how somali women choose education and career and lost

[Shimbiris]

Two of my female cousins, early-mid 30s, took the "career over family/marriage" bait hook line and sinker. They're extremely successful mashallah, but they're not fulfilled, you sense the panic really start to set in. Fiat currency printed on toilet paper that's losing it's purchasing power every year is no substitute for a family and the things that really matter in life

I really have no real prejudice against life-time single people who don't or don't want to have kids but I noticed growing up that all my single and childless uncles and aunts seemed pretty lonely, sad and a little loopy too.

What people need to realize is that all this modern bullshit is the last 5 seconds of our history as a species. We spent 99.99% of our time as a species as Hunter-Gatherers who were basically never alone, pretty much always had monogamous relationships and children and were even raised more affectionately and close knit than nowadays with most late holocene HG cultures displaying that they borderline never put their babies down for the first 2 years or so. Someone, whether it's ayeeyo or awoowo or aabo or hooyo or habo is holding the child at all times.

That's what we as a species developed in mentally. Take that animal, put it in a concrete box and convince it can be happy with shallow relationships, minimal or shallow social interaction and no family and you'll get some pretty loopy and/or remorseful types in a few decades 9 times out of 10 from what I've seen.

 

[Onyxbrainster]

This isn’t anything new, a lot of western women deal with this and as somalis take up their idealogies, its only right that they run into the same issues.

I will keep saying this: Most women in the west are delusional. Why do you have the need to not marry until you had all your fun, example:traveling,edecuation, career, like you can’t do that while your married, i’d argue that it’s easier to do in marriage as long as you state that you don’t want kids and make sure your husband is on the same page as you.
I notice most are under the influence that the things that make a men more attractive to women example (higher education,career etc) makes them more attractive to the opposite sex so they think they are the prize, but nobody told them that men don’t value those things if his well off which is the type of guy they want anyway, than they become bitter the men their age that they thought they qualified for is going for the younger women with no education but pretty. Endless cycle wallahi i was hearing this about western women in my younger days now it’s effecting somali women too.

It's a sad reality and I agree with you. The thing is even tho going getting an education and working helps temporarily in the long run you miss out on making friendships and getting a partner. I'm even experiencing some of this currently. I honestly wish I looked for a partner in my earlier years of university cause it gets even harder in your late 20s/30s. I read a lot of forums online and it's plain sad how many women in the west are struggling to find marriage cause of delaying it.

 

[Fay]

As someone who got married as a teen and has kids im telling yallright now having kids is not easy at all wallahi... it is the hardest thing i ever had to do and if i could take it back id remain single until im financially ready...
But i wouldnt trade my kids for nothing tho alhamdulilah, Its very hard tho especially living in the west and for someone like me who was born and raised in the west.

 

[Fay]

It is the reality here in Toronto. I don’t know why they refuse marriage/nikkah and expect to get married at 30 plus like the whites. Most ethnic women don’t have the white women’s discipline level to exercise every dawn. I see them always stuffing their faces full at all the food places all the time. They are always eating with the hen groups.

Theres no difference in ur 20s than when u turn 30 especially for black women... white women exercise cos they fucking age like avocados tf why do somali men here use white women as an example... they do shit early cos they age like shit.. we not like them..

 

[bobsburger]

The only school my wife will attend is culinary school

 

[Wervelwind]

Theres no difference in ur 20s than when u turn 30 especially for black women... white women exercise cos they fucking age like avocados tf why do somali men here use white women as an example... they do shit early cos they age like shit.. we not like them..

I wanna ask you how hard do you think it is for a woman to get married when she turns 30 without having any experience dating men? Since you married young

 

[Fay]

I wanna ask you how hard do you think it is for a woman to get married when she turns 30 without having any experience dating men? Since you married young

Its not that hard nigga plenty of women marry at 30.. 30 is a great age to get married u are young enough but old enough to know what u want

 

[Wervelwind]

Its not that hard nigga plenty of women marry at 30.. 30 is a great age to get married u are young enough but old enough to know what u want

I see. But then why is there so much anxiety and backtalking from other Somali ppl (parents, community) when a woman is unmarried in her 30s?

 

[Fay]

I see. But then why is there so much anxiety and backtalking from other Somali ppl (parents, community) when a woman is unmarried in her 30s?

Societal pressures bruh... people r always gonna talk whether u doing good or bad. The question is are u gonna live for what other ppl think or r u gonna live for urself? f*ck what ppl think and f*ck society.

 

[Western4Life]

I would like to hear @Western4Life ‘s view on this

Because I am a moderate, right? Everyone here is an extremist on opposing sides. There's one particular mod here who is no different than that crazy Salafi guy, but is a rabid feminist and who shall remain nameless.

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[Desert Flower]

It’s not either/or as you’re making it out to be. If you’re getting your life together, also get your love life together too. If marriage and a kid(s) is a goal for you, then plan accordingly. Time waits for no one and it goes much faster than you think.

 

[karkaar]

To all my somali gabdhos/walaals,GET EDUCATED.Your parents didn't leave a war torn country for you to face the same challenges they did.Finish a program whatever it may be , the reason being that marriage for the most part is no longer permanent, anything can happen and you need to be ready for the worst possible outcome.
With that being said, you should be done by 25-26 at the latest(accounting for people in more technical fields).At that point you'll be married in your mid 20s whereby your options are vastly greater than if u were to drag it into your early 30s.

 

[Angelina]

To all my somali gabdhos/walaals,GET EDUCATED.Your parents didn't leave a war torn country for you to face the same challenges they did.Finish a program whatever it may be , the reason being that marriage for the most part is no longer permanent, anything can happen and you need to be ready for the worst possible outcome.
With that being said, you should be done by 25-26 at the latest(accounting for people in more technical fields).At that point you'll be married in your mid 20s whereby your options are vastly greater than if u were to drag it into your early 30s.

Women can get educated and focus on getting a husband. Many women meet their future husband at uni. Whilst I was at uni, I didn't have the mentality that I wasn't going to give a Farax a chance.

I feel like people have a one or the other mentality when you can do both as long as you don't allow it from stopping you from fulfilling your targets.

 

[Abba Sadacha]

one can be balanced, as in, they get their degree and strive for a good job, while seeking marriage & establishing families...you can do both