Would you guys marry a single mother ?

[reer]

Then don't marry a 2nd time then. Islam is pretty strict with time. You need to spend equal time. You cannot spend more time with one wife. That is why polygamy isn't the right of every man which Somalis falsely believe. It is the right/privileges of men that have the time and money.

so husbands should duplicate themselves in order to spend 7 nights with both wives simultaneously. big brain logic.

 

[anonimo]

People are okay with all sorts of things that are bad for them. We can have that attitude about an array of different issues.

Bottom line is, that sort of arrangement is seen as haram by majority of scholars as they argue not just for the individual, but for society. Those marriages impact society. So instead of calling me privileged, how about you look at the big picture?

I think you'll find that it is you coming from a place of not only shortsightedness but also priviliage.

I am looking at the bigger picture. It beats outright Zina!

Would you prefer if these women were doing what some Single mothers do? The ones who do not want Xalal commitment and take lovers to satisfy their needs? It happens, trust me.

 

[Nak-Muay-Kru]

And you have every right to feel that and have those thoughts. Some people glamorize marrying a single mom, and it’s like there’s way too many drawbacks to it as I’ve mentioned, and more cons than pros.

Let’s just admit it, it’s hard for a man to bond with a kid thats not his. Eventually you will long for a child that’s biologically yours, and often what happens that we don’t talk about is that, even if you have a child with the single mother, you may treat it better than the one you are step father to, and that in turn will cause further divide.

Imagine you work hard to raised that step child all throughout school and to graduate and his real dad shows out of nowhere, and what they do is take the credit, although you as the step dad did all the hard work.

Men, take it from me, I’m only 27, but damn the things I’ve seen and learned shows me that’s it’s a thankless job.

That's one thing the wannabe step-daddies on here aren't taking into account. People, and men specifically, will always prefer their own biological off-spring so there's no way of avoiding some level of favouritism. Not to mention the fact that disciplining a child that isn't your own can be very very awkward to say the least. It ultimately boils down to not having the same parental rights the biological father has, whilst having to shoulder the burdens of parenthood. It's a lose lose situation for most men.

I love how based and rational Somali women are, cadaan doofars and madoow women would be fucking SCREECHING if their male counterparts voiced any of these opinions. You guys are a blessing wallahi lol

 

[Angelina]

so husbands should duplicate themselves in order to spend 7 nights with both wives simultaneously. big brain logic.

No,

How about you ask before coming with silly conclusions and actually really read what people write.

He merely has to spend equal time with wives. If he spends 3 nights with one, then he needs to spend the next 3 nights with the other. He can't be spending most of his time with one.

 

[reer]

I am looking at the bigger picture. It beats outright Zina!

Would you prefer if these women were doing what some Single mothers do? The ones who do want Xalal commitment and take lovers to satisfy their needs? It happens, trust me.

there are muslim women who prefer their husband to flat out cheat than marry 2nd wife.

 

[Angelina]

I am looking at the bigger picture. It beats outright Zina!

Would you prefer if these women were doing what some Single mothers do? The ones who do want Xalal commitment and take lovers to satisfy their needs? It happens, trust me.

Lol, you're not.

We have rules and regulations for a reason. Your mentality is ignore the rules because at least zina isn't taking place.
You behave as though people are uncontrolled animals who will threaten to commit zina, rather than follow Islam's protocol with regards to marriage.

 

[Nak-Muay-Kru]

No,

How about you ask before coming with silly conclusions and actually really read what people write.

He merely has to spend equal time with wives. If he spends 3 nights with one, then he needs to spend the next 3 nights with the other. He can't be spending most of his time with one.

I don't think the guys who love the idea of a 2nd wife realise just how truly exhausting and emotionally draining that would be. Imagine having to deal with two women that clearly hate that particular arrangement. Constantly bìtching at you and scrutinizing your every move. I'd be popping anti-psychotics and anxiety meds like skittles

 

[Angelina]

there are muslim women who prefer their husband to flat out cheat than marry 2nd wife.

That is probably the dumbest logic i've heard men use. I've never seen a Muslim woman say this, only men.

The main reason why a Muslim woman would not want her husband to marry again is because she doesn't want her husband with another women. A cheating man is still with another woman, but worse.

So why would a woman be okay with cheating, but not polygamy?

 

[anonimo]

Lol, you're not.

