Exmuslims- Cutting contact with family- Advice needed

[Jacki]

DISCLAIMER: Please be respectful. I understand exmuslims aren’t liked on here obviously, but be respectful as this thread is on a serious matter. I understand you think I’m stupid for my choices, but please don’t actively try to ruin this thread. We can always make another thread and dual it out but this is not the thread to be telling us how wrong we are on Islam, we get it-you think we’re wrong & dumb.This is a serious thread and I really do need advice.


Alright, so- somali ex Muslims, how do you deal with your family? Most of us don’t tell them we don’t believe anymore, but how do you live your life freely without telling them. Especially if you’re a girl, your parents are very religious, you’re forced to wear the hijab and everything. You can’t move out because you’re not allowed to move out without a husband. What do you do? Forever live a pretend Muslim life? Do you just move out one day and not tell them? What do you do?

What are your life plans regarding your families?

I’ve thought about everything from faking a marriage to be able to move out, to just moving out one day while they’re at work and cutting all contact- just leaving a letter telling them to not worry about me.

Will I waste my life trying to make my parents happy and be miserable? Or do I live my life and be happy and break my parents hearts? I don’t dont want to do.

 

[Jacki]

@beenleey
@Whimsical fanatic
@Maverick
@PhySom
@Yukon_Niner

 

[Jaydaan]

How old are you? I dont think you have to do anything drastic now. If you are studying finish your studies and get a job. Maybe move in with a friend. i really dont think you should rush to tell your family yet as there wont be any going back.

 

[Octavian]

DISCLAIMER: Please be respectful. I understand exmuslims aren’t liked on here obviously, but be respectful as this thread is on a serious matter. I understand you think I’m stupid for my choices, but please don’t actively try to ruin this thread. We can always make another thread and dual it out but this is not the thread to be telling us how wrong we are on Islam, we get it-you think we’re wrong & dumb.This is a serious thread and I really do need advice.


Alright, so- somali ex Muslims, how do you deal with your family? Most of us don’t tell them we don’t believe anymore, but how do you live your life freely without telling them. Especially if you’re a girl, your parents are very religious, you’re forced to wear the hijab and everything. You can’t move out because you’re not allowed to move out without a husband. What do you do? Forever live a pretend Muslim life? Do you just move out one day and not tell them? What do you do?

What are your life plans regarding your families?

I’ve thought about everything from faking a marriage to be able to move out, to just moving out one day while they’re at work and cutting all contact- just leaving a letter telling them to not worry about me.

Will I waste my life trying to make my parents happy and be miserable? Or do I live my life and be happy and break my parents hearts? I don’t dont want to do.

Just tell them directly that u wanna leave to study some where or some shit if they don't except that then leave when their not home

 

[Jacki]

How old are you? I dont think you have to do anything drastic now. If you are studying finish your studies and get a job. Maybe move in with a friend. i really dont think you should rush to tell your family yet as there wont be any going back.

Oh I don’t plan on ever telling them. I’m going to school but I don’t like the program I’m studying. I do have some certification in it so I can get a decent job but I don’t wish to do it anymore. Should I just move and get a job? Should I cut contact with them? If not how will I explain my just leaving to conservative Muslim somali parents?

 

[Caaro]

Leaving without contact abruptly is never the answer. My first advice would be to get a job, and make sure you are ready to move out. Then when you’re ready you should talk with them and tell them you’re planning on moving out to try and live your own life. I’m sure they won’t force you to stay home. Your parents won’t disown you as long as you’re not hoeing around or wearing skin tight clothing and stuff. Leaving home and cutting off contact is a sure fire way to set up for failure and homelessness.

 

[Jacki]

Just tell them directly that u wanna leave to study some where or some shit if they don't except that then leave when their not home

Yeah? Okay, I’ll can see this. But do I cut contact? Do I speak to them on the phone? I’m leaning towards cutting contact. The education excuse is actually really good, thanks.

 

[Jaydaan]

Oh I don’t plan on ever telling them. I’m going to school but I don’t like the program I’m studying. I do have some certification in it so I can get a decent job but I don’t wish to do it anymore. Should I just move and get a job? Should I cut contact with them? If not how will I explain my just leaving to conservative Muslim somali parents?

