Ethnicity vs Compatibility when having kids

[Angelina]

Yes and no. I'm from waqoyi and I literally can't understand Southern somaliu dialect. We also have different dishes to the konfur guys. You guys have much more variety I've seen southern somali it looks so different to any thing I've seen. Also somalis are very qabilistic. Some somali familys would rather there kids marry from ajnabis than certain somali clans. So yes we are different not exactly the same

The difference between a Southern Somali and Northern is like a Newcastle vs London accent. Yet due to tribalism Somalis will make it sound more different than it really is. Reer Xamar cad cads I would say are the ones people struggle with the most. They are not representatives of all Southern Somalis.

Furthermore with regards to food, we have more variety. But everything you eat we eat which is the base Somali standard food. Most Northerners now eat Malawax ect now anyway.

 

[greyhound stone]

The difference between a Southern Somali and Northern is like a Newcastle vs London accent. Yet due to tribalism Somalis will make it sound more different than it really is. Reer Xamar cad cads I would say are the ones people struggle with the most. They are not representatives of all Southern Somalis.

Furthermore with regards to food, we have more variety. But everything you eat we eat which is the base Somali standard food. Most Northerners now eat Malawax ect now anyway.

Its like a London accent and Scottish more like.

 

[Chase]

People are more comfortable expressing their real views on social media. That generalisation isn't far from reality

Except we can't generalise 300,000+ western diaspora from social media, the most amount of likes I've seen garnered online from these gender wars might get 1.5k likes/retweets at best, your thinking is already flawed from the start. Plus, Somali women in general have a better grasp of the language and culture than the men.

There's three groups of Somalis from what I see

1. Super religious: Into the dheen, they're either at the mosque or going to Islamic lectures and events, very conservative, you'll find both genders in this group at around 50/50 ratio.

2. Normal types: typically working or studying, not very religious but at least do the bare minimum like pray (sometimes) and fast. May or may not partake in drugs or alcohol at a moderate amount, might start dating before marriage, majority of Somalis fit this group.

3. The crazies: gang banging Abdis, rappers and drug pushers, lgbtq supporters, atheists, escorts, basically the ones nolasha ka dacey, extreme minority.

Anyone who says majority of Somali men constitute group 1 or that group 3 applies to the majority of Somali women is straight up lying.

 

[Shogun]

Do you deny that a persons family can have an impact on someones marriage? Do you deny that we are all influenced by our families. Do you deny that once married you will be around your spouse's family?

Example: i might have a lot in common with lets say a British Asian guy. His family speak a language I don't understand, have cultural traditions that may seem alien to me. The same can never be said about a British Farax. I would be be able to understand my mother in law's language and cultural traditions. I will not have to understand new things or learn new things.

Marrying a Xalimo and Marrying her British Arab friend will not be the same. For starters your mother will not be able to freely converse and get to know the family the way she would a Somali.
Again, your whole post forgets that when you marry someone you also marry in to their family.

Also two Western Somalis have the privileges of having two sets of Somali families such as two Somali ayeeyos and two awowe. Also, the kids when they go to their grandparents side are only exposed to one culture. Also, the couples can make an effort to go back home regularly with no complications as they are from the same regions.

Family has an impact on marriage, but the cultural component on that impact is narrow. I am talking from a man's point of view because the experience is not the same. If you were to marry a desi guy, the cultural expectations from you would be different than it would be for me. You could be required to move in with his family and be subject to anything that entails. In their culture you come under his fold and vice versa. If they give me their daughter she comes under my fold. As daughters are the more vulnerable of the two I would subsequently have a harder time gaining permission from their family. Very traditionalist families with high cultural expectations would not permit me to marry her in the first place.

For that reason I am preferential to Arab over other foreign women because there would be no language barrier for my family. But in principle, I understand what you are conveying. In the end they will make do.

That is another complication, but realistically speaking the large majority of Somalis are not going to repatriate. Even if I married a Somali girl it is unlikely she would want to move.

In the grand scheme of things, these are all trivial. Without accounting for personal variables, the cultural compatibility is very high. This doesn't go for every Arab girl in the west, but a subset.

 

[Shogun]

Yeah but at least full Somali children (Western or not) won't have identity crisis problem. Not being able to be fully accepted in either community can do a lot more damage than you might think, which you seem to really underestimate. A sense of belonging and acceptance is vital to human sanity

Identity crises come from broken homes. The larger part of biracial Somalis come from single parent households. If I socialize my child and forge strong cultural ties there won't be an issue. The onus is on me culture them, and I intend on fulfilling that. A summer away to Somalia or Ethiopia every other summer will do the trick. If they grasp the language, they will undeniably be Somali by clan.

