• This website is being maintained/upgraded and may have some downtime or errors.

Emotionally distant fathers

Helios

Justice 4 Shukri Abdi | Hees Kaban State of Mind
VIP
Read books on psychology and try to encourage a secure atrachment style. It's not that difficult. Be responsive, set boundaries, support realistic and balanced self-appraisal. And be an example of what a healthy relationship looks like. Children model their parents. Oddly enough they form attachment issues with the more difficult parent lol. This could be the hooyo. As some interact more with them. Particularly if she's emotionally absent (depressed, exhausted, unwell, emotionally numb, dismissive/belittling, chronically stressed etc).
I need to work on being more of an open person. I'm someone you'd go to for advice but not an arm to cry on necessarily.
 

Sophisticate

Staff Member
Moderator
I need to work on being more of an open person. I'm someone you'd go to for advice but not an arm to cry on necessarily.
Anything can be learned even if its contrary to your normal baseline. That can also include some level of emotional attunement.
 

Sophisticate

Staff Member
Moderator
Tbh its more than learning how to say the right things to comfort someone, it's really meaning them and that's what I struggle with. Its more calculated that emotional which makes me feel sociopathic
View attachment 100139
Waryaa, it doesn't matter how you feel rather its the other party's feelings which are more important in the interaction. The emotions you project could be contrived but as long as the other party is none the wiser its all kosher.
 

Helios

Justice 4 Shukri Abdi | Hees Kaban State of Mind
VIP
Waryaa, it doesn't matter how you feel rather its the other party's feelings which are more important in the interaction. The emotions you project could be contrived but as long as the other party is none the wiser its all kosher.
K then I don't have a problem with that but I want it to be genuine. That can't be taught prob comes with experience but with a spouse ones you suffer and go through challenges together that just comes naturally I hope.
 

Daacad90

Aspiring Buraanbur Artist.
I was just wondering if any women here have grown up with distant fathers. My father has never been a warm person. He keeps his distance from me and sometimes berates/insults me if he feels like I’m not behaving in the manner that he would like. I feel like it has negatively affected me as a young adult. I behaved in risky behavior and yearned for approval from other men. The crazy thing is that many of my female Somali friends and cousins have dealt with the same thing. I’m really starting to wonder if it’s a common experience in our community. Is anyone else going through the same?
Same sis:friendhug::meleshame::stressed:
 

Sophisticate

Staff Member
Moderator
K then I don't have a problem with that but I want it to be genuine. That can't be taught prob comes with experience but with a spouse ones you suffer and go through challenges together that just comes naturally I hope.
You're kind of young. Give it time, bro.
 

Helios

Justice 4 Shukri Abdi | Hees Kaban State of Mind
VIP
You'll arrive there or somewhere else I dare not mention. Let's cover your ears to shield your naive self from life's eventualities. But to illustrate it I suggest you watch All Dogs go to Heaven.
Age is a mindset soph
:ufdup:
 

Desert Flower

I Specialize in Buuq iyo Qeylo.
VIP
You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.
I see what you mean. Both are wrong but the physically present yet emotionally absent dad is worse imo.

Occam’s razor is that the simplest explanation is normally the right one. It’s tiring to rationalize away a deadbeat when the simple fact is that they don’t care. Why else would someone have kids only to abandon them? It literally makes no sense. Life’s too short and tbh, I just move like he’s dead: qof dhintay wa laga samraa.
 
Top