My Dad is over protective and has no respect for me.
- Thread starter CangeeroBear
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Hey bro, you need to chill and remember the efforts of your parents from your birth to the opportunities you got that many millions of Somali kids never had. Your dad is obviously harsh but most Somali parents have similar overbearing parents, and it is out of love. You have two years left for your degree, so use the free housing, the free food, the ample love you get from your parents despite the difficult social life you have, it will be for the better saxib. It is called tough love and based on your personality on here, you seem someone capable and respectful.
Many young Somali men fell through the cracks and became drug addicts and thugs. Your dad must be worried about those facts in the Somali community.
My suggestion to you is to go with him to where he is most comfortable and relaxed, and tell him you have grown up and his efforts and the harsh discipline made you into a real man, play that psychology up saxib and make him feel like a king. Ask him to trust you because you have grown to the man he wanted you to be and now it is time for you to be on your own with less supervision. He may scream at you perhaps or get physical, but this will make him revaluate. HE MAY NOT BE AWARE OF WHAT HE IS DOING. It is your job as his loving son to show him the way. Time you give the same LOVE he showered on you for 20 years saxib.
I felt the same way before and thought my Dad was too strict, but thanks to him, I am safe now. I am the type who once they develop a passion for something, just take that in to death and can't help themselves. So it was good I showed up in the US with strict background and discipline. I can't thank my dad enough for my love of education and the good safe life. I wish the same for you man.
Hey bro, you need to chill and remember the efforts of your parents from your birth to the opportunities you got that many millions of Somali kids never had. Your dad is obviously harsh but most Somali parents have similar overbearing parents, and it is out of love. You have two years left for your degree, so use the free housing, the free food, the ample love you get from your parents despite the difficult social life you have, it will be for the better saxib. It is called tough love and based on your personality on here, you seem someone capable and respectful.
Many young Somali men fell through the cracks and became drug addicts and thugs. Your dad must be worried about those facts in the Somali community.
My suggestion to you is to go with him to where he is most comfortable and relaxed, and tell him you have grown up and his efforts and the harsh discipline made you into a real man, play that psychology up saxib and make him feel like a king. Ask him to trust you because you have grown to the man he wanted you to be and now it is time for you to be on your own with less supervision. He may scream at you perhaps or get physical, but this will make him revaluate. HE MAY NOT BE AWARE OF WHAT HE IS DOING. It is your job as his loving son to show him the way. Time you give the same LOVE he showered on you for 20 years saxib.
I felt the same way before and thought my Dad was too strict, but thanks to him, I am safe now. I am the type who once they develop a passion for something, just take that in to death and can't help themselves. So it was good I showed up in the US with strict background and discipline. I can't thank my dad enough for my love of education and the good safe life. I wish the same for you man.
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Dadka islaamka carruurtooda haku dirin. Wax bakhtiyay inaa tahay hadalkaaday ka muuqataa.
Are you gay sxb ?
0117
Reborn
@CangeeroBear Bro I sympathize with your situation.Do you have any close relatives that you can perhaps talk to about this?For example, when I told my dad that I wanted to do a year studying abroad he was totally against the idea.However, once I informed my uncle about the situation he actually persuaded my dad to think otherwise.
Thanks for the advice , I like how you have taken a rational approach. I have spoken with him and he hasn't adequately explained why he does as he does. It often ends with mocking of my grievances as well as reaffirmation of me being , to put it subtly, unintelligent. I thought it was rather due to first me being in highschool and hence I simply focused on that. However afterwards ,the superiority complex didn't stop . which was annoying. Don't get me wrong I love my parents for all their faults and I'm probably just going through a phase but I have seen negative effects of the attitude.I seem to have taken on the role of being oppressive and harsh towards my siblings subconsciously. its a coping mechanism and hence continues these type of actions. Thats my biggest fear , doing the same thing to my possible child one day, to put it frankly I used to repress my emotional sadness through ography / masturbation a couple years ago.However once I stopped that habit the full brunt of the statements would seem to irk me.
Finally , I have used your statement of "he does whats in your favour" to justify this but It doesn't help my situation and I have seen the impact it has had on my older sisters.I personally do not want to go into that.
CangeeroBear,
If you know some cool Elder Relative, you might want to tell that person your story so they can talk to your dad. Sometimes embarrassing your dad that way can help him see how far extreme he goes in being over protective.
This can be solved with your smart involvement. Get any Elder you know who is understanding involved.
If you know some cool Elder Relative, you might want to tell that person your story so they can talk to your dad. Sometimes embarrassing your dad that way can help him see how far extreme he goes in being over protective.
This can be solved with your smart involvement. Get any Elder you know who is understanding involved.
@CangeeroBear
Does your father say things like:
Waar where is tii?
When you enter the house does he say:
Waar Tii baa soo gashey?
Tii is she.
You’re problem is that your father isn’t against you.
He just wants you to be alive. There’s an immense pressure and jealously in the community towards Ciyaal kacaan fathers who are married to their wife and remain in the house with their children.
You need to stop being a neef and man the f*ck up!
Have a serious talk with him and tell him the data on fatherless Somali kids and how they are 5X more likely to be criminals, homeless, have mental health issues and so forth and so forth.
Does your father say things like:
Waar where is tii?
When you enter the house does he say:
Waar Tii baa soo gashey?
Tii is she.
You’re problem is that your father isn’t against you.
He just wants you to be alive. There’s an immense pressure and jealously in the community towards Ciyaal kacaan fathers who are married to their wife and remain in the house with their children.
You need to stop being a neef and man the f*ck up!
