Somali Fathers: Save your daughters from Daddy Issues!

[Finesse]

I've noticed many Somali families try their best to raise their children but forget to verbally affirm their daughters!

How often have you seen a Somali father tell his daughter that she is beautiful, intelligent and worthy of the best, with or without a man?!

Please spend quality time with your daughters, tell them you love them, buy them gifts so they know how a real man behaves.

If you neglect your daughter, she will fall prey to abusers, cheaters and other horrible men.


You are your daughter's first love and the example she uses to compare to potential husbands.

Crown your daughter so that she never forgets that she is worthy of the best.

 

[VantaBlack]

Boys and girls are really not that different when it comes to how you treat them. All children need love and support from their fathers. Boys can be easily swayed by a negative role model also in the formative years without a strong fatherly figure guiding them. Why do you think we have so many problems? Its because there are a lot of boys raising boys out here also.

Children should understand that life is a complex thing and that there are no black and white scenarios. As long as they have a grasp of the fundamental way things work in their design while being able to accept the spectrum of life, they will be fine.

 

[Inquisitive_]

In the diaspora 70% chance the father is thrown out usually while she is still a toddler so no love can ever be shown.

The households were the father's survive are the types were they had to take the backseat to do so and let that toothless masculine cursed wife run the show

No amount of love shown will ever help such daughters because just like her mother she will consciously or subconsciously never respect him or look up to him.

Females raised in those types of homes are no different then those that come from broken homes, only sons benefit from this.

The very few households were both these sheningans don't happen and the father is at the helm, are the types of household that produce the best sons/daughters

Your advice is more suited to those back home or in countries were the father's are not made toothless like the west

 

[Finesse]

In the diaspora 70% chance the father is thrown out usually while she is still a toddler so no love can ever be shown.

The households were the father's survive are the types were they had to take the backseat to do so and let that toothless masculine cursed wife run the show

The daughters raised in these types of homes are no different to then those that come from broken homes, only sons benefit from this.

The very few households were both these sheningans don't happen and the father is at the helm, are the types of household that produce the best sons/daughters

Your advice is more suited to those back home or in countries were the father's are not made toothless like the west

Where are you getting these numbers from?
Most Somali families I know and have seen have married parents...

 

[Finesse]

Boys and girls are really not that different when it comes to how you treat them. All children need love and support from their fathers. Boys can be easily swayed by a negative role model also in the formative years without a strong fatherly figure guiding them. Why do you think we have so many problems? Its because there are a lot of boys raising boys out here also.

Children should understand that life is a complex thing and that there are no black and white scenarios. As long as they have a grasp of the fundamental way things work in their design while being able to accept the spectrum of life, they will be fine.

Agreed!

I thought I'd address Somali ladies because they're falling prey to foreign predators and other unworthy men.

 

[Inquisitive_]

Where are you getting these numbers from?
Most Somali families I know and have seen have married parents...

Everyone is aware of our ridiculously high divorce rates in the diaspora but without even getting into that topic let's talk about those families you mentioned.

How many of those families is the Father really the head of the household and not some toothless ceremonial figure ?

Can you even tell the difference?

 

[saredochani10]

Where are you getting these numbers from?
Most Somali families I know and have seen have married parents...

He's traumatized by the UK "shameless obese xalimos" .

What you said is so true. Al hamdoulilah for our fathers. For their love, strength and guidance. Always encouraging and supportive.

 

[Halimo-2018]

Somalis have way too many kids to be attentive parents. There are only 24hours in a day to share with over 5 kids with different needs. Have 3 give them all your attention before they go out in the world looking for it in the wrong places.

 

[Jiron]

I agree with you so much, when a girl is raised by a man that loves her, protects her, showers her with compliments. When she grows up, she knows to look for those qualities in her man and will spot an impostor from a mile away

 

[Bubblebeetea]

Couldn't agree more. Somali fathers need to act interested in their children(s) lives. A lot of them don't know what their children study, their age (birthday), or simply what they're doing with their lives. Somali dads need to be more attentive in their children's lives, that way, we as a community, can avoid a lot of problems we face- that's a discussion for another day. However, I really hope this changes in the future and current Somali males do better

 

[jamal9]

But a girl will be taken by another man once she's 19yr to 24yrs old. Why invest too much in her if she's gonna be somebody's else property? The boy will always look after his parents but the girl will look after her husband
Did you know, the Indians & Chinese take of their sons more than their daughters? Girls are too expensive to raise, she wants lipstic, eye paints, earrings, makeup, high heels, latest clothing and when she hits puberty she wants "things" they put in their underwear to block bleeding.
Meanwhile a boy just needs a shirt, an undie and pair of trousers. He can wear the same thing for 5 days.

 

[Halimo-2018]

But a girl will be taken by another man once she's 19yr to 24yrs old. Why invest too much in her if she's gonna be somebody's else property? The boy will always look after his parents but the girl will look after her husband
Did you know, the Indians & Chinese take of their sons more than their daughters? Girls are too expensive to raise, she wants lipstic, eye paints, earrings, makeup, high heels, latest clothing and when she hits puberty she wants "things" they put in their underwear to block bleeding.
Meanwhile a boy just needs a shirt, an undie and pair of trousers. He can wear the same thing for 5 days.

