Hookup culture doesn't benefit men or women

[CalmOne20####]

Actually all those are good picks aswell. I have an aunt married to an Eritrean he's a good guy

I was dating a black Egyptian guy my age from Southern Egypt. It was a long distance relationship. We dated for 1 month. It sadly ended though.

 

[CalmOne20####]

Actually all those are good picks aswell. I have an aunt married to an Eritrean he's a good guy

I mean fellow cushitic xabashis and cushitic Sudanese and Egyptians.

 

[Odious Delirium]

I mean fellow cushitic xabashis and cushitic Sudanese and Egyptians.

So do you actively avoid somali guys or are you looking for a good cushitic guy in general?

 

[CalmOne20####]

So do you actively avoid somali guys or are you looking for a good cushitic guy in general?

I avoid faaraxs,because of how they treat us somali women. Somali women are the backbone of somali society the ones that do the heavy lifting. Faaraxs are deadbeats or zaanis who are coddled by their hooyos.

 

[Siren95]

I notice halal dating is one sided.
Some muslim men I talked with with the intention of marriage liked testing boundaries. Why can't we get to know each other without the convo turning sexual? Then, they get blocked.

When I was on Muslim marriage apps I had two men who I was speaking to send me dick pics which was disgusting and shameful

 

[Odious Delirium]

I avoid faaraxs,because of how they treat us somali women. Somali women are the backbone of somali society the ones that do the heavy lifting. Faaraxs are deadbeats or zaanis who are coddled by their hooyos.

That's a huge generalisation all the faraxs I know are neither deadbeats or zaanis. Plus I hear the same complaints made by every group of women about their own men. So why are you willing to give a chance to the devil you don't know while completely cutting off somali men from the equation?

At the end of the day it's your choice what you decide to do but your problem with somali men as a whole seems invalid imo.

Plus there is no future continuation of a somali society without both somali men and women. If everyone was to marry out we would no longer exist as somalis.

 

[CalmOne20####]

That's huge generalisation all the faraxs I know are neither deadbeats or zaanis. Plus I hear the same complaints made by every group of women about their own men. So why are you willing to give a chance to the devil you don't know while completely cutting off somali men from the equation?

At the end of the day it's your choice what you decide to do but your problem with somali men as a whole seems invalid imo.

There is no somali society without both somali men and women.

Tell that to the poor single mother raising her kids all by herself the miskeen xaliimos being slandered for simply holding hands with her boyfriend.

That's a huge generalisation all the faraxs I know are neither deadbeats or zaanis. Plus I hear the same complaints made by every group of women about their own men. So why are you willing to give a chance to the devil you don't know while completely cutting off somali men from the equation?

At the end of the day it's your choice what you decide to do but your problem with somali men as a whole seems invalid imo.

There is no somali society without both somali men and women.

Obviously, not all of u guys r bad.

 

[hamar_oo_iidil]

That's why I don't wanna be with a faarax. No wonder we're marrying ajnabis. The audacity,cheating on their wife leaving her to raise the kids alone then the male diaspora become zaanis and marry some miskeen xalimo who doesn't know about their past in the streets. If a man doesn't tell u he's a zaani,he belongs to the streets.

Abaayo thats just not fair. I understand that you feel upset but cancelling all us Somali brothers because of the handful of experiences you have had with Somali guys is just not fair. And me, nor other Somali brothers on this space deserve to be made to feel unlovable by our own sisters. It hurts a lot when you say things like you don't ever want to be with a Somali guy because I know how much as Somali men we love our sisters. May Allah heal all our broken hearts and may we believe in love and more specifically Somali love again

 

[Odious Delirium]

Abaayo thats just not fair. I understand that you feel upset but cancelling all us Somali brothers because of the handful of experiences you have had with Somali guys is just not fair. And me, nor other Somali brothers on this space deserve to be made to feel unlovable by our own sisters. It hurts a lot when you say things like you don't ever want to be with a Somali guy because I know how much as Somali men we love our sisters. May Allah heal all our broken hearts and may we believe in love and more specifically Somali love again

Yeah it does hurt I'm not gonna lie. I have just learnt to not take it personally but it still hurts when you come across sisters that have this kind of mentality of hatred towards somali men in general

 

[CalmOne20####]

Abaayo thats just not fair. I understand that you feel upset but cancelling all us Somali brothers because of the handful of experiences you have had with Somali guys is just not fair. And me, nor other Somali brothers on this space deserve to be made to feel unlovable by our own sisters. It hurts a lot when you say things like you don't ever want to be with a Somali guy because I know how much as Somali men we love our sisters. May Allah heal all our broken hearts and may we believe in love and more specifically Somali love again

Sorry walaal,but my hooyo raised me and my siblings alone after my dad left her for some young goldigger back home.