 

[Chase]

Family has an impact on marriage, but the cultural component on that impact is narrow. I am talking from a man's point of view because the experience is not the same. If you were to marry a desi guy, the cultural expectations from you would be different than it would be for me. You could be required to move in with his family and be subject to anything that entails. In their culture you come under his fold and vice versa. If they give me their daughter she comes under my fold. As daughters are the more vulnerable of the two I would subsequently have a harder time gaining permission from their family. Very traditionalist families with high cultural expectations would not permit me to marry her in the first place.

For that reason I am preferential to Arab over other foreign women because there would be no language barrier for my family. But in principle, I understand what you are conveying. In the end they will make do.

That is another complication, but realistically speaking the large majority of Somalis are not going to repatriate. Even if I married a Somali girl it is unlikely she would want to move.

In the grand scheme of things, these are all trivial. Without accounting for personal variables, the cultural compatibility is very high. This doesn't go for every Arab girl in the west, but a subset.

Wouldn't the chances of your wife and kids eventually moving back home be higher if you married a Somali woman as opposed to an Arab? People can change sxb, especially when they reach their mid-late 30's, see it happening all the time.

 

[Naacasfrompunt]

Yes and no. I'm from waqoyi and I literally can't understand Southern somaliu dialect. We also have different dishes to the konfur guys. You guys have much more variety I've seen southern somali it looks so different to any thing I've seen. Also somalis are very qabilistic. Some somali familys would rather there kids marry from ajnabis than certain somali clans. So yes we are different not exactly the same

That just might be your parents buddy

in the west Somali parents would rather their kids marry Somali

your parents are qabilists

in Minnesota all Somalis marry each other it doesn’t matter about qabil
my cousins got married to hawiyes and nobody cared

 

[Shogun]

Wouldn't the chances of your wife and kids eventually moving back home be higher if you married a Somali woman as opposed to an Arab? People can change sxb, especially when they reach their mid-late 30's, see it happening all the time.

Exponentially. A Somali woman has ties back home independent of me, no matter how loose. A foreigner has none.

Still, it should be a far cry from a decisive factor.

 

[Angelina]

Family has an impact on marriage, but the cultural component on that impact is narrow. I am talking from a man's point of view because the experience is not the same. If you were to marry a desi guy, the cultural expectations from you would be different than it would be for me. You could be required to move in with his family and be subject to anything that entails. In their culture you come under his fold and vice versa. If they give me their daughter she comes under my fold. As daughters are the more vulnerable of the two I would subsequently have a harder time gaining permission from their family. Very traditionalist families with high cultural expectations would not permit me to marry her in the first place.

For that reason I am preferential to Arab over other foreign women because there would be no language barrier for my family. But in principle, I understand what you are conveying. In the end they will make do.

That is another complication, but realistically speaking the large majority of Somalis are not going to repatriate. Even if I married a Somali girl it is unlikely she would want to move.

In the grand scheme of things, these are all trivial. Without accounting for personal variables, the cultural compatibility is very high. This doesn't go for every Arab girl in the west, but a subset.

Btw, i'm all for interracial marriages if the person male or female thinks this is the right move for them. Sometimes, a non Somali might be the best for you and ultimately who we marry is calaf.

I just don't agree with your analysis that cultural influences is 'trivial'. Marriage is already difficult enough, with IR relationships being harder. Statistics shows this as well through the higher divorce rates and I believe this is because people are entering unions without preparing for the bumps that can come up with IR relationships.

Also, you are correct that a man's experience will undoubtedly be different. You have superbly illustrated one such difference, however another difference is that you will have less control over the identity your child gravitates towards. Islamically, the child is what the dad is, however, children are closer to their mother and generally their mother's side. Example, if you marry a Moroccan girl, her kids would be more exposed to Moroccan Arabic, culture and would be around their Moroccan family more than yours.

All in all, there is a lot people need to take into account when it comes to IR relationships. But overall, people should marry people they genuinely feel are good for them.

 

[Naacasfrompunt]

Btw, i'm all for interracial marriages if the person male or female thinks this is the right move for them. Sometimes, a non Somali might be the best for you and ultimately who we marry is calaf.

