Domestic Abuse

[Bahal]

That's a little harsh. I just think the guy had a little trouble understanding why the people in these relationships do what they do.
Granted, he said some insensitive stuff, but I don't think it's fair to call him a domestic abuser.

I'm just not an emotional person tbh

I'm very uncomfortable with irrational behavior like that.

 

[madamelioness]

I'm not trying to be an edgy asshole, but the bolded blows my mind. It's an unfortunate situation.

Love isn't always rational and these type of men can be very charming and intoxicating. It's never easy to leave an unhealthy/abusive relationship.

 

[Inquisitive_]

In life you only ever get the things you deserve nothing more or nothing else.

A truly good person has a natural aversion and allergic reaction to corrupt/disgusting/alcoholics/deficient people, the opposite person doesn't have this and hence they will attract such filth as they themselves are innately corrupt.

There is no IFS not BUTS here, this is the utter truth and crux of the matter, everything else is just mental gymnastics, hearsay and cheap folklore.

These supposed chaste puritanical women with hearts of gold, free of sin and the embodiment of virgin Mary herself is nothing more then absolute utter garbage fiction

If she was 1/10000 of that, the allergic reaction would be too strong to sit even in the same room as that beta cuck douche never mind breed with him

But we are supposed to feel sorry for the bad choices she made along with her own disgusting behaviours and innate corruption that was the very reason for her awful choice, Get the f*ck out of here!

 

[madamelioness]

In life you only ever get the things you deserve nothing more or nothing else.

A truly good person has a natural aversion and allergic reaction to corrupt/disgusting/alcoholics/deficient people, the opposite person doesn't have this and hence they will attract such filth as they themselves are innately corrupt.

There is no IFS not BUTS here, this is the utter truth and crux of the matter, everything else is just mental gymnastics, hearsay and cheap folklore.

These supposed chaste puritanical women with hearts of gold, free of sin and the embodiment of virgin Mary herself is nothing more then absolute utter garbage fiction

If she was 1/10000 of that, the allergic reaction would be too strong to sit even in the same room as that beta cuck douche never mind breed with him

But we are supposed to feel sorry for the bad choices she made along with her own disgusting behaviours and innate corruption that was the very reason for her awful choice, Get the f*ck out of here!

PISS OFF!

 

[Bahal]

Love isn't always rational and these type of men can be very charming and intoxicating. It's never easy to leave an unhealthy/abusive relationship.

I can understand maybe forgiving cheating or something, but physical violence? I'd assume that would be the absolute limit for most women. It's sad that some would be willing to tolerate it out of "love".

Maybe it's because I always respond to violence with a disproportionate amount of violence

 

[DuctTape]

In life you only ever get the things you deserve nothing more or nothing else.

A truly good person has a natural aversion and allergic reaction to corrupt/disgusting/alcoholics/deficient people, the opposite person doesn't have this and hence they will attract such filth as they themselves are innately corrupt.

There is no IFS not BUTS here, this is the utter truth and crux of the matter, everything else is just mental gymnastics, hearsay and cheap folklore.

These supposed chaste puritanical women with hearts of gold, free of sin and the embodiment of virgin Mary herself is nothing more then absolute utter garbage fiction

If she was 1/10000 of that, the allergic reaction would be too strong to sit even in the same room as that beta cuck douche never mind breed with him

But we are supposed to feel sorry for the bad choices she made along with her own disgusting behaviours and innate corruption that was the very reason for her awful choice, Get the f*ck out of here!

So you're saying women in abusive relationships deserve it, and that truly good people have some "power of good" inside them that reacts negatively to "evil" and is sort of like a sixth sense. That makes zero sense. I don't know how someone can hold such an idealistically naive view. People don't work like that. This isn't a fairy tale.

And I'm assuming you also think that rape victims deserve it as you have to be a bad person to attract bad people?

 

[Inquisitive_]

So you're saying women in abusive relationships deserve it, and that truly good people have some "power of good" inside them that reacts negatively to "evil" and is sort of like a sixth sense. That makes zero sense. I don't know how someone can hold such an idealistically naive view. People don't work like that. This isn't a fairy tale.

And I'm assuming you also think that rape victims deserve it as you have to be a bad person to attract bad people?

I knew it would be a matter of time before a beta cuck white knight came riding on his donkey for a rescue mission, what a spineless bakhti, you citing rape shows how out of touch you are, in rape the women has no choice, we are talking about marriage where she has the ultimate choice.

The majority of males have an aversion to a loose women, those that do drugs, go clubbing, drink, smoke, ghetto, feisty etc. even the hood dude on the streets innately has this aversion, why? because they associate this with a bad wife, bad mother for the children and even worse horrible women.

