Marriage

[Sophisticate]

I just watched this youtube video on it and ironically the guy giving her the treatment is a Jew (min 0:48)..


..then I thought (((they))) may be behind why it is not covered by national insurances in Western countries. I might be too deep into Jew conspiracies.

10-15 eggs for one kid (what a waste). That's outrageous. I heard the medications turns you into a bloated fish.

 

[Mahacagalla]

No; not every mom is going to pressure her to get married early mine did not. Rather it was highly discouraged among both parents.

Well you're lucky then, but most mom's and aunts pressure Somali girls and put a lot of importance on marriage. They just don't understand the new world structure and why so many people are in their late 20s and 30s unbetrothed.

 

[Inquisitive_]

To each his own. Some would benefit from early marriage others would find it more cumbersome. The person is more important the time of their arrival.

The Prophetic guidance is to marry early and deviating from prophetic guidance results in nothing but hardship and loss for you.

Yes there are extenuating circumstances that prevent this especially in a society like today were the halal has been made incredibly difficult, but as long as you always sought marriage early and circumstances prevented you, there is no blame upon you.

My issue is solely with female's who had absolutely no desire to heed this prophetic guidance in preference for chasing dunya and giving there best years to a cooperation.

You cannot deliberately deviate from Prophetic guidance and expect success in life as a Muslim.

Speaking for the age cohort that you are discussing late 20s and early 30s. Opportunities are not all gone and those that remain in the pool of eligibles are not lower tier options, seems somewhat exaggerated. You don't know each females options, her history, resilence or general interest in marriage, or procreation for that matter. Hence a one-size-fits-all approach does not work.

If you fit the extenuating circumstances in the sense you always desired to follow this, but it didn't materialise for legitimate reasons, then you have nothing to worry about.

The capacity to effectively articulate your emotions and mitigate misunderstandings is stronger as one gets older, level of maturity as well and a more crystallized idea of what one is looking for and willing to tolerate (or so I'd hope).

I posted a topic not long ago showing the highest divorce rates are in the 25-35 age group and the second highest is 35+, while the lowest divorce rates are <25 group.

This makes perfect sense because there is far less psychological, emotional and physical baggage those youngsters carry in comparison to those other groups.

When your young with no experience, your soul is pure and your willing to fight tooth and nail to keep the relationship/marriage afloat, as opposed to later in life were you loose that tolerance as a result of multiple bad experiences.

This of course comes as no surprise to me because everything the Prophet commanded (early marriage) is good for us, regardless which angle you look at it from.

I digress, the girl is 21. She should not feel insecure and frantic energy isn't a good look. One doesn't have to resign themselves to taking a back seat in their life affairs but careful consideration for life choices is vital. Especially as women have the most to lose in a coupling especially an early one.

The vast majority of single mothers who married early are better off then the vast majority of spinsters wallowing in debt and all sorts of other psychological/emotional issues.

There is a Somali maah maah that naag garoob ah is better then a 27+ spinster for marriage, because the garoob is a traditional wife and always wanted to be such.

While the spinster is being driven by her biological clock with no burning desire for either child-rearing or a husband which is a defect in as a result of the times we live in today.

 

[VixR]

The vast majority of single mothers who married early are better off then the vast majority of spinsters wallowing in debt and all sorts of other psychological/emotional issues.

No, they’re not. Just take a look around you. There’s plenty of them in the Somali community.

It’s haram to lie, warya.

 

[Sophisticate]

The Prophetic guidance is to marry early and deviating from prophetic guidance results in nothing but hardship and loss for you.

Yes there are extenuating circumstances that prevent this especially in a society like today were the halal has been made incredibly difficult, but as long as you always sought marriage early and circumstances prevented you, there is no blame upon you.

My issue is solely with female's who had absolutely no desire to heed this prophetic guidance in preference for chasing dunya and giving there best years to a cooperation.

You cannot deliberately deviate from Prophetic guidance and expect success in life as a Muslim.

If you fit the extenuating circumstances in the sense you always desired to follow this, but it didn't materialise for legitimate reasons, then you have nothing to worry about.

