I don't think you should marry a man who is involved in sketchy stuff and not open and lying.
Father and son
- Thread starter Saeed09
- Start date
Some men can change later on. Just like some wives can. It happens.
My mothers best friend was an amazing man, but eventually had a whole secret wife and family overseas. Other people had to tell her, and when she asked him he always denied it. She then asked if her and the kids can come visit and he refused.
She got the truth eventually, and was so shocked since he wasn’t the type to lie and scheme like this.
If a man is taking that much effort to hide something from u then idk what to say.
Don't be dumb. You can easily marry a 2nd wife who was married before who had a husband that cheated and then she spreads it to your husband and she then eventually spreads it to you.
If you're husband can marry behind your back and you have no idea what woman he married or if the girl had a history that even he might know, how are you going to protect yourself? How.
Also,how and why should a man a woman 100% trust another human? People constantly let each other down, yet women have to always trust their husband when in the real world it is their husband that let them down.
Don't trust anyone with your money or health. Simple as.
You should have checked your second wife for STDs before marriage then, that is the whole point, if your husband is not checking his wives before he gets married to them then he isnt as good as a person as u first judged him to be, im not blaming women but im saying you should be cautious with who you marry, a trustworthy man does not marry a women with STDs
Seriously your husband should not marry behind your back and if I'm being honest a women would know if her man has a whole other wife behind his back, if she knew the man she married is a good man he would never do that.
There is a certain level of trust between a man and women, if a women can trust her husband to not give her an STD then that marriage shouldn't even exist anymore.
Nowadays I do not. Obviously men nowadays are not trustworthy and I understand you have to take precautions, but you cannot tell me that there is no way possible for you to find a man who is trustworthy enough to be open with you about what he does.
Older gen Somali women cannot though as secret marriages are common. Alhamdulliah most men are marrying chaste women, but what control do you have other your own body if your husband can get married again without you knowing and then sleep with you after. I believe couples that are marrying the 1st time show get tested, let alone polygamous couples but no one does that.
I think the vast majority of Western Abdis wouldn't do that. But secret marriages are normalized in our community and if we women say anything against it, people use the deen to shut us down. We are told that is halal for our husbands to marry again without us knowing and testing before marriage isn't the norm. Women really are in a shitty situation.
This is a lack of knowledge in the deen, I am sure their are enough knowledgeable sisters to counter this thinking.
The sunnah, is to be open about your marriages, so hiding your marriage, especially from your wife makes 0 sense, if you announce marriage to your community how can your own family not know.
Second of all the wives of the Prophet salllallahu alayhi wasalam always knew when he married another women, to the point where they would narrate how he got married to his other wives.
Also in Islam trustworthiness is essential, marrying another women without the first knowing is deceit and will eventually lead to the man lying, no religious man would lie or decieve his wives constantly, also a wife must know about her rights in polgyny, so her not knowing she is in polgyny will lead to her not knowing her rights and eventually being oppressed or the other wife being oppressed.
Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Conspiracy and treachery are in the Hellfire.”
Source: Shu’ab al-Imān 6581
Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Albani
Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “The believer is innocently generous and the wicked one is deceitfully malicious.”
Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 1964
Grade: Hasan (fair) according to Al-Albani
Anas ibn Malik reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Verily, preceding the False Messiah will be years of deception, in which the truthful are belied, the liars are believed, the trustworthy are discredited, the treacherous are trusted, and the disgraceful speak.” It was said, “Who are the disgraceful?” The Prophet said, “Little wicked men who speak about the affairs of common people.”
Source: Musnad Aḥmad 13298
Grade: Hasan (fair) according to Al-Arna’ut
Abdullah ibn al-Zubayr reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Announce the marriage.”
Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Ibn Ḥibbān 4066
Grade: Hasan (fair) according to Al-Arna’ut
Ibn al-Qayyim said, “The Lawgiver has set conditions for marriage, in addition to the contract, in order to cut off any suspicion of promiscuity, such as announcing it, the guardian, and preventing a woman from conducting it by herself. It is encouraged to publicize it, even recommended to beat the drums, raise voices, and hold a banquet.”
Source: I’lām al-Muwaqqi’īn 3/113
I do hate the men who use the deen to get their own way, especially as men have more privilege to religious knowledge then women and usually are given the priority when it comes to rulings. I wish more women would seek knowledge in their deen because not knowing your own deen will eventually lead to you not fulfilling your rights and over people oppressing you. Here I blame men and the religious people of the community for not publicly denouncing this behaviour and going against it, it is contradictory to a functioning Islamic family for a man to constantly lie and be deceitful and is detrimental to his own religion and bad for his own family aswell, in the end the marriages always end up failing anyway.
Gross
I don’t like seeing Somali women’s pain being glorified as “strong”. You should be calling for the farax’s castration
I don’t like seeing Somali women’s pain being glorified as “strong”. You should be calling for the farax’s castration
Nope. That is Shaitaans way. Anger doesn't get u anything. Sabr is the best.
That poor lady will die anyway, she might as well drag him along with her for putting her in that position in the first place
Her crying online isn't gonna do anything. Better to pray for the oppressed and for Allah to recompense them.You should be calling for the farax’s castration
He will get his punishment in the afterlife, we do not live in a world with justice nothing is gonna be done to that man no matter how hard you tryThat poor lady will die anyway, she might as well drag him along with her for putting her in that position in the first place
I’m just glad that male coddling culture is dying out with the older generation of Somali women. We need to be more tough on these spoiled princesses
