Guys - could you ever walk out on your child?

[Disappointed]

@Kudhufo Kadhaqaq

I didn't take that away from you you took it away from yourself. Somali culture is heavily influenced by Islam therefore you must be Muslim to be Somali.

 

[Kudhufo Kadhaqaq]

@Kudhufo Kadhaqaq

I didn't take that away from you you took it away from yourself. Somali culture is heavily influenced by Islam therefore you must be Muslim to be Somali.

That's just an idiotic thing to say aboowe. I left Islam a long time ago and I still look Somali and I still talk in af Soomali.

My DNA ain't gonna change just because I left Islam.

 

[FendiFanatic]

Yes.

 

[WarsameXamse]

@Kudhufo Kadhaqaq

You are 75% Cushitic. You can't be a non Muslim Somali. That makes no sense.

HUH? ISLAM IS NOT A RACE OR ETHNICITY, YOU CAN BE ANY ETHNIC GROUP AND NON MUSLIM .

MOST ARABS IN AMERICA ARE NON MUSLIM.

 

[WarsameXamse]

Why? Believing in Islam is a personal belief.

Being Somali is a genetic thing. Somali DNA runs through my veins. U can't take that away from me.

CAN HATE.



CLAIM YOUR SOMALINIMO, EVEN IF YOU ARE NOT MUSLIM. REDEFINE WHAT SOMALINIMO IS YOU AND DON'T LET MUSLIM SOMALIS MAKE U THINK U ARE LESS OF A SOMALI, ONLY THING THAT CAN MAKE YOU A NON SOMALIS IS LOVING ETHIOPIA AS A NATION:siilaanyosmile: inshallah we will conquer the habesha

FYI I AM A MUSLIM

 

[RichEnoughForGucci]

He is a deadbeat dickhead. Why do niggas do this so fucked up. Now that child won't have a father figure what a damn shame. He is a boy not a man. A man won't leave his kids.

 

[Lordilord]

When it's 5 years old, I'm out. Get a new one and repeat

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[Kodeen]

Deadbeat fathers, nothing new in our community. Watch him come back on his child’s graduation talm bout “that’s my boy!” He’ll regret when his old and has no child to care for him. Karma is a .

I’m a firm believer that anyone can f*ck and create a child.... but not everyone is fit to be a parent. He sounds like a selfish piece of shit.

Alhamdillah for my father being a strong role model and guide for my family, along with my mother’s caring and holding the house down. Sadly it’s rare for us to have functioning households, we need to change that.

Deadbeat fathers, nothing new in our community. Watch him come back on his child’s graduation talm bout “that’s my boy!” He’ll regret when his old and has no child to care for him. Karma is a .

I’m a firm believer that anyone can f*ck and create a child.... but not everyone is fit to be a parent. He sounds like a selfish piece of shit.

Alhamdillah for my father being a strong role model and guide for my family, along with my mother’s caring and holding the house down. Sadly it’s rare for us to have functioning households, we need to change that.

Presuming a lot. I can't lie, he's not too far from me in age, but has always been somewhat of a role model for me. So I'll admit there being bias on my part, but he's literally the single most accomplished guy I know. Except maybe my boss and an old lecturer, but they have decades on him. So the graduation trope is unlikely to play out. Anyway that's besides the point. It seems like you believe he's a deadbeat for not forcing himself into his child's life which is a fair stance.

I'm not home rn so I haven't fully read the thread. You and @Knowles seem to have not read that the mother isn't interested in co-parenting. I didn't stress it because it's irrelevant and I didn't want to turn into him vs her, but it is there. I wanted to know what other guys who could potentially relate to him do, and I got some answers.

 

[GeKo]

Respectfully, grown Faaraxs only and no derailing pls.

@YourBroMoe @Cumar

Basically title, and what would you honestly do in his position or advice him.

My cousin in his late 20's is getting divorced and my whole family is up in arms. His parents, my father and even some of his siblings are pressuring him to stay married.

I knew shit was rocky almost a year ago when he skyped my brother. We wrongly thought everything was good again. They lived all the way up North, but his wife hated the city they lived in (kinda dead and cadaan) and wanted to move. At the time he already contemplated divorce (though mostly unrelated to the move), but suddenly 'changed his mind'. Instead he agreed, quit his job, downgraded and moved her to Leicester. Most of her family lives there.

