How to avoid marrying a bad man.

I agree. I see this a lot where I’m from and so to overcompensate for lack of self worth, many girls become addicted to SM, and things like makeup, clothing, etc. Nothing wrong with indulging in these things once in a while, but to make it your whole identity is concerning.

Another thing that I’ve noticed is that a lot of girls are just getting married so that they can move out of their home. So to be honest, for them they don’t really care about the guy, just as long as he can provide her what she needs, while she goes out with her friends and lives the single life that she couldn’t whilst living with hooyo. Obv not everyone is like this, but it seems like this is becoming a trend.

Like I’ve been to weddings where it was painfully obvious why the girl was getting married; she wanted to escape and marriage was her only way out. In these cases, many of these girls grew up in social housing, and then once married move to condos, so parents should think twice about where they raise their kids and the physical environment that they’re brought up in.


I feel sorry for girls growing up/in their teens in this day and age, there is a lot of focus on social media.

They see all these photoshopped/overly made up women and feel the need to compete. Even adults find it hard not to conform.

This is where parenting comes in. Somali parents need to stop focusing on just dugsi and school and find extra-curricular activities for their girls, not just train them in the art of cooking/cleaning.

Young/teen girls need to be so busy having fun/learning in real life that they don't have time or need to scroll social media apps/sites.

Somali hooyos need a reality check tbh. They neglect their daughters' social lives and wonder why they become depressed, attention seeking or fall victim to predator men, Somali and foreign.
 

Desert Flower

Resident Naag Nool. Queen of the Den.
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I feel sorry for girls growing up/in their teens in this day and age, there is a lot of focus on social media.

They see all these photoshopped/overly made up women and feel the need to compete. Even adults find it hard not to conform.

This is where parenting comes in. Somali parents need to stop focusing on just dugsi and school and find extra-curricular activities for their girls, not just train them in the art of cooking/cleaning.

Young/teen girls need to be so busy having fun/learning in real life that they don't have time or need to scroll social media apps/sites.

Somali hooyos need a reality check tbh. They neglect their daughters' social lives and wonder why they become depressed, attention seeking or fall victim to predator men, Somali and foreign.
I agree. I also think that seeing their friends bridal showers and weddings makes them eager to get married, so they can have the same experience. So any guy ‘will do’ even if he has serious red flags. Not to mention, when all of your friends are ‘talking’ to a guy while you’re not, you may feel compelled to do so as well just to fit in. I don’t know about you, but I have yet to meet a single Somali couple that is equally yolked in terms of deen, character, education, personality, looks. That should tell you everything you need to know about the current state of marriages in our community.
 
I feel sorry for girls growing up/in their teens in this day and age, there is a lot of focus on social media.

They see all these photoshopped/overly made up women and feel the need to compete. Even adults find it hard not to conform.

This is where parenting comes in. Somali parents need to stop focusing on just dugsi and school and find extra-curricular activities for their girls, not just train them in the art of cooking/cleaning.

Young/teen girls need to be so busy having fun/learning in real life that they don't have time or need to scroll social media apps/sites.

Somali hooyos need a reality check tbh. They neglect their daughters' social lives and wonder why they become depressed, attention seeking or fall victim to predator men, Somali and foreign.
I know social media sucks and I’m addicted to it. But I’m planning to take a break from Instagram because somehow it’s effecting my self-esteem and I’m not even teenager.
Somali mothers need encourage young Somali girls to play sport or physical activities. That will keep occupied and make new friends/connection.
 
I agree. I also think that seeing their friends bridal showers and weddings makes them eager to get married, so they can have the same experience. So any guy ‘will do’ even if he has serious red flags. Not to mention, when all of your friends are ‘talking’ to a guy while you’re not, you may feel compelled to do so as well just to fit in. I don’t know about you, but I have yet to meet a single Somali couple that is equally yolked in terms of deen, character, education, personality, looks. That should tell you everything you need to know about the current state of marriages in our community.

I get it. It's not easy waiting for the right person but nothing worthy comes easy.

I think that's part of the 'test', getting your life in order and maintaining your standards. Allah will deliver but in Allah's time.
 
What's interesting is that Somalis in the diaspora don't worry about finding a job and they say "Inshallah! I will find a job", however, they are pessimistic when it comes to marriage.


If a man/woman is destined to be your spouse, nobody/nothing can take him/her away from you.

Some are meant to get married young, others are meant to get married at a more mature age.

You will either be the young partner/parent or the mature partner/parent, you're winning either way.
 
Sometimes, Somali women/girls make the mistake of marrying a man that is beneath her. Worse; a man that is beneath her and a non-Somali which makes it even worse. Either it's a test or a mistake that could have been avoided.

The following is my opinion; feel free to disagree;

(If this misfortune befell you or you are in it, it's never too late to start over, don't raise children in a toxic environment.)

Follow the Sunnah/Allah's laws, as Allah knows what is best for us;
  1. Lower your gaze! Don't develop crushes on random men, he could be crazy, gay, abusive or both. The point is, the way someone looks is NOT indicative of their character.
  2. Always involve your family/loved ones/respected people from the beginning of your 'courting process'. They have a clearer head/more experience than you do. Trust them.
  3. DON'T spend time alone in a secluded place with a strange man, he can rape you or ruin your reputation with lies, hence involving your loved ones is key.
  4. IF they approve; do ISTIKHAARAH PROPERLY and go with your gut.
  5. You have emotional intelligence ! If you sense "crazy", he is crazy: RUN.
  6. Don't listen to words; look at his actions.
  7. IF he is Ajnabi, make sure he is better than any Somali man you will ever meet/have ever met. Marrying a foreigner is not easy and no, it is NOT haram to turn down a muslim, compatibility is very important so being from the same country/culture is critical!

Please know your worth. You are Allah SWT's creation, this means you are worthy of everything that is good.

Furthermore, you have the most high as your ally.

Allah said; ask and I will give you, therefore, utilise Duah, it is the most powerful tool of a Muslim.

However, you must BELIEVE!!! So be careful of this powerful tool as you WILL GET WHAT YOU ASK FOR/THINK YOU DESERVE.





  1. Self-care- physical, emotional, mental; this means work out, eat well, pray/meditate, get an education/job etc.
  2. Find yourself- this sounds cliche but it's important, if you don't know yourself, you don't know what makes you happy.
  3. Learn your rights as a Muslim woman/rights of a Muslim man.
  4. Find a halal stream of income; a strong woman becomes a strong wife/mother.
  5. Enhance your beauty, remember a Muslim woman has to be modest; maybe have 2 wardrobes; one for inside and one for outside.
  6. Pamper yourself; give yourself a spa day, do your hair/nails, exfoliate etc. If you look good, you feel good.
  7. Find a hobby, read books etc, the wider your knowledge, the more interesting you are.
  8. Learn the art of conversation.
  9. Learn AF SOMALI/Somali Culture/poetry/dances etc.: Women spend the most time with their children so you need to be a SOMALI lady that can raise SOMALI children.



If you THINK you deserve a bad man, you will get a bad man; it is as simple as this.
Taking notes lol
 

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