Issue

Discussion in 'General' started by Calaf, Dec 7, 2019.

  1. Calaf

    Calaf Former Account of Ex-Member Calaf

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    Now, I feel werid about this, I need your advice people

    I have been married for 2 years now. Not once have I given time or enough respect to my wife, yet she is still with me. It was school after Uni after jobs. I did not even consume the marriage yet. That shows how busy I am. Yet I brought my wife anything, from Gucci to the latest Iphone. Her own car, fully paid her uni and everything, even her start up costs for a business after she finsihes uni. But, I feel guilty, she does not say anything, but am I commiting a sin, by not giving her the full attention. Even Honeymoon, I took her to Burj al Arab in Dubai, and even with a romatic view and a beautiful dinner, I went back to the hotel, did coursework, and called my father about business. I do not know how she feels, and I do not really talk about it. Does she want it or not. We agreed not to, but yet I sense something weird. Today, I went to her extended family in Burco, but she refused to come with me and instead went to Asmara, Eritera, without me. She told me she will wait until I come back, then she will come back.

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  2. Kanini

    Kanini

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    You should definitely ask her how she feels about the situation, she might be too miskeen to bring anything up since you're already doing a lot in the provision aspect.

    Either way, you should try to give her some attention and communicate more often otherwise this would just end up being a loveless marriage (not saying you don't love eachother).
     
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  3. ZakWantsToPlay

    ZakWantsToPlay

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    If she is legally married to you, you are both bound to honour marital expectations like sex among other things. You are the male, so by culture she may be deferring to you to show interest in her body and sex.

    She is better off marrying someone else considering your lack of emotional affection towards her.

    I have never heard of something like this before. Being busy is not your problem. Fix other issues you got saxib and let that woman go if you are not being a husband to her.
     
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  4. Calaf

    Calaf Former Account of Ex-Member Calaf

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    Nope, letting go is not a solution, also, It is not the case of I am busy, it is a case of I am not here 99% of the time. Simply as. I am getting mixed to no reaction, so what am I supposed to do?
    My emotional affection to her was since I was 13. I loved her, to the point I came back just for her.
     
  5. Calaf

    Calaf Former Account of Ex-Member Calaf

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    I feel like as if she does not want to talk to me in this point. Live with me, or lets not talk about it is the feeling I an getting!
     
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  6. IBRAHIM.

    IBRAHIM.

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    Bro, you’re just torturing that poor girl sxb. Why not consummate the marriage? What is wrong with u? Are u scared you won’t perform?
    Very weird wallahi.
     
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  7. Kanini

    Kanini

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    @Calaf you're both grown and married, so you have to face your issues at one point. Marriage also comes with sacrifices so if you really want to make it work and don't want to let her go, you have to make some time for her and cut back a little on whatever you're busy with.
     
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  8. Ayubi

    Ayubi Say, "I seek refuge in the Lord of daybreak" VIP

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    The best marriages is when you make your wife your best friend. Try to find enough time to talk to her. Plan everything out. You need to spend time with her.
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  9. Calaf

    Calaf Former Account of Ex-Member Calaf

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    Your assuming that I can bing bash and that is it.
    Let say I do, how about when I leave for 8 to 10 months.
     
  10. ZakWantsToPlay

    ZakWantsToPlay

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    Good. You deserve that and you must let her go. She is free to choose her life if she isn't interested. If you are not willing to give her a divorce, she should check in with the next available Muslim judge and get the marriage dissolved.

    Sex is a condition for marriage. You didn't care and most likely she got tired of you bs saxib. She has the right to leave you and find another man.

    This kind of relationship leads to one of the partners cheating to satisfy themselves because of the lacking in the relationship unless they have strong faith. I am sure you don't want to be cheated on later unless you can quickly resolve this and get her happy ASAP.

    Be the man in the relationship. Call her now and tell her you are going to fix the mess and want her in bed as soon as you land at her place. If she declines, then it is over. Move on.


    No excuses.
     
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  11. Saredo

    Saredo

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    If it were me I would think that you're gay and that i'm wasting my time with someone who just got married for the status.

    so. is this story fake ?
     
  12. Calaf

    Calaf Former Account of Ex-Member Calaf

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    Let me make this Clear, I am not gay nor a person who married for status. This is a more of a case of a Long distance relationship and also early marriage
     
  13. Calaf

    Calaf Former Account of Ex-Member Calaf

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    Indeed, but what about long term. I can do it, but me and my sense of worry is thinking about long term!
     
  14. ZakWantsToPlay

    ZakWantsToPlay

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    Specially at a young age. He is supposed to grow up with her in the marriage. The best arrangement. Instead, he has a long list of excuses that don't hold water.

    He may be causing her stress or even worse. At least he was there financially and i applaud that, but that is not enough for a woman married to you legally.

    Calaf forgets his dad slept with his mom to have him. Dude! come on ...where is the common sense.
     
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  15. ZakWantsToPlay

    ZakWantsToPlay

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    Calaf, brother, CALL HER NOW ASAP. Also, I can tell you that your DAD would agree with me. Tell him exactly what i said. He will congratulate me for the smack-down.

    Don't tell him you talked to me online etc. Just tell him you talked to a brother for consultation(we are technically cousins as Somalis and therefore brothers), see what he says,


    CALL HER NOW, don't waste time brother. You need to fix this problem right now. Enjoy life with her and I hope you can get that fixed. She was patient long enough apparently.

    How do you honeymoon and not beat that malab man? lol. Wallahi, addunya nin joogo wax walba wuu maqlaayaa lool.
     
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  16. Saredo

    Saredo

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    Maybe you just don't find her "attractive" and that's probably what she thinks considering the fact that you went to the burj al arab for your honeymoon and just did "coursework". The problem is clearly deeper than the "long distance".
     
  17. Calaf

    Calaf Former Account of Ex-Member Calaf

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    Okay, I have no excuse. I have the child mentality. I believe my upbring outside Europe have not taught me anything. I avoid it, for what, I do not know. What is my excuse. Malaysia/Singapore and you are in UK = Not possible. But now, hhow can I rectify it? Thats my issue. And it is not the matter of call her, go to her and say lets hop in bed.
     
  18. NotMyL

    NotMyL "You are your best thing" VIP

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    I don’t think I fully understand your post, how did you go on honeymoon but didn’t have time to consummate the marriage?
     
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  19. Calaf

    Calaf Former Account of Ex-Member Calaf

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    She is attracive as heck, I wonder why I married someone way out of my league, or why she married me?
     
  20. Calaf

    Calaf Former Account of Ex-Member Calaf

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    I went on the honeymoon, I went on toursighting, came back and had chats, yet when it came to night,We would go to a midnight snack. I would do anything to make her tired and once she wants to sleep, I went and did my Coursework for prepartion to UNI. I had the time, but fully avoided it
     
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