How to avoid marrying a bad man.

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Sometimes, Somali women/girls make the mistake of marrying a man that is beneath her. Worse; a man that is beneath her and a non-Somali which makes it even worse. Either it's a test or a mistake that could have been avoided.

The following is my opinion; feel free to disagree;

(If this misfortune befell you or you are in it, it's never too late to start over, don't raise children in a toxic environment.)

Follow the Sunnah/Allah's laws, as Allah knows what is best for us;
  1. Lower your gaze! Don't develop crushes on random men, he could be crazy, gay, abusive or both. The point is, the way someone looks is NOT indicative of their character.
  2. Always involve your family/loved ones/respected people from the beginning of your 'courting process'. They have a clearer head/more experience than you do. Trust them.
  3. DON'T spend time alone in a secluded place with a strange man, he can rape you or ruin your reputation with lies, hence involving your loved ones is key.
  4. IF they approve; do ISTIKHAARAH PROPERLY and go with your gut.
  5. You have emotional intelligence ! If you sense "crazy", he is crazy: RUN.
  6. Don't listen to words; look at his actions.
  7. IF he is Ajnabi, make sure he is better than any Somali man you will ever meet/have ever met. Marrying a foreigner is not easy and no, it is NOT haram to turn down a muslim, compatibility is very important so being from the same country/culture is critical!

Please know your worth. You are Allah SWT's creation, this means you are worthy of everything that is good.

Furthermore, you have the most high as your ally.

Allah said; ask and I will give you, therefore, utilise Duah, it is the most powerful tool of a Muslim.

However, you must BELIEVE!!! So be careful of this powerful tool as you WILL GET WHAT YOU ASK FOR/THINK YOU DESERVE.





  1. Self-care- physical, emotional, mental; this means work out, eat well, pray/meditate, get an education/job etc.
  2. Find yourself- this sounds cliche but it's important, if you don't know yourself, you don't know what makes you happy.
  3. Learn your rights as a Muslim woman/rights of a Muslim man.
  4. Find a halal stream of income; a strong woman becomes a strong wife/mother.
  5. Enhance your beauty, remember a Muslim woman has to be modest; maybe have 2 wardrobes; one for inside and one for outside.
  6. Pamper yourself; give yourself a spa day, do your hair/nails, exfoliate etc. If you look good, you feel good.
  7. Find a hobby, read books etc, the wider your knowledge, the more interesting you are.
  8. Learn the art of conversation.
  9. Learn AF SOMALI/Somali Culture/poetry/dances etc.: Women spend the most time with their children so you need to be a SOMALI lady that can raise SOMALI children.



If you THINK you deserve a bad man, you will get a bad man; it is as simple as this.
 

Cityviews

The Prodigy
Damn, quality after quality post, I'm curious to see the responses to this diamond post.

:banderas:

I hope Somali women print this out and put this on their bedroom door or fridge.
 
I forgot to include, a loser will run away as soon as you mention that you will inform your family that you are getting to know each other, especially when you mention male relatives.


He will know you are "protected".
 

Karim

I could agree with you but then we’d both be wrong
HALYEEY
VIP
Lock that pinky toe. Premarital sex will ruin your marriage. Don't even think of marrying a man with shrewd unreligious intentions. Negative sexual vibes towards you is a red flag.
 
Lock that pinky toe. Premarital sex will ruin your marriage. Don't even think of marrying a man with shrewd unreligious intentions. Negative sexual vibes towards you is a red flag.

Thank you!!

In general, a man who seems "lustful" is not right.

That should come after marriage.
 

Lostbox

「Immortal Sage」| Qabil-fluid
VIP
It's so rare to see such a high effort post

dhMeAzK.gif
 
I have another concern I forgot to raise;

I think a lot of Somali girls may lack self-esteem due to not being told that they're valuable at home.

Somali parents may just assume that their daughter knows she is smart, beautiful, valuable etc, but they may not SAY IT.

Our culture can be quite stoic when it comes to affection.

Foreign men may fill that void by noticing their insecurity and capitalising on it!! They WILL fill her head and if she is not confident, she will eat it up.


I think Somali parents and brothers in particular, need to make sure they verbally build up the girls in their family. Make them confident from a young age.
 
This woman once told me that she was in love with a man, she did Istikharah and it was coming out negative.

However, she was stubborn, refused to listen to her gut and went to Umrah and begged Allah for that man.

Allah accepted her duah, they got married, as expected, he ended up being unfaithful and now she's divorced with a child.
 

Mercury

Ha igu daalinee dantaada raac
VIP
Lock that pinky toe. Premarital sex will ruin your marriage. Don't even think of marrying a man with shrewd unreligious intentions. Negative sexual vibes towards you is a red flag.

I think if the Guy is overly touchy than chances are hes not the right Guy
 

AdoonkaAlle

Ragna qowl baa xira, dumarna meher baa xira.
@Finesse

Mahadsanid walaal

Waxaan ka barya Alle in uu khayrka iyo wanaaga ku kordhiyo, Jannatul firdaws haku warabiyo adiga iyo reerkagaba

Ameen
 
Jkh for this amazing post sis! Really informative. You’d think this would be common knowledge, but it isn’t.

