What questions are inappropriate to ask a potential spouse?

TheMadMullah

Author: H*ejabi secrets| hate lefties
I’m a girl. I’m in my late twenties, I have MA degree and am gainfully employed. I’m asking here because I do not have many Somali friends (2 and they’re not religious). I never had this discussion with my father before he passed and my mother is more liberal than me.
If you’re in your late 20’s and not already married then there is a reason for that, if you had a good reputation from the streets you would have already been married!

My advice is move from your current city and maybe you will have a chance lol
 

Cotton Eyed Joe

More law, less justice.
VIP
There's no offlimit questions this is a person you will spend your entire life with if he is a man of the deen he will answer all your questions accurately and honestly
 

Gambar

VIP
You should definitely ask him to undergo an STD test if that’s what you want, I mean if this is someone you actually want to be married to. It’ll give you a clearer answer in regard to health and sexual history.
 

Mercury

Ina libaax sanka taabte
Staff Member
Ask anything job, criminal background , if he's a smoker if he's been with girls before If yes how many and how long did it last if he got any ilnesses his views on certain things etc

If he's religious he will be honest and upfront about everything you ask
 
What questions are inappropriate to ask a potential spouse?

Is it inappropriate for me to ask if he has committed zina for example? Particularly if the suitor is 30+ and raised in the West?
Female's in general don't have problems with this hence you must be the odd one out, there is no problem with the question but religiously the person can deny this even tough they partook.

If they admit to this, it's a massive red flag because your dealing with an irreligious shameless person you should steer far away from, hence it's a good test question to ascertain the character of the person you are dealing with.

In hindsight anyone above 30+ in the west, that looks healthy, is comfortable in their skin chances are that 80% of the time they did commit the deed and for those 20% that didn't that golden opportunity never came.

No one is immune to zina or has protection from this by default, companion Abu Hurraira used to seek protection from it daily, there is just barriers, some go out of their way to seek this out, others it takes a very long time with the right person to fall into this trap.


Can I request he undergoes STD testing prior to accepting a proposal if the answer is yes?

If a female asked me this question without giving her any reasons to suspect me, I would suspect her and show her the door, it's a shameless question to ask and if you ever feel the urge to ask this it means your either corrupt yourself, or your dealing with a person so corrupt you have genuine fears in which case you have another form of corruption deep within you to even be with such a person.

Also can I outright ask how much money he makes? (I would answer the same question if asked)
This is too direct and gives off the vibe that you are materialistic gold digger that only lives for this world, its the same as a man asking a women whether she would be "obedient to him", it's a red-flag because it shows your dealing with an authoritarian control freak, the same as the above.

There are much better ways to do this, you can simply ask him what field he works in, if it's public or private and for how many years? based on this you can easily find out roughly how much money he is making based on the market rate in the area for his field.

What questions should a Muslim man or woman ask?
The best question you can ask are the indirect probing ones were the person has no clue whatsoever the kind of information your trying to glean from them.

To give you an example to illustrate I wanted to know whether a women I just got to know has been circumcised or not (so I can rule her out quickly), I enquired about her trips to Somalia which is were such a things take place, I knew she took 2 trips at suspicious age range were this sort of thing happens and ruled her out based on this, there was no trips after this.

From the get go my biggest interest is their love for the "religion", their 'knowledge of it' followed by their character which is the easiest to judge, direct questions are awful because the person either gets annoyed or lies through their teeth to appease you.

If you must ask a question be very indifferent to it without taking a position the person could copy, I usually preface it " Why do so many people care about X, I couldn't careless about it myself", this forces the person to take a position without giving yours away.


Islamically how long can I delay nikah?
Ask a scholar.


My family would not be in favour of me marrying anyone I’ve known for less than a year. Particularly if my family does not know his?
How long is common?
You shouldn't care about time period, there are people you can get to know very well within a few weeks or months and those that take a considerable long time to get to know because they keep things to themselves.

My advice is to always select the person that is an open book, they come with their negatives as well but the up side is that you have a dacaad person you will get to know very quickly that's not scared to tell you the truth or be open to you about anything, these people can't hide anything.

I personally despise the opposite of these people because they tend to be the conniving, grudge baring, cunning, poisoned chalice Munafiq parasites, whenever I catch an individual who hesitates to share things or be open and honest (not talking about divulging private matters) I close the door on them very quick.

Figure out which personality trait you have and stick to your group, if your the latter type then avoid at all cost the first. This is one of the first things that I screen for
 

Hybrid

Death Awaits You
You are 28 year old xalimo living in the west. Your chances of finding a decent Somali husband are pretty slim. Just settle for whoever is willing to marry you, even ajanabis. I've seen plenty of single xalimos who can't find enough farahs willing to marry them.
 