But a lot of the times these spineless man can't get the quality of women they desire because such women have a natural aversion to them, hence they settle for the best out of a bad bunch, I understand the logic of these dead beats for this decision, because a man would rather be with something then nothing

The women in general have far better intuition then the best of males which is an indisputable fact, here you run into a major problem because you either argue a dead beat was able to verbally fool her in which case you affirm she is THICK and STUPID

Or you argue it's just innocent lottery ticket type of love, affirming my statements previously that filth only attracts filth, love is just a rationalisation pathetic excuse and if this really was random blind love then why don't we see rich/wealthy women with poor males? why is it so one-sided ?

You see I wished they married the donkey riding basement dwelling beta cucks like yourselves instead of these filthy thugs whom I can't even share a close space with without headbutting them into a coma like I did regularly when I was a teenager, yet they breed with them but totally ignore beta chumps like you.

But like the ultimate beta that you are, you come and attack me and make excuses for them, despite being abandoned by them for quasi deadbeat thugs while you serve the role as the emotional tampon to pick up the pieces and if your lucky she may give you a chance to mend the broken heart.

 

[Burhan]

We can not hide anything from other Somalis. Word spreads quickly. So, this abuse is not wide spread.

It might sound cheesy but love truly is blind. These types of attachments are incredibly unhealthy but the chronic abusers are masters in mentally manipulating their victims. Something like Stockholm Syndrome arises, and they just can't leave. "Unfortunate" really is an understatement.

When the man becomes all about her life, a woman is destined to be abused and used. Somali women straight from back home don't have this issue of attachment I noticed. Their priority is what is shaking at Dugsi, and how many call-rooms they can visit for that Religious Cashar over the phone when they are at home. Ninka warkiisa yaaba ku jiro. He is a side item that can be tossed around. And if he comes with bs, his bac madoow will be placed at the door, and next morning, kids are in a van being registered at the welfare office. Nin uma baahna. Somali women really don't care that much about romanticism and attachment to men. Old school women.

Waxay ku leedahay duqeeda sariirtaa shanqarayso if we have sex ee naga daa. They are as remote emotionally as any human being can be. Abusekaan la leeyahay is so prevalent ma fahmin.

 

[Foreman]

You guys do know there is some vile es out there it is not all black and white. Women can be violent, verbally abusive, throw stuff on your way and turn crazy to get things done her way yet viewed a victim by default in front of the law. In most if not all cases of domestic abuse men are guilty until proven innocent. I have to agree with Bahal here women are adult and laws are always in their favor. If they are insecure, needy, ashamed to ask for help/divorce than maybe they shouldn't get marry to begin with.

In this era post feminist 3rd wave women pride themselves in being strong, independent and equal to men but what we see on the ground couldn't be further from reality and what they constantly preach.

 

[Ubax45_]

Well, if you all want to make a thread on men being abused, feel free to do so, I did mention in the original post that it goes both ways but there's no denying that women are more vulnerable to it.

 

[DuctTape]

I knew it would be a matter of time before a beta cuck white knight came riding on his donkey for a rescue mission, what a spineless bakhti, you citing rape shows how out of touch you are, in rape the women has no choice, we are talking about marriage where she has the ultimate choice.

The majority of males have an aversion to a loose women, those that do drugs, go clubbing, drink, smoke, ghetto, feisty etc. even the hood dude on the streets innately has this aversion, why? because they associate this with a bad wife, bad mother for the children and even worse horrible women.

But a lot of the times these spineless man can't get the quality of women they desire because such women have a natural aversion to them, hence they settle for the best out of a bad bunch, I understand the logic of these dead beats for this decision, because a man would rather be with something then nothing

The women in general have far better intuition then the best of males which is an indisputable fact, here you run into a major problem because you either argue a dead beat was able to verbally fool her in which case you affirm she is THICK and STUPID

Or you argue it's just innocent lottery ticket type of love, affirming my statements previously that filth only attracts filth, love is just a rationalisation pathetic excuse and if this really was random blind love then why don't we see rich/wealthy women with poor males? why is it so one-sided ?

You see I wished they married the donkey riding basement dwelling beta cucks like yourselves instead of these filthy thugs whom I can't even share a close space with without headbutting them into a coma like I did regularly when I was a teenager, yet they breed with them but totally ignore beta chumps like you.

But like the ultimate beta that you are, you come and attack me and make excuses for them, despite being abandoned by them for quasi deadbeat thugs while you serve the role as the emotional tampon to pick up the pieces and if your lucky she may give you a chance to mend the broken heart.

I will concede your point that citing rape was not a good example, but 90% of this post was unnecessary.
The pure vitriol you spew, the sheer ad hominem, it makes your posts truly unpleasant to read. Please stop this bad habit. If you calmed down with the insults, maybe people would take you more seriously.
There are some examples where the man was quite obviously abusive from the start and clearly had bad character, here your argument applies. But you are using the same logic for every single abusive relationship. This makes no sense.
1)Fear: Many times the relationship starts out okay and the man is very friendly and loving, and then he suddenly starts abusing her. Fear of what he would do to her if they break up is a major reason for many women staying in relationships like these.
2)Low self-esteem: Some women have such a low opinion of themselves that they believe that they deserve this abuse. Would you say this is stupid? It's subjective.
3)Financial reliance: Many times the woman is not financially secure and is financially dependent on the man. This can be a factor.