One thing I would like to add is that don’t ever, ever be desperate for marriage. Be confident and understand that what is meant for you will come insha’Allah. In the meantime, work on yourself.
 
I have another concern I forgot to raise;

I think a lot of Somali girls may lack self-esteem due to not being told that they're valuable at home.

Somali parents may just assume that their daughter knows she is smart, beautiful, valuable etc, but they may not SAY IT.

Our culture can be quite stoic when it comes to affection.

Foreign men may fill that void by noticing their insecurity and capitalising on it!! They WILL fill her head and if she is not confident, she will eat it up.


I think Somali parents and brothers in particular, need to make sure they verbally build up the girls in their family. Make them confident from a young age.

I agree. I see this a lot where I’m from and so to overcompensate for lack of self worth, many girls become addicted to SM, and things like makeup, clothing, etc. Nothing wrong with indulging in these things once in a while, but to make it your whole identity is concerning.

Another thing that I’ve noticed is that a lot of girls are just getting married so that they can move out of their home. So to be honest, for them they don’t really care about the guy, just as long as he can provide her what she needs, while she goes out with her friends and lives the single life that she couldn’t whilst living with hooyo. Obv not everyone is like this, but it seems like this is becoming a trend.

Like I’ve been to weddings where it was painfully obvious why the girl was getting married; she wanted to escape and marriage was her only way out. In these cases, many of these girls grew up in social housing, and then once married move to condos, so parents should think twice about where they raise their kids and the physical environment that they’re brought up in.
 

Vanessa

Support interracial love 💕
VIP
Sometimes, Somali women/girls make the mistake of marrying a man that is beneath her. Worse; a man that is beneath her and a non-Somali which makes it even worse. Either it's a test or a mistake that could have been avoided.

The following is my opinion; feel free to disagree;

(If this misfortune befell you or you are in it, it's never too late to start over, don't raise children in a toxic environment.)

Follow the Sunnah/Allah's laws, as Allah knows what is best for us;
  1. Lower your gaze! Don't develop crushes on random men, he could be crazy, gay, abusive or both. The point is, the way someone looks is NOT indicative of their character.
  2. Always involve your family/loved ones/respected people from the beginning of your 'courting process'. They have a clearer head/more experience than you do. Trust them.
  3. DON'T spend time alone in a secluded place with a strange man, he can rape you or ruin your reputation with lies, hence involving your loved ones is key.
  4. IF they approve; do ISTIKHAARAH PROPERLY and go with your gut.
  5. You have emotional intelligence ! If you sense "crazy", he is crazy: RUN.
  6. Don't listen to words; look at his actions.
  7. IF he is Ajnabi, make sure he is better than any Somali man you will ever meet/have ever met. Marrying a foreigner is not easy and no, it is NOT haram to turn down a muslim, compatibility is very important so being from the same country/culture is critical!

Please know your worth. You are Allah SWT's creation, this means you are worthy of everything that is good.

Furthermore, you have the most high as your ally.

Allah said; ask and I will give you, therefore, utilise Duah, it is the most powerful tool of a Muslim.

However, you must BELIEVE!!! So be careful of this powerful tool as you WILL GET WHAT YOU ASK FOR/THINK YOU DESERVE.





  1. Self-care- physical, emotional, mental; this means work out, eat well, pray/meditate, get an education/job etc.
  2. Find yourself- this sounds cliche but it's important, if you don't know yourself, you don't know what makes you happy.
  3. Learn your rights as a Muslim woman/rights of a Muslim man.
  4. Find a halal stream of income; a strong woman becomes a strong wife/mother.
  5. Enhance your beauty, remember a Muslim woman has to be modest; maybe have 2 wardrobes; one for inside and one for outside.
  6. Pamper yourself; give yourself a spa day, do your hair/nails, exfoliate etc. If you look good, you feel good.
  7. Find a hobby, read books etc, the wider your knowledge, the more interesting you are.
  8. Learn the art of conversation.
  9. Learn AF SOMALI/Somali Culture/poetry/dances etc.: Women spend the most time with their children so you need to be a SOMALI lady that can raise SOMALI children.



If you THINK you deserve a bad man, you will get a bad man; it is as simple as this.
upload_2019-4-3_8-1-33.gif

These advices are great. Thanks once again:it0tdo8:
 
I forgot to include, a loser will run away as soon as you mention that you will inform your family that you are getting to know each other, especially when you mention male relatives.


He will know you are "protected".

how can you buy a new car without test-driving it? i want to see her to make she's really an original woman. these days there are so many trans people and i don't want to end up with a transgender woman (man who changed into a woman by surgery with a fake puzzzy hole and boobs).
 

Cityviews

The Prodigy
how can you buy a new car without test-driving it? i want to see her to make she's really an original woman. these days there are so many trans people and i don't want to end up with a transgender woman (man who changed into a woman by surgery with a fake puzzzy hole and boobs).

Would you let women in your family be test driven?
 
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