If a female asked me this question without giving her any reasons to suspect me, I would suspect her and show her the door, it's a shameless question to ask and if you ever feel the urge to ask this it means your either corrupt yourself, or your dealing with a person so corrupt you have genuine fears in which case you have another form of corruption deep within you to even be with such a person.
I disagree, some parents ask the future groom undergoes this test, whether you believe it or not. My parents said no STD test no marriage. Even though I believed him to be virgin 100%.
Lets say in the end when he came out clean, everybody was happy. So if a guy does not concede to it and even turns down a marriage with a pious sister for this reason.There must be something he is hiding.
 
I disagree, some parents ask the future groom undergoes this test, whether you believe it or not. My parents said no STD test no marriage. Even though I believed him to be virgin 100%.
Lets say in the end when he came out clean, everybody was happy. So if a guy does not concede to it and even turns down a marriage with a pious sister for this reason.There must be something he is hiding.
These are the sort of times that we live in today, my problem with this question is two folds, to even have the urge to ask someone implies a deep suspicion which would have put me off a long time before this ever developed, things far less then this puts me off.

If the question is being posed by the female, this is even worse, it's very likely I would have already bailed on her long before this question arose because it shows a reckless lack of shame I would have picked up on, those that ask these kinds of question don't care about the history of the man as such, just whether he is carrying something or not.

If I had the same shameless mentality not caring how many man penetrated her then I would have done the same thing, in the case of your family this is likely because he is an Ajanabi, they likely didn't approve or were looking at creative ways to block this, something fishy about this story because I never heard about a Somali family that asked about this.

I rely on great intuition and other forms of clandestine examinations far more effective to discern who I am dealing with, I can understand if your a clean women that lacks such insight but doesn't care about the virginity of the guy like most don't only concerned if he is carrying an STD or not, I understand the position of such women, but these are the irreligious ones that I avoid.
 
I disagree, some parents ask the future groom undergoes this test, whether you believe it or not. My parents said no STD test no marriage. Even though I believed him to be virgin 100%.
Lets say in the end when he came out clean, everybody was happy. So if a guy does not concede to it and even turns down a marriage with a pious sister for this reason.There must be something he is hiding.
Your parents are smart. I don't know why anyone would risk it. Seems really silly to me. I read on reddit today about some homosexuals who were knowingly infecting people with HIV in Hampstead Heath (park/green space in London). The world is fucked up. Use your brain. Also, there are plenty more fish in the sea. It's the most sensible thing to do tbh.

Actually i've come across 2 people who have HIV and never told their sexual partners. Walahi no joke. One cadaan guy and one Somali girl. Cadaan guy was gay and I don't know if he passed the virus on to anyone. I think he did. The Somali girl was straight and I don't think she passed it on because she took her meds and used condoms.
 
Your parents are smart. I don't know why anyone would risk it. Seems really silly to me. I read on reddit today about some homosexuals who were knowingly infecting people with HIV in Hampstead Heath (park/green space in London). The world is fucked up. Use your brain. Also, there are plenty more fish in the sea. It's the most sensible thing to do tbh.

Actually i've come across 2 people who have HIV and never told their sexual partners. Walahi no joke. One cadaan guy and one Somali girl. Cadaan guy was gay and I don't know if he passed the virus on to anyone. I think he did. The Somali girl was straight and I don't think she passed it on because she took her meds and used condoms.
Yeah the thing is you can never know. Someone might be a very good liar or is able to hide their history well. You don't have to be promiscuous or a non virgin to have HIV. One could have had a serious drug problem in the past. Or might have tried something as heroine ones and ended up with an infected needle. We live in times of great tribulations. So it's best to be too suspicious than to end up infected or even dead.
 
Yeah the thing is you can never know. Someone might be a very good liar or is able to hide their history well. You don't have to be promiscuous or a non virgin to have HIV. One could have had a serious drug problem in the past. Or might have tried something as heroine ones and ended up with an infected needle. We live in times of great tribulations. So it's best to be too suspicious than to end up infected or even dead.
You could have been born with it like the Somali girl I know/knew.

Also some people have mental health issues which can result in odd behaviour.

Really really not worth the risk but I couldn't give two shits what randoms do with their lives. This is what I would advise immediate family and close friends though.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/3190626.stm
:/
 
Last edited:

Edo Nene

SUGAR TITS
What questions are inappropriate to ask a potential spouse?

Please do not troll or derail! I’m seriously inquiring for future personal use.

Is it inappropriate for me to ask if he has committed zina for example? Particularly if the suitor is 30+ and raised in the West?

Can I request he undergoes STD testing prior to accepting a proposal if the answer is yes?

Also can I outright ask how much money he makes? (I would answer the same question if asked)

What questions should a Muslim man or woman ask?

And what should he or she avoid?

Islamically how long can I delay nikah? My family would not be in favour of me marrying anyone I’ve known for less than a year. Particularly if my family does not know his?

How long is common?

Thank you in advance to any and everybody who seriously replies.
awww youre too miskeen. habos and your mother will have intel (even dirtiest secrets) on your potential spouse, just ask them and theyll tell u everything.
 
Ask the big ones up front so that u don't waste time on them, and really, there are no questuons that are off limit. Don't be shy. But the best way to know someone is chat with them normally, and they will slip, especially if you don't ask them anything.
 

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