Yaab! 30 year old Farax wants advice from xalimos on how to tell wife #1 he wants a second wife.

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

I love how Muslim men act like they've not been told to lower their gaze and not spend time around non-mahrem women. Instead he opened his eyes wide enough for his cousin to 'catch' his lustful gaze. He will end up divorced with a wife in Somalia and he'll have to provide for 2 households now. Soon he will cry hot tears as his ex-wife moves on and gets a new husband. His children will grow up to resent him etc.

A tale as old as time, men who cannot control their lust destroy their own lives and they deserve it.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

I’m beginning to think a lot of men aren’t really in love with their wives or that men can simply love a woman and desire other women. But ultimately, a man that truly loves his wife, will put her and the kids first and anyone with half a brain can see that having a wife on a completely different continent is just going to tear down the relationship. It’s just dumb. Look at our kids? Prison, LGTB, delinquency and the list goes on whilst dad is back home living it up. Forget loving the wife, the real question is, do they even love their kids?

Yep

A lot of men are not in love and don't know what love is. Love is not just a feeling, it's a verb, you're supposed to work on it and constantly nurture it. Their so-called 'love' is lust and friendship at best, that's all. When that lust fades and they are tired of their toy, they want a new toy to play with. That's why studies show that a lot of men divorce their wives when the wife falls sick, because that's not part of the deal they've signed in their heads.

That's why women should work hard on staying on top of their fitness and education and keep money stashed away. So, that the day he decides to act like a clown, she can move on and let him join the circus.

 

[Ahmed123-]

Soon he will cry hot tears as his ex-wife moves on and gets a new husband. His children will grow up to resent him etc.

Stop wishing the brother harm; he is performing an honorable act.

 

[rep]

Yep

A lot of men are not in love and don't know what love is. Love is not just a feeling, it's a verb, you're supposed to work on it and constantly nurture it. Their so-called 'love' is lust and friendship at best, that's all. When that lust fades and they are tired of their toy, they want a new toy to play with. That's why studies show that a lot of men divorce their wives when the wife falls sick, because that's not part of the deal they've signed in their heads.

That's why women should work hard on staying on top of their fitness and education and keep money stashed away. So, that the day he decides to act like a clown, she can move on and let him join the circus.

So just because a man wants to get more women you think he doesn't release oxytocin with his other wife. What is the issue with polygyny if the guy is a good guy and it's halal i don't see the problem.

Men are not wired to be monogamous monogamy was state enforced the natural state in tribes was the men of means get the women the man with no means have none.

 

[jemappelle]

lust and friendship at best, that's all. When that lust fades and they are tired of their toy, they want a new toy to play with. That's why studies show that a lot of men divorce their wives when the wife falls sick, because that's not part of the deal they've signed in their heads.

Men fall out of lust with their wives pretty quickly, thats just life, it doesn't mean they don't desire you, but the fuzzy love/lust feeling goes after a while.
No matter what they, men are attracted to other women, now depending on whether they act on that desire on not will depend on how much they love their wives/have self respect.

I think alot of men love their wives, but I also think alot of men have uncontrolled emotions and let their desires roam free

 

[jemappelle]

Men are not wired to be monogamous monogamy was state enforced the natural state in tribes was the men of means get the women the man with no means have none.

Monogamy and polygyny is natural. monogamy isn't forced it just happens, its more convenient for most ppl

 

[rep]

Monogamy and polygyny is natural. monogamy isn't forced it just happens, its more convenient for most ppl

Historically it has been forced upon men by diffrent governments you can read about this.

 

[jemappelle]

Historically it has been forced upon men by diffrent governments you can read about this.

for some men yes, but theirs not enough women to go around for each man to have 2 wives

 

[Angelina]

So just because a man wants to get more women you think he doesn't release oxytocin with his other wife. What is the issue with polygyny if the guy is a good guy and it's halal i don't see the problem.

