How can you marry someone without dating them?

[kickz]

You don't truly know a person until you have lived with him/her under the same roof. A relationship isn't real before you live together. Trust me, things changes and you truly see what the partner is really about.

This is why you speak to their acquaintances as well, you vet them like an employee is vetted by a company through references.

 

[YourBroMoe]

It's worked for a lot of Muslim marriages, but in my opinion, it's where and how you're raised that determine your success in marriage.

Traditionalists already have a set in stone code of conduct for marriage and married life in general, from courtship, to the wedding, to the honeymoon phase, building a family and then working together to make it work until you die.

Modern man in secular nations, with high rates of divorce do not have a code of conduct for marriage. They know what they want in the moment, but don't bother thinking about the future of said marriage.

This is where dating comes into play. As you date an assortment of people, you'll meet people who share similar interests, values, political views, religious views, etc.

Dating is the fastest way to find someone like that. So if you're looking to marry under secular parameters, dating is the way to go.

If you're taking a Traditionalist approach, it isn't really needed. You know exactly what you're getting into.

 

[The alchemist]

This is why you speak to their acquaintances as well, you vet them like an employee is vetted by a company through references.

I know what you are saying, but what I mean in general sense is; all relationships (girlfriend/boyfriend) are almost irrelevant until you live with that person. The dynamics of the relationship will rearrange and be tested.

An even better solution to the Muslim male/female relationship would be to have an interview, a type of screening. Forget conventional methods. If she has the traits that I deem worthy and in congruence with mine, then she passes. The same option would be open for her also, where she can check if I fit her desirable traits. This would work much quicker. All this under professional interview- like conversations.

 

[XawoTako]

This is one thing I dont understand
Dating is necessary to get to know someone on a romantic level
Rushing into marriage whilst barely knowing the person just seems like a divorce will be pending
I’m a muslim but this confuses me

You can get to know the individual and meet them at public places but you have to avoid being alone with them

 

[Ameen]

What is the point to have sex before marriage?

To see if you're compatible

 

[Mahacagalla]

You can get to know the individual and meet them at public places but you have to avoid being alone with them

Why? As long as there is no physical contact what's the difference?

 

[AussieHustler]

The mosques should run courses in marriages, parenthood and moderate the realistic expectations of potential husbands and wives, but the question is, which imams? They’ve left a string of wives and children in various continents, states & countries. Tawakal if s/he is irresistible in the shagging department. That’s how we Somalis always managed. When the shagging wanes, he moves on & on.

 

[XawoTako]

Why? As long as there is no physical contact what's the difference?

When man and woman are alone together shaitan is third party.

 

[PhySom]

I'm always suspicious of a woman who never lets me meet her without a hijab.

She might be hiding some jeraar hair and that can't be good for my children.

 

[Regg]

Dating is a recent phenomenon invented by the West in the mid 20th century. Before it was non-existent because it was a taboo (99% of the world was conservative back then).

Arranged marriage have been successful for 1000s years. Divorce started to become rampant and has skyrocketted in the last 30 years when dating and pre-marital sex became common because of infatuation.

Just think about it.

 

[Halimo-2018]

This happens a lot. I think men are in a hurry to have sex and the women want babies because their clock is ticking. Marriage in general is a hit/miss. I would prefer to know them for atleast a couple of years but i understand sometimes thats not possible.

 

[Desert Flower]

You can talk without touching. Make sure to let a guy know this prior so he won’t dive in for a hug or something. Many guys are surprised that I, a hijabi, won’t touch them. I’m surprised that they’re surprised lool.

 

[Desert Flower]

This happens a lot. I think men are in a hurry to have sex and the women want babies because their clock is ticking. Marriage in general is a hit/miss. I would prefer to know them for atleast a couple of years but i understand sometimes thats not possible.

Depends on how old you are. But if you’re paying attention and asking the right questions and you’re emotionally detached, you can figure someone out quite easily.

 

[Desert Flower]

When man and woman are alone together shaitan is third party.

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[HalimaJ]

It's worked for a lot of Muslim marriages, but in my opinion, it's where and how you're raised that determine your success in marriage.

Traditionalists already have a set in stone code of conduct for marriage and married life in general, from courtship, to the wedding, to the honeymoon phase, building a family and then working together to make it work until you die.

Modern man in secular nations, with high rates of divorce do not have a code of conduct for marriage. They know what they want in the moment, but don't bother thinking about the future of said marriage.

This is where dating comes into play. As you date an assortment of people, you'll meet people who share similar interests, values, political views, religious views, etc.

Dating is the fastest way to find someone like that. So if you're looking to marry under secular parameters, dating is the way to go.

If you're taking a Traditionalist approach, it isn't really needed. You know exactly what you're getting into.

Somalia is a traditional nation and people rarely date the way westerners do, yet divorce is still common tbh. Its the attitudes surrounding divorce, rather just secular vs traditional. That is a pretty simple way to look at it. Despite us being a conservative nation/ ethnic group, Somalis attitude to women and divorce is different to that of Asians and Arabs.

Many traditionalists (male) unfortunately just have the luxury of knowing that they can make their wife/ wives life a living hell and she will still stay due to cultural prejudices surrounding divorced women and also because many women do not have financial security.

Within many so called traditional marriages, cheating, abuse and all sorts of unsavoury issues are found. Yet there is no escape. I'm usually gobsmacked when my Asian friends and acquaintances open up about their or families marriages.

 

[Basra]

This is one thing I dont understand
Dating is necessary to get to know someone on a romantic level
Rushing into marriage whilst barely knowing the person just seems like a divorce will be pending
I’m a muslim but this confuses me

 

[YourBroMoe]

Somalia is a traditional nation and people rarely date the way westerners do, yet divorce is still common tbh. Its the attitudes surrounding divorce, rather just secular vs traditional. That is a pretty simple way to look at it. Despite us being a conservative nation/ ethnic group, Somalis attitude to women and divorce is different to that of Asians and Arabs.

Many traditionalists (male) unfortunately just have the luxury of knowing that they can make their wife/ wives life a living hell and she will still stay due to cultural prejudices surrounding divorced women and also because many women do not have financial security.

Within many so called traditional marriages, cheating, abuse and all sorts of unsavoury issues are found. Yet there is no escape. I'm usually gobsmacked when my Asian friends and acquaintances open up about their or families marriages.

That's true not gonna lie.