Somali joke

[Poets]

A story about how somalis love meat


Maalin baa wiil iyo aabihiis oo reer iska xoolo yar ka soo jeeda, wax badanna gacanta ugu jirin aan ka ahayn in yaroo ay ku noolaadan, Alla-bari loogu yeeray. Maadaama ay sabool ahaayeen, waxay ku tashadeen inay si fiican hilibka uga soo dhergaan. Mid waliba isagoo gaajadii horay u haysay, iyo tii hadda haysa, iyo tu ka yaaban yahay ba isu diyaariyay inuu u cuno, bay Alla-barigii tageen. Odaygii aabaha ahaa raggii la da'da ahaa ayuu la fariistay halka wiilku uu saaxiibadiisa u leexday. Inkasto aysan isla fadhiyin, ma ay kala fogeyn oo waa is arkayeen.

Markay odayaashu duceeyeen oo hawshii loo yimid ay soo afjarantay baa cuntadii la keenay. Sida ay ballantu ahayd, hilibka iyo in yaroo bariis ah oo ay ku liqaan mooyee waxa kale oo la soo dhigay uma muuqan wiilka iyo aabihiis. Iyagoo hilib-dilkii meel dhexe ka maraya ayuu aabihii wiilkiisa isha ku xaday, mase waaba kaasoo markuu cad afka geliyaba biyo ka dabageynahaya. Odaygii wuxuu u xanaaqay si uusan horay u xanaaqin, ma maanta oo ay fursad u heleen inay hilib cunaan buu caloosha biyo ka buuxinayaa? Isagoo damacsan inuu isla daqiidaas gacan u qaado buu is yiri "dadku yay kula yaabine, horta meesha halagu kala tago".

Goortuu dhammaaday Alla-barigu ayay bannaanka isku heleen. Wiilkoo faraxsan baa dharbaaxo ordaysa la kulmay.

"Aabe waxaan galabsaday waa maxay oo aan dharbaaxada ku mutay?"
" Waryaa waad edebdaran tahaye maxaad biyo uga buuxisay meeshaad hilibka gelin lahayd"
" Aabe macaan sidaad moodday ma ahee, markay calooshu i buuxsanto oo aan is iraahdo wax kale boos uma haysid yaan biyaha ku kala dejiyaa"

Dharbaaxo labaad ayuu ku qabtay. Markaasuu haddana cabaaday:

"Oo aabe tan na maxay ahayd, dadka ma iska dharbaaxin?". Suu yiri
" Waryaa maxaad iigu sheegi wayday, aniguba wax hilibka ii kala dejiya waan u baahnaaye"


kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

 

[Poets]

When you wanna say I am gonna go pray, do you say

Waan soo Dukanayaa
Or
Waan soo Tukanayaa
?

Tukanayaa is how I say it.

Dukanaaya is spoken in the far south.

 

[Fiidmeer]

A story about how somalis love meat


Maalin baa wiil iyo aabihiis oo reer iska xoolo yar ka soo jeeda, wax badanna gacanta ugu jirin aan ka ahayn in yaroo ay ku noolaadan, Alla-bari loogu yeeray. Maadaama ay sabool ahaayeen, waxay ku tashadeen inay si fiican hilibka uga soo dhergaan. Mid waliba isagoo gaajadii horay u haysay, iyo tii hadda haysa, iyo tu ka yaaban yahay ba isu diyaariyay inuu u cuno, bay Alla-barigii tageen. Odaygii aabaha ahaa raggii la da'da ahaa ayuu la fariistay halka wiilku uu saaxiibadiisa u leexday. Inkasto aysan isla fadhiyin, ma ay kala fogeyn oo waa is arkayeen.

Markay odayaashu duceeyeen oo hawshii loo yimid ay soo afjarantay baa cuntadii la keenay. Sida ay ballantu ahayd, hilibka iyo in yaroo bariis ah oo ay ku liqaan mooyee waxa kale oo la soo dhigay uma muuqan wiilka iyo aabihiis. Iyagoo hilib-dilkii meel dhexe ka maraya ayuu aabihii wiilkiisa isha ku xaday, mase waaba kaasoo markuu cad afka geliyaba biyo ka dabageynahaya. Odaygii wuxuu u xanaaqay si uusan horay u xanaaqin, ma maanta oo ay fursad u heleen inay hilib cunaan buu caloosha biyo ka buuxinayaa? Isagoo damacsan inuu isla daqiidaas gacan u qaado buu is yiri "dadku yay kula yaabine, horta meesha halagu kala tago".