That is sad way to think of women.just because she. Has a man doesn't mean she would abandon her roots. If anything daughters add more to their parents lives than boys.

 

[Timo Jareer and proud]

Somalis have way too many kids to be attentive parents. There are only 24hours in a day to share with over 5 kids with different needs. Have 3 give them all your attention before they go out in the world looking for it in the wrong places.

Man you Somalis on this forum must live such odd lives walle. Somali family with over 5 kids? Tf I only know one family which has over 5, everyone else is 4 and under (including mines).

 

[Robin]

Sis I love this message. It resonates deeply with me.

My dad has been cold and distant towards me. Our relationship is very rocky, and I guess that has impacted me these past few years. I think because of it I’ve found myself in less than favorable situations with men.

It’s one of the worst things to grow up feeling unloved by your father. I want nothing more for my future daughters to have a father who loves them

 

[Halimo-2018]

Man you Somalis on this forum must live such odd lives walle. Somali family with over 5 kids? Tf I only know one family which has over 5, everyone else is 4 and under (including mines).

Nah my bro Somalis be having babies left and right. As if thats the only reason to live.

 

[HalimaJ]

Everyone is aware of our ridiculously high divorce rates in the diaspora but without even getting into that topic let's talk about those families you mentioned.

How many of those families is the Father really the head of the household and not some toothless ceremonial figure ?

Can you even tell the difference?

I find your posts very disingenuous. The reality is this, when a man does not conduct himself as a proper man, he will not be treated as one.

I grew up in a household in which my father was very much the head of the household. Growing up I saw many marriages in our community in which the Somali father was indeed what you would call a 'toothless ceremonial figure'.

But shall I tell you what all of those marriages had in common? The father was often unemployed or unstable and had no idea about the life of his children. You're problem @Inquisitive_ is that you try to take accountability away from some Somali men. I'm not saying the women are perfect. Many are indeed masculine spirited battle axes, but it isn't the women that have stopped them from providing or taking an interest in their children's lives. They have reduced themselves to toothless beings. A man's pride is being a protector and provider.

A woman will not accept your leadership if you do not try to fulfil your role. Sitting in a marfish or starbucks engaging in faadi ku dir dir instead of being a man and providing for your family strips you of your masculinity and respect, forcing any woman to take control of the reigns. Its a sad state of affairs.

 

[Inquisitive_]

I find your posts very disingenuous. The reality is this, when a man does not conduct himself as a proper man, he will not be treated as one.

I grew up in a household in which my father was very much the head of the household. Growing up I saw many marriages in our community in which the Somali father was indeed what you would call a 'toothless ceremonial figure'.

But shall I tell you what all of those marriages had in common? The father was often unemployed or unstable and had no idea about the life of his children. You're problem @Inquisitive_ is that you try to take accountability away from some Somali men. I'm not saying the women are perfect. Many are indeed masculine spirited battle axes, but it isn't the women that have stopped them from providing or taking an interest in their children's lives. They have reduced themselves to toothless beings. A man's pride is being a protector and provider.

A woman will not accept your leadership if you do not try to fulfil your role. Sitting in a marfish or starbucks engaging in faadi ku dir dir instead of being a man and providing for your family strips you of your masculinity and respect, forcing any woman to take control of the reigns. Its a sad state of affairs.

I do not dispute the existence of filthy dayuuths, but what I do dispute is the notion that they somehow make up the majority which is the excuse our rebellious out of control homewreckers use.

These small minority of qashin useless male's were losers long before they decided to marry them.

Had our female's been of higher quality they would have practised hypergamy like all other female's and as a result such male's would have been wiped out in a single generation.

If your still somehow convinced the fathers are at fault, then how do you explain when our Xaalimo's marry out unlike the Farax's, they select the lowest of the lowest garbage you could possibly find as a partner? despite both being raised in the same household?

Even among the small group of toothless Fathers you described you will find that plenty of them were made toothless by their accursed wife's, but this is the old generation that fled civil war.

What about this new generation of ours were divorce rates are much higher? and the fast majority of Father's work? what is your excuse for this?

You cannot fix anything if your in denial about the real problems and at the core of our problem are our Xaalimo's particularly the Mothers were the cancer began.

The whole purpose of me engaging in these topics is for two reasons.

1). Get a sizeable majority of our respectable male's to marry back home and make long-term plans to settle and not bankrupt themselves in the diaspora and add to the dysfunction.

2). Warning to the likes of you not to destroy their household, the type of warnings our Xaalimo's never receive.

 

[HalimaJ]

I do not dispute the existence of filthy dayuuths, but what I do dispute is the notion that they somehow make up the majority which is the excuse our rebellious out of control homewreckers use.

These small minority of qashin useless male's were losers long before they decided to marry them.

Had our female's been of higher quality they would have practised hypergamy like all other female's and as a result such male's would have been wiped out in a single generation.

