I no longer feel bad when I do wrong

[Genos]

Let me start by saying I'm Muslim. I love my deen but I, at times, fail to stay on the straight and narrow.

What I mean by "doing bad" is messing with girls. When I first had sex, I felt incredibly guilty straight after. I felt so sick, I couldn't believe what I had done. I had many sleepless nights just laying in bed thinking about my mistake.

A few months later, I did it again. I don't even know how it happened. I just wanted to do it and I didn't even remember how bad I felt before. But this time, the guilt stemmed from imagining my mum's reaction if she found out. It would really hurt her. She's always held me in high regard, even higher than my siblings.

Then I left for uni. You can imagine what happened there. But this time the feeling of guilt slowly went away. I just didn't care anymore. I even got dragged into the whole drug scene, albeit abstaining from alcohol if you can even take that as a redeeming factor.

But worst of all, worst of all. I let this amazing girl go. She was smart, on her deen, had a wonderful personality and she kinda knew what I was getting up to. Yet she still accepted me. And I fucked it up.

Now I'm almost done with uni and I have cleaned up my act. I'm no longer taking anything (for a while now) and I don't have the urge to. I've grown out of it. I've distanced myself from people who've pushed me into this shit.

But sleeping around is so hard to give up. Especially when sex is so easy to get. I won't lie, I haven't done it in a few months. But lately I've been seeing this girl, and it's clear as day she wants to f*ck. She's invited me over twice and I've been making excuses. But we've agreed to meet this weekend (kind of forced me). So yeah. I don't want to smash, but at the same time I do. I like this girl a lot, we have so much in common. Plus sex with someone you like is so much better compared to doing it with a random.

But I'm worried I'm going down a path I won't be able to come back from.

I don't know what to do. And please don't say dumb shit like get married or whatever.

 

[Steamdevolopment]

Let me start by saying I'm Muslim. I love my deen but I, at times, fail to stay on the straight and narrow.

What I mean by "doing bad" is messing with girls. When I first had sex, I felt incredibly guilty straight after. I felt so sick, I couldn't believe what I had done. I had many sleepless nights just laying in bed thinking about my mistake.

A few months later, I did it again. I don't even know how it happened. I just wanted to do it and I didn't even remember how bad I felt before. But this time, the guilt stemmed from imagining my mum's reaction if she found out. It would really hurt her. She's always held me in high regard, even higher than my siblings.

Then I left for uni. You can imagine what happened there. But this time the feeling of guilt slowly went away. I just didn't care anymore. I even got dragged into the whole drug scene, albeit abstaining from alcohol if you can even take that as a redeeming factor.

But worst of all, worst of all. I let this amazing girl go. She was smart, on her deen, had a wonderful personality and she kinda knew what I was getting up to. Yet she still accepted me. And I fucked it up.

Now I'm almost done with uni and I have cleaned up my act. I'm no longer taking anything (for a while now) and I don't have the urge to. I've grown out of it. I've distanced myself from people who've pushed me into this shit.

But sleeping around is so hard to give up. Especially when sex is so easy to get. I won't lie, I haven't done it in a few months. But lately I've been seeing this girl, and it's clear as day she wants to f*ck. She's invited me over twice and I've been making excuses. But we've agreed to meet this weekend (kind of forced me). So yeah. I don't want to smash, but at the same time I do. I like this girl a lot, we have so much in common. Plus sex with someone you like is so much better compared to doing it with a random.

But I'm worried I'm going down a path I won't be able to come back from.

I don't know what to do. And please don't say dumb shit like get married or whatever.

Do what is right for you and keep it down-low. Mamma Rogers approve either way

 

[Hades]

 

[Hades]

When horny niggas start college
You are becoming desensitized which makes it harder for you to be satisfied. It will affect your future relationships in the long run. Marriage isn't the solution to everything so I would advise you to fix yourself before you get another person involved in your bs

 

[Benjamin]

Let me start by saying I'm Muslim. I love my deen but I, at times, fail to stay on the straight and narrow.

What I mean by "doing bad" is messing with girls. When I first had sex, I felt incredibly guilty straight after. I felt so sick, I couldn't believe what I had done. I had many sleepless nights just laying in bed thinking about my mistake.