Goortuu dhammaaday Alla-barigu ayay bannaanka isku heleen. Wiilkoo faraxsan baa dharbaaxo ordaysa la kulmay.

"Aabe waxaan galabsaday waa maxay oo aan dharbaaxada ku mutay?"
" Waryaa waad edebdaran tahaye maxaad biyo uga buuxisay meeshaad hilibka gelin lahayd"
" Aabe macaan sidaad moodday ma ahee, markay calooshu i buuxsanto oo aan is iraahdo wax kale boos uma haysid yaan biyaha ku kala dejiyaa"

Dharbaaxo labaad ayuu ku qabtay. Markaasuu haddana cabaaday:

"Oo aabe tan na maxay ahayd, dadka ma iska dharbaaxin?". Suu yiri
" Waryaa maxaad iigu sheegi wayday, aniguba wax hilibka ii kala dejiya waan u baahnaaye"


kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

war odaygu gaajo buu ahaa show

 

[Nalle]

Hahaha qosol weynaa @Fiidmeer & @Poets I’m rollin in tears.

Okay I got this one.

Basically naag reer Burco ah oo uur leh baa fool qabatay. Waata dhakhtarkii isku sii daysay. Sidaad ogtihiin inta badan nimanka ma raacan marka ay hooyada ilmo kale keeneyso dunida. Anyways naagtii waata foolatay saacado badan. Dhakhaatiir badan baa la iskugu yeedhay, naka tah weli lama hayo ilmihii. Silic iyo rafaad baa u dhamaday waata tidhi akhrikii” waryaadheheen ii waca xaajigeygii”. Waa loo wacay, marka uu yimid dhakhtarka bey ku tidhi
Waryaa bal tus dhakhaatirtan wareersan meesha aad iga gelisay ilmaha

 

[Poets]

Hahaha qosol weynaa @Fiidmeer & @Poets I’m rollin in tears.

Okay I got this one.

Basically naag reer Burco ah oo uur leh baa fool qabatay. Waata dhakhtarkii isku sii daysay. Sidaad ogtihiin inta badan nimanka ma raacan marka ay hooyada ilmo kale keeneyso dunida. Anyways naagtii waata foolatay saacado badan. Dhakhaatiir badan baa la iskugu yeedhay, naka tah weli lama hayo ilmihii. Silic iyo rafaad baa u dhamaday waata tidhi akhrikii” waryaadheheen ii waca xaajigeygii”. Waa loo wacay, marka uu yimid dhakhtarka bey ku tidhi
Waryaa bal tus dhakhaatirtan wareersan meesha aad iga gelisay ilmaha

This one takes the prize

 

[Nalle]

This one takes the prize

Wey isku shubtay. Lakiin very good advice bey dhiibtey. Get your man with you marka soo dhalayso kkkk. That’s my advice to the females, not only will he find his way to the lost baby he will also get to see what kind of pain mamas go through

 

[AussieHustler]

Hahaha qosol weynaa @Fiidmeer & @Poets I’m rollin in tears.

Okay I got this one.

Basically naag reer Burco ah oo uur leh baa fool qabatay. Waata dhakhtarkii isku sii daysay. Sidaad ogtihiin inta badan nimanka ma raacan marka ay hooyada ilmo kale keeneyso dunida. Anyways naagtii waata foolatay saacado badan. Dhakhaatiir badan baa la iskugu yeedhay, naka tah weli lama hayo ilmihii. Silic iyo rafaad baa u dhamaday waata tidhi akhrikii” waryaadheheen ii waca xaajigeygii”. Waa loo wacay, marka uu yimid dhakhtarka bey ku tidhi
Waryaa bal tus dhakhaatirtan wareersan meesha aad iga gelisay ilmaha

@Nalle



Best joke.

 

[Poets]

Wey isku shubtay. Lakiin very good advice bey dhiibtey. Get your man with you marka soo dhalayso kkkk. That’s my advice to the females, not only will he find his way to the lost baby he will also get to see what kind of pain mamas go through

The biggest opposers to that are other somali women themselves. It is basically taboo back home for the man to be present when she is delivering the baby. If the man says waa inaan goobjoog ahaada he will be told to either deliver the child himself or wait outside.