Slow progress. Put the idea in their head now while you studying and tell them next year I wanna move. Off course they gonna say hell no. But the more they hear the idea they more loose they will get. But do you have a friend you can move in with first? You may need a middle move like moving with a girl cousin or Somali girl before taking next step. But the world has changed and we ain’t going to go back to normal for a while. So you got time

 

[Jacki]

Leaving without contact abruptly is never the answer. My first advice would be to get a job, and make sure you are ready to move out. Then when you’re ready you should talk with them and tell them you’re planning on moving out to try and live your own life. I’m sure they won’t force you to stay home. Your parents won’t disown you as long as you’re not ***ing around or wearing skin tight clothing and stuff. Leaving home and cutting off contact is a sure fire way to set up for failure and homelessness.

When I do move out I plan on moving across the country. I don’t want them to come visit me abruptly-which I know they’ll try to do- but if i don’t give them my address they’ll get suspicious.

 

[Caaro]

When I do move out I plan on moving across the country. I don’t want them to come visit me abruptly-which I know they’ll try to do- but if i don’t give them my address they’ll get suspicious.

Why wouldn’t you want them visiting you abruptly? If they just come knocking on the door what is the fear of just opening and letting them in? Why can’t you visit them once in a while. You’re not gonna even invite them to your wedding?

 

[Jaydaan]

It sounds like you are a hijabi and want to do 180 and wild out and don’t want them to find out and trying to avoid it all

 

[Octavian]

Yeah? Okay, I’ll can see this. But do I cut contact? Do I speak to them on the phone? I’m leaning towards cutting contact. The education excuse is actually really good, thanks.

Reduce contact slowly speak with them once in a while

 

[kickz]

Cutting contact is extreme, for people who have raised and loved you.

Move out as people have said, when you have the means to be independent.

 

[Jacki]

Slow progress. Put the idea in their head now while you studying and tell them next year I wanna move. Off course they gonna say hell no. But the more they hear the idea they more loose they will get. But do you have a friend you can move in with first? You may need a middle move like moving with a girl cousin or Somali girl before taking next step. But the world has changed and we ain’t going to go back to normal for a while. So you got time

Oh they’ll never accept it. Especially my mother, I’m her eldest and her only daughter out of just two kids. She’ll only have my brother when I’m gone, and my father is an ass. My mother does not deserve this but I don’t see any other way for me to be able to live my life freely without her losing her daughter. The least I can do for her is not tell her her daughter is a gaal. Am I being selfish? I feel I am, I’m putting my happiness ahead of my mothers’. But do I live as under cover gaal dressed as a Muslim woman my whole life? Someone is going to get hurt either way.

 

[Caaro]

It sounds like you are a hijabi and want to do 180 and wild out and don’t want them to find out and trying to avoid it all

Yeah that’s what I think too. Otherwise if all she was planning on doing was just stop wearing the hijab and not pray then she wouldn’t be this scared.

 

[Yukon_Niner]

I don't know why you tagged me you're on your own on this one buddy

Kinda wished there was a salute rating to pay my respects for the ensuing fuckery.

 

[Jacki]

Why wouldn’t you want them visiting you abruptly? If they just come knocking on the door what is the fear of just opening and letting them in? Why can’t you visit them once in a while. You’re not gonna even invite them to your wedding?

Because I’ll be living as a gaal woman. I might have a man over- or living with me. Imagine Muslim somali parents coming to the door to have a gaal man open the door with their half dressed daughter? They’ll foreshore know I’m gaal than. And that’ll just cause further heartache.

 

[Jacki]

It sounds like you are a hijabi and want to do 180 and wild out and don’t want them to find out and trying to avoid it all

You could describe it that way. But not necessarily “wild out” just not have to lie about who I am.

 

[Caaro]

Because I’ll be living as a gaal woman. I might have a man over- or living with me. Imagine Muslim somali parents coming to the door to have a gaal man open the door with their half dressed daughter? They’ll foreshore know I’m gaal than. And that’ll just cause further heartache.

Just don’t have a man you’re not married to living with you then lol. Isn’t that a simple fix? You’d rather have a man who’s not your husband living with you than to be with your family, and have a relationship with them? The main reason you don’t want your family to even know you exist anymore is because you want a gaal man in your house? If that’s true then you’re right, the only option is to cut off your family...

 

[Shmurda]

Keep it a secret until you are financially independent. If you want to tell them after by all means go ahead its up to you

As for right now don't do anything that'll get you caught. Hold onto your urge of throwing out the hijab and wilding out until you move out even if you're an adult or you don't want to wait that long. May allah guide you back to islam.