A few months later, I did it again. I don't even know how it happened. I just wanted to do it and I didn't even remember how bad I felt before. But this time, the guilt stemmed from imagining my mum's reaction if she found out. It would really hurt her. She's always held me in high regard, even higher than my siblings.

Then I left for uni. You can imagine what happened there. But this time the feeling of guilt slowly went away. I just didn't care anymore. I even got dragged into the whole drug scene, albeit abstaining from alcohol if you can even take that as a redeeming factor.

But worst of all, worst of all. I let this amazing girl go. She was smart, on her deen, had a wonderful personality and she kinda knew what I was getting up to. Yet she still accepted me. And I fucked it up.

Now I'm almost done with uni and I have cleaned up my act. I'm no longer taking anything (for a while now) and I don't have the urge to. I've grown out of it. I've distanced myself from people who've pushed me into this shit.

But sleeping around is so hard to give up. Especially when sex is so easy to get. I won't lie, I haven't done it in a few months. But lately I've been seeing this girl, and it's clear as day she wants to f*ck. She's invited me over twice and I've been making excuses. But we've agreed to meet this weekend (kind of forced me). So yeah. I don't want to smash, but at the same time I do. I like this girl a lot, we have so much in common. Plus sex with someone you like is so much better compared to doing it with a random.

But I'm worried I'm going down a path I won't be able to come back from.

I don't know what to do. And please don't say dumb shit like get married or whatever.

I understand what you mean, I have been at your footsteps before but in a different situation. You will feel guilty after doing something you believe is immoral, but after a while it becomes a habit & you don't feel guilty or shame. I would advice you to stay the hell out of drugs, it will just f*ck up your future man. If you gonna feel shit after doing something, you should probably abstain from it, for your own happiness & well being.

I hope it helps.

 

[YoungFarah]

Live your life saxiib but I worry that you may regret it when time starts winding down and you become more religious

 

[Genos]

When horny niggas start college
You are becoming desensitized which makes it harder for you to be satisfied. It will affect your future relationships in the long run. Marriage isn't the solution to everything so I would advise you to fix yourself before you get another person involved in your bs

I clearly wrote at the end of the post that I don't want people to recommend me to get married. That seems to be the go to advice in the Muslim community these days (It's bullshit btw). I have a career I'm working on, that's my priority right now.
So what exactly do you mean by desensitised? Desensitised to sex? Desensitised to forming (relationship) bonds with people?

 

[Hades]

I clearly wrote at the end of the post that I don't want people to recommend me to get married. That seems to be the go to advice in the Muslim community these days (It's bullshit btw). I have a career I'm working on, that's my priority right now.

I'm glad you have your priorities in the right place.

So what exactly do you mean by desensitised? Desensitised to sex? Desensitised to forming (relationship) bonds with people?

To sex, the same way people who are obsessed with viewing turn out

 

[GodKnowsBest]

I've come back despite seeing many intriguing threads and ignoring them because you need honest advice and I will never allow a fellow human being who is in desperate need of God fall wayward.

The truth is my friend, sexual promiscuity is one of the gravest of sins. I know you're a Muslim but sexual sin is the only sin listed in the bible that one must not just abstain from, but they should flee from. Before you laugh at this, one-third of the Quran comes from the bible and this verse is also listed in the quran.

Sexual promiscuity corrupts the heart, the soul, the mind, and all of your future relationships. I want to be honest with you because you need serious guidance. If no other piece of advice I give you helps you let this one help you feel the gravity of your actions. No matter how horny you get, no matter how pleasurable it is, no matter how much you can repent and eventually be forgiven you will eventually get married. And when you do decide to settle down and you meet a serious, God fearing woman who captivates your heart just like the girl in the past, she will be constantly reminded of how you betrayed her before the two of you married.

That woman in your future is praying right now that God leads her to the right man, she is saving herself and she thinks of you every single day. While you are out satisfying your urges she is in her bedroom on her knees praying to God that her urges can go away so she can save herself for you. You might not be thinking of that woman right now but on your wedding night, on every night you decide to please her, on your anniversies she will be constantly reminded of how you did not think of her before you married. Let me tell you if you meet such a pious woman she may forgive you, she may not, but her heart will constantly feel pain when she is remembered by your actions.

I pray if you do truly want to change God shows you hid eternal light and saves you from this sin.