We have rules and regulations for a reason. Your mentality is ignore the rules because at least zina isn't taking place.
You behave as though people are uncontrolled animals who will threaten to commit zina, rather than follow Islams protocol with regards to marriage.

Masha Allah,you appear not to have been been exposed to what goes down. People are animals when they do not have strict moral boundaries.

I am not saying ignore the regulations. If they have a normal Nikah, whatever rights that are not being met by either party will be judged accordingly by Allah. But whatever wrong they are doing surely beats Zina, agree of disagree?

 

[Angelina]

Masha Allah,you have appear not to have been been exposed to what goes down. People are animals when they have do not have strict moral boundaries.

I am not saying ignore the regulations. If they have a normal Nikah, whatever rights that are not being met by either party will be judged accordingly by Allah. But whatever wrong they are doing surely beats Zina, agree of disagree?

You need to understand that ignoring regulations causes disruption in society. Think about why marriage has been prescribed by Allah and think about how these regulations tie into this?

You seem to have the mentality of male libido being more important than the sanctity of marriage and Allah's rulings of marriage.

 

[Peache]

That's one thing the wannabe step-daddies on here aren't taking into account. People, and men specifically, will always prefer their own biological off-spring so there's no way of avoiding some level of favouritism. Not to mention the fact that disciplining a child that isn't your own can be very very awkward to say the least. It ultimately boils down to not having the same parental rights the biological father would whilst having to shoulder the burdens of parenthood. It's a lose lose situation for most men.

I love how based and rational Somali women are, cadaan doofars and madoow women would be fucking SCREECHING if their male counterparts voiced any of these opinions. You guys are a blessing wallahi lol

Lmaooooooo you are absolutely right. It’s just as me as a single mother, I think it’s unfair to demand a childless man to deal with this, knowing what I know and have seen
For some reason all the ladies in my family have suggested I go for a childless man but they’re not thinking rational about it and the drawbacks I have mentioned.

And I’ve been grilled at by other older Somali ladies for even saying these things, as for some reason some women don’t want men to have this knowledge.
Let’s just admit we often romanticize it.
Even if it’s said it’s ajar for a man to do so, in this modern day western world with these rules, it’s a lose lose situation for men to enter into this type of relationship.

 

[Angelina]

Lmaooooooo you are absolutely right. It’s just as me as a single mother, I think it’s unfair to demand a childless man, knowing what I know and have seen.
And I’ve been grilled at for even saying these things, as for some reason some women don’t want men to have this knowledge.
Let’s just admit we often romanticize it.
Even if it’s said it’s ajar for a man to do so, in this modern day western world with these rules, it’s a lose lose situation for men to enter into this type of relationship.

Sis, I agree with you and its nice you're keeping it honest.

A lot of women truly are miskeen and selfless. You'll never find a single father write an essay about why women shouldn't go for men like him loool.

 

[anonimo]

You need to understand that ignoring regulations causes disruption in society. Think about why marriage has been prescribed by Allah and think about how these regulations tie into this?

You seem to have the mentality of male libido being more important than the sanctity of marriage and Allah's rulings of marriage.

Many men ignore the rules even with their first wife, think of those who marry abroad and only visit her once a year. If they are ignoring rules with their second wife, what difference is it to the above? They are sinning on both occasions.

Some of these single mothers also seek male companionship, it is not only the men seeking a second wife that desire sex.

 

[En_Sabah Nur]

I don't think the guys who love the idea of a 2nd wife realise just how truly exhausting and emotionally draining that would be. Imagine having to deal with two women that clearly hate that particular arrangement. Constantly bìtching at you and scrutinizing your every move. I'd be popping anti-psychotics and anxiety meds like skittles

Listen to Larry here at 2:10. Who wants to be stuck with one malab when you can have mutiple.

 

[Angelina]

Many men ignore the rules even with their first wife, think of those who marry abroad and only visit her once a year. If they are ignoring rules with their second wife, what difference is it to the above? They are sinning on both occasions.

Some of these single mothers also seek male companionship, it is not only the men seeking a second wife that desire sex.

Mate, people do all sorts of messed up haram nonsense. It is what it is. But lets not sit here and call me privileged for calling a spade a spade and lets not act like these choices aren't causing issues in our society.

