I might be getting an arranged marriage

[Adagio]

"Secure the bag". What cringe advice.

Hey @Qeelbax, don't get me wrong, attraction is important but it can only go so far. Same with money. Relationships based on anything but a person's character is shallow and superficial. I'm sure you know that anyhow.

Idk, get to know the guy. See if you're compatible. By that I don't mean tweedle dee tweedle dum sameness. If your cogs match anothers gears, that can work too. But constant clashing without a common meeting ground will wear you down. Marriage is one hell of a thing, looks and money is a fusion of infatuation, and once that runs out (because it will) you'll want out. What then?

 

[Angelina]

ok go marry wiil oo haysanin income? ma waxas baa ku qanciyo?

Nothing wrong with speaking like a typical dads. What you said is what a good typical father who loves his daughter would say, so good for you. Your future girls will be in good hands.

 

[Jotaro Kujo]

@Qeelbax You're 19 subhanallah go live your life. Thinking about marriage already you were a child 2 years ago SMH.

 

[Basra]

@Qeelbax how can u allow another man like yourself insert penis in YOU? Abaay where is your lesbian balls??????

 

[Mr.Humphrey]

Get to know more about him. Just because his father is rich does not mean he is good with money. If he doesn't inherit anything then what? If he is handed a business and squanders it then what? Some people are good at building wealth and others at spending it. Most wealth disappears after three generations, staying rich is its own battle.

I personally believe you are young and should take some time to figure out what you want to do with your life. Halimos raised in the west have the best opportunities to set up their own businesses and become independant.

While it is a respectable life path, don't limit yourself to just being a housewife if that is not what you want. Once you have kids you will be shackled to this man for life so please make sure you know exactly the type of man you will be marrying beforehand so that we don't see you on youtube in a few years.

 

[Dooyo]

"Secure the bag". What cringe advice.

Hey @Qeelbax, don't get me wrong, attraction is important but it can only go so far. Same with money. Relationships based on anything but a person's character is shallow and superficial. I'm sure you know that anyhow.

Idk, get to know the guy. See if you're compatible. By that I don't mean tweedle dee tweedle dum sameness. If your cogs match anothers gears, that can work too. But constant clashing without a common meeting ground will wear you down. Marriage is one hell of a thing, looks and money is a fusion of infatuation, and once that runs out (because it will) you'll want out. What then?

I agree with your advice. What if "securing the bag" leads to a life full of misery and heart-break? That fact that he comes from a well-to-do family should just be a pro, not a reason to marry him. Also, she's 19. I'm also 19 and I cannot imagine getting married at this age. If she's a fellow Western raised Somali, I'm guessing she'll need time to fully mentally mature to be able to have a steadfast marriage.

Get to know him and continue with your education. Ha dhag-dhagin.

 

[Basra]

Get to know more about him. Just because his father is rich does not mean he is good with money. If he doesn't inherit anything then what? If he is handed a business and squanders it then what? Some people are good at building wealth and others at spending it. Most wealth disappears after three generations, staying rich is its own battle.

I personally believe you are young and should take some time to figure out what you want to do with your life. Halimos raised in the west have the best opportunities to set up their own businesses and become independant.

While it is a respectable life path, don't limit yourself to just being a housewife if that is not what you want. Once you have kids you will be shackled to this man for life so please make sure you know exactly the type of man you will be marrying beforehand so that we don't see you on youtube in a few years.

 

[reer]

Nothing wrong with speaking like a typical dads. What you said is what a good typical father who loves his daughter would say, so good for you. Your future girls will be in good hands.

too many somalis have something called buufis. they believe they can only ever make good money in the west. even if they are making good money in africa and the arab world. they have a weird view that a western passport=lacag badan. i wouldnt want my daughter to marry someone who could take advantage of her unless it is clear they will never go with her to the west or get a western passport. i would go as far as make my son or daughter write that in a marriage contract.

 

[Angelina]

too many somalis have something called buufis. they believe they can only ever make good money in the west. even if they are making good money in africa and the arab world. they have a weird view that a western passport=lacag badan. i wouldnt want my daughter to marry someone who could take advantage of her unless it is clear they will never go with her to the west or get a western passport. i would go as far as make my son or daughter write that in a marriage contract.

Its a catch 22 as your daughter might want the father of her children to have the same passport as her and the kids. Anything can happen and what if staying in the Arab world is no longer feasible? Will they end up having a long distance marriage for years and years?!

 

[reer]

Its a catch 22 as your daughter might want the father of her children to have the same passport as her and the kids. Anything can happen and what if staying in the Arab world is no longer feasible? Will they end up having a long distance marriage for years and years?!

i know what youre saying. but ive seen women marry faraxs from back home. then sponsor them to come to the weat. then have a kid. when he gets his papers he says bye bye. i dont want that heartbreak to happen. i would rather my kids marry a diaspora oo baasaboor wato. or move to somalia and get married there.

 

[Angelina]

@reer

I've seen it happen as well.

My take is, if you've made the plunge to marry and procreate with this person, then you might as well take the plunge and actually just take them with you to the West for the sake of the children.
You've already opened yourself up to that possibility from the moment you married that individual.

 

[Aboow]

You just want to scare the xalimos from getting married - they'll grow old while looking for a guy with money.

You just what xalimos to settle and when shit hits the fan be like “she could’ve chose better! She married him!”. Let women have standards and chose what they want! If they want a man to provide and give them stability (which is the minimum) than so be it!