 

[CalmOne20####]

Abaayo thats just not fair. I understand that you feel upset but cancelling all us Somali brothers because of the handful of experiences you have had with Somali guys is just not fair. And me, nor other Somali brothers on this space deserve to be made to feel unlovable by our own sisters. It hurts a lot when you say things like you don't ever want to be with a Somali guy because I know how much as Somali men we love our sisters. May Allah heal all our broken hearts and may we believe in love and more specifically Somali love again

I never dated somali men. Ofc not all of y'all are players or deadbeats.

 

[hamar_oo_iidil]

Sorry walaal,but my hooyo raised me and my siblings alone after my dad left her for some young goldigger back home.

But abaayo, we all have the choice to heal from these generational traumas. If my mom got cheated on does that mean all men are cheaters? That I should avoid marriage all together out of fear of being cheated on? I can only imagine how painful it has been for you through the years but as adults abaayo we have to make the concious effort to understand that we don't have to perpetuate our parent's pain.

I implore you to not beat yourself up about the impossibility of Somali love. From how extensively and passionately you talk about us Somali brothers I sense deep down you really love us and want to be married to an ethnic brother. But the pain and trauma caused by your Somali father still haunts you and how you view Somali love.

Have you considered sitting down and talking to your hooyo and aabo about how much pain their breakup has caused you. And that you don't think you'll be able to marry a Somali brother because you seen the pain that your father caused your mother when he left her for a gold digger back home?

 

[CalmOne20####]

But abaayo, we all have the choice to heal from these generational traumas. If my mom got cheated on does that mean all men are cheaters? That I should avoid marriage all together out of fear of being cheated on? I can only imagine how painful it has been for you through the years but as adults abaayo we have to make the concious effort to understand that we don't have to perpetuate our parent's pain.

I implore you to not beat yourself up about the impossibility of Somali love. From how extensively and passionately you talk about us Somali brothers I sense deep down you really love us and want to be married to an ethnic brother. But the pain and trauma caused by your Somali father still haunts you and how you view Somali love.

Have you considered sitting down and talking to your hooyo and aabo about how much pain their breakup has caused you. And that you don't think you'll be able to marry a Somali brother because you seen the pain that your father caused your mother when he left her for a gold digger back home?

Oh,hooyo already knows. She told me to never let a man break my heart.

 

[hamar_oo_iidil]

They were a mix of somalis and non-somali. The non Somali saqajans are usually upfront so I ignore them.

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Hey sister Hodan, how have you been? I feel like I haven't spoken to you in a long time. Its nice to interact with you again

I'm sorry that you was treated so poorly by these two Somali brothers. Can I ask you go into a little more detail about what they did/said that made you uncomfortable. Ty

 

[hamar_oo_iidil]

I never dated somali men. Ofc not all of y'all are players or deadbeats.

You know abaayo when you throw an entire group of people under the bus you're really causing a lot of unnecessary pain for the majority of decent brothers in our community. When Somali guys go online and are constantly facing sisters who look like their own sisters dehumanise them, bully them, throw verbal insults at them and generalise them it makes brothers think that sisters really hate them. That sisters in our community are simply unattracted to them. And this causes so much more problems for our community. Like it has increasingly become common in my interactions with young Somali men that brothers are dating and marrying outside their race intentionally. And its not because ajnabi women are more beautiful than Somali women, not because ajnabi women are more smarter/funnier/etc than our Somali sisters but simply because a lot of Somali guys feel as though their sisters really hate them, that their sisters do not respect them, are unconfident in their leadership. That sisters are just unattracted to them. And so we're seeing how the gender wars is really worsening the already difficult marriage pool for both our brothers and sisters.

And our words do manifest our realities. And so if we're always stating that black men are trash, eventually all black men will be trash - in our eyes.

Again, I pray we all heal our broken hearts. I pray we have the strength to overcome our generational traumas. Perpetuating self hate - hating ourselves will not make us stronger/smarter/richer it only guarantees us more grief

 

[Hodan from HR]

Hey sister Hodan, how have you been? I feel like I haven't spoken to you in a long time. Its nice to interact with you again

I'm sorry that you was treated so poorly by these two Somali brothers. Can I ask you go into a little more detail about what they did/said that made you uncomfortable. Ty

Yeah, it's been a while.
Alhamdillah, hanging in there,
I hope you are doing good too

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[Geedi Ladane]

I never dated somali men. Ofc not all of y'all are players or deadbeats.