It’s personal. If a man puts his family first and understands his obligations, then yes nothing wrong with that.

However, I don’t think he’s completely in love with his first wife, but then again I’m not a man. Some men say yes, others no.

Men are not wired to be monogamous monogamy was state enforced the natural state in tribes was the men of means get the women the man with no means have none.

Polygamy is as natural as monogamy. Studies show that hunter gathers were indeed mostly monogamous. Kind of fits in the Islamic tradition of Adam and Hawaa and all of their kids for the most part were monogamous.

Polygamy became common during the agricultural period. @Shimbiris, correct me if I’m wrong here, you’re the resident historian.

Also, I find it ajeeb when average men hark on about polygamy. The only reason why Western society banned polygamy was because the Romans realized that most of the elites were getting the women which left a surplus of poor, young and angry men without an ability to mate. Even when we look at our ancestors, they’re mostly female as a good % of men were never able to reproduce.

My point is, an a world in which polygamy is rampant and women have no sense of jealousy, ask yourself how would average men marry? There would be richer, better looking men with better charisma available and we could all share him as petty feelings of jealousy would be gone, we wouldn’t have the mentality ‘oh he’s taken’ and first wives wouldn’t feel threatened about additional wives. Believe me, in such a world all of you men talking about polygamy would be screwed. It would cause even more violence than previous unstable societies in which men would die alone or in the battle field.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

Men fall out of lust with their wives pretty quickly, thats just life, it doesn't mean they don't desire you, but the fuzzy love/lust feeling goes after a while.
No matter what they, men are attracted to other women, now depending on whether they act on that desire on not will depend on how much they love their wives/have self respect.

I think alot of men love their wives, but I also think alot of men have uncontrolled emotions and let their desires roam free

Let these men get divorced first or seek wives that are open to polygamy but it's not fair to pull the rug from under a woman who is not interested in sister wives and spring another wife on here. Release her and let her be happy with a monogamous man.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

So just because a man wants to get more women you think he doesn't release oxytocin with his other wife. What is the issue with polygyny if the guy is a good guy and it's halal i don't see the problem.

Men are not wired to be monogamous monogamy was state enforced the natural state in tribes was the men of means get the women the man with no means have none.

Nobody has an issue with polygamy, the issue is trying to force women to accept it. There are women who accept polygamy, but a lot of men are interested in deception instead.

 

[jemappelle]

However, I don’t think he’s completely in love with his first wife, but then again I’m not a man. Some men say yes, others no.

I think most men when they are in love with their wife and influenced by cultural customs and situations in life then most men would never marry another women because they love their wife too much to do that, alot of men would mar a second wife if it was allowed but just for lust purposes not for actual reasons because most men in our society cannot control themselves unless they are policed and restricted by the law/societal values. Most men who you will see marrying a second wife randomly for the sake of it usually have problems in their marriage they want to escape.
Alot of men don't have time or energy or know abouts of having a second wife anyway so they don't care for it, but the idea of another women will intrigue some and they will think about it.
But a man 100% has the capability of loving multiple women, This is why Islamically a man can have multiple wives and concubines, most of the sahaba has multiple women, and some of them only has one women, some of them even had 0 wives, but the point is it is on a scale for every man, and considering how alot of men nowadays are insincere and not great at marriage, alot of polygyny is a grass is greener on the other side situation.

It depends from man to man, their are alot of men who love multiple wives and treat the justly and are good husbands, its like saying you can't love multiple children, or multiple parents, or multiple siblings, alot of people are projecting onto other people.

But their are also some women who can love multiple men, now whether that is part of the fitra or not is a different conversation.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

If I was a man and I was a lustful man, I'd tell women from day 1 that I want sister wives and be content with the women I find who are down with that lifestyle. I certainly wouldn't be a lying coward that deceives women. I have zero respect for these losers and I am happy whenever I see their wives divorce them and get remarried. It's beautiful karma.

