Let me start by saying I'm Muslim. I love my deen but I, at times, fail to stay on the straight and narrow.
What I mean by "doing bad" is messing with girls. When I first had sex, I felt incredibly guilty straight after. I felt so sick, I couldn't believe what I had done. I had many sleepless nights just laying in bed thinking about my mistake.
A few months later, I did it again. I don't even know how it happened. I just wanted to do it and I didn't even remember how bad I felt before. But this time, the guilt stemmed from imagining my mum's reaction if she found out. It would really hurt her. She's always held me in high regard, even higher than my siblings.
Then I left for uni. You can imagine what happened there. But this time the feeling of guilt slowly went away. I just didn't care anymore. I even got dragged into the whole drug scene, albeit abstaining from alcohol if you can even take that as a redeeming factor.
But worst of all, worst of all. I let this amazing girl go. She was smart, on her deen, had a wonderful personality and she kinda knew what I was getting up to. Yet she still accepted me. And I fucked it up.
Now I'm almost done with uni and I have cleaned up my act. I'm no longer taking anything (for a while now) and I don't have the urge to. I've grown out of it. I've distanced myself from people who've pushed me into this shit.
But sleeping around is so hard to give up. Especially when sex is so easy to get. I won't lie, I haven't done it in a few months. But lately I've been seeing this girl, and it's clear as day she wants to f*ck. She's invited me over twice and I've been making excuses. But we've agreed to meet this weekend (kind of forced me). So yeah. I don't want to smash, but at the same time I do. I like this girl a lot, we have so much in common. Plus sex with someone you like is so much better compared to doing it with a random.
But I'm worried I'm going down a path I won't be able to come back from.
I don't know what to do. And please don't say dumb shit like get married or whatever.
What I mean by "doing bad" is messing with girls. When I first had sex, I felt incredibly guilty straight after. I felt so sick, I couldn't believe what I had done. I had many sleepless nights just laying in bed thinking about my mistake.
A few months later, I did it again. I don't even know how it happened. I just wanted to do it and I didn't even remember how bad I felt before. But this time, the guilt stemmed from imagining my mum's reaction if she found out. It would really hurt her. She's always held me in high regard, even higher than my siblings.
Then I left for uni. You can imagine what happened there. But this time the feeling of guilt slowly went away. I just didn't care anymore. I even got dragged into the whole drug scene, albeit abstaining from alcohol if you can even take that as a redeeming factor.
But worst of all, worst of all. I let this amazing girl go. She was smart, on her deen, had a wonderful personality and she kinda knew what I was getting up to. Yet she still accepted me. And I fucked it up.
Now I'm almost done with uni and I have cleaned up my act. I'm no longer taking anything (for a while now) and I don't have the urge to. I've grown out of it. I've distanced myself from people who've pushed me into this shit.
But sleeping around is so hard to give up. Especially when sex is so easy to get. I won't lie, I haven't done it in a few months. But lately I've been seeing this girl, and it's clear as day she wants to f*ck. She's invited me over twice and I've been making excuses. But we've agreed to meet this weekend (kind of forced me). So yeah. I don't want to smash, but at the same time I do. I like this girl a lot, we have so much in common. Plus sex with someone you like is so much better compared to doing it with a random.
But I'm worried I'm going down a path I won't be able to come back from.
I don't know what to do. And please don't say dumb shit like get married or whatever.