Hooyo explains how modern women are too materalistic

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

We can complain about it till kingdom come, but we women need to start raising our sons better. We need to teach them the true meaning of being a qawwâm. Allah tells us that the man is the head of the household, the Shepard of the flock, yet men are raised to hardly have any responsibility. How are women meant to trust and obey her husband when some cannot even trust their husbands to fulfill his role adequately?

In our culture, a woman is meant to display wifely qualities before marriage. She needs to know how to cook and clean. Help her hooyo with the siblings as tomorrow, she will have her own household to manage. In what ways are our men meant to prove themselves before marriage?

Absolutely sis.

As mothers, we should teach our sons to be responsible in general especially with his female relatives, how to be financially literate, how to be compassionate and how to control his desires. It is important to model good behaviour for children so they don't grow into destructive adults.

I really believe that if more men were truly responsible with how they handled polygamy, more women would volunteer to be part of it.

The truth is that most of these polygamy loving men are broke and irresponsible so being a 2nd/3rd/4th wife is just a way to shorten your life-expectancy.

 

[Angelina]

Do you really believe that these "lazy, selfish men" wish to live in continuous poverty and actually force women and their children to live in that poverty with them? That's an extremely far-fetched idea sxb

Poverty is by and large not a conscience choice by individuals their forced to it by economic and societal restraints.

It is not a good thing for society that many men are left behind in the marriage market like in China and other developing countries because this can potentially cause issues like increased crime and other anti-social behaviour.

I wouldn't take countries like Egypt and Iran as serious models for social policies because they have their own unique issues that don't really translate to the problems in Somalia. Btw I'm not arguing for polygamy or advising people to enter it if they're not financially capable, that's just ridiculous.

What I am arguing for is not barring men who have little means from pursuing marriage because that's a cruel and ultimately anti-Islamic view.

That isn't our argument. I'd like to think most of us sisters have respect for poorer men who try to change their situation and try to provide for their wife and kids in the best of their abilities. That is what I call a real man and May Allah bless fathers who are like that. A man who takes his role as qawwâm regardless of his finances is a gem.

Those men work long hrs to try and provide for their kids. They don't sit in maqayads all day, content with benefits or remittance, nor do they try to marry as soon as they get a tiny bit more.

 

[HiraanBorn]

Yes, when a poor man decides to marry more than one woman, he is literally forcing more than one woman to live in poverty. That's exactly what he is doing.

You make it sound as if the man is the only one who controls the dynamics of a marriage, isn't the woman also making a conscious decision to be in that "poverty-ridden" polygamous marriage?

If a poor man sticks to one household, he has less bills to pay, less mouths to feed and thus less financial difficulties.

Yes, I agree.

 

[TekNiKo]

All the sisters that posted are pretty conservative and usually post pretty religious view points.

Show me one ghetto opinion? Shall I tell you what is ghetto? Not caring about your wife/wives and offspring and marrying multiple times without having the time and resources.


Anyways Cardi B and Nicki all ascribe to the mentality you would love women to have. They both 'ride or die' for trash men and put them on a pedestal.

That is facts.

Why do you assume men wont assume their responsobilities for polygamy? Just cause a man is poor he cant have four wives? Go to baadiya in Somalia and youll see plenty of women satisfied with simple life in polygamy. You live in Western bubble

 

[TekNiKo]

You make it sound as if the man is the only one who controls the dynamics of a marriage, isn't the woman also making a conscious decision to be in that "poverty-ridden" polygamous marriage?

Yes, I agree.

Notice they put all the blame on the men? Women know full well these men are not that well off and married and still choose to marry him because they love him and want him. They always blame the man.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

You make it sound as if the man is the only one who controls the dynamics of a marriage, isn't the woman also making a conscious decision to be in that "poverty-ridden" polygamous marriage?

Yes, I agree.

I said it before in this thread, twice, that women should take responsibility for their choices.
I don't believe that woman are always victims who fall into disaster, many choose dysfunction over being single.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

Notice they put all the blame on the men? Women know full well these men are not that well off and married and still choose to marry him because they love him and want him. They always blame the man.

Nope.

Re-read my posts and the other posts by the other sisters. No need to put words in our mouths, just respond to what we actually wrote.

 

[Angelina]

You make it sound as if the man is the only one who controls the dynamics of a marriage, isn't the woman also making a conscious decision to be in that "poverty-ridden" polygamous marriage?

Yes, I agree.

I find it astounding that you would use everything within your arsenal to try and not let those type of men have any form of accountability.

In islam, the man is the one that can easily leave a marriage. In order for women to get a divorce they either have to ask the husband who could refuse or go to an Islamic court to get khula. There are hardly any proper Islamic courts outside of the Middle East. Also, marrying again regardless of financial capabilities has become somewhat of a national sport. I've seen women in my own families who've been decived and lied to and have found out about their husbands 2nd marriage after years. I also know cases of men who've used some of their wife's money to remarry. Guess what? Whenever the qabil/toll find out they try to pressure women to bare the blatant disrespect and have patience. This earth is a man's playground in many ways.

Obviously, in our generation in the West women have more options and are much more likely to have higher standards and make different choices. Yet, this difference is what seems to irritate some Western Abdis. Because of this we're copying 'Cardi B and Nicki' as you tried to argue.