Have a serious talk with him and tell him the data on fatherless Somali kids and how they are 5X more likely to be criminals, homeless, have mental health issues and so forth and so forth.
Then for the sake of your siblings, you make a sacrifice and show your dad the better approach. Even get the Mosque involved. That will get his attention. Time to take your dad to the court of Islamic opinion without megaphone. Him, you and a select few. You need to do this not only for yourself but for your siblings. Your dad needs to learn the downside of being too harsh which can bring about the opposite of what he is running from. Just as you would educate any other person you care about on what they need to do, this mission to change your dad for the better is a good cause. Leaving the house with your dad still not hearing a solid counter opinion will be a big mistake.
Get people who matter to him involved. Leaving the house is not an option considering what you leave for aren't as worthy as giving your siblings a better environment that helps them grow into good adults who retain the bond with their parents at the same time thrive as healthy adults.
We don't have such courts here in perth with a small muslim population and even smaller somali population.My father suffers alot so i can understand the spikes of anger , I can understand but cant tolerate it. I plan to leave once I finish university, I feel as if I'm being hindered from my aspirations through discouragements.However I will try to change the household.
No I haven't ever heard him say that, I'm no neef. To be frank I have elders around the area coming to me to congratulate me for being the few Somalis to enter "X" university. I am on a successful path and if my parents fear for me in one of the safest regions of the world than its a saddening hindrance. I don't leave the house as I am not allowed to leave by myself other than to certain places. I also understand what you mean by jealousy, all my mothers friends are single mothers which is weird but just shows you the negative direction people take into raising children.
Perhaps my fathers intention is well meaning , which I'm sure it is, however it still has negative effects on me."Man the f*ck up" for 20 years of my life is what causes suicide attempts and depression within communities. This mentality has caused me to see so many of friends just drink their sorrows away, depression is a and I don't want to go down such a road.
Just get a part time job and keep saving and doing things you enjoy on the side.You have food cooked and bills paid.
Don’t worry about freedom.
If you really wanted it you could have applied for school in a different city and boarded
nacalaa kugu yaal, what a neef. Sue your dad kulaha, inkaar kugu dhac duli foqal duli
saywalahi
Xamar Living
you're your own man sxb
you gotta carve out a path for yourself in this world
you gotta guide your fate
you owe your father the respect in which a son must have for his father
laakin at a certain age you become your own man, you must start becoming responsible for yourself.
i grew up in a single mother household, so my mom pretty much raised me and my 7 brothers single handedly.
and we didn't have a father figure present but we looked up to each other by age.
your dad is just worried about his young son going out into the cold world, laakin there is a time where every man must do so.
make sure you aren't disrespectful to him if you do confront him about it
goodluck
you gotta carve out a path for yourself in this world
you gotta guide your fate
you owe your father the respect in which a son must have for his father
laakin at a certain age you become your own man, you must start becoming responsible for yourself.
i grew up in a single mother household, so my mom pretty much raised me and my 7 brothers single handedly.
and we didn't have a father figure present but we looked up to each other by age.
your dad is just worried about his young son going out into the cold world, laakin there is a time where every man must do so.
make sure you aren't disrespectful to him if you do confront him about it
goodluck
Inquisitive_
VIP
What a pile of horseshit, people go through far worse then this, it's part of the process of becoming a real man
Your father is destroying that entitlement syndrome before it ever takes a stranglehold over you, something which has destroyed an entire generation already that are spewing their toxic on her.
If he believes your stupid that's because you are stupid and this post alone proves his hypthothesis correct, you sound like a privileged highly entitled brat and such people don't deserve an ounce of respect & neither does society respect them
I wouldn't trust you with a kitten nevermind trust you in Japan among 99.99% infidels, your far too weak to survive there with your dhaqan or deen intact, with that mentality you would have likely hanged yourself
In the old days you would be left alone with some camels and a bucket of water in the wilderness in the blazing summer and turn into a man overnight.
The only mistake your father made was to spoil you from an early age, and not adapt to this satanic environment, you needed a year in a geeljire village and a few trips to dirt poor countries and watch kids sleeping on the street to blast that entitlement out of you.
There are people that have no fathers, come from broken homes, have disgusting rebellious mothers, absent fathers and here you are with none of those issues spewing your entitled garbage and still have the guts to complain about a lack of respect shown to you
Your father is destroying that entitlement syndrome before it ever takes a stranglehold over you, something which has destroyed an entire generation already that are spewing their toxic on her.
If he believes your stupid that's because you are stupid and this post alone proves his hypthothesis correct, you sound like a privileged highly entitled brat and such people don't deserve an ounce of respect & neither does society respect them
I wouldn't trust you with a kitten nevermind trust you in Japan among 99.99% infidels, your far too weak to survive there with your dhaqan or deen intact, with that mentality you would have likely hanged yourself
In the old days you would be left alone with some camels and a bucket of water in the wilderness in the blazing summer and turn into a man overnight.
The only mistake your father made was to spoil you from an early age, and not adapt to this satanic environment, you needed a year in a geeljire village and a few trips to dirt poor countries and watch kids sleeping on the street to blast that entitlement out of you.
There are people that have no fathers, come from broken homes, have disgusting rebellious mothers, absent fathers and here you are with none of those issues spewing your entitled garbage and still have the guts to complain about a lack of respect shown to you
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Ilahay haku caawiyo laakin dont go therapist ilahay ku xirnow, Walahay only in the remembrance of allah does the heart find rest.
Ive never experienced this with my parents coz i treat them as if they are infallible. Ilahay hakuu cawiyo walal
Ive never experienced this with my parents coz i treat them as if they are infallible. Ilahay hakuu cawiyo walal
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