Alluring
Sayonara
Divorce is very common not just in Somali communities but any community in the West where divorces are relatively acceptable and easy to get. So why are they so common? And answer the question without getting into gender-war nonsense because both sides are usually somewhat at fault in most divorces.
I think there are 4 reasons.
1- Communication Issues
People don't like admitting it but most of the time instead of acting like mature adults they complain about each other behind their backs. And when they actually communicate instead of being reasonable and understanding, they act stubborn and just continuously argue constantly instead of getting to the point. Most people are stubborn and don't like swallowing their pride, so they hate hearing what issues their partner might have about them. So instead they deflect instead of listening. If people listened to their spouses and tried fixing themselves, 9/10 times they wouldn't be having as many issues.
2- Not fitting/meshing well together/Cultural differences
This is more of a muslim community issue because most people don't really know their spouse until their married and after their newlywed stage. I think this is harder to deal with because people will be naturally incompatible. So either you learn how to compromise or pay attention before getting married. There are always going to be some signs of incompatibility before marriage, do you share the same ideals, values, interests, opinions. You don't have to be the same person but your core morals should align. Also interracial and interethnic marriages are always going to be more complicated, you have to learn how to adapt to other culture customs without losing your own.
3- Rushing to get married
This seems to be common with older people or people who have been pressured into getting married. They are so focused on rushing and getting married without thinking about the quality of the person they chose to get married too. Usually they aren't even attracted or in some cases don't even like the person they're getting married too. They're basically settling for less just so they can state that they are married. But in the long run end up with someone they are unhappy with. I would rather be lonely and happy than married to someone I dislike and be unhappy.
4- Getting bored of each other, Losing interest
Losing interest and becoming bored is actually pretty normal and people deal with it in different ways. Nonmuslims cheat on their spouses, Muslim men just marry other women without telling their wife (leading to a whole spiral of other issues). This is the easiest to deal with, fact is at a certain point in marriage most people don't go out on dates anymore, they don't try to look good, they don't try to spice things up. They are comfortable with being stagnant and then eventually end up bored and annoyed and seek attention from other people. If people put more effort, went places more often, did different things they wouldn't be as bored. Problem is most people are lazy and let themselves go because now they don't have to keep up the appearances....
Thank you for coming to slit's marriage counseling class, see you all next time!
I think there are 4 reasons.
1- Communication Issues
People don't like admitting it but most of the time instead of acting like mature adults they complain about each other behind their backs. And when they actually communicate instead of being reasonable and understanding, they act stubborn and just continuously argue constantly instead of getting to the point. Most people are stubborn and don't like swallowing their pride, so they hate hearing what issues their partner might have about them. So instead they deflect instead of listening. If people listened to their spouses and tried fixing themselves, 9/10 times they wouldn't be having as many issues.
2- Not fitting/meshing well together/Cultural differences
This is more of a muslim community issue because most people don't really know their spouse until their married and after their newlywed stage. I think this is harder to deal with because people will be naturally incompatible. So either you learn how to compromise or pay attention before getting married. There are always going to be some signs of incompatibility before marriage, do you share the same ideals, values, interests, opinions. You don't have to be the same person but your core morals should align. Also interracial and interethnic marriages are always going to be more complicated, you have to learn how to adapt to other culture customs without losing your own.
3- Rushing to get married
This seems to be common with older people or people who have been pressured into getting married. They are so focused on rushing and getting married without thinking about the quality of the person they chose to get married too. Usually they aren't even attracted or in some cases don't even like the person they're getting married too. They're basically settling for less just so they can state that they are married. But in the long run end up with someone they are unhappy with. I would rather be lonely and happy than married to someone I dislike and be unhappy.
4- Getting bored of each other, Losing interest
Losing interest and becoming bored is actually pretty normal and people deal with it in different ways. Nonmuslims cheat on their spouses, Muslim men just marry other women without telling their wife (leading to a whole spiral of other issues). This is the easiest to deal with, fact is at a certain point in marriage most people don't go out on dates anymore, they don't try to look good, they don't try to spice things up. They are comfortable with being stagnant and then eventually end up bored and annoyed and seek attention from other people. If people put more effort, went places more often, did different things they wouldn't be as bored. Problem is most people are lazy and let themselves go because now they don't have to keep up the appearances....
Thank you for coming to slit's marriage counseling class, see you all next time!