Kuluha not all. Most are not. The reason Somali women are some of the most chaste women is because their men are also chaste some of the most chaste men in the world.

Same applies in literally every community.

Ajnabi Muslim communities that have women that don’t have the best reputation when it comes to chastity, you will find their men are also not chase.

This is why I don’t feel sorry for certain communities when they talk about how many of their women are hoes, I’m like lol your men are just as promiscuous.

 

[hamar_oo_iidil]

Yeah, it's been a while.
Alhamdillah, hanging in there,
I hope you are doing good too

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I can't even imagine how that must've felt. But let me say abaayo Allah tested you, and you passed His test. That I'm proud of you, and I have no doubt that your family and friends would be proud of you too. I pray Allah strengthens your imaan and provides for you a righteous brother who will be more than you ever wanted in a spouse.

I apologise if I have made you go into uncomfortable detail.

 

[Geedi Ladane]

You know abaayo when you throw an entire group of people under the bus you're really causing a lot of unnecessary pain for the majority of decent brothers in our community. When Somali guys go online and are constantly facing sisters who look like their own sisters dehumanise them, bully them, throw verbal insults at them and generalise them it makes brothers think that sisters really hate them. That sisters in our community are simply unattracted to them. And this causes so much more problems for our community. Like it has increasingly become common in my interactions with young Somali men that brothers are dating and marrying outside their race intentionally. And its not because ajnabi women are more beautiful than Somali women, not because ajnabi women are more smarter/funnier/etc than our Somali sisters but simply because a lot of Somali guys feel as though their sisters really hate them, that their sisters do not respect them, are unconfident in their leadership. That sisters are just unattracted to them. And so we're seeing how the gender wars is really worsening the already difficult marriage pool for both our brothers and sisters.

And our words do manifest our realities. And so if we're always stating that black men are trash, eventually all black men will be trash - in our eyes.

Again, I pray we all heal our broken hearts. I pray we have the strength to overcome our generational traumas. Perpetuating self hate - hating ourselves will not make us stronger/smarter/richer it only guarantees us more grief

Brother I’d advise you to get off Social media and even off SSpot. Wallah I was living my best life before I came across this forum. Yaab wallahi, online is a crazy place. Apparently according to SSpot no Somali girl likes a Somali guy. Asking for 50k mehr, loves ajnabis Farax is a deadbeat. All blatant lies, no truth to it whatsoever.

Honestly my first time reading posts here was very depressing and disappointing.

Overtime I understood these guys are full of shit because why should trust why random users about our community when I can just step outside and see for myself.

People lie too much on this forum, you can only get a great thread sadly by engaging in gender wars. I’ve never me a sister that preferred an ajnabi over a Somali. Both genders get along well in real life.

If you’re from the UK go to Uni Somsocs, go to Somali professional events. Wallahi tell me Somalis there don’t connect psss.

Those that don’t have a problem free mixing do freemix with their counterparts and those that do have problem free mixing don’t. Some brothers needs to stop taking a sisters rejection for you and putting the blame on all us guys taking about she don’t like Somali guys

 

[hamar_oo_iidil]

Brother I’d advise you to get off Social media and even off SSpot. Wallah I was living my best life before I came across this forum. Yaab wallahi, online is a crazy place. Apparently according to SSpot no Somali girl likes a Somali guy. Asking for 50k mehr, loves ajnabis Farax is a deadbeat. All blatant lies, no truth to it whatsoever.

Honestly my first time reading posts here was very depressing and disappointing.

Overtime I understood these guys are full of shit because why should trust why random users about our community when I can just step outside and see for myself.

People lie too much on this forum, you can only get a great thread sadly by engaging in gender wars. I’ve never me a sister that preferred an ajnabi over a Somali. Both genders get along well in real life.

If you’re from the UK go to Uni Somsocs, go to Somali professional events. Wallahi tell me Somalis there don’t connect psss.

Those that don’t have a problem free mixing do freemix with their counterparts and those that do have problem free mixing don’t. Some brothers needs to stop taking a sisters rejection for you and putting the blame on all us guys taking about she don’t like Somali guys

Appreciate the advise bro. Look, I want to make it abundantly clear that I love my Somali sisters. And the overwhelming majority of Somali brothers I know have never shown any signs of not loving their Somali sisters too. What hurts is to see us just hurting one another with our words all the time. Knowing how much this energy/space can be used to uplift and self-love.

With that being said too bro, lets not just think about the sisters who have depressed us with their comments on Somali men. Lets take a moment to also appreciate how much pain some Somali guys cause our sisters when they also consistently talk trash about them both in public and private. Both sides of the gender needs to quit hating on each other and putting non-Somalis on pedestals.