Why divorce is so common

Divorce is very common not just in Somali communities but any community in the West where divorces are relatively acceptable and easy to get. So why are they so common? And answer the question without getting into gender-war nonsense because both sides are usually somewhat at fault in most divorces.

I think there are 4 reasons.

1- Communication Issues
People don't like admitting it but most of the time instead of acting like mature adults they complain about each other behind their backs. And when they actually communicate instead of being reasonable and understanding, they act stubborn and just continuously argue constantly instead of getting to the point. Most people are stubborn and don't like swallowing their pride, so they hate hearing what issues their partner might have about them. So instead they deflect instead of listening. If people listened to their spouses and tried fixing themselves, 9/10 times they wouldn't be having as many issues.

2- Not fitting/meshing well together/Cultural differences
This is more of a muslim community issue because most people don't really know their spouse until their married and after their newlywed stage. I think this is harder to deal with because people will be naturally incompatible. So either you learn how to compromise or pay attention before getting married. There are always going to be some signs of incompatibility before marriage, do you share the same ideals, values, interests, opinions. You don't have to be the same person but your core morals should align. Also interracial and interethnic marriages are always going to be more complicated, you have to learn how to adapt to other culture customs without losing your own.

3- Rushing to get married
This seems to be common with older people or people who have been pressured into getting married. They are so focused on rushing and getting married without thinking about the quality of the person they chose to get married too. Usually they aren't even attracted or in some cases don't even like the person they're getting married too. They're basically settling for less just so they can state that they are married. But in the long run end up with someone they are unhappy with. I would rather be lonely and happy than married to someone I dislike and be unhappy.

4- Getting bored of each other, Losing interest
Losing interest and becoming bored is actually pretty normal and people deal with it in different ways. Nonmuslims cheat on their spouses, Muslim men just marry other women without telling their wife (leading to a whole spiral of other issues). This is the easiest to deal with, fact is at a certain point in marriage most people don't go out on dates anymore, they don't try to look good, they don't try to spice things up. They are comfortable with being stagnant and then eventually end up bored and annoyed and seek attention from other people. If people put more effort, went places more often, did different things they wouldn't be as bored. Problem is most people are lazy and let themselves go because now they don't have to keep up the appearances....


Thank you for coming to slit's marriage counseling class, see you all next time!
 

Asli

igafuuq 2.0
loved the ted talk. wish i could add up on it seeing that my parent's divorced too but i have no clue :pachah1:
 
Divorce rates are at the lowest they have been in 5 decades. For context, so are marriage rates.

Somali divorce rates aren't just high like in other communities. They are exceptionally high.

Edit: You also forgot to add the main reason: financial.
 
Current times have made it so that we can focus more on our wellbeing and happiness, rather than things such as security or public perception. People use to divorce, while rarely, due to being severely unhappy. Nowadays it is simply because they believe they can be happier, a flip form the past expectations.

IMO, marriage really is a terrible decision for most as its original purposes have been lost. Being with a partner long term is far more fiscally responsible and legally easier. If it wasn’t for religious reasons, I doubt many would be getting married.

This Ted talk gives a great analysis on the current relationship dynamics:
 
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Current times have made it so that we can focus more on our wellbeing and happiness, rather than things such as security or public perception. People use to divorce, while rarely, due to being severely unhappy. Nowadays it is simply because they believe they can be happier, a flip form the past expectations.

IMO, marriage really is a terrible decision for most as its original purposes have been lost. Being with a partner long term is far more fiscally responsible and legally easier. If it wasn’t for religious reasons, I doubt many would be getting married.

This Ted talk gives a great analysis on the current relationship dynamics:
Exactly what i was thinking. Couples nowadays prioritize their happiness and well being. Its not all bad. Why stay with someone you don't like or worse raise kids in a toxic relationship
 

Jimmer

VIP
Exactly what i was thinking. Couples nowadays prioritize their happiness and well being. Its not all bad. Why stay with someone you don't like or worse raise kids in a toxic relationship
Because kids are more successful in 2 parent homes than with divorced parents.

Wives had no choice but to stay with their husbands in the past but now most choose their relatively new option of moving on.
 
Because kids are more successful in 2 parent homes than with divorced parents.

Wives had no choice but to stay with their husbands in the past but now most choose their relatively new option of moving on.
The children aren't better off in a toxic home. Good number of psychological problem like ptsd depression, anxiety disorders, low self esteem etc. Have their origin in toxic home, and will repeat the cycle themselves becoming the future victims or the abuser.
The solution people who are not suited for each other shouldn't be having children or even be in committed relationship.
 
No practice religion = High Divorce Rate
Not true. It's not about religion, but relationships with others. Marriage is supposed to be a good union, where a healthy household should thrive from. Some people just aren't meant for each other. Disagreements, disinterest, and lack of compatibility happen even if you have good deen.
 
Women in modern times have hard time accepting the fact that they’re married to reproduce and be sex relievers for their husband. There is literally nothing else to expect in marriages. All the romanticism crap is a recent phenomenon propagated by Western entertainment.

In the past, men spent 14 hours a days farming, building or hunting to feed their family meal while the wives had to depend on their husbands because they had no alternatives.
 

Joliemademoiselle

A pious muslima.
everything like @Basra said is the lack of religious practice.
Islam is not only praying to Allah for everything but also a guideline for your life and how to interact with others and in this case your spouse.

If you and your spouse treat each other in an Islamic way there is no way your marriage will sold ... and we all know most of the divorce is because of the misbehaviour of yourself or your spouse.

before people didn’t divorce because of societal and financial reasons, which isn't the case now so we need to practice our religion much more now and stop being self-centred if we want the marriage to succeed and also marrying other for the good and halal reason.
 
Women in modern times have hard time accepting the fact that they’re married to reproduce and be sex relievers for their husband. There is literally nothing else to expect in marriages. All the romanticism crap is a recent phenomenon propagated by Western entertainment.

In the past, men spent 14 hours a days farming, building or hunting to feed their family meal while the wives had to depend on their husbands because they had no alternatives.
If men aren't farming 14 hours a day nowadays, women shouldn't be expected to keep their old role if men aren't. Two sides to every coin
 
Women in modern times have hard time accepting the fact that they’re married to reproduce and be sex relievers for their husband. There is literally nothing else to expect in marriages. All the romanticism crap is a recent phenomenon propagated by Western entertainment.

In the past, men spent 14 hours a days farming, building or hunting to feed their family meal while the wives had to depend on their husbands because they had no alternatives.
Are you Muslim?
 
If men aren't farming 14 hours a day nowadays, women shouldn't be expected to keep their old role if men aren't. Two sides to every coin
You mentioned interest and communication issue are causing the divorce epidemic.

My point is there is no interest between men and women because they are different by nature. Men still retained their roles till this day (working to feed and protect the family) while most young women today abandoned their roles, creating ridiculously unrealistic high standards and expect marriage to be stable when in reality it won’t.

Do you think a man wants anything from a woman other than nurturing and sex? They literally don’t care at all but when a woman tries to distrupt and expect changes, there will be problems.
 

Shmurda

King Of NSFW
Women are fucking up the natural order of things. 2 breadwinners won't work and reversing the natural roles men and women have will be even worse. If the man and women know their place in a relationship then everything will be okay.
 
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