female.

When they're out in the world, they'll be called "Ina Hebel", not "Ina Heblaayo".
 

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