empressjamila
yktv
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Does anyone else have an unaffectionate mother?
- Thread starter empressjamila
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CABDULWALI XASAN.
Cabdul's Status CLOSED until further notice.
Sad, definitely isn't normal either.
Stories being told from your end though, so who knows
Does this make sense Genetically? Maybe Mr. Science
Science Science @Step a side
Could analyze this and do some ScienceScience to figure out if this is Possible scientifically, But other then that I hope for the best for you because That is one Pitiful situation.
Stories being told from your end though, so who knows
Does this make sense Genetically? Maybe Mr. Science
Science Science @Step a sideCould analyze this and do some Science
Science to figure out if this is Possible scientifically, But other then that I hope for the best for you because That is one Pitiful situation.
huuno Somali mothers typically have mental illness. They themselves think they are victims yet they are also victimizers.
My habar yeer abuses her children by calling them useless and praising us their cousins. She lives by herself in her 80s. Its mental illness huuno.
How i handle it is- i am dutiful. I know my aunt loves money - so once in a while i surprise her with money and she never forgets it for 12 months praising me. Its all about validation.
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empressjamila
yktv
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I don't think this is that specific to Somalis. I have a very affectionate mother. Enough love for four parents. Growing up we'd run into each other in our house's corridor, hug, kiss, call each other pet names all loudly, say I love you like 2-3 times, go around the corner to do whatever we were headed to do, run into each other again in maybe 2-5 minutes and repeat the same behavior. I often used to rest my head on her lap and she'd just caress my hair while talking to aunts or what have you. Extremely loving woman. My father was more distant but even he still semi-regularly played with me, hugged me and said he loved me. Growing up I thought this was the norm for everybody, to be honest. But I'd notice visiting cousins and non-Somali friends finding my relationship with my parents somewhat startling or unique. Some would even visibly get jealous and somewhat voice it.
I also had to become more self-aware because, given how I was raised, I'm pretty open about affection. I'll very readily hug people I barely know or show affection very easily in general like to cousins and people would sometimes pull back or get weird about it and I remember something my mother said to me growing up "Not everyone's parents are like us. Watch them with their parents." and I would and I noticed they'd hardly ever even hear the words "I love you" so of course it was weird when I hugged them if their own mother hardly ever did it. And this was true even with several cadaan, middle-eastern, timo-jileec or what have you friends. A lot of people's parents are not that affectionate, in my experience. But there's of course degrees to it.
I also had to become more self-aware because, given how I was raised, I'm pretty open about affection. I'll very readily hug people I barely know or show affection very easily in general like to cousins and people would sometimes pull back or get weird about it and I remember something my mother said to me growing up "Not everyone's parents are like us. Watch them with their parents." and I would and I noticed they'd hardly ever even hear the words "I love you" so of course it was weird when I hugged them if their own mother hardly ever did it. And this was true even with several cadaan, middle-eastern, timo-jileec or what have you friends. A lot of people's parents are not that affectionate, in my experience. But there's of course degrees to it.
You story is very common.
I think it’s obvious that the life a lot of Somali mothers have isn’t the life they envisioned tbh. Being immigrants, PPD (untreated post partum depression), being the responsible one in the relationship, having more than 4+ Kids and having to be the ones that worries about them. Being uneducated and the list continues.
She could be taking out her frustrations on you and everyone else. If you have a proper sit down talk with her, it will be evident that she thinks she’s a victim of life. Sounds like she’s constantly angry.
I have so many aunts like this. I genuinely believe a good % of older generation women are miserable.
I think it’s obvious that the life a lot of Somali mothers have isn’t the life they envisioned tbh. Being immigrants, PPD (untreated post partum depression), being the responsible one in the relationship, having more than 4+ Kids and having to be the ones that worries about them. Being uneducated and the list continues.
She could be taking out her frustrations on you and everyone else. If you have a proper sit down talk with her, it will be evident that she thinks she’s a victim of life. Sounds like she’s constantly angry.
I have so many aunts like this. I genuinely believe a good % of older generation women are miserable.
Step a side
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Lack of imaan that’s why. When you have imaan no matter how hard or difficult life becomes you will always stay positive and happy.
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That’s easy to say tbh. Many of them might have PPD and untreated depression.
I think the idea of having strong imaan means you’ll always be happy is a juvenile take and is said by those that have a pretty low stress lifestyle tbh. We’re human, we all have ups and downs and even our imaan isn’t always constant.
To be honest, I think a lot of the time it's just them repeating behaviors from their own childhood. My father was like this. A lot of the affection he did show me were prompted by my mother who'd say things like "Waryaa, he's your son. I'm not accepting this cold nonsense from you. Get to know him. Spend time with him." to his credit, the ways he showed affection were entirely his ideas though I assume some were inspired by watching my mother with me. My dad was not a bad person, depressed or incapable of love or somehow damaged. He just never really got affection from his own parents and didn't really understand the concept or its necessity. That's very much the case with a lot of people. Like the parent who beats their kid cos it happened to them and "they turned out alright". Ya just gotta be the one to break that cycle either through someone nudging you like with my dad, some form of mental and emotional help or extreme self-awareness.
This so relatable in our community..
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Somali man getting cooked on twitter for not liking his wife’s affection- Started by empressjamila
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