I posted a topic not long ago showing the highest divorce rates are in the 25-35 age group and the second highest is 35+, while the lowest divorce rates are <25 group.

This makes perfect sense because there is far less psychological, emotional and physical baggage those youngsters carry in comparison to those other groups.

When your young with no experience, your soul is pure and your willing to fight tooth and nail to keep the relationship/marriage afloat, as opposed to later in life were you loose that tolerance as a result of multiple bad experiences.

This of course comes as no surprise to me because everything the Prophet commanded (early marriage) is good for us, regardless which angle you look at it from.

The vast majority of single mothers who married early are better off then the vast majority of spinsters wallowing in debt and all sorts of other psychological/emotional issues.

There is a Somali maah maah that naag garoob ah is better then a 27+ spinster for marriage, because the garoob is a traditional wife and always wanted to be such.

While the spinster is being driven by her biological clock with no burning desire for either child-rearing or a husband which is a defect in as a result of the times we live in today.

I have seen contradictory information that states later marriages have greater survival rates. Anyway to make a determination about your statement would require the parsing of various factors of which age is but one.

As I said, sweeping age-related generalizations don't quite fit.

I think you are speaking to an outlier. Early marriage was typified as less desirable by my family (who are educated). Even when I was young I had zero plan of marriage until my 30s. Men were not on the agenda. Talking to them occasionally is not enough to create baggage which I have none but I will say that as one who has been single and stayed pure (even if that is not readily apparent) the longer you wait to get married the less you want to and see it more as an intrusion or as confining (my pov). That is the only thing I can say. I have met far more jaded people a decade younger. Likely because I live a more insular and self-protective life.

The statement you claim about comparing an unmarried woman to one who is previously married did not apply in the Northwest where my family hails. Rather the one with less baggage is preferred and beauty is a heavy consideration as well. Perhaps it's regionally specific.

 

[Inquisitive_]

I have seen contradictory information that states later marriages have greater survival rates. Anyway to make a determination about your statement would require the parsing of various factors of which age is but one.

As I said, sweeping age-related generalizations don't quite fit.

I think you are speaking to an outlier. Early marriage was typified as less desirable by my family (who are educated). Even when I was young I had zero plan of marriage until my 30s. Men were not on the agenda. Talking to them occasionally is not enough to create baggage which I have none but I will say that as one who has been single and stayed pure (even if that is not readily apparent) the longer you wait to get married the less you want to and see it more as an intrusion or as confining (my pov). That is the only thing I can say. I have met far more jaded people a decade younger. Likely because I live a more insular and self-protective life.

The statement you claim about comparing an unmarried woman to one who is previously married did not apply in the Northwest where my family hails. Rather the one with less baggage is preferred and beauty is a heavy consideration as well. Perhaps it's regionally specific.

The difference between us is that for me religious guidance reigns supreme over everything else in life, even if it doesn't make rational sense to me.

The region I come from and the people I grew up amongst are known fort this, while yours are known for there educational prowess and liberal views towards religion.

I find your predicament sad, it seems to me more of a case of the right person not having snatched you up and forcefully conquered you, as opposed to your flimsy rationalisation that somehow you choose this.

This is just for the US, take a look at the age groups/divorce.
https://www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-...nesM5XguDcsYpBOUfiT0MbDYBE04ppIT8VmGgtS_g1qOw

 

[Sophisticate]

The difference between us is that for me religious guidance reigns supreme over everything else in life, even if it doesn't make rational sense to me.

The region I come from and the people I grew up amongst are known fort this, while yours are known for there educational prowess and liberal views towards religion.

I find your predicament sad, it seems to me more of a case of the right person not having snatched you up and forcefully conquered you, as opposed to your flimsy rationalisation that somehow you choose this.

This is just for the US, take a look at the age groups/divorce.
https://www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-...nesM5XguDcsYpBOUfiT0MbDYBE04ppIT8VmGgtS_g1qOw

I think I'm the opposite. A tough cookie to crack. I need plenty of time to get to know before I can trust an Abdi enough to spend a life time. The ones apt to club you over the head and drag you to their lair (for marriage) I would avoid from a mile away. *Gruesome imagery*