 

[Fiidmeer]

Hahaha qosol weynaa @Fiidmeer & @Poets I’m rollin in tears.

Okay I got this one.

Basically naag reer Burco ah oo uur leh baa fool qabatay. Waata dhakhtarkii isku sii daysay. Sidaad ogtihiin inta badan nimanka ma raacan marka ay hooyada ilmo kale keeneyso dunida. Anyways naagtii waata foolatay saacado badan. Dhakhaatiir badan baa la iskugu yeedhay, naka tah weli lama hayo ilmihii. Silic iyo rafaad baa u dhamaday waata tidhi akhrikii” waryaadheheen ii waca xaajigeygii”. Waa loo wacay, marka uu yimid dhakhtarka bey ku tidhi
Waryaa bal tus dhakhaatirtan wareersan meesha aad iga gelisay ilmaha

Reer Burco waa wada xaraabo

 

[bluebird]

I like@Poets 's somali, its easy to read. The waqooyi accent makes me dizzy lol

 

[Poets]

I like reading @Poets 's somali. The waqooyi accent makes me dizzy lol

Waqooyi

 

[Nalle]

The biggest opposers to that are other somali women themselves. It is basically taboo back home for the man to be present when she is delivering the baby. If the man says waa inaan goobjoog ahaada he will be told to either deliver the child himself or wait outside.

Yeah you are right, Poets, just like many other things that are considered ”naag thing”. It is a shame thou, hopefully they will get rid of this backward mentality in the near future.
On the other hand didnt know some men in Somalia actually say they want to be goobjoog.

Some naago are really evil wallahi, my aunt told me when she was delivering her first baby in her early twenties she got beaten and insulted by the midwife. She couldn’t endure the pain and what this balaayo told her was maybe you shouldn’t have gotten pregnant in the first place and called her horrible names such as dh*lo etc keep quite when I’m trying to help you.
My aunt almost passed away

Okay another one this one is really funny imo.

Beri baa Nin sakaaraatal mawdkii u yimid. Khalaas buu taagnaa manuu kici karin. Dagaalo uu ka qaybqaatey buu ku soo dhaawacmay. Calaa kuli xaal waa ka inta uu u yeedhay xaaskiisii ku yidhi ”Xaajiyo waxaan u maleynayaa in uu wakhtigeygii soo dhamaan rabo, markaas waxaan rabaa in aan kula tashado”
Haye bey iyaduna ugu jawaabtay soo daa waxa aad haysid iyada oo oyooyinto tifiqdaa hayso.
Markaas buu ku yidhi” xaajiyo waxaan rabaa in aad guursatid Ninkaas iyo ninkaas(magac waan ilaaway, lets say Abdihorror). Waata naxday oo u jawaabtay ”oo dee waayo maad waalantahay waaba cadowgaaga koowaad eh!!”
Wuxuu yidhi markaas ” haa wallahi waa Ninka xaaladan aan ku suganahay sababay, lakiin waxaan rabaa in uu maro dhibka aan soo maray, hence why I want you to marry him”

 

[bluebird]

Waqooyi

@Fiidmeer and @Nalle. I had to use context clues

 

[bluebird]

Yeah you are right, Poets, just like many other things that are considered ”naag thing”. It is a shame thou, hopefully they will get rid of this backward mentality in the near future.
On the other hand didnt know some men in Somalia actually say they want to be goobjoog.

Some naago are really evil wallahi, my aunt told me when she was delivering her first baby in her early twenties she got beaten and insulted by the midwife. She couldn’t endure the pain and what this balaayo told her was maybe you shouldn’t have gotten pregnant in the first place and called her horrible names such as dh*lo etc keep quite when I’m trying to help you.
My aunt almost passed away

Okay another one this one is really funny imo.