 

[jemappelle]

Let these men get divorced first or seek wives that are open to polygamy but it's not fair to pull the rug from under a woman who is not interested in sister wives and spring another wife on here. Release her and let her be happy with a monogamous man.

I agree but most of these men are stupid and controlled by their lust, I despise these sort of guys, they have no intellect

 

[jemappelle]

If I was a man and I was a lustful man, I'd tell women from day 1 that I want sister wives and be content with the women I find who are down with that lifestyle. I certainly wouldn't be a lying coward that deceives women. I have zero respect for these losers and I am happy whenever I see their wives divorce them and get remarried. It's beautiful karma.

Some men and women are raised/born liars and hiding stuff, because they know the consequences of being open about it

 

[Angelina]

I think most men when they are in love with their wife and influenced by cultural customs and situations in life then most men would never marry another women because they love their wife too much to do that, alot of men would mar a second wife if it was allowed but just for lust purposes not for actual reasons because most men in our society cannot control themselves unless they are policed and restricted by the law/societal values.

I think you hit the nail on the head. I think if given the opportunity even many men in love would explore polygamy if it was easy for them and they knew their wife wouldn’t be upset. However, you can tell a man doesn’t love a woman if he is still willing to try and marry despite knowing it will have an immense impact on their wife’s emotions and mental health and that it could lead to divorce. In that situation, the man has clearly weighed the pros and cons and has come to the conclusion that her pain and hurt even her potential departure is secondary to his need to marry this new woman.

Most men who you will see marrying a second wife randomly for the sake of it usually have problems in their marriage they want to escape.
Alot of men don't have time or energy or know abouts of having a second wife anyway so they don't care for it, but the idea of another women will intrigue some and they will think about it.
But a man 100% has the capability of loving multiple women, This is why Islamically a man can have multiple wives and concubines, most of the sahaba has multiple women, and some of them only has one women, some of them even had 0 wives, but the point is it is on a scale for every man, and considering how alot of men nowadays are insincere and not great at marriage, alot of polygyny is a grass is greener on the other side situation.

A man having the ability to be with multiple women doesn’t mean he necessarily had the ability to love them all. Marriage isn’t just about love, especially when we look at the ancient world. Whenever I’ve read about historical figures who were polygamous, there is always one wife who stands out from the rest. It’s a common theme hence the reality is that he only ends up really having intense love for one. I’m sure he might love the others but maybe not ‘In love’ so to speak and then you get a good surplus of men who loved none but treated them okay based on what they got from their wives. I honestly think not a lot of people have been blessed with the gift of true love

It depends from man to man, their are alot of men who love multiple wives and treat the justly and are good husbands, its like saying you can't love multiple children, or multiple parents, or multiple siblings, alot of people are projecting onto other people.

But their are also some women who can love multiple men, now whether that is part of the fitra or not is a different conversation.

The multiple kids argument is a false and incomparable one as you cannot compare the love a parent has for their child, with the love a woman/man has for a spouse. One is unconditional and another is based on conditions and sometimes many conditions. Love between men and women is one that wanes and increases and sometimes people ‘fall out of love’. It’s unreliable, but parental love is the most reliable one of all. A mother would sacrifice her life for ALL of her children, yet a woman cannot guarantee that her husband will still want to stay with her if she has a cancer diagnosis or instead of using that time to support her, he might use it to acquire a new wife whilst he pushes her back to her parents house to care for her. The same can also be said about a man who loses all of his wealth.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

I think you hit the nail on the head. I think if given the opportunity even many men in love would explore polygamy if it was easy for them and they knew their wife wouldn’t be upset. However, you can tell a man doesn’t love a woman if he is still willing to try and marry despite knowing it will have an immense impact on their wife’s emotions and mental health and that it could lead to divorce. In that situation, the man has clearly weighed the pros and cons and has come to the conclusion that her pain and hurt even her potential departure is secondary to his need to marry this new woman.