As for the woman who wants to sleep with you soon, how do you expect to react in every situation with other women who do the same in the future? If you cannot bring the will of God to stop you now when God has brought you this sign, do you think you will be able to stop it in the future? I believe God is sending you a test with this most recent woman, I believe he knows you can fight these urges but you must try with this first woman. If you tell her how you wish to stop and she continues contacting you. Block her numbers and cut off all contact with her. You are worth more than a woman who does not respect your chance in heaven just so she can satisfy her urges.

As for the marriage issue I understand where you come from. Sometimes we aren't in the best place to marry but if you do not respect a woman enough to marry her before having sex it is better off if you stop. She might not respect her body but she is somebody's daughter and sister.

Finally I pray God guides you. I know you are suffering and you would like it to stop. We all have our battles to fight in the face of Satan and some of them are more challenging than others. I can tell you despite sex being normalized in society it is one of the most difficult to fight off and one that needs a soul saved by God to fight off. May the Lord protect you from all future sin and help you save yourself for the wife who loves you before you meet her. Amen.

 

[paramedic]

If you are serious about your willingness to change, got this from islamqa , the person asking in the site is a girl n I'm too lazy to edit but literally everything still applies to the males. May Allah guide you

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Praise be to Allaah.



Sexual desire is something that has been created in man and it cannot be got rid of. Getting rid of it is not something that is required of the Muslim; rather what is required of him is to refrain from using it in haraam ways, and to use it in the ways that Allaah has permitted.

The problem of desire may be solved by taking two steps.

The first step is to reduce and weaken the things that may provoke desire in a person. This may be achieved in a number of ways, including the following:

1 – Lowering the gaze and refraining from looking at that which Allaah has forbidden.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not follow one glance with another, for the first is allowed but not the second.” There are many sources of haraam looking, such as looking directly at young men and thinking about their attractive looks, or looking at pictures in magazines and movies.

2 – Avoiding reading stories and novels which focus on the sexual aspect, and avoiding reading internet websites which deal with such topics.

3 – Keeping away from bad company.

4 – Avoiding thinking about desire as much as possible. Thinking in and of itself is not haraam, but if one thinks about it for too long, that may lead a person to haraam actions.

5 – Spending one's time in useful pursuits, because spare time may lead one to fall into haraam things.

6 – Avoiding as much as possible going to public places where young men and women mix.

7 – If a girl is tested with studying in a mixed environment, and cannot find any alternative, she has to remain modest, serious and dignified, and should avoid sitting with young men and speaking to them as much as possible. She should restrict her relationships to friendships with righteous female classmates.

The second step is:

To strengthen the factors that will prevent one acting in accordance with one’s desires. This is achieved in a number of ways, including the following:

1 – Strengthening the faith in one’s heart and strengthening one’s relationship with Allaah. This may be achieved by remembering Allaah a great deal, reading Qur’aan, thinking of the names and attributes of Allaah, and doing a lot of naafil prayers. Belief strengthens the heart and soul, and it helps one to resist temptation.

2 – Fasting, as taught by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when he said: “O young men, whoever among you can afford to, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and in guarding one’s chastity. Whoever cannot afford it, then let him fast, for it will be a shield for him.” This is addressed to young men, but it also includes young women.

3 – Strengthening one’s resolve and willpower, for this will make a young woman able to resist and control her desires.

4 – Remembering what Allaah has prepared for righteous young women. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Verily, the Muslims (those who submit to Allaah in Islam) men and women, the believers men and women (who believe in Islamic Monotheism), the men and the women who are obedient (to Allaah), the men and women who are truthful (in their speech and deeds), the men and the women who are patient (in performing all the duties which Allaah has ordered and in abstaining from all that Allaah has forbidden), the men and the women who are humble (before their Lord Allaah), the men and the women who give Sadaqaat (i.e. Zakaah and alms), the men and the women who observe Sawm (fast) (the obligatory fasting during the month of Ramadaan, and the optional Nawafil fasting), the men and the women who guard their chastity (from illegal sexual acts) and the men and the women who remember Allaah much with their hearts and tongues. Allaah has prepared for them forgiveness and a great reward (i.e. Paradise)”

[al-Ahzaab 33:35]

