I don't want to be a married single mom

[Kalsoon]

Inshallah

this was just one, I've seen plenty of this phenomenon recently.

Not the home really, but with the kids. Kids are a 24/7 job that never stops, I'm gonna need help

You’ve seen more of this phenomenon irl or sm?

With Somali households, it’s a given the mom helps with the children first. But, it’s also up to what you and your future spouse agree upon. If he doesn’t help with child-rearing at all, that will be him neglecting his duties as a father. But, if he’s busy working to provide for you and your family, I’m sure you can understand that.

I doubt anyone who loves you and only wants what’s best for you will allow you to struggle with kids by yourself. If he’s an empathetic individual, he wouldn’t intentionally treat you that way. Also, I don’t think situations like this are catastrophic. It can actually help you get closer if you communicate (in a good way) with each other and work together.

So..watched the lawyer clip again. It makes sense why they’re tired. It’s hard doing both roles. What I don’t understand is why they went with men who were fine taking a backseat to them? Did they not notice this in the beginning. With gaalo, they date for a while so it’s not like they noticed these tendencies all of a sudden. They had time to get used to that person’s way of operating. Were they initially happy/ok with that arrangement because it put them in the driver’s seat?

 

[Angelina]

No, I’m enjoying my peace and independence before I take the plunge, with women worthy of my company. Why do you ask?

No I meant Mrs doubtfire type simps.

This is the second time your brought subject up and I ask again, where did I play a victim?



For the most part s


That’s why you marry a man that makes you feel like a woman, a man that makes you want to cook clean, stay in shape and raise your children.


we both have our separate roles now can we help each other out sure, as long as we don’t forget our assigned roles. That was true in the Prophets times, but it’s not what your advocating for.


I actually support when older Somali women marry younger men, An older women has the right to enjoy life, just as much if not more than an older man.

what I don’t support is born again virgins, who wasted their prime years giving away their goods for free. Who now want to cut in front of the line ahead of those who are in their prime.

You didn’t watch the video did you? Like I said actually watch it and read the comments. No woman wants to work, provide, cook, clean, raise kids, breastfeed and the list goes on whilst their husbands hardly does anything. Overworking women increases their stress, ages them and simply ruins any relationship.

 

[Odious Delirium]

No, I’m enjoying my peace and independence before I take the plunge, with women worthy of my company. Why do you ask?

I wanted to know what perspective and angle your coming from with your takes.

what I don’t support is born again virgins, who wasted their prime years giving away their goods for free. Who now want to cut in front of the line ahead of those who are in their prime.

If what they are saying about you being in haram relationships is true then doesn't this apply to yourself aswell

 

[Angelina]

I wanted to know what perspective your coming from with your takes.

If what they are saying about you being in haram relationships is true then doesn't this apply to yourself aswell

That is the million dollar question. He’ll use Islam and morality against women though.

 

[chaehyun]

I watched my mom be a married single mother growing up. People don't realize how this can mentally affect women and their relationships with their children because they're too busy having to play the role of the mother AND the father. Especially since somali mothers tend to have multiple children to look after. I find that a lot of kids tend to feel emotionally neglected.

I'm glad my mom and more women are becoming more aware now and are choosing to place themselves first. If I don't find a good man then I am also content with being single.

 

[Odious Delirium]

@Kane if you have the ability to get married right now without any issues then what exactly is holding you back from getting married?

I have never understood the peace and independence mindset for not wanting to get married when a person can unless they are involved in haram.

@AbdiFreedom looks like another case.

a lot of people really shouldn't get married

 

[Kane]

He's having an obvious love-hate relationship with her!!

he's having an internal crisis she's too good for him

Ladies show some respect, Angie is married woman, who makes her husband malawax.

entanglement

Entanglement? Does this look like the red table to you?

 

[Kane]

You didn’t watch the video did you? Like I said actually watch it and read the comments. No woman wants to work, provide, cook, clean, raise kids, breastfeed and the list goes on whilst their husbands hardly does anything. Overworking women increases their stress, ages them and simply ruins any relationship.

That’s a deadbeat losers that doesn’t deserve a woman, and the woman that give such a bum an opportunity is a loser herself.

You see this is an example of victimhood, Allah has given you women the power of choice. That power comes with responsibility and accountability, if you fail in your choice it’s your fault. It’s as simple as that.

I wanted to know what perspective and angle your coming from with your takes.

If what they are saying about you being in haram relationships is true then doesn't this apply to yourself aswell

You’re just gonna believe whatever Angie tells you come on man?

@Kane if you have the ability to get married right now without any issues then what exactly is holding you back from getting married?

I have never understood the peace and independence mindset for not wanting to get married when a person can unless they are involved in haram.

@AbdiFreedom looks like another case.

a lot of people really shouldn't get married

Well if I wanted to marry for the sake of marriage as many Somalis do, I have had plenty of women who were willing. Both Somalis and none Somalis alike, but thats not good enough for me.

Maybe for you it’s different, because you sound like one of the maskiin nerds, Angie was talking about.

 

[Odious Delirium]

You’re just gonna believe whatever Angie tells you come on man?

I didn't assume I said "if its true" in hopes that you would clarify yourself.
I'm going to asumme this is you saying it's not true.

Maybe for you it’s different, because you sound like one of the maskiin nerds, Angie was talking about.

No need for random ad hominem attacks I'm sorry if I offended you that wasn't my intention

Well if I wanted to marry for the sake of marriage as many Somalis do, I have had plenty of women who were willing.

I never said anything about marrying for the sake of marriage I have had opportunities myself but the reasons I turned them down weren't because of "independence and peace"
I'm against rushing into marriage when one isn't ready and just marrying for the sake of it or to just fulfil your desires like a lot of people tend to do.