Beri baa Nin sakaaraatal mawdkii u yimid. Khalaas buu taagnaa manuu kici karin. Dagaalo uu ka qaybqaatey buu ku soo dhaawacmay. Calaa kuli xaal waa ka inta uu u yeedhay xaaskiisii ku yidhi ”Xaajiyo waxaan u maleynayaa in uu wakhtigeygii soo dhamaan rabo, markaas waxaan rabaa in aan kula tashado”
Haye bey iyaduna ugu jawaabtay soo daa waxa aad haysid iyada oo oyooyinto tifiqdaa hayso.
Markaas buu ku yidhi” xaajiyo waxaan rabaa in aad guursatid Ninkaas iyo ninkaas(magac waan ilaaway, lets say Abdihorror). Waata naxday oo u jawaabtay ”oo dee waayo maad waalantahay waaba cadowgaaga koowaad eh!!”
Wuxuu yidhi markaas ” haa wallahi waa Ninka xaaladan aan ku suganahay sababay, lakiin waxaan rabaa in uu maro dhibka aan soo maray, hence why I want you to marry him”

LOL xasidsanaa. I like this one, it sounds like your typical american joke

 

[Poets]

Yeah you are right, Poets, just like many other things that are considered ”naag thing”. It is a shame thou, hopefully they will get rid of this backward mentality in the near future.
On the other hand didnt know some men in Somalia actually say they want to be goobjoog.

Some naago are really evil wallahi, my aunt told me when she was delivering her first baby in her early twenties she got beaten and insulted by the midwife. She couldn’t endure the pain and what this balaayo told her was maybe you shouldn’t have gotten pregnant in the first place and called her horrible names such as dh*lo etc keep quite when I’m trying to help you.
My aunt almost passed away

Okay another one this one is really funny imo.

Beri baa Nin sakaaraatal mawdkii u yimid. Khalaas buu taagnaa manuu kici karin. Dagaalo uu ka qaybqaatey buu ku soo dhaawacmay. Calaa kuli xaal waa ka inta uu u yeedhay xaaskiisii ku yidhi ”Xaajiyo waxaan u maleynayaa in uu wakhtigeygii soo dhamaan rabo, markaas waxaan rabaa in aan kula tashado”
Haye bey iyaduna ugu jawaabtay soo daa waxa aad haysid iyada oo oyooyinto tifiqdaa hayso.
Markaas buu ku yidhi” xaajiyo waxaan rabaa in aad guursatid Ninkaas iyo ninkaas(magac waan ilaaway, lets say Abdihorror). Waata naxday oo u jawaabtay ”oo dee waayo maad waalantahay waaba cadowgaaga koowaad eh!!”
Wuxuu yidhi markaas ” haa wallahi waa Ninka xaaladan aan ku suganahay sababay, lakiin waxaan rabaa in uu maro dhibka aan soo maray, hence why I want you to marry him”

Sorry to hear that. Hope your aunt is fine! Her ajar is with Allaah, in sha Allah.


Kkkkkkkkkk I guess she helped him die faster when he uttered those words

I have a few more stories that I’ll tell tomorrow.

 

[bluebird]

I have another one

Nin(lets call him Ali) baa cunta xumo ku dhacday. Cunta intu ka go'ay, daqtarka bu balansaday hal maalin. Asoo sii aadaya, walaalkiisa (jidku maraayay waa meeshu walaalkiisa dhegnaa) baa arkay oo u yeertay side ayay isla sheekaystan. Saacada intu fiiriyay, walaalkiisu bu u tagay. "kistaan yar aan isla booteeno lakiin mar dhow inaan baxo bey noqon, daqtarka baan u socday hadda" walaalka (lets call him libaan) wuxuu warsaday,
"maxaa dhacay?" "malmahaan gaajadaa iska waayey, cuntada si u ma rabo" walaalka intu qoslay gacantu ka qabtay "Kaalay bal Aminaa wax ku qashaynayso"
Guriga marku galay, inta la fadhisiyay, canjeero baa la hor keenay. Dumaashida (amino) jikada ayay ku labatay sidee beerka u so gurto. Mar ee so labatay waxay araktay inuu canjeerada hor taley cunay. Dhib malahan, canjeero kale baa haray. Hadii ee mar labaad canjeerada keentay, beerka bu nuq ka siiyay, oon u xataa basal saxanka ku reebin. Hadana Amino intee jikada ku laabatay oo beer kale u soo ridday, kolkaan xoog bey saxanka hor dhigday. Saxanki horaa markay isha sartay, waxay garatay inu canjeerada hadana dhamayay.

Ali marku dumaashidiisa u mahad celiyey, wuxuu u sheegay inay gaajada ka baxaday iyo inu cuntada saas u cuni karin. Markaasna labada intu salaamay, albaabku u baxay.

