I need advice: sending money back home.

[Somaliboqor]

Asc everyone Sorry for my bad grammar in advance. English is my third language.
Each month my Hooyo or Adeero ask me and some of my siblings to send money back home to needy people. Before it used to be 3 or 4 times a year but lately they have been asking me every month. And that’s on top of off giving Hooyo money each month because I still live at home. I’m the oldest living home since 3 older siblings are married and have moved out. I don’t mind giving money because I’ve always been known for being generous. Wallahi everyone that knows me would agree. But Nowadays it’s always something horrible happening all the time. There is always someone who is sick, have nothing to eat or living in extreme poverty. I don’t even know who has been getting my money all these years, never been to Somalia or talked to them on the phone. They only know me as the son of that lady/man. I’m not rich and want to save more money to buy a house, marriage and travel. I can’t say no to Hooyo but it’s starting to get under my skin. Inshallah I will get good deeds for my money. Do any of you get forced to send money back home???

 

[Internet Nomad]

Asc everyone Sorry for my bad grammar in advance. English is my third language.
Each month my Hooyo or Adeero ask me and some of my siblings to send money back home to needy people. Before it used to be 3 or 4 times a year but lately they have been asking me every month. And that’s on top of off giving Hooyo money each month because I still live at home. I’m the oldest living home since 3 older siblings are married and have moved out. I don’t mind giving money because I’ve always been known for being generous. Wallahi everyone that knows me would agree. But Nowadays it’s always something horrible happening all the time. There is always someone who is sick, have nothing to eat or living in extreme poverty. I don’t even know who has been getting my money all these years, never been to Somalia or talked to them on the phone. They only know me as the son of that lady/man. I’m not rich and want to save more money to buy a house, marriage and travel. I can’t say no to Hooyo but it’s starting to get under my skin. Inshallah I will get good deeds for my money. Do any of you get forced to send money back home???

You are a noble man 🫡

 

[Somaliboqor]

You are a noble man 🫡

Mahadsanid the most annoying thing is my Adeero has promised some girls back home that me and my siblings are going to pay for their university tuition each year. And he didn’t even consult us beforehand. It’s like he thinks I’m made out of money since I graduated. The worst thing is these universities are private owned and practically money laundering businesses. Many people back home can’t even find jobs when they graduate these useless universities.

 

[Kalsoon]

I don’t get forced to do anything alhamdulilah. My family didn’t ask me for the longest as I wasn’t financially capable then. When I see there’s a need, I do what I can. I don’t send monthly though. That’s one way to encourage laziness in the able-bodied. I can’t send money without knowing the person (calling them + asking around) and their situation.

Have you ever said no? Do you budget monthly? Does your mom know you’re hoping to save up for those things? Maybe she assumes you don’t have those dreams and your money is basically free to use as you’re not using it until you have more responsibilities aka your own family. It boggles the mind that you don’t know who your money is going towards.

Your resentment will only build if you continue doing things this way.

 

[Somaliboqor]

I’m far away fro

I don’t get forced to do anything alhamdulilah. My family didn’t ask me for the longest as I wasn’t financially capable then. When I see there’s a need, I do what I can. I don’t send monthly though. That’s one way to encourage laziness in the able-bodied. I can’t send money without knowing the person (calling them + asking around) and their situation.

Have you ever said no? Do you budget monthly? Does your mom know you’re hoping to save up for those things? Maybe she assumes you don’t have those dreams and your money is basically free to use as you’re not using it until you have more responsibilities aka your own family. It boggles the mind that you don’t know who your money is going towards.

Your resentment will only build if you continue doing things this way.

I’m far away from being angry or resentful. Hooyo and me have a super close relationship because my dad passed away when she was pregnant with me. We been raised solely by her and my Adeero later on. Alhamdulilah we are doing great. Maybe I need to ask them more questions about who my money actually goes to or be more interested in what’s actually happening back home in general. You’re probably right that Hooyo sees me like I have lot of money to give away since I’m not married and still live at home. Maybe it’s just a bad communication problem between us.

 

[Internet Nomad]

Mahadsanid the most annoying thing is my Adeero has promised some girls back home that me and my siblings are going to pay for their university tuition each year. And he didn’t even consult us beforehand. It’s like he thinks I’m made out of money since I graduated. The worst thing is these universities are private owned and practically money laundering businesses. Many people back home can’t even find jobs when they graduate these useless universities.

You need to draw a line through the sand.

 

[Kalsoon]

I’m far away fro

I’m far away from being angry or resentful. Hooyo and me have a super close relationship because my dad passed away when she was pregnant with me. We been raised solely by her and my Adeero later on. Alhamdulilah we are doing great. Maybe I need to ask them more questions about who my money actually goes to or be more interested in what’s actually happening back home in general. You’re probably right that Hooyo sees me like I have lot of money to give away since I’m not married and still live at home. Maybe it’s just a bad communication problem between us.

Ok, resentment isn’t the right word for it. You mentioned that it’s starting to get under your skin. That’s how small things turn into resentment over time.

You’re right. It’s a communication issue mainly. Your family (mom and adeer) sound lovely btw.

 

[Halimo-2018]

You should communicate with your mom. Ask her where the money is going and why.
if you can help do so without being resentful about it maybe they need it more than you. Consider yourself blessed for being the one giving not the one asking. Yet you still have the right to say no since it’s your money.
Best of luck

 

[RICH]

You should communicate with your mom. Ask her where the money is going and why.
if you can help do so without being resentful about it maybe they need it more than you. Consider yourself blessed for being the one giving not the one asking. Yet you still have the right to say no since it’s your money.
Best of luck

That is so true. Being blessed to give others is a huge thing. I’m not stingy at all and I love to give more than to receive. Laakin…. sending money back home urkssssss me sooo much. Why? Because people back home are/get lazy and expect for us to send money for them to spend it on whatever they want. Don’t forget the men who chew khat and spend their money on it instead of feeding their families. I’ve experienced too many times that people from back home are taking advantage of you because you’re qurbajoog. Walking back account… Walking passport (when shukaansi enters).

Our parents are a generation that works their ass off for their families back home, laakin I don’t think that the next generation is going to continue this practice.

Again Alxamdulilaah for the blessings we have in the West, but money doesn’t grow on trees. They don’t get that we also have a lot of shit to pay. Life here is expensive.

An interesting Hadith about it:

Sahl ibn al-Hanzalah reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Whoever asks from people, while he is self-sufficient, only increases his share of the embers of Hellfire.” They said, “O Messenger of Allah, what amount of independence does not justify begging?” The Prophet said, “Enough to eat in the morning and evening.”

Source: Sunan Abī Dāwūd 1629

Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Albani

 

[Wervelwind]

As a Somali I've just given up on saving money because of this