 

[Halimo-2018]

There are ways to find out. Aslong as you ask the right questions and do a proper background check you can find out what type of guy he is unless they lie then that's unfortunate

Some lie some change afterwards. You’ll never know to be honest until after

 

[Sophisticate]

Men to Avoid (short list):

1) Aaboless ones (of divorce as they are often dispirited and expectant of marital dissolution)
2) Immature ones
3) Ones with emotionally absent aabos
4) Those looking for a surrogate mother
5) Emotionally vacant/detached ones
6) Those warm to polygamy (and/or with polygamist fathers)
7) Those with no life skills (incapable of cooking and cleaning)
8) Over dramatic and sensitive men
9) Narcissistic and gas lighting men
10) Men with a short fuse/anger management issues/abusive
11) Controlling and distrustful men
12) Philandering men/those with limited sexual discipline (similar to number 6)
13) Self-flagellating men
14) Men who are unwilling to grow and learn
15) Clingy men (insecurely attached)
16) Irreligious men
17) Men who have some addiction of some sort of problems with impulse control (including financially irresponsible ones)
18) Men who play mind games
19) Chronic liars
20) Men lacking personal integrity (can't meet their own self-imposed commitments or those who regularly flake on others)

 

[Abdalla]

When Aisha was asked to describe the prophet, she said he was a servant to his household. She used the word Khadim, which is someone who serves others. Ive never put a dish on the sink without washing it. Nobody has ever seen the females in my household carrying a heavy grocery bag, I always do the groceries. Yes the females do the vast majority of the household chores, but I sure help. I clean my own mess.

Cleanliness is half the religion.

 

[Unbothered]

There is a new word for moms that "do it all". Married single mothers, cuz their husbands don't do shit. My absolute nightmare

Single motherhood is lit
Married women are in jail 🫣

 

[Kane]

I didn't assume I said "if its true" in hopes that you would clarify yourself.
I'm going to asumme this is you saying it's not true.

No need for random ad hominem attacks I'm sorry if I offended you that wasn't my intention


I never said anything about marrying for the sake of marriage I have had opportunities myself but the reasons I turned them down weren't because of "independence and peace"
I'm against rushing into marriage when one isn't ready and just marrying for the sake of it or to just fulfil your desires like a lot of people tend to do.

in other words I haven’t found the right woman/women worthy of giving up my peaceful existence, and inviting daily gossip and never ending drama.

Maybe I think this way because I have lived alone for a really long time, my time alone is the best part of my day.

Maybe you live with family and can relate, no that there is anything wrong with that.

 

[Kane]

Men to Avoid (short list):

1) Aaboless ones (of divorce as they are often dispirited and expectant of marital dissolution)
2) Immature ones
3) Ones with emotionally absent aabos
4) Those looking for a surrogate mother
5) Emotionally vacant/detached ones
6) Those warm to polygamy (and/or with polygamist fathers)
7) Those with no life skills (incapable of cooking and cleaning)
8) Over dramatic and sensitive men
9) Narcissistic and gas lighting men
10) Men with a short fuse/anger management issues/abusive
11) Controlling and distrustful men
12) Philandering men/those with limited sexual discipline (similar to number 6)
13) Self-flagellating men
14) Men who are unwilling to grow and learn
15) Clingy men (insecurely attached)
16) Irreligious men
17) Men who have some addiction of some sort of problems with impulse control (including financially irresponsible ones)
18) Men who play mind games
19) Chronic liars
20) Men lacking personal integrity (can't meet their own self-imposed commitments or those who regularly flake on others)

A solid list for a woman that understand the responsibility of choice, that being said number 6 is bit unfair.

 

[Odious Delirium]

in other words I haven’t found the right woman/women worthy of giving up my peaceful existence, and inviting daily gossip and never ending drama.

Maybe I think this way because I have lived alone for a really long time, my time alone is the best part of my day.

Maybe you live with family and can relate, no that there is anything wrong with that.

Fair enough that's more understandable

 

[Abdalla]

Single motherhood is lit
Married women are in jail 🫣

What clan are your children baayo?

 

[AbrahamFreedom]

Those are the worst lol

Those are the guys who make perfect fathers and perfect husbands and who provide stable homes. They marry women like them and divorce is non-existent. That is the ideal type of man.

 

[AbrahamFreedom]

Men to Avoid (short list):

1) Aaboless ones (of divorce as they are often dispirited and expectant of marital dissolution)
2) Immature ones
3) Ones with emotionally absent aabos
4) Those looking for a surrogate mother
5) Emotionally vacant/detached ones
6) Those warm to polygamy (and/or with polygamist fathers)
7) Those with no life skills (incapable of cooking and cleaning)
8) Over dramatic and sensitive men
9) Narcissistic and gas lighting men
10) Men with a short fuse/anger management issues/abusive
11) Controlling and distrustful men
12) Philandering men/those with limited sexual discipline (similar to number 6)
13) Self-flagellating men
14) Men who are unwilling to grow and learn
15) Clingy men (insecurely attached)
16) Irreligious men
17) Men who have some addiction of some sort of problems with impulse control (including financially irresponsible ones)
18) Men who play mind games
19) Chronic liars
20) Men lacking personal integrity (can't meet their own self-imposed commitments or those who regularly flake on others)

Those are all traits of people with emotionally absent parents or divorced parents. The data on parental divorce is insane, which is in fact not seen in the children of widowed mothers (kids of widowed mothers have the same positive outcomes as two parent households).

 

[bluebird]

whatever you do, do not marry the youngest boy of a family Go for the oldest, or second oldest. Examine his relationships, he is the one who takes care of others, or do others seem to take care of him?