Libaan waalkiisa uu sii dhawayay, "Ilahi baan kuu barya inu caafimad ku siyo, nabad baan ku rijayay" Amina waxay la so boday "Waano ani Ilahi waxaan ka barya markaad caafimad ka heeshid, inaadna soo marin"

 

[Razor]

Risque Somali joke...

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[Nalle]

Risque Somali joke...

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Islaanta khasiisnaa uff caleek, ma isku xishooneyso the only thing liibaxa asked for was an explanation, not in ay mudh iyo gacan iska siiso and show him that never ending tunnel

This one is classic, if you haven’t heard about Cigaal Shidaad then you are missing on a lot.

Sida la garanayo Cigaal Shidaad waxa uu ahaa fuleyga number one-ka ee Somalia.
Habeen habeenada ka mid ah baa isaga oo dalaan buu ku yidhi islaantiisa heblaayo ”caawa aad baan u daalanahay, aynu bal seexano goor hore”. Waa yahay bey tidhi oo sariirta bey tageen:siilaanyolaugh: calaa kuli xaal qolku waa madow feynuusna ma shidna. Dharkii midh midh bey u duleen:siilaanyosmile: Cigaal Shidaad baa Markii dambe baqdin weyn kuu soo duldagtay. Waaka inta uu haf iyo balow yidhi buu ka orday sariirtii oo kujinka ka soo qabsaday kibriid!! Waa ka dab inta uu shiday uu islaantiisii hoosta kaga dhajiyay Islaantii qaylo bey ku dhufatay war hayaaay maad waalantahay!! Halkaad noo gubtay. Cigaal Shidaad baa ugu jawaabaay ”Naayahe shuunkaaga baan ka baqay in uu balo iyo xansharaad ay ka buuxan, waxaan is idhi ku gub bal waxa isku qarinaya halkaas dhexdeeda, walee la ima cunayo aniga caawa”
Walaahi Cigaal Shidaad is soo me I could imagine experiencing a situation like this, I hate insects and spiders

@buule waryaa I saw you in another thread randomly commenting on how your shuun is over 1 meter and looking like rastafari, this is excatly what Cigaal iyo anigaba aanu ka baqano. Do something about it wll

 

[Leila]

"Nalle, post: 1527630 ”Naayahe shuunkaaga baan ka baqay in uu balo iyo xansharaad ay ka buuxan, waxaan is idhi ku gub bal waxa isku qarinaya halkaas dhexdeeda

To think that Shuun is actually a name though lol

 

[Poets]

Another one. This time about a goat herders first experience with camels.

Wiil ariga raaci jiray oo caqli yari lagu xaman jiray baa maalin oday ay qaraabo ahaayeen la joogay meel miyi ah. Wuxuuna ahaa nimaan weligiis geel raacin oon geela aqoon u lahayn. Waxaa dhacday in uu odaygu u baahdo inuu tuulo aan sidaa u fogayn arrin ka soo dhameysto, odayguna nin geel badan iska leh ayuu ahaa. Wuxuu wiilka ku yiri "intaan ka soo laabanayo tuulo heblaayo, nirigtaa yari oo dhawaan dhalatay bal isha ku hay kollayba geela kale ma ilaalin kadhid", sidii na ayuu ku tegey odaygu.

Wiilka oo weligiis ari iyo lo' mooyee aan geel wax badan ka arag baa nirigta indhaha la raacay, mase waaba iyadoo markay istaag is tiraahdo ba kolba dhacaysa. Wuxuu is yiri, malaha lugaheeda dhaadheer ayay dhibtu ka jidhaa oo ay la istaagi kari la'dahay. Intuu baangad soo qaatay ayuu lugihii dhexda ka jaray kkkk

Cabbaar kadib ayuu odaygii soo labtay, mase nirigtii yareyd intuu ku ogaa barkeeda ayay tahay

Suu yiri "War maxaa ku dhacay nirigta inleen adigaan kaaga tegeye"

Wiilkii wuxuu mooday inuu odaygu ka yaaban yahay siday lugaheedu weli u dhaadheer yihiin, wuxuuna ku jawaabay:

"Ma intaan baad la yaaban tahay? Wixii aan ka guray baa ka daran"