If your still somehow convinced the fathers are at fault, then how do you explain when our Xaalimo's marry out unlike the Farax's, they select the lowest of the lowest garbage you could possibly find as a partner? despite both being raised in the same household?

Even among the small group of toothless Fathers you described you will find that plenty of them were made toothless by their accursed wife's, but this is the old generation that fled civil war.

What about this new generation of ours were divorce rates are much higher? and the fast majority of Father's work? what is your excuse for this?

You cannot fix anything if your in denial about the real problems and at the core of our problem are our Xaalimo's particularly the Mothers were the cancer began.

The whole purpose of me engaging in these topics is for two reasons.

1). Get a sizeable majority of our respectable male's to marry back home and make long-term plans to settle and not bankrupt themselves in the diaspora and add to the dysfunction.

2). Warning to the likes of you not to destroy their household, the type of warnings our Xaalimo's never receive.

We are a group in the west that have a negative reputation of taking benefits. Unemployment amongst the older generation is ridiculously high, although now due to cuts made by the conservative government this has changed. Therefore, your point about about this being a small group is not accurate. It is a big group, who have negatively impacted the way young women deal with men and has resulted in many young men having no real male role models. That is not to say that there aren't amazing Somali fathers, because there are, many of them in fact.

Where I grew up many, even the so called married ones were relying on the government. It was a common site seeing odeys in cafes all day long. What impact do you think this will have on the family unit? What message are they sending to their wives, sons and daughters?

How can a woman turn a man toothless, when he doesn't even do what he is meant to do? Please explain that to me. Did she stop him from working? Force him to gossip all do with his toothless friends?

That isn't to say that there aren't amazing Somali fathers, there are. Many of them in fact.
As @Finesse has pointed out, a woman's first real love is her father. The way your father conducts himself can have an impact on the type of men you choose. If you're father was deadbeat and emotionally distant, there is a very good chance that history will repeat itself and you in turn will marry a man like that is like that or even worse. You're point here is redundant.

 

[Inquisitive_]

We are a group in the west that have a negative reputation of taking benefits. Unemployment amongst the older generation is ridiculously high, although now due to cuts made by the conservative government this has changed. Therefore, your point about about this being a small group is not accurate. It is a big group, who have negatively impacted the way young women deal with men and has resulted in many young men having no real male role models.

Let's agree to disagree on this.

Where I grew up many, even the so called married ones where relying on the government. It was a common site seeing odeys in cafes all day long. What impact do you think this will have on the family unit? What message are they sending to their sons and daughters?

You keep focusing on the older generation, what about our generation were divorce rates are much higher and unemployment is not an issue?

As has pointed out, a woman's first real love is her father. The way your father conducts himself can have an impact on the type of men you choose. If you're father was deadbeat and emotionally distant, there is a very good chance that history will repeat itself and you in turn will marry a man like that is like that or even worse. You're point here is redundant.

Yes that's true but a large ever increasing majority of these female's are robbed from this love and affection by their single mothers that raised them and threw the Fathers out whilst they were toddlers.

As for the households the Fathers remained in, the lack of respect shown by that masculine cursed mother has a far greater impact on the daughter then the fact that he is unemployment.

No were in our religion does it stipulate the Father is no longer the head of the household and should therefore no longer be respected if he finds himself in financial difficulties in a foreign racist land that doesn't recognise any of his qualification.

The fact that you do shows how deep materialism has seeped into your psyche, your own husband could loose his job tomorrow and it could take months if not a year for him to find a decent one, will you act the same?

This lack of basic empathy and patience from our older Xaalimo's is what has destroyed our community in the diaspora.

 

[HalimaJ]

Let's agree to disagree on this.

You keep focusing on the older generation, what about our generation were divorce rates are much higher and unemployment is not an issue?

Yes that's true but a large ever increasing majority of these female's are robbed from this love and affection by their single mothers that raised them and threw the Fathers out whilst they were toddlers.

As for the households the Fathers remained in, the lack of respect shown by that masculine cursed mother has a far greater impact on the daughter then the fact that he is unemployment.

No were in our religion does it stipulate the Father is no longer the head of the household and should therefore no longer be respected if he finds himself in financial difficulties in a foreign racist land that doesn't recognise any of his qualification.

The fact that you do shows how deep materialism has seeped into your psyche, your own husband could loose his job tomorrow and it could take months if not a year for him to find a decent one.

I'm focusing on the older generation as the young proffessional married couples around me are doing pretty well. I've heard some crazy stories, but they seemed pretty unique rather than a common narrative . Some the women were at fault, some the man.

@Inquisitive_ there is a huge difference between a man that is genuinely struggling and someone content with taking benefits or not having decent work ethic. Even if you are unemployed, why would you sit outside all day like a bachelor with no care in the world?Islamically, the biggest rights a wife has over her husband is that he provides. To such an extent if the husband refuses or does not, she can annul her marriage or even stop being intimate with him.

Materialism isn't in my psyche, i'm just a young woman who was raised by a very hardworking Somali father. If my husband was to become unemployed i would not leave him or stop respecting him, as he is naturally a hard working man. He would not be chewing qat and in cafes all day.