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Emotionally distant fathers

I was just wondering if any women here have grown up with distant fathers. My father has never been a warm person. He keeps his distance from me and sometimes berates/insults me if he feels like I’m not behaving in the manner that he would like. I feel like it has negatively affected me as a young adult. I behaved in risky behavior and yearned for approval from other men. The crazy thing is that many of my female Somali friends and cousins have dealt with the same thing. I’m really starting to wonder if it’s a common experience in our community. Is anyone else going through the same?
 
I was just wondering if any women here have grown up with distant fathers. My father has never been a warm person. He keeps his distance from me and sometimes berates/insults me if he feels like I’m not behaving in the manner that he would like. He I feel like it has negatively affected me as a young adult. I behaved in risky behavior and yearned for approval from other men. The crazy thing is that many of my female Somali friends and cousins have dealt with the same thing. I’m really starting to wonder if it’s a common experience in our community. Is anyone else going through the same?
Yeah no news m8, Somali parents are cold. Could be to do with the culture.
 
Who provided for you when you was a kid/teenager?

If its your dad, you have no reason to get upset at him just cause he insults you, there's more serious cases other people go through such as physical abuse, extortion or even murder so you should count yourself lucky and be grateful you even have a father.

Everyone gets criticised now and then but if you get emotional and take it to heart you're hurting no one but yourself.
 
Who provided for you when you was a kid/teenager?

If its your dad, you have no reason to get upset at him just cause he insults you, there's more serious cases other people go through such as physical abuse, extortion or even murder so you should count yourself lucky and be grateful you even have a father.

Everyone gets criticised now and then but if you get emotional and take it to heart you're hurting no one but yourself.
I do appreciate what he’s done for me growing up. But that doesn’t negate the hit to my self-esteem that I have dealt with for years. If I had children I would never call them worthless and every name in the book just because I’m angry and not talk to them for days on end. I believe that many Somali girls are going through the same thing and hold that hurt in our heart for years, causing us to act out negatively.
 
I do appreciate what he’s done for me growing up. But that doesn’t negate the hit to my self-esteem that I have dealt with for years. If I had children I would never call them worthless and every name in the book just because I’m angry and not talk to them for days on end. I believe that many Somali girls are going through the same thing and hold that hurt in our heart for years, causing us to act out negatively.
You are not worthless believe me. Have you talked to him and told him that it hurts you ? Don't let this get you down. Somali parents can sometimes be harsh because they are reproducing what they saw with their own parents. They dont see it as an issue. They just don't know how to communicate. Try to work on your self love.
 
You are not worthless believe me. Have you talked to him and told him that it hurts you ? Don't let this get you down. Somali parents can sometimes be harsh because they are reproducing what they saw with their own parents. They dont see it as an issue. They just don't know how to communicate. Try to work on your self love.
You're so nice and positive. I used to be like you once upon a time.:banderas:
 
I think both my parents are bipolar. I despise my father because he's a bum that doesn't work... He uses the computer all day or goes to Starbucks. Plus he plays a lot of mind games with me. It's amazing how my siblings and I aren't fucked up :ohhh:
 
You are not worthless believe me. Have you talked to him and told him that it hurts you ? Don't let this get you down. Somali parents can sometimes be harsh because they are reproducing what they saw with their own parents. They dont see it as an issue. They just don't know how to communicate. Try to work on your self love.
Thanks sis. Sometimes it’s just mentally draining to deal with all the insecurities my parents have given me growing up. I don’t think my father is willing to listen to my complaints but inshallah I’ll try to find inner peace through prayer and dua.
I think both my parents are bipolar. I despise my father because he's a bum that doesn't work... He uses the computer all day or goes to Starbucks. Plus he plays a lot of mind games with me. It's amazing how my siblings and I aren't fucked up :ohhh:
My mother is also problematic, but she’s def better than my father. She at least cares and shows me affection from time to time. But it’s good to know that you and your siblings turned out alright even with a weak father figure. So many Somalis have absent or disappointing dads.
 
I feel you. My dad and I connect intellectually mostly until eventually we talk about feelings. It’s rare emotional but I know he cares about me through action.
When my parents have their back and forth. He’ll confide in me. So I encourage him to open up like I’m here for him. Our relationship gets better after those sessions. Lol it’s kinda weird people confide in me must be a vibe. One last thing ever heard of love languages? Maybe his is acts of service etc. I wish you all the best.
 
I think both my parents are bipolar. I despise my father because he's a bum that doesn't work... He uses the computer all day or goes to Starbucks. Plus he plays a lot of mind games with me. It's amazing how my siblings and I aren't fucked up :ohhh:
I’m sorry you have/had experience this isn’t easy.
 
Thanks sis. Sometimes it’s just mentally draining to deal with all the insecurities my parents have given me growing up. I don’t think my father is willing to listen to my complaints but inshallah I’ll try to find inner peace through prayer and dua.

My mother is also problematic, but she’s def better than my father. She at least cares and shows me affection from time to time. But it’s good to know that you and your siblings turned out alright even with a weak father figure. So many Somalis have absent or disappointing dads.
Prayer and duaa. If you have projects work on it. Create the best version of yourself. In shaa Allah kheir. :it0tdo8:
 
I feel you. My dad and I connect intellectually mostly until eventually we talk about feelings. It’s rare emotional but I know he cares about me through action.
When my parents have their back and forth. He’ll confide in me. So I encourage him to open up like I’m here for him. Our relationship gets better after those sessions. Lol it’s kinda weird people confide in me must be a vibe. One last thing ever heard of love languages? Maybe his is acts of service etc. I wish you all the best.
Thank you abaayo. And I’m happy to hear that you and your father get along well :it0tdo8:
Prayer and duaa. If you have projects work on it. Create the best version of yourself. In shaa Allah kheir. :it0tdo8:
:it0tdo8::it0tdo8::it0tdo8:
 
Haha what changed ?
Reality checks. Sometimes life just hits hard and motivation only gets u so far.

Around 10 years ago my family in Muqdisho used to pay expenses and schooling for their neighbours, who were dirt poor after their father went to war in '77 and never came back. The mother was alone and gave birth to a boy and she already had 3. Around 5 years later, after his birth, he was playing in the block with other kids. An explosion occured and a building collapsed on him. He died...for nothing. These things keep happening and there's nothing we can do but watch.
 
Reality checks. Sometimes life just hits hard and motivation only gets u so far.

Around 10 years ago my family in Muqdisho used to pay expenses and schooling for their neighbours, who were dirt poor after their father went to war in '77 and never came back. The mother was alone and gave birth to a boy and she already had 3. Around 5 years later, after his birth, he was playing in the block with other kids. An explosion occured and a building collapsed on him. He died...for nothing. These things keep happening and there's nothing we can do but watch.
It's sad indeed.
 
Oh man that so sad. I’m sorry for your loss.
Reality checks. Sometimes life just hits hard and motivation only gets u so far.

Around 10 years ago my family in Muqdisho used to pay expenses and schooling for their neighbours, who were dirt poor after their father went to war in '77 and never came back. The mother was alone and gave birth to a boy and she already had 3. Around 5 years later, after his birth, he was playing in the block with other kids. An explosion occured and a building collapsed on him. He died...for nothing. These things keep happening and there's nothing we can do but watch.
 
That being said, never give up on hope, there's better days. We should never abandon ourselves. I acknowledge the fact that people will keep dying like this but we can still improve our situations wether they're private or not.
Life is sad everywhere. If I focus on the negative I will not move on. I read somewhere that you can't change the world but you change someone's world. It gives courage to succeed and help people however you can.
 
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