Obsession with young xalimos

Discussion in 'General' started by Furioso, Oct 18, 2019.

  1. Bohol

    Bohol Staff Member Moderator

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    Somalis don't get married for love but compatibility.Love comes after marriage.
     
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  2. Luciddreamer

    Luciddreamer

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    very shallow and naive if you ask me
     
  3. Inquisitive_

    Inquisitive_ VIP

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    @Rorschach

    Yes but there are consequences for not following prophetic guidance whether it's done out of ignorance or not.

    Our father Adam's forgiveness was accepted but that didn't return him back to Jannah were he originally dwelled, the same way the consequences of our actions and deeds carries a lasting effect on us in this life.

    Those who always had that natural predisposed desire to marry young and as a result followed the Prophetic guidance in this but were prevented by circumstances outside of their 'control' will never loose out as a result of this.

    This is the case with the majority of male's, but unfortunately the majority of female's in the diaspora fought against this natural predisposition for early marriage until they banished it choosing worldly pursuits instead.

    We see the consequences of these actions today when the biological clock forces them to seek marriage at the tail end (30+) and as the hadith states those who prioritise dunya over akhira will have poverty written on their foreheads.

    It's very clear for everyone to see this today especially in our community were the vast majority of the 30+ sisters who had interest in early marriage despite all their toiling, sacrifices and struggles for dunya have no assets to their name and filled with all types of liabilities (debts)

    The male's prime years is between 30-40, this is the point were the strength of youth and wisdom coalesce, while the female's prime is 15-25.

    Why should the male give his best prime years to a female that didn't give him her best prime years??

    Using Calaf or Qadr as an excuse is nothing more then smokescreen, a society were female's have no interest in early marriage is one were degeneracy, zina and shamelessness will run rife and as a result lead to destruction because it invokes our Lord's wrath.

    We cannot afford to be soft or wishy washy on such a serious issue that we know culminates in collective punishment/destruction and invokes Allah's wrath, the least we can do is to publicly speak out against it since we can't change it with our hands.

    I reiterate again that I have nothing against sisters who had the desire for early marriage but genuine circumstances outside of their control prevented them.

    The outcome for those sisters will always be good and there is no need for them to worry, my message is strictly directed to those <25 who are still living in that delusion and the 25+ who out of xasad mislead the younger ones into making the same mistakes they have.
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2019
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  4. SOULSEARCHING

    SOULSEARCHING

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    My best advise is too get married Young it's better, and finish your degree. And together you could build your future with your spouse :)

    I wish I got married straight after highschool.
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2019
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  5. Bohol

    Bohol Staff Member Moderator

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    Yes if you believe in love and that Hollywood nonsense, it is all lust (kacsi) which is why Somalis who think they are in love divorce after 6 months or less in the west. True love (very rare) takes years and years to develop, it is not instant.
     
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  6. Calaf

    Calaf Baking Baastada with the Ciyyalka Qurbajoogta

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    True.
     
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  7. Calaf

    Calaf Baking Baastada with the Ciyyalka Qurbajoogta

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    For Somalis its mainly Bollywood that shows fake love which leads them to quick marriage!
     
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  8. SOULSEARCHING

    SOULSEARCHING

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    Many Somali girls I've seen chasing Ph'Ds and gaining weight, caring about just a certificate and this temporary dunya. What they forget is that their lives can end any second.
    Islamically we should keep a balance, get educated I believe a bachelor's degree is enough (3 years), don't spend more then 6 or more years on a degree if you're not becoming a doctor cause you're just wasting your life and money. Once you finish your bachelor get married and focus on the deen and raise your kids and become the perfect house wife.


    These girls parents don't care too cause they just want money and to live well. Somali parents are selfish.
     
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  9. ZakWantsToPlay

    ZakWantsToPlay

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    Hi Sis, we shouldn't make fun of course and it is not polite. I was pissed with another female in another thread so it felt good to join the chorus and needle Furioso.

    PS: To answer Furioso's original question though, the reason people(men and women alike) think it is better to marry a young woman is biological. The same reason you and other women would opt for a more mature male instead of marrying a younger 19 year old. Men mature late, women mature early. There are complications for women socially and biologically as they get older. Even some studies suggest women who have kids in older age give birth to children with autism potentially. Simply put, it is biological design that drive the choices. Life is short. Most people live to 70 years old. Raising kids requires strength and that you be there for them for at least 20 and some odd years to see them succeed. There are many aspects to consider. And of course, Allah also preordained everyone's marriage and whether they would marry. Past 30 and a female is a toast.

    This is why I intend to help my female relatives, two of them who are still young. 11 and 21. I would be informing many to find a suitable match for them and hook them up if they don't bring their own choice.

    We need to help our young women and men settle while they are still in college. They can enjoy life together and plan their family around their education. They can kill two birds with one stone. It was not fruitful to advise women to stay single until they are past 30. Half of their life is gone already that way.
     
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  10. ZakWantsToPlay

    ZakWantsToPlay

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    Last edited: Oct 19, 2019
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  11. ZakWantsToPlay

    ZakWantsToPlay

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    Here, another article which lists health risks to the Advanced Age Mothers(35 year old women giving birth are considered advanced age mothers).