 

[TekNiKo]

I said it before in this thread, twice, that women should take responsibility for their choices.
I don't believe that woman are always victims who fall into disaster, many choose dysfunction over being single.

You and Angelina just bashed the men and said they are irresponsible and horny to put it crudely. You said they are not real men for getting married to another woman instead of solely focusing on his first family, you called them ghetto. So what does that make the woman?

 

[HiraanBorn]

Why do you assume men wont assume their responsobilities for polygamy? Just cause a man is poor he cant have four wives? Go to baadiya in Somalia and youll see plenty of women satisfied with simple life in polygamy. You live in Western bubble

I think these women are imagining polygamous life as a first-world millionaire hustler who can gift out Lamborghinis to their wife and kids every other week lmao

 

[Angelina]

Why do you assume men wont assume their responsobilities for polygamy? Just cause a man is poor he cant have four wives? Go to baadiya in Somalia and youll see plenty of women satisfied with simple life in polygamy. You live in Western bubble

Islamically you're not allowed to have multiple wives if you can't afford it. People have different living standards, in the West many of you guys can't even put a roof over a woman's head without government assistance. So who gave you the right to marry another then?

 

[HiraanBorn]

I said it before in this thread, twice, that women should take responsibility for their choices.
I don't believe that woman are always victims who fall into disaster, many choose dysfunction over being single.

Ah yes, you've clearly highlighted that women should take responsibility by typing numerous paragraphs deriding Somali men at every opportunity.

 

[Angelina]

You and Angelina just bashed the men and said they are irresponsible and horny to put it crudely. You said they are not real men for getting married to another woman instead of solely focusing on his first family, you called them ghetto. So what does that make the woman?

Men who do this are. You're making it seem all men are like this when they're not. We didn't say that.

If you marry again, when you cannot afford to so, you deserve to get bashed. It is haram to do this. The German government is not in charge of your wife's finances you are.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

Islamically you're not allowed to have multiple wives if you can't afford it. People have different living standards, in the West many of you guys can't even put a roof over a woman's head without government assistance. So who gave you the right to marry another then?

This is what's being avoided over and over again.

Now, the latest commentary is that having basic living standards is a 'western concept'.

I wonder if that's what they'll tell their wives when they cannot afford to send the children to school or even pay for surgery.

 

[TekNiKo]

I think these women are imagining polygamous life as a first-world millionaire hustler who can gift out Lamborghinis to their wife and kids every other week lmao

They assume you have to have a eight figure salary and a house too. If that was the case polygamy would only be applicable to the top 10% of men leaving many women single. Theres a huge shortage of men especially in wartorn nations with alot of widows. These girls really think this House Wives: New York

 

[Angelina]

I think these women are imagining polygamous life as a first-world millionaire hustler who can gift out Lamborghinis to their wife and kids every other week lmao

Do you see yourself?

Why does us saying it is wrong for men to marry more than one if they cannot afford to so offend you? Is that not a basic Islamic concept?

I'm actually at loss atm wallahi.

 

[TekNiKo]

Men who do this are. You're making it seem all men are like this when they're not. We didn't say that.

If you marry again, when you cannot afford to so, you deserve to get bashed. It is haram to do this. The German government is not in charge of your wife's finances you are.

My wife loves me and knows my situation if the woman gives up her right voluntarily and allows you to give her what you can afford who are you to say its haram. You seem jealous, I have a heart of gold full of love and would never neglect my wife

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

Ah yes, you've clearly highlighted that women should take responsibility by typing numerous paragraphs deriding Somali men at every opportunity.

You just like to argue for argument sake. These are my comments directed towards women.
(I'm out, I can't be bothered going back and forth with someone who insists on lying about what I have written)

There is a modern perversion of polygamy where women are actually working as they are in polygamous marriages and some women are actually agreeing to be hidden and forego their rights.

But like I mentioned before, I don't blame men for women abandoning their own rights and choosing to be neglected just to say they have a husband, smh.

That's why Somali women must be very careful to get an education, save money and be very selective with who they marry.

I've noticed a disturbing trend with women in polygamous marriages, some of these men convince their wives to work and become providers and thus they turn their wives into worker bees and baby factories at the same time.

At some point, we have to blame women for falling for these tricks, they have agency of their own and are not being forced into being played like a fiddle.

There was a TV documentary about a Muslim man who did this, he had multiple wives and all of his wives worked. What part of Islam is this? What is his purpose if he doesn't provide?

 

[HiraanBorn]

This is what's being avoided over and over again.

Now, the latest commentary is that having basic living standards is a 'western concept'.

I wonder if that's what they'll tell their wives when they cannot afford to send the children to school or even pay for surgery.

No the issue is you're putting incredibly high standards on to the men who wish to pursue polygamous marriage. In many of these countries the men who do have multiple spouses are providing for their children and wives with basic necessities to the best of their ability given the economic situation in which they have no control over.

 

[Angelina]

They assume you have to have a eight figure salary and a house too. If that was the case polygamy would only be applicable to the top 10% of men leaving many women single. Theres a huge shortage of men especially in wartorn nations with alot of widows. These girls really think this House Wives: New York

Yes in the West it is as many cannot afford to pay for one property without government assistance.

This is the crux of the issue here. Not polygamy, but young men who don't even know their Islamic duties.

Day in and day out you lot are having conversations about women chipping into the household bills and rent because of how expensive things are. So you want women to know pay for your extra wives?