I just don't agree with your analysis that cultural influences is 'trivial'. Marriage is already difficult enough, with IR relationships being harder. Statistics shows this as well through the higher divorce rates and I believe this is because people are entering unions without preparing for the bumps that can come up with IR relationships.

Also, you are correct that a man's experience will undoubtedly be different. You have superbly illustrated one such difference, however another difference is that you will have less control over the identity your child gravitates towards. Islamically, the child is what the dad is, however, children are closer to their mother and generally their mother's side. Example, if you marry a Moroccan girl, her kids would be more exposed to Moroccan Arabic, culture and would be around their Moroccan family more than yours.

All in all, there is a lot people need to take into account when it comes to IR relationships. But overall, people should marry people they genuinely feel are good for them and if that happens to be a non Somali then so be it.

No interracial want pure babies

 

[Angelina]

Exponentially. A Somali woman has ties back home independent of me, no matter how loose. A foreigner has none.

Still, it should be a far cry from a decisive factor.

My whole point wasn't even moving back permanently, but going on holiday back and forth to the motherland. It is much easier doing so with a Somali partner with ties to Somalia than an ajnabi who would probably feel anxiety at the thought of going to a country not often visited by foreigners.

 

[BobSmoke]

I know I can find a xalimo that I genuinely click on a deep level without needing to lower my standards. InshaAllah, I will find her when the time is right.
Until then, I'mma work on me.

To each their own regarding breeding with ajnabis.

In my mind, it don't make much sense to jump on the ajnabi wave regarding starting a family with one. If the full-blooded Somalis in the west are already suffering from identity crises, what about half breeds?

Sxb , first and foremost I am politically a revolutionist , I put faith to the Somali People's Liberation Front , the voice of the peoples and we are growing in numbers.
The people advocate for the rights of the marginalised and voiceless communities , we are the voice for the voiceless , we believe sacrifices should be made in order to salvage whatever is left of Somalia.
Our core beliefs are to abolish qabyaalad , eradicate religious extremism , destroy whatever cancers that are festering inside the country like fanaticism, counter the activities of terrorism , disarm illegal firearms and disband millias , construct mass institution of detention facilities, rehabilitation centers , bringing resolution , banning people older than 50 years old interfering with local and political affairs, our goal is to prevent the activities of elders intervening in delicate situation, if they are out of the picture I believe we can play major roles on how to decide how cases should be adjudicated,
our aim is to bring Somalis together in ways that can transcend and ignore clan activities, to objectify and demolish clan affairs, raise awareness , promote education , introduce equality and serve justice, tackle poverty , deter corruption , put the peoples interests first , separate religion from the state , secularism, establishing a middle ground and putting differences aside, boosting the national curriculum systems and prohibiting any foreign related curriculums , Somalia needs it's own curriculum. Addressing poverty , destroying the chains of reliance , which destroyed families that made them rely on handouts, our aim is to create national labour and train people with skills our goal is ensue that it's the people that can develop the country not sitting their asses and waiting for Khadiija or Ahmed in America for monthly bills , in Somali we have an old saying " nimaan shaqeysan shaah wa ka xaaraam" hopefully we can make that a reality , I would fill the entire page with all these necessary criteria to make the perfect recipe , but that's another debate , right now we are wanting change.
Our aim is to fight for tranquility if our needs aren't met , if that happens then expect a Somali Che Guevara in the making, but then again let's not advocate for that just yet , that's only if we are left out of options.

Okay humans are already witnessing a Somali Che Guevara.
Our goal is to make a difference.
I'm no affiliated with medieval clan ties and no I don't have any interests of that clan sickness and illness , I am not tolerant to boistering it should be gone I hope you understand.

My ideology is neither Socialism nor Capitalism , when it comes to what ideology am I alligned with them it has to be centrism.
taking good things from either side, somewhere in between.

When it comes to relationships then it has to be someone I share compatible similarities with.

I can't marry a Somali Wahabbist or a Somali BLM because we share nothing in common.

How can I join this movement? The party philosophy is something I can stand behind politically even though I am a cynic when it comes to politics

 

[Shogun]

Btw, i'm all for interracial marriages if the person male or female thinks this is the right move for them. Sometimes, a non Somali might be the best for you and ultimately who we marry is calaf.

I just don't agree with your analysis that cultural influences is 'trivial'. Marriage is already difficult enough, with IR relationships being harder. Statistics shows this as well through the higher divorce rates and I believe this is because people are entering unions without preparing for the bumps that can come up with IR relationships.

