@FiftyPence
Sister, My sincerest advise to you is don't go down this ugly path of Atheism/Agnostic. Atheism/Agnosticism teaches that a higher being doesn't exist and our lives are useless without a purpose. Do you seriously believe that? your shoes have a purpose, your eyes have a purpose but you yourself don't have a purpose? do you just exist for nothing? Do you seriously believe that the mountains, the soil, the ocean, space, the air we breathe in and the billions of galaxies in the universe all came from nothing? no, the obvious answer is that our lord created all of this. Having Faith in God gives people hope, happiness and comfort, it's apart of human nature to believe in God. My sincere advise to you is take wudu, pray and ask Allah to guide you, cry out to him and seek his help, in the meantime learn about your religion objectively with an open mind.
May Allah guide you, give you the best in this world and the hereafter.