How do you know if you love someone?
- Thread starter Malabay
- Start date
- Status
Never understood this, I hate everyone.
You know you love someone when you get to know all of their bad habits and dark secrets and you still want to be with them.
The thing is, you have to actually know them and not this idea you have of them in your head.
I think men and women often trick themselves into falling in love with a representation of a person and when the person falls short of that fantasy, they end up very disappointed.
If I loved someone, yes I would tell them and I have done so in the past.
The thing is, you have to actually know them and not this idea you have of them in your head.
I think men and women often trick themselves into falling in love with a representation of a person and when the person falls short of that fantasy, they end up very disappointed.
If I loved someone, yes I would tell them and I have done so in the past.
Yes. It's called idealizing a partner or potential partner and certain personalities are very prone to doing this. I think that's what causes a lot of heartbreak. People ''falling in love'' with someone they made up in their head and later realizing it was just that, made up.
I can’t lie it’s happened to me.
This is a very interesting video from Jordan Peterson where he talks about separating your image of the ideal from the actual being. Let me know what you think.
Nah, gonna have to disagree with the bolded.
You can love someone but not wanna put up with or allow certain things. While the chemistry and genuine feelings might be there, it's just not meant to be; no compatibility.
Not to mention, there are some dark secrets that any normal person wouldn't tolerate. There are reasonable cut-off points. It doesn't mean that you didn't truly know and love them before-- only that, loving someone shouldn't come at the cost of completely sacrificings your values&ideals. Love doesn't have to make you stupid/blind.
This is a very good point and I agree with most of this.
I believe there is a line between truth and distortion. And when you learn the truth you move towards reality. So for example if you find out your partner is a murderer, you move away from this distorted view you had where you assumed your partner was not capable of committing such a heinous act.
Once you are in reality and you know the truth, if you still love them- then I guess that’s love. But if you acknowledge that your love for them was based on a distortion (they are not capable of killing) then I guess you didn’t love them. You loved an ideal version of them. When this happens to someone you often hear them say “I loved who I thought you were”.
But I can understand where you’re coming from. What do you think the answer to the op’s question is?
I dont ever show love fam
Hmm true, but with the case of some less extreme 'dark secrets'...you can still love the person despite that secret, and still not want to be with them. Because, although the secret may not be bad enough to make you disregard the rest of what you know about that person(and thus, your love for them)...it could still be too much for you be ok with in your day to day life (thus, the cut-off).
I get what you're saying if the scenario is one where "love for them was based on a distortion"-- but at the same time...it takes time getting to know people, and no one tells their dark secrets right off the bat(heck, some ppl take their secrets to the grave). Unlike bad habits and flaws [which all LTR couples will eventually be forced to confront], dark secrets can remain well hidden...So how can you truly know, or hold off on falling in love with, that person during the intermediateᐩ stage of the relationship/courting? ...It's beyond the concept of 'living in a distorted reality'/ loving an "ideal version" of someone (regardless of whether it was you that created the false representation, or your partner who falsely represented themselves to you). What does it mean to rly "know" someone? What's enough?
If we can't love someone until we truly know them, and if truly knowing them requires being privy to their deepest secrets, but being privy to their deepest secrets is only possible if they love/trust us (or even, if they're willing to show us their 'real face'[is there rly such a thing? :l] at all), etc....Then, the percentage of people who've actually loved someone would be very low.
As for OP's question, idk honestly; never been in love.
He seems to be talking about men having trouble pursuing attractive women and feeling intimidated by them. That wasn't really on my mind when I was thinking of ''idealizing'' someone, rather it was living in a bubble most of the time when said person is in a deep relationship, and although they notice the flaws of the other person, they either choose to bury it in or try to fix it. These flaws may not even be that big, or realistically acceptable in a normal circumstances, but they just want it to be perfect or ideal...and they wonder , am I settling for less? I find when the relationship is over only then can they think clearly and either realise they were not for them or that they messed up and should have appreciated what they had and not pushed for an idealistic relationship.
In some cases it's even more extreme, like finding that you have something in common with someone (even slightly) and based off of that creating an idealized person that you might confuse for the real one unknowingly. And the more you get to know the ''real'' person, the less you like that person and I think that's what leads to broken relationships where people say stuff such as ''I used to like you''. ''You'' meaning an idealized version of that person that wasn't based in reality.. and they just got carried away by it.
Sorry if I misunderstood that video, but I felt like he wasn't really addressing the question in a way that is applicable to everyone.
Last edited:
This.
You can never know everything about someone, so I think it's an unrealistic standard to hold when measuring your love for someone.
Its hard when someone is falling hard for you but you just not there yet and they don't understand that you want them in your life but need time to catch on.
This person is a real dream come true, I'm worried if I don't start proclaiming my love for him, he might assume im not all in. He's already called me immature and thinks I don't know what I want. Mehhh.
Last edited:
You don't love him from your attitude.You are thinking of moneytory wealth along with status.
You don't know that.
He has no wealth. He's a poor student actually. I do get jealous often and I'm not the jealous type. For all I know maybe I am in love i dunno because I've never been in love like that. Soo complicated this all is.
Women get jealous over everything it's a subconscious bias.Often women want what people have hence of their potential is getting attention you will feel that bias.I don't think you love him.
I'm not like other women i don't get jealous like that. This is the first time i feel this way, how do you explain this? Why now? Why him?
If you get a boner that means you love that person
- Status
