Why Do We Blame the ‘Other Woman ?

[NotMyL]

When a woman is cheated on or left for another woman, why does she tend to put the blame on the new woman? It's crazy to me that sometimes the other woman gets more blame than the person who did the cheating or leaving.

This is one of my favorite Def Jam poem but I can't help but think how screwed up it is the way we take our anger on the other woman.

 

[Gambar]

The other woman shouldn't get blamed more than the man but she's not beyond guilt. She knew what she was getting herself into, and in their deluded minds they think the man will leave their wife for them. They always claim they didn't "know" like they were confused and preyed upon.

 

[NotMyL]

The other woman shouldn't get blamed more than the man but she's not beyond guilt. She knew what she was getting herself into, and in their deluded minds they think the man will leave their wife for them. They always claim they didn't "know" like they were confused and preyed upon.

Even if she did know, she doesn't owe you anything. She is not the one that made the vows to you. If the other woman is your friend or family your anger can be justified but if she doesn't know you, your anger is misplaced imo.

 

[Desert Flower]

I guess it is easier to think that your man was lead astray by the woman, than to believe that your husband made a conscious decision to cheat on you. Acknowledging that requires you to have a difficult conversation with him, and then decide if you want the marriage to continue.

 

[yasmin lan]

I’m not gonna blame the woman if she didn’t know he was married I’d blame my husband since he’s the married one

 

[Gambar]

Even if she did know, she doesn't owe you anything. She is not the one that made the vows to you. If the other woman is your friend or family your anger can be justified but if she doesn't know you, your anger is misplaced imo.

So you're absolving the other woman of guilt entirely. Doesn't matter whether she knows the wife at all, she shouldn't be a side chick, be a wife. That's nothing to aspire to, and to act like you didn't know, when you're degrading yourself in that position is nothing short of laughable. A woman that does that has no value, is a hoe, and is committing adultery with a married man.

 

[NotMyL]

I guess it is easier to think that your man was lead astray by the woman, than to believe that your husband made a conscious decision to cheat on you. Acknowledging that requires you to have a difficult conversation with him, and then decide if you want the marriage to continue.

You're absolutely right, it's easier to think she seduce him or made a pass at him than to think he wanted her, sad but true.

 

[Desert Flower]

Also, most men know that when they cheat, they wont be held responsible. He knows that the two women will go after each other in an effort to fight for his affection/attention.

It is sad how women are conditioned to believe that their entire self-worth is tied to having a man, even if he ain't ish.

 

[NotMyL]

So you're absolving the other woman of guilt entirely. Doesn't matter whether she knows the wife at all, she shouldn't be a side chick, be a wife. That's nothing to aspire to, and to act like you didn't know, when you're degrading yourself in that position is nothing short of laughable. A woman that does that has no value, is a hoe, and is committing adultery with a married man.

Nope, I'm not saying she is innocent, my problem is blaming the choices your spouse made on the other woman. There is only one person responsible and that's your man. She might be a horrible person but she owes you nothing and can do whatever she pleases with her life. I have listened to a friend cry about the other women for 2 hours, it's sad and pathetic tbh. Focus your anger and resentment on the appropriate person is all I'm saying.

 

[Inquisitive_]

Psychology 101, it's a sort of coping mechanism because by blaming the other women she absolves herself from any blame whatsoever by extension while gaining public sympathy, if she blames the husband she automatically by default also blames herself too and that's how society looks at it, while the other women get's a pass under the radar.

People will wonder what did she possibly do to drive this peaceful man into the arms of another women? the only way to escape these things is to blame the other women instead, because through this she absolves herself completely while society blames the other women and her husband instead (without questioning her)

Women are masters at manipulation without even knowing, it's a gift handed to them to balance out for being the physically weaker gender, this is all done subconsciously and is thus biologically driven.

 

[Desert Flower]

So you're absolving the other woman of guilt entirely. Doesn't matter whether she knows the wife at all, she shouldn't be a side chick, be a wife. That's nothing to aspire to, and to act like you didn't know, when you're degrading yourself in that position is nothing short of laughable. A woman that does that has no value, is a hoe, and is committing adultery with a married man.

There are cases when the woman just does not know because the man did not disclose that information. Who is at fault then? The married man made a commitment to his wife, and if he stepped out on her, he is gonna have to answer to his wife. Some men want to have their cake, and eat it too.

 

[NotMyL]

Psychology 101, it's a sort of coping mechanism because by blaming the other women she absolves herself from any blame whatsoever by extension while gaining public sympathy, if she blames the husband she automatically by default also blames herself too and that's how society looks at it, while the other women get's a pass under the radar.