A man having the ability to be with multiple women doesn’t mean he necessarily had the ability to love them all. Marriage isn’t just about love, especially when we look at the ancient world. Whenever I’ve read about historical figures who were polygamous, there is always one wife who stands out from the rest. It’s a common theme hence the reality is that he only ends up really having intense love for one. I’m sure he might love the others but maybe not ‘In love’ so to speak and then you get a good surplus of men who loved none but treated them okay based on what they got from their wives. I honestly think not a lot of people have been blessed with the gift of true love

The multiple kids argument is a false and incomparable one as you cannot compare the love a parent has for their child, with the love a woman/man has for a spouse. One is unconditional and another is based on conditions and sometimes many conditions. Love between men and women is one that wanes and increases and sometimes people ‘fall out of love’. It’s unreliable, but parental love is the most reliable one of all. A mother would sacrifice her life for ALL of her children, yet a woman cannot guarantee that her husband will still want to stay with her if she has a cancer diagnosis or instead of using that time to support her, he might use it to acquire a new wife whilst he pushes her back to her parents house to care for her. The same can also be said about a man who loses all of his wealth.

Yep

Even Prophet Muhammad SAW; seems like he had two loves of his life, but one at a time, Khadijah RA until her death and then Aisha RA. I will never believe a human being is in love with 2 people at the same time, with the same intensity. There is always a favourite.

 

[Angelina]

If I was a man and I was a lustful man, I'd tell women from day 1 that I want sister wives and be content with the women I find who are down with that lifestyle. I certainly wouldn't be a lying coward that deceives women. I have zero respect for these losers and I am happy whenever I see their wives divorce them and get remarried. It's beautiful karma.

A lot of men are lustful sis, it’s just that some men love their families enough and realize that having an emotionally distraught wife and an unstable family life isn’t worth it. At the end of the day, a responsible man who puts his family first will put his lust to the side.

I say this, because most men like the idea of polygamy and multiple women, but it’s their sense of responsibility and love for the well-being of their wife that stops them.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

A lot of men are lustful sis, it’s just that some men love their families enough and realize that having an emotionally distraught wife and an unstable family life isn’t worth it. At the end of the day, a responsible man who puts his family first will put his lust to the side.

I say this, because most men like the idea of polygamy and multiple women, but it’s their sense of responsibility and love for the well-being of their wife that stops them.

Agreed.

I'm sure a lot of women would love to have another husband or a side-dude if that was halal, but we're not even allowed. A lot of women are not even attracted to their husbands anymore, but we seem to be the more sensible and loyal gender, smh.

 

[jemappelle]

A man having the ability to be with multiple women doesn’t mean he necessarily had the ability to love them all. Marriage isn’t just about love, especially when we look at the ancient world. Whenever I’ve read about historical figures who were polygamous, there is always one wife who stands out from the rest. It’s a common theme hence the reality is that he only ends up really having intense love for one. I’m sure he might love the others but maybe not ‘In love’ so to speak and then you get a good surplus of men who loved none but treated them okay based on what they got from their wives. I honestly think not a lot of people have been blessed with the gift of true love

Well everyones relationship differs, I believe all men have the ability to love multiple women, even if one women stands out, he will still love the other women, We know Allah placed love and mercy between spouses, if polygyny went against this natural order it would not be have been allowed, the fact men can marry multiple women Islamically shows its part of the fitra,
I think every man has the ability to marry multiple women, from the fact men have been doing it for a long time and it is Islamically ordained we know alot of Prophets who had multiple wives and loved them, there is also just evidence in real life of men loving multiple women

I think women are kind of projecting onto men abit, I know a man can easily love multiple women, it isn't a logical thing, also the historical thing is also subjective, if you want to understand, you would have to ask contemporary men who are in polygyny if their love their wives, looking back at history and making your own interpretation of how they felt can sometimes be inaccurate.

The thing is marriage has always been used as a political and social thing, there are monogamous marriages where they don't even love each other its just a convenience thing