Also, you are correct that a man's experience will undoubtedly be different. You have superbly illustrated one such difference, however another difference is that you will have less control over the identity your child gravitates towards. Islamically, the child is what the dad is, however, children are closer to their mother and generally their mother's side. Example, if you marry a Moroccan girl, her kids would be more exposed to Moroccan Arabic, culture and would be around their Moroccan family more than yours.

All in all, there is a lot people need to take into account when it comes to IR relationships. But overall, people should marry people they genuinely feel are good for them and if that happens to be a non Somali then so be it.

I don't get the impression that you are against interracial marriage.

We are on the same page on the importance of culture. What I don't see is the radical difference in culture by local Muslims. I'm challenging the cultural gap between the conservative Somali girl that lives two blocks from me, and her group of Arab and Somali friends. A non-revert Latina would be a deal breaker by the fact that I know her family's culture would have an impact on our children. The difference between my culture and theirs, even when considering we were both born and raised here is too big to bridge.

Mothers enforce culture passively. Most fathers also don't make a concerted effort to pass down their culture because in most interracial marriages, it doesn't matter. I would not deny my child their biracial identity as if I asexually reproduced. I would encourage them to learn and participate in their mothers culture, but they are Somali to me and I would pass down what has been passed down to me.

 

[Chase]

Exponentially. A Somali woman has ties back home independent of me, no matter how loose. A foreigner has none.

Still, it should be a far cry from a decisive factor.

Fair enough, just a word of caution though, the western family court system is biased towards women, in the event that things go wrong, a foreign woman can take your kids and all that effort and investment will amount to nothing, many Somali men have become victims of such cases.

Now if I marry a Somali woman? At least I can rest easy knowing I can have a connection with my kids and their mother instilling Somali dhaqan into them, what are the chances that will happen with a foreign woman? Slim to none.

 

[genousy]

This is why “educated” Somali girls should be allowed to marry out in droves, or else generations of somalis yet unborn will be sentenced to the bottom the jahanama.

 

[greyhound stone]

This is why “educated” Somali girls should be allowed to marry out in droves, or else generations of somalis yet unborn will be sentenced to the bottom the jahanama.

100%

 

[genousy]

Pretty naive way of looking at it I feel. That was literally my attitude, however young people are still very much in tune with their culture than one might assume. Take sspot for example, most are young men and women born and raised in their west, but still attached to their Somalinimo. Also, don't underestimate the power of family and how much of an impacts it can have on your marriage. Whilst your spouse might have a strong American Muslim identity, her family will have a strong cultural identity that will obviously have an influence on your partner.

The great thing with a Somali is that you don't really need to worry about family dynamics as your spouse's family would be similar to your own. You would feel at home with your in-laws and you don't need to learn a new language, traditions and cultural norms. Also, you're going to be aware of the cultural norms your wife is influenced by and vise versa, therefore less suprises after marriage.

It’s a shame you didn’t hold these beliefs in your late teens early twenties. I mean it’s never too late but your options are not as great, best of luck insha Allah abaayo.

 

[greyhound stone]

Abdi exit is growing at an exceptional rate.

 

[greyhound stone]

they think breeding their unfortunate genes will result in an attractive offspring. full or half offspring i feel sorry for whatever child gets cursed with such a lame self hating parent.

Says the nigga who's a hater. Why u keep qashining my post??? I love women of all nations and ethnicities. I've never presented anything relating to being a self hater. I have nothing against somali women in any form . I respect them to the fullest so where is the problem?? For me breeding with ajanabis. How does that make nay logical sense?? So I have to be attracted to somali women for me to not be a self hater.... your a weird hater probably bantu hating abdi or wadani xalimo that hate the idea of marrying from our fellow Muslims. I've never showed an ounce of hate to any somali women nor do I despise them in any form rather I'm one the first to call out men who hate xalimos. So take ya bullshit elsewhere

 

[greyhound stone]

Says the nigga who's a hater. Why u keep qashining my post??? I love women of all nations and ethnicities. I've never presented anything relating to being a self hater. I have nothing against somali women in any form . I respect them to the fullest so where is the problem?? For me breeding with ajanabis. How does that make nay logical sense?? So I have to be attracted to somali women for me to not be a self hater.... your a weird hater probably bantu hating abdi or wadani xalimo that hate the idea of marrying from our fellow Muslims. I've never showed an ounce of hate to any somali women nor do I despise them in any form rather I'm one the first to call out men who hate xalimos. So take ya bullshit elsewhere

Why is this nigga hating? @qwertyuiop what's ya problem???