People will wonder what did she possibly do to drive this peaceful man into the arms of another women? the only way to escape these things is to blame the other women instead, because through this she absolves herself completely while society blames the women and her husband instead (without questioning her)

Women are masterful at manipulation without even knowing, it's a gift handed to them to balance out for being the physically weaker gender, this is all done subconsciously and is thus biologically driven.

Interesting point that I hadn't considered, The husband cheated on her but she is to blame? How sad is that, We really do live in a man's world.

 

[Gambar]

Nope, I'm not saying she is innocent, my problem is blaming the choices your spouse made on the other woman. There is only one person responsible and that's your man. She might be a horrible person but she owes you nothing and can do whatever she pleases with her life. I have listened to a friend cry about the other women for 2 hours, it's sad and pathetic tbh. Focus your anger and resentment on the appropriate person is all I'm saying.

You keep saying she owes you nothing. You're looking at it the wrong way. Let's look at it from an Islamic perspective, what are the punishments for committing zina? Who is at fault?

There are cases when the woman just does not know because the man did not disclose that information. Who is at fault then? The married man made a commitment to his wife, and if he stepped out on her, he is gonna have to answer to his wife. Some men want to have their cake, and eat it too.

Of course the man is at fault, he committed adultery and that is a major dembi.

 

[Desert Flower]

Of course the man is at fault, he committed adultery and that is a major dembi.

Yeah, I think both are at fault, but the man moreso because he is married - like you have a halal outlet, yet chose to step out. If he was having issues with his wife, he should have communicated them to her; not run into the arms of another woman and break up his home in the process.

 

[NotMyL]

@Gambar We are not talking about the punishment she deserves and whether or not what she did was wrong. I only want to know how can you justify putting any blame on the woman? He willingly went to her didn't he? So put aside that you think she is a bad Muslim and shouldn't have done what she did, can you say she ruined your relationship?

Simple question, is she responsible for your broken marriage?

 

[Desert Flower]

It all comes down to entitlement - men thinking they can do whatever they want without any repercussions. For some women, they want what another woman has, or because they have no clue that he is married. Can't assume really.

In other words, niggas ain't shit.

And there is no way to really cheat-proof your marriage; but I think that you have to set boundaries from the get go - tell your husband that if he cheats, you're walking. It doesn't matter if you got 9 kids with him. You will not tolerate that behaviour from him.

 

[Gambar]

It all comes down to entitlement - men thinking they can do whatever they want without any repercussions. For some women, they want what another woman has, or because they have no clue that he is married. Can't assume really.

In other words, niggas ain't shit.

And there is no way to really cheat-proof your marriage; but I think that you have to set boundaries from the get go - tell your husband that if he cheats, you're walking. It doesn't matter if you got 9 kids with him. You will not tolerate that behaviour from him.

Easier said than done. What if he is financially responsible for the family? Walking away isn’t easy when you share children especially a lot.

 

[NotMyL]

It all comes down to entitlement - men thinking they can do whatever they want without any repercussions. For some women, they want what another woman has, or because they have no clue that he is married. Can't assume really.

In other words, niggas ain't shit.

And there is no way to really cheat-proof your marriage; but I think that you have to set boundaries from the get go - tell your husband that if he cheats, you're walking. It doesn't matter if you got 9 kids with him. You will not tolerate that behaviour from him.

Some women actually only go after married men, they say they like one that's already trained, I guess they don't want to train their own lol

 

[Gambar]

@Gambar We are not talking about the punishment she deserves and whether or not what she did was wrong. I only want to know how can you justify putting any blame on the woman? He willingly went to her didn't he? So put aside that you think she is a bad Muslim and shouldn't have done what she did, can you say she ruined your relationship?

Simple question, is she responsible for your broken marriage?

Islam is a way of life and when it comes to zina, as a Muslim you must look at it from an Islamic lens. I understand your mo in that usually the blame is emphasized on the other woman, but she is still at fault for committing zina knowingly with a married man.

She doesn’t owe the wife anything, but as a Muslim, you owe it to your creator not to commit such a grave act of dembi and act like you don’t have self worth or weren’t raised to know better. At least become the second wife.

 

[Inquisitive_]

Interesting point that I hadn't considered, The husband cheated on her but she is to blame? How sad is that, We really do live in a man's world.

No where did I say she is to blame, far from it. I am just giving you the psychological breakdown on why the women that has been cheated on always blames the other women by default, because it's a protection mechanism for herself which I explained.

@Gambar

Time to stop using those contraceptives before the allure of offspring becomes so powerful for your farax he suddenly decides to bolt away from your dictatorial world view, just a piece of brotherly advise.