    Problems include:

    Decline in fertility
    Genetic Risks
    Miscarriage
    Still Birth
    Other issues


    This article is detailed. All females on here should read this.


    https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/317861.php#9
     
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  12. ZakWantsToPlay

    ZakWantsToPlay

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    With that face, you won't be in the market for long. You just have to be reasonable sweetheart. Bring a Somali male of your choice to your dad. End of story. Shock him a little that way. If he objects, ask him to bring one for you.


    That lady in your avatar looks fine as fuck. She shouldn't be single.
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2019
  13. Happy_

    Happy_

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    Walaal, this is what gaalo ppl say. As muslims we believe that Allah gives children whomever He wants and when He wills. A women can marry young, let‘s say at the age of 20 and not get pregnant until the age of 29. It happens. Or she could be infertile. Just because you marry young doesn‘t mean you will conceive. It‘s not certain. There are plenty older women who give birth to healthy children. It‘s in the hands of Allah swt. We need to understand that.
     
  14. Furioso

    Furioso

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    What’s the point of getting married if it’s not with someone you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with? I don’t see anything about calaf when people talk about marriage on here. In this age, you don’t need to depend financially on someone to survive. I think that rushing into marriage is a recipe for disaster. Inshallah, when I find someone whether it be at 25 or 40, I’ll get married then. Inshallah, it’ll work out for all of you. You’ll get married to someone you really love. Until then, you’ll prosper and enjoy your life.


    I agree. I think that before marriage you should make sure you’re in a good space mentally and develop yourself as a person.

    You can’t bet on that. If you didn’t love the person before marriage, it might stay the same way. That could lead to you being unhappy in your marriage, so I don’t think compatibility is enough. You’re right that combatibility is important. You and your partner need to have similar values and goals in life. Why can’t you have both?

    I agree that there is an increased risk of complications with pregnancy when you’re older. Plenty of women are still giving birth to children at later ages. There’s no formula to getting pregnant. You might get married, and not be able to get pregnant. While having children might be easier in your early 20s, let’s be honest, do you know a 22 year old who’s financially ready for children? It’s not about about giving birth to as many kids as you can. You have to be ready to give them the best life you can, or there’s no point.
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2019
  15. Inquisitive_

    Inquisitive_ VIP

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    That's not in your hands or control, children come with rizq, your own parents had many if they are the typical Somali family and they also married young as per sunnah, but here you are criticising both despite being a product of it.

    Don't you see the irony here?
     
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  16. Furioso

    Furioso

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    Actually, my parents only had two kids. That allowed both me and my sister to get the attention we needed. Imagine having 7 kids in a 2 bedroom apartment. Do you really think that’s ideal? They married when they were ready to. You’re right that children come with rizq, but you need more than that to raise children. You have to be realistic and realize that finances are involved with raising kids. It all depends on what quality of life you want to give your children.
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2019
  17. ZakWantsToPlay

    ZakWantsToPlay

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    There is no contradiction to Islam in the medical finding that the older a woman gets, the more likely she will have issues with pregnancy. Allah does what he pleases always and everything bends to his will. He can alter the current biological condition to enable a female older than 80 to have children as he did for Prophet Abraham's wife. He can also enable a woman to have a child without a husband as he did for Mary. With that said, human beings are mortal, get old and weakened. Their body changes biologically as they grow older.

    God can give someone mortality and perpetual youth like he said he will after the day of judgement. In this vanishing/temporary world though, that is not how things are set up. You get old, weak, and at some point unable to have kids. That is how he built you now. This fact about you as a female does not contradict Allah's will. The conditions of men in this life are built for temporary existence and are fixed. Your eggs that contribute to your children's creation are numbered and every period you get you are losing one. At some point you will run out at a certain age. Men lose the volume of sperm they produce as they grow old. Everything is measured in this world and are meant to weaken then disappear. Stating those medical facts do not contradict or Question Allah's will. We are all subject to his will and he can change things if he pleases and when he pleases.
     
  18. ZakWantsToPlay

    ZakWantsToPlay

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    Edit

    God can give someone immortality and perpetual youth I meant.
     
  19. Finesse

    Finesse

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    @Furioso

    Please don't listen to these incels and scorned men, outside of the internet, they wish ANY woman would pay attention to them, that's why they're sexist, ignorant and hateful online.

    The Prophet Muhammed SAW married Khadijah who was over 40..the best of all men that Allah created.

    Did Allah tell you that you are expired? Did the prophet? Did anyone who is worth listening to, worthy of respect?

    Who cares about these lesser "men"?? Please don't read their nonsense abaayo. What is meant for you will never pass you. Same goes for all my ladies over 30. :it0tdo8:
     
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  20. Furioso

    Furioso

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    Sxb, we ain’t ever gonna be expired abaayo. Until I’m dead, I’ll be living it up. God forbid the day I ever listen to one thing coming out the mouth of these incels. I was being sarcastic when I said, “I have to prepare for my imminent death.” The misogynistic pieces of shits still living in their parents basement can have their moment on here. Thank you for your kind words abaayo. Inshallah, you’ll get all you desire and more.
     
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