Men only Q's: What is the respectable amount of saving you should have before considering marriage?

[reer]

Saxib, I have a feeling you're very young. $5k is literally one salary pay check if not less. When you actually look at it like that, its a bit shameful for you to sit in front of a Somali girls family expecting they will be happy with that. That is the average Mehr money and not a wedding.

That is literally £2,808.31 come on, are you trolling now?

low meher is sunnah that makes marriage easier and people dont fall into zina.

 

[Angelina]

low meher is sunnah that makes marriage easier and people dont fall into zina.

That doesn't mean you can expect a girl to be okay with a very very low Mehr.
Also, its a woman's choice. The whole point is that it is meant to be affordable and not incredibly low to such an extent the woman is getting nothing.

Furthermore, please in that token don't have a problem when Somali girls ask for low mehr from reverts as well.

Also, we are talking about the whole wedding, not just the mehr. This guy wants to pay less than £3000 for everything. That is insane.

 

[QueenofKings]

True, hypocrisy at its finest.

However, there is a level of stringiness that makes the family look very bad. From what i've seen even the guys side of the family are very aware of this. The only families that i've seen that have encouraged their sons extreme stringiness were the reer bado wayward types. Yes, they might tell their sons to be frugal, but there are levels to this. Most times the guys in our communities get help from parents and close family because they know how costly weddings are. I've even seen mother-in laws push their sons into having big weddings! Somalis love competing with each other.

Also, we are a group of people that don't like to be disgraced in front of others. For instance the nikaah (the wedding ceremony/ walima) I would say is the most important. That is when all the odeys come together and imagine this man wants to spend less than $5k! I think even his family will laugh! The venue, the payment that needs to be given to the Sheikh, the food ect. In my area pre-Covid Nikkahs tend to be big affairs because of the barakha of feeding people ect, so being frugal when it comes to that definitely will give you the side eye!

Yeah 5k is just unrealistic. He won’t get far with that.
he might be really young and not know the cost of things. Weddings are an industry unfortunately. Unless the venue is your front living room, expect to pay premium for every little thing.

 

[Username]

Title: Men only

That didn't last long

 

[Halimo-2018]

Atleast 40k

 

[Timo Jareer and proud]

5k for nikkah that's it. Idc about honeymoon or weddings that shit cringe

 

[Halimo-2018]

5k for nikkah that's it. Idc about honeymoon or weddings that shit cringe

Somali weddings look the same and cringy. I am glad some people are waking up from their sleep waste of money

 

[Timo Jareer and proud]

Somali weddings look the same and cringy. I am glad some people are waking up from their sleep waste of money

Did you know its dhaqaan for the bride to not smile during her aroos? How does anyone find this entertaining?

 

[Xaruun]

Saxib, speak to the women in your family like your mum and sis. They will be honest with you and save you from looking a certain way.

Literally in the UK the average mehr money is £3,000- £7,000 on average.

In Australia it might be different. If you have married sisters and cousins ect, that would be perfect have convos with them instead of sspot.

Come on Angelina. Do you think men can pull money out of their asshole or smth? The average 20-something farax has fob parents (no financial support) and five-figure debt. Even if he’s a doctor, he can’t realistically afford more than £1k meher.

 

[kickz]

I always wondered this, what is the respectable amount of saving you should have before considering marriage?

How much do typical farahs usually save before they got married? Do they also include "emergency fund" for a peace of mind?

Atleast being able to pay your bills for a year or 2 or 3.., incase something happens with your job is a pretty nice safety net. What that amount is varies.

 

[HanWER]

Here in the west it is said each child costs 250,000 dollars up to the age of 18.
Average somali kids per family around 6

250,000×6= 1.5 million
And you guys complaining about $5 to 10k

 

[Boogie]

None cause I aint getting married

 

[QueenofKings]

Come on Angelina. Do you think men can pull money out of their asshole or smth? The average 20-something farax has fob parents (no financial support) and five-figure debt. Even if he’s a doctor, he can’t realistically afford more than £1k meher.

i agree with some of this.Some families can’t and/or don’t want to help their sons with wedding costs. It cannot be assumed every family is the same. I come from a family who thinks men should pay for weddings so my parents helped my brothers but not my sister or myself. My husbands family is the reverse. They threw extravagant wedding for their daughters and contributed zero to my husband/his brothers wedding.

 

[Angelina]

Come on Angelina. Do you think men can pull money out of their asshole or smth? The average 20-something farax has fob parents (no financial support) and five-figure debt. Even if he’s a doctor, he can’t realistically afford more than £1k meher.

Walalo, in my area guys get help from family and even there is a concept called qaaran in which your mum's friends and subtribe will gift her with money towards the lead up to the wedding. Ladies in the area all chip in money and bring it to the family. Ask your hooyo about it. No one expect the guy to pay for everything.

I'm a bit older than you. A lot of my friends are married or getting married. Their Mehr was 3-7k and the guy isn't expected to pay it straight away. They can pay installments ect.

 

[Xaruun]

Here in the west it is said each child costs 250,000 dollars up to the age of 18.
Average somali kids per family around 6

250,000×6= 1.5 million
And you guys complaining about $5 to 10k

That’s bs but it’s all the more reason to save and invest your money for the future instead of pissing it away on meher, getting evil eye from weddings and an other crap.

Walalo, in my area guys get help from family and even there is a concept called qaaran in which your mum's friends and subtribe will gift her with money towards the lead up to the wedding. Ask your hooyo about it. No one expect the guy to pay for everything.

I'm a bit older than you. A lot of my friends are married or getting married. Their Mehr was 3-7k and the guy isn't expected to pay it straight away. They can pay installments ect.

Why pay in installments though? I thought you’re supposed to pay it up front.

 

[Angelina]

That’s bs but it’s all the more reason to save and invest your money for the future instead of pissing it away on meher, getting evil eye from weddings and an other crap.

Why pay in installments though? I thought you’re supposed to pay it up front.

The average Somali girl who has a proper wedding, the groom and his family mostly pay for the wedding, honeymoon, his family bring gold so we can't expect the guy to pay £5k upfront. Like women aren't monsters lol.

All i'm saying don't be too worried. Alhamdulliah qabil has some benefits and we are community oriented. When my cousin was getting married, my aunts subtribe people and friends gave her like 7k as a gift which was a huge help.

 

[Revolutionary]

The problem nowadays is that the cost of living is very high compared to before, and this is a pain in the back for men who tradionally was the only source of income, which is why marriages happen later in life than before and one main reason why fertility rates are down, babies are expensive. Save up as much as you can and find a decent woman who does not see life in a materialistic consumerist point of view. Everyone needs to chip in any ways they can for your marriage to be smooth sails

 

[KillStreakIsCool]

A marriage is not supposed to bankrupt people, so the best one is the modest one where the new couple can afford without burden.

No one should save towards marriage but for other purposes like new business, buying a house, or saving for the future after marriage.


Spending crazy money on wedding event is stupid.

 

[Sol]

15-25k

 

[Ferrari]

Just pretend to be a revert, and go to your local somali mosque. You'll have multip xaliimos ready for you. It helps if you don't look very somali and can pass for another ethnic group.

cost: zero