And so on and so on. Some people are more susceptible to this shit than others.


At the end of the day there is no point in making what is a logically sound point but ruining it with insults and ad hominem.

 

[TekNiKo]

Define domestic abuse, beating her black and blue or a little slap here and there?

Any man who harms his wife is a coward and deserves to be shot on sight
Gabadhan aabaheed ba ku siiyeey sii aad uu xifdisid sharafteed oyo sumcadeed, gacan qaad wa xaqdarro adiga kugu aadan, akhirana loogu haysta.

 

[Ubax45_]

Define domestic abuse, beating her black and blue or a little slap here and there?

Any man who harms his wife is a coward and deserves to be shot on sight
Gabadhan aabaheed ba ku siiyeey sii aad uu xifdisid sharafteed oyo sumcadeed, gacan qaad wa xaqdarro adiga kugu aadan, akhirana loogu haysta.

"Domestic violence is the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another. It includes physical violence, sexual violence, psychological violence, and emotional abuse. The frequency and severity of domestic violence can vary dramatically; however, the one constant component of domestic violence is one partner’s consistent efforts to maintain power and control over the other" National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

 

[madamelioness]

I can understand maybe forgiving cheating or something, but physical violence? I'd assume that would be the absolute limit for most women. It's sad that some would be willing to tolerate it out of "love".

Maybe it's because I always respond to violence with a disproportionate amount of violence

It is very sad but victims of abuse often believe that it's their fault and that they're to blame somehow. Also, it's safer to find a way out than to fight back in most cases.

As a male, you have physical strength on your side so you won't understand the sheer fear these women experience. You forget that women are far more vulnerable emotionally and this is why the wali serves a great purpose in Islam.

 

[Coulombs law]

It is very sad but victims of abuse often believe that it's their fault and that they're to blame somehow. Also, it's safer to find a way out than to fight back in most cases.

As a male, you have physical strength on your side so you won't understand the sheer fear these women experience. You forget that women are far more vulnerable emotionally and this is why the wali serves a great purpose in Islam.

I agree with your post (Going on a bit of a tangent) , but where are the Wali's during all this, the Wali's in the somali community are very useless and they do not take their duties seriously. It is the duty of a wali to protect his daughter and to find a righteous man who will not dare to abuse her as he knows he has to answer to her male relatives if he does.
This situation is truly sad.

 

[madamelioness]

I agree with your post (Going on a bit of a tangent) , but where are the Wali's during all this, the Wali's in the somali community are very useless and they do not take their duties seriously. It is the duty of a wali to protect his daughter and to find a righteous man who will not dare to abuse her as he knows he has to answer to her male relatives if he does.
This situation is truly sad.

This is true. In most cases, it's the hooyos that do the vetting and the fathers just go along with it because they don't want a headache. This is part of the reason why Somali girls were particularly vulnerable to the marriage bandits. I was told things were very different back home, the fathers would find a suitable match for their daughters.

 

[Reign]

Its easier for women to be abused than men. They dont want to leave maybe because they dont want to break up the family. I had a friend who didnt leave her husband after he hit her because she didn't want to be a single mum. Sometimes the abuser emotionally blackmails you. Personally I feel sorry for any man who lays his hands on me. He will feel my wrath.

 

[Coulombs law]

This is true. In most cases, it's the hooyos that do the vetting and the fathers just go along with it because they don't want a headache. This is part of the reason why Somali girls were particularly vulnerable to the marriage bandits. I was told things were very different back home, the fathers would find a suitable match for their daughters.

Situation back home is even worse, the father could care less about who marries his daughter as long as he receives a good amount of meher money commission from his daughter. The somali guys back home are even more insane as they divorce their wives even after she has 6 kids ,
the single mother has no choice but to plead for help to their families that live in the diaspora, since no one is willing to provide for them and there is no form of welfare in somalia.

 

[Ubax45_]

This is true. In most cases, it's the hooyos that do the vetting and the fathers just go along with it because they don't want a headache. This is part of the reason why Somali girls were particularly vulnerable to the marriage bandits. I was told things were very different back home, the fathers would find a suitable match for their daughters.

ya but sometimes it would be forced unfortunately.

 

[madamelioness]

Situation back home is even worse, the father could care less about who marries his daughter as long as he receives a good amount of meher money commission from his daughter. The somali guys back home are even more insane as they divorce their wives even after she has 6 kids ,
the single mother has no choice but to plead for help to their families that live in the diaspora, since no one is willing to provide for them and there is no form of welfare in somalia.

I was talking about when Somalis had a sense of dhaqan. The situation is dire now. Girls aged 13/14 are single mothers back home. It's either marriage or being called gumeeys. If they had education or even access to birth control it would better their lives.

Somali men have let down their womenfolk and country. They can't even lead their own households.