Pre marriage counselling/couples therapy?

[Odious Delirium]

What do you guys think about this? Everyone keeps going on about mental health awareness and seeking normal therapy but no one touches on the generational trauma left by the actual marriages of the old gen and our view towards our own futures with regards to marriage based off there experiences.

Most gripes people have against the other gender and marriage on here seem to be referring back to the older generations and there experience with each other in there unique circumstances which is very much different entirely to our own as diasporas who grew up in West with different values and under different circumstances.

So why do we project onto each the experiences of the old gen when it's not our own?

 

[Amber]

I would feel uncomfortable if a therapist tried solving things between me and my significant other. It feels like a teacher resolving a problem between two kids, it seems so immature and I don't like sharing private information. It would be a no for me

 

[Odious Delirium]

I would feel uncomfortable if a therapist tried solving things between me and my significant other. It feels like a teacher resolving a problem between two kids, it seems so immature and I don't like sharing private information. It would be a no for me

What about a mentors or close confidants? And I'm talking about pre marital so the person you plan to marry going with them before hand not during your marriage.
I personally wouldn't do pre or post but I have heard people bring this up as something they want to do pre marriage but i see it as to invasive imo.

 

[Amber]

What about a mentors or close confidants? And I'm talking about pre marital so the person you plan to marry going with them before hand not during your marriage.
I personally wouldn't do pre or post but I have heard people bring this up as something they want to do pre marriage but i see it as to invasive imo.

Yeah, that is still a no. I need someone to be mature about marriage and not need someone else to "help" us

 

[Odious Delirium]

Yeah, that is still a no. I need someone to be mature about marriage and not need someone else to "help" us

I agree but this comes down to our gen in general being less selfless and more about ourselves because of what we saw the old gen do to each other.
We all want the perfect package but are we that ourselves?

 

[Keep it a boqol]

Why not. Some ppl don’t even know what they’re walking into. It’s a good reminder for your Islamic duties as a wife and husband

 

[Odious Delirium]

Why not. Some ppl don’t even know what they’re walking into. It’s a good reminder for your Islamic duties as a wife and husband

I already have mentors who have guided me on how I should go about the whole process and I think people need mentors in general so they don't go into marriage blindly.
I personally wouldn't go for it but it makes sense for individuals who don't have mentors in their lives

 

[Yaraye]

Not a bad idea. A hired muslim therapist is better than a close confidant. It cannot be a traditional muslim sheikh tho

 

[Kalsoon]

It makes sense that kids get affected by what happens in their parent’s marriage. It shapes their view on it as a whole. Some come to aspire to it and others end up fearing it. That’s why it’s important to self-reflect and try to separate yourself from your parent’s experiences. Take lessons but don’t assume every marriage is one way.

This is a journey a person takes before even getting involved with another person.

 

[mrlog]

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[Odious Delirium]

It makes sense that kids get affected by what happens in their parent’s marriage. It shapes their view on it as a whole. Some come to aspire to it and others end up fearing it. That’s why it’s important to self-reflect and try to separate yourself from your parent’s experiences. Take lessons but don’t assume every marriage is one way.

This is a journey a person takes before even getting involved with another person.

The thing in the somali Community Is that everyone is internalising and magnifying all the negative experiences of a few in the community upon themselves. Most of the people on here aren't speaking about there own experiences and wouldn't say the stuff they harp on about when it comes to there families. You won't hear most of the guys talking about there sisters and mothers to be any type of way neither the women when it comes to there fathers and brothers. It's always somali guys and somali girls when it comes to all these massive generalisations.

 

[Odious Delirium]

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Nothing I said has anything to do with liberalism

How am I supposed to take accountability for the actions of random adeers within the community?
Or how would I take accountability for how women feel about the somali adeers actions in the community when I don't partake in those actions.
This isn't about being victims but what solutions people here might take.

This has nothing with masculinity and femininity

 

[Odious Delirium]

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Your free to contribute on how this accountability can be taken because that would be a solution go ahead and explain

 

[𐒋𐒖𐒆𐒔𐒖𐒕𐒈]

What do you guys think about this? Everyone keeps going on about mental health awareness and seeking normal therapy but no one touches on the generational trauma left by the actual marriages of the old gen and our view towards our own futures with regards to marriage based off there experiences.

Most gripes people have against the other gender and marriage on here seem to be referring back to the older generations and there experience with each other in there unique circumstances which is very much different entirely to our own as diasporas who grew up in West with different values and under different circumstances.

So why do we project onto each the experiences of the old gen when it's not our own?

For those with questionable character, feeble mind, and hazy deen, yes. For the rest of us, no, mate, we are sorted.

 

[mrlog]

Your free to contribute on how this accountability can be taken because that would be a solution go ahead and explain

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[Odious Delirium]

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Hmm so you didn't understand my stance on the issue at all but I can't blame you most of the context is in another thread.
Me personally I don't plan on doing this and neither do I feel any of this generational trauma myself. I was pointing out that the grievances that somali men tend to aim at somali men have nothing to do with there age mates like there abos going back home and breaking there families apart.
My point was for those who have issues projecting what the older gen did onto our generation need to find away to deal with this issue and I heard some people plan to try couples therapy so I made this thread to see if anyone was interested in resolving there misplaced prejudices against the other side using this method.

The masculine and feminine stuff your talking about has nothing to do with any of this. This is about your potential spouse coming into marriage with a prejudice against you because of what her father probably did to her hoyo and because your a somali guy you would probably do the same. I'm asking what actions people would take here to resolve this and not sabotage there relationships.

 

[mrlog]

Hmm so you didn't understand my stance on the issue at all but I can't blame you most of the context is in another thread.
Me personally I don't plan on doing this and neither do I feel any of this generational trauma myself. I was pointing out that the grievances that somali men tend to aim at somali men have nothing to do with there age mates like there abos going back home and breaking there families apart.
My point was for those who have issues projecting what the older gen did onto our generation need to find away to deal with this issue and I heard some people plan to try couples therapy so I made this thread to see if anyone was interested in resolving there misplaced prejudices against the other side using this method.

The masculine and feminine stuff your talking about has nothing to do with any of this. This is about your potential spouse coming into marriage with a prejudice against you because of what her father probably did to her hoyo and because your a somali guy you would probably do the same. I'm asking what actions people would take here to resolve this and not sabotage there relationships.

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[Odious Delirium]

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I'm not talking about once your in the relationship I'm talking about prejudices pre relationship and it getting in the way of a relationship taking place in the first place.
A lot of somali people guys and girls don't wanna get married and state the prejudices I stated beforehand on this I'm not in that camp and I don't have issues none of what your addressing applies here or matters in the context of this thread.

Your just yapping for the sake of yapping nothing has gone left yet is what the discussion is all about can you not read?

 

[Natalie]

Could be helpful for those struggling with processing and identifying their emotions.