Yes, some women do accept these ridiculous terms, but they end up feeling used and taken advantage of after a while as the repercussions of this starts to impact them and their offsprings. Funnily enough, this rarely happens to girls who have strong walis to protect them. Its always the poor, the ones with the low self esteem and no abo to tell them no.

 

[anonimo]

Mate, people do all sorts of messed up haram nonsense. It is what it is. But lets not sit here and call me privileged for calling a spade a spade and lets not act like these choices aren't causing issues in our society.

Hell yeah, you are bloody privileged! You will never be in their situation insha Allah financially and will never contemplate making the choices they make from a companionship perspective. It ain't like there is a queue of guys looking to marry these FOB single mothers in their mid to late 30's, early 40's. What alternative do some of them have?

There is a whole lotta shit going in our society, this ain't nothing. I have come across heartless mfkers who sleep with single mothers in their own home while the kids are sleeping next door. It takes two to tango though so the blame ain't squarely on him but I feel for the kids seeing random men spending the night.

 

[Angelina]

Hell yeah, you are bloody privileged! You will never be in their situation insha Allah financially and will never contemplate making the choices they make from a companionship perspective. It ain't like there is a queue of guys looking to marry these FOB single mothers in their mid to late 30's, early 40's. What alternative do some of them have?

There is a whole lotta shit going in our society, this ain't nothing. I have come across heartless mfkers who sleep with single mothers in their own home while the kids are sleeping next door. It takes two to tango though so the blame ain't squarely on him.

And that is why this situation saddens me:

I edited this point:

Yes, some women do accept these ridiculous terms, but they end up feeling used and taken advantage of after a while as the repercussions of this starts to impact them and their offsprings. Funnily enough, this rarely happens to girls who have strong walis to protect them. Its always the poor, the ones with the low self esteem and no abo to tell them no.

 

[anonimo]

And that is why this situation saddens me:

I edited this point:

Yes, some women do accept these ridiculous terms, but they end up feeling used and taken advantage of after a while as the repercussions of this starts to impact them and their offsprings. Funnily enough, this rarely happens to girls who have strong walis to protect them. Its always the poor, the ones with the low self esteem and no abo to tell them no.

Old fashioned FOBS, prefer the marriage route. Even back home, it is common for divorced women to become second wives so what happens in the West among these FOBS is just a continuation of an older tradition. Nothing abusive about it necessarily from a cultural viewpoint.

Wallahi it is easy for us to idealise life but for the majority of our people, pragmatism is the order of the day.

 

[Angelina]

Old fashioned FOBS, prefer the marriage route. Even back home, it is common for divorced women to become second wives so what happens in the West among these FOBS is just a continuation of an older tradition. Nothing abusive about it necessarily from a cultural viewpoint.

Wallahi it is easy for us to idealise life but for the majority of our people, pragmatism is the order of the day.

It is, because traditionally the woman would be provided for and she'd be taken care of and the man would have equal timings if polygamous.

This is a new concept and it isn't seen as sharaf amongst Somalis. Imagine going up to a father and saying hey, i'll see your daughter once a week for sex and i'll not provide for her. I'll give her money here and there.

No man with gheerah would allow it for his daughter. Lets not mate. Usually the abo isn't in the picture or he has a hands off aproach as its her 2nd marriage and he can't control her.

 

[anonimo]

It is, because traditionally the woman would be provided for and she'd be taken care of and the man would have equal timings if polygamous.

This is a new concept and it isn't as sharaf amongst Somalis. Imagine going up to a father and saying hey, i'll see your daughter once a week for sex and i'll not provide for her. I'll give her money here and there.

No man with gheerah would allow it for his daughter. Lets not mate.

Equal timings back home? Give me a break. Some guys will marry women based in different cities or different Xaafads. It is only the religiously minded that fear for their Akhira, the average polygamous joe don't give a fu.ck about Xuquq. The women agree to such an arrangement not out of choice but Danta Waa Kuu Qasbo.

It is some Fish N Chips single mothers and the men that frequent them who pose a greater fitnah in the diaspora society, not the FOB second wife Xalimos. Fish N Chip single mothers are free, generally not Gaajo and if they do not have strong religious or cultural values, they gonna fu.ck who they want in their own home, Ajnabi or Somali. It is a fuc.ked up world out there. That should be bothering you more than FOB second wives from a religious or social viewpoint. I, like many others, have become desensistised to what goes on. They will go to the grave alone so it is none of my business.