5 – Thinking about the lives of righteous women who guarded their chastity, such as Maryam, whom Allaah praises in the Qur’aan (interpretation of the meaning):

“And Maryam (Mary), the daughter of ‘Imraan who guarded her chastity. And We breathed into (the sleeve of her shirt or her garment) through Our Rooh [i.e. Jibreel (Gabriel)], and she testified to the truth of the Words of her Lord [i.e. believed in the Words of Allaah: “Be!” and he was; that is ‘Eesa (Jesus), son of Maryam (Mary) as a Messenger of Allaah], and (also believed in) His Scriptures, and she was of the Qaanitoon (i.e. obedient to Allaah)”
[al-Tahreem 66:12]

And thinking about the immoral, fallen women, and comparing between the two types, for there is a huge difference between them.

6 – Choosing righteous companions and spending time with them, so that they can help one another to obey and worship Allaah.

7 – Comparing the effects of immediate fulfillment of desire when a girl responds to haraam, which is followed by loss of pleasure and all that is left is regret and sorrow, with patience and striving against one’s whims and desires, and realizing that the pleasure of conquering one’s whim and desires is far greater than the pleasures of enjoying haraam things.

8 – Seeking help by calling upon Allaah and asking Him for help. The Qur’aan tells us the lesson to be learned from the story of Yoosuf (peace be upon him):

“He said: ‘O my Lord! Prison is dearer to me than that to which they invite me. Unless You turn away their plot from me, I will feel inclined towards them and be one (of those who commit sin and deserve blame or those who do deeds) of the ignorant’

So his Lord answered his invocation and turned away from him their plot. Verily, He is the All‑Hearer, the All‑Knower”

[Yoosuf 12:33 – interpretation of the meaning]

 

[Genos]

I understand what you mean, I have been at your footsteps before but in a different situation. You will feel guilty after doing something you believe is immoral, but after a while it becomes a habit & you don't feel guilty or shame. I would advice you to stay the hell out of drugs, it will just f*ck up your future man. If you gonna feel shit after doing something, you should probably abstain from it, for your own happiness & well being.

I hope it helps.

After having a really bad reaction I stopped taking all drugs. Even the low risk stuff. I haven't used anything in a while and don't feel the need to. I think it was just a phase and I've gotten over it.

 

[Benjamin]

After having a really bad reaction I stopped taking all drugs. Even the low risk stuff. I haven't used anything in a while and don't feel the need to. I think it was just a phase and I've gotten over it.

I understand, I'm really happy that I have never done drugs. Some kids in college was pressuring me to try it, but I said hell no, cuz I know that you will be addicted afterwards. So just try to stay clean.

 

[SuldaanGuled]

@Genos

Horta may Allah make it easy for you

Secondly there's a correlation between persisting in a habitual sin and becoming desensitized to it eventually. This is what has happened in your case, it became caadi for you to engage in it after a while. It will equally take a significant time before you return to your initial feelings towards it as the saying goes old habits die hard.

How long it will take you to get back depends on a number of facts like how often you make repentance, the amount of good deeds that you do, the environment you're in etc. Without any changes to those factors it's almost impossible for you to change and leave this sin completely , you need to distance yourself away from whatever makes it easy for you to engage in it namely gabadha iska dhaaf. You're with that cadan lady who wants commit zina with you what are the chances that you're going to abstain it from when both of you desire it ?

If you want to make changes cut that lady off from your life otherwise you'll never make the necessary changes needed for you to become a better muslim. You need to have a similar kind of " bad reaction" that made you stop drugs in your heart because right now you see having sex as a means to satisfy that taste you've developed for it. So until there is a shift here i don't think any solution is going to work. I know it's hard but your need to change your mentality around it for you to develop further. Seek help from Allah, do extra acts of worship. be steadfast in your daily prayers walaal

Ilaahay haku fududeyo sxb

 

[madamelioness]

The fact that you've made this thread is actually a good sign. It shows you still have a connection with Allah swt.


Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful." (39:54)

We all make mistakes, but Allah loves the repentant sinner. Acknowledge your wrongdoing, ask for forgiveness, protect yourself by removing the temptations that lead to sin. That girl has to go if you care about your akhira. Fasting helps curb desire, so fast on Mondays and Thursdays and also try to pray on time.

May Allah swt guide you and shield you from every temptation.