 

[Man with a garuun]

A lot of those sons tend to have bachelors and masters degrees from good local or even abroad western Unis on top of being fluent in English and Arabic. Unless they're dameero or unwell they don't really need anyone for anything. Western passports would be a boon, yes, but these aren't fobs desperately searching for salvation but more like a dude who admits he'd probably be more comfortable and, more importantly, secure if he was Canadian or British. 8-10K a month as a starting to midrange salary for a bachelor in the UAE is very livable, abaayo. And frankly very marriage worthy if the woman also has a similar income and works which most reer Khaleej girls do. You can rent out a comfy studio or 1 bedroom in relatively nice neighborhoods and lease out a decent enough car while having money to spare on utilities, food, leisure and savings, no problem. And in a few years you can definitely be sitting on 15K or more like many of my bachelors degree batchmates:

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You'd be surprised at the kinds of nice places you can find especially if you're willing to live out in the boonies a bit and drive 30-40 mins to work. You can legit get a 3 bedroom villa for less than 60K a year:

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60K AED is the equivalent of $16,200 USD. So that comes down to $1350 per month. It should be manageable if you have a professional job. But I was told schools over there are very expensive. So one will need to find a job that is paying for your kids' school fees if you have younger children or plan to get married and have children.

 

[Abdisamad]

You just what xalimos to settle and when shit hits the fan be like “she could’ve chose better! She married him!”. Let women have standards and chose what they want! If they want a man to provide and give them stability (which is the minimum) than so be it!

Of course a man has to provide for his woman

 

[Man with a garuun]

Spoiler

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To my knowledge, alimony is allowed in Islam in the combination of these 2 ways:

1. The Muslim ex-husband is expected to support his ex-wife for two years depending upon his financial means (https://www.dar-alifta.org/Foreign/ViewFatwa.aspx?ID=6080).

2. The amount of resources she requested in her nikaah or mehr should be able to help her in the event that she is divorced. That is why it is important for Muslim men to request a tangible amount of resources such as gold, silver, etc for their mehr.

Additionally, to my understanding, the whole idea of a weli is that there must be a man (an immediate relative or husband) who support the lady.

 

[Man with a garuun]

To my knowledge, alimony is allowed in Islam in the combination of these 2 ways:

1. The Muslim ex-husband is expected to support his ex-wife for two years depending upon his financial means (https://www.dar-alifta.org/Foreign/ViewFatwa.aspx?ID=6080).

2. The amount of resources she requested in her nikaah or mehr should be able to help her in the event that she is divorced. That is why it is important for Muslim men to request a tangible amount of resources such as gold, silver, etc for their mehr.

Additionally, to my understanding, the whole idea of a weli is that there must be a man (an immediate relative or husband) who support the lady.

Correction,


2. The amount of resources she requested in her nikaah or mehr should be able to help her in the event that she is divorced. That is why it is important for Muslim women to request a tangible amount of resources such as gold, silver, etc for their mehr.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

Correction,


2. The amount of resources she requested in her nikaah or mehr should be able to help her in the event that she is divorced. That is why it is important for Muslim women to request a tangible amount of resources such as gold, silver, etc for their mehr.

Yep, which is why men need to stop trying to get out of paying meher, it's cringy and selfish.

* Thankfully I haven't heard of men trying to get out of meher in real life.*

 

[Angelina]

Correction,


2. The amount of resources she requested in her nikaah or mehr should be able to help her in the event that she is divorced. That is why it is important for Muslim women to request a tangible amount of resources such as gold, silver, etc for their mehr.

Lol it cannot. Don't be silly.

Average mehr is 3-6k. That cannot help a woman that has been married for 20+ years that has put her blood, sweet and money into an household. Wtf is 3k?

 

[Angelina]

Yep, which is why men need to stop trying to get out of paying meher, it's cringy and selfish.

* Thankfully I haven't heard of men trying to get out of meher in real life.*

Sis Mehr only covers 6 months of rent.

I'm talking about a woman that has sacrificed her youth, standards and even money, helping a man reach his dreams, only to be sidelined once he's a millionaire and she's a middle aged woman not able to bring in a lot of money. 3-10k isn't nowhere enough. Its pitiful especially when its your grinding and sacrifice as to why he has a booming business.

Mehr has always been simply a gift a man gives to show that he is serious. It isn't about protection, because 3k-10k is nothing. Also, he's meant to give at the start of the marriage, not the end like alimony. If you've been with a man for 20+ years, you've probably already spent your mehr and you end up walking with nothing.

 

[Man with a garuun]

Lol it cannot. Don't be silly.

Average mehr is 3-6k. That cannot help a woman that has been married for 20+ years that has put her blood, sweet and money into an household. Wtf is 3k?

Money value can depreciate; women should be basing their mehr on something that is tangible. The whole purpose of the mehr is for the woman to rely on it in case she doesn't have a support system after she is divorced and her ex-husband stopped supporting her after 2 years.

The way we do it in Somalia is much different than the other Muslim countries: Mehr is agreed, documented, and collected, before the nikaax takes places. That is done to make sure the lady's mehr requirements are secured before the actual nikaax.

The Weli is also expected to support her after she is divorced and her ex-husband isn't there to support her any more. The requirement of weli isn't only when she is getting married; it is someone who has her best interest at heart and who is required to feed her, cloth her, and provide her lodging until she gets married and has a family of her own.

So, since your initial claim was that Islam doesn't allow alimony, I was refuting it and telling you that the alimony is there - provided people understand it and wants to follow through it. In established Muslim societies, at least 2-years of alimony and payment of mehr are enforced.

In Murica, alimony isn't also required on the ex-husband on permanent basis. A former Eritrean coworker who divorced his wife was only required on his part to provide alimony until his ex-wife finished her graduate degree and joined the labor market. Once she finished the 2-year masters course and found a job, he informed his lawyer. The court waited for roughly 6 months until she was stable on the job. Once that was completed, the alimony was stopped.