Anyway, recently he came down to see us and got ambushed by my parents and his parents when they heard he wanted to divorce her.

After like 6 hours of getting advice and being lectured and him unresponsively nodding with 'sax, waa run, haye adeer' it was just him, my brother, his brother and me left talking. After a while talking, he revealed he took out a 3 month lease on a shitty houseshare bedroom and hasn't even entered his house in almost a month outside of dropping off diapers and groceries. And then he kind of dropped the bombshell and said he was 'leaving'. When we all agreed that he should definitely divorce her, he said 'you don't understand... not just her, I'm leaving all of it.'

Basically he's walking out on his kid which is ... a lot more severe than just a divorce. He says he has no interest in being in and out his child's life because his soon to be ex wife isn't co-operative or interested in co-parenting. He also doesn't want to 'pathetically sit and follow them around for the rest of his life'. He has already applied for work in Qatar and found something in Glasgow, but he's delaying it in hopes of Qatar getting back to him so family pressure is taken off, so he's pretty serious. Says as soon as the divorce is official, he'll leave his car and whatever he saved up for his ex wife.

Ultimately stating his ex wife was a severe mistake among a lot of other things, but she is neither a bad person, nor stupid so the child will be fine and is surrounded by uncles, aunts , grand parents and great uncles and aunts. All on the mother's side ofc. Obviously there's a shit load more to this but damn.

I never thought I'd ever contemplate it. I don't think I'll ever be in his position.. But after hearing him out, I think what he's doing is... okay to be honest. Fucked up, selfish but I can understand. My brother and his brother aren't co-signing him tho lol

Justifying this by saying that the child will be fine, is completely wrong. Children need a present fathers in their lives. Studies show that kids raised with an absent father are more likely to dropout, commit crimes, go to jail and are less successful in life (not all of course).

If he was fortunate enough to have a father in his life to make him who he is today, then he should give the same to his child as well. Running to Qatar is cowardly and weak of him, he needs to take care of his responsibility.

Kodeen, try your best to convince him not to abandon his child even if he has to fight for it.

 

[YourBroMoe]

Respectfully, grown Faaraxs only and no derailing pls.

@YourBroMoe @Cumar

Basically title, and what would you honestly do in his position or advice him.

My cousin in his late 20's is getting divorced and my whole family is up in arms. His parents, my father and even some of his siblings are pressuring him to stay married.

I knew shit was rocky almost a year ago when he skyped my brother. We wrongly thought everything was good again. They lived all the way up North, but his wife hated the city they lived in (kinda dead and cadaan) and wanted to move. At the time he already contemplated divorce (though mostly unrelated to the move), but suddenly 'changed his mind'. Instead he agreed, quit his job, downgraded and moved her to Leicester. Most of her family lives there.

Anyway, recently he came down to see us and got ambushed by my parents and his parents when they heard he wanted to divorce her.

After like 6 hours of getting advice and being lectured and him unresponsively nodding with 'sax, waa run, haye adeer' it was just him, my brother, his brother and me left talking. After a while talking, he revealed he took out a 3 month lease on a shitty houseshare bedroom and hasn't even entered his house in almost a month outside of dropping off diapers and groceries. And then he kind of dropped the bombshell and said he was 'leaving'. When we all agreed that he should definitely divorce her, he said 'you don't understand... not just her, I'm leaving all of it.'

Basically he's walking out on his kid which is ... a lot more severe than just a divorce. He says he has no interest in being in and out his child's life because his soon to be ex wife isn't co-operative or interested in co-parenting. He also doesn't want to 'pathetically sit and follow them around for the rest of his life'. He has already applied for work in Qatar and found something in Glasgow, but he's delaying it in hopes of Qatar getting back to him so family pressure is taken off, so he's pretty serious. Says as soon as the divorce is official, he'll leave his car and whatever he saved up for his ex wife.

Ultimately stating his ex wife was a severe mistake among a lot of other things, but she is neither a bad person, nor stupid so the child will be fine and is surrounded by uncles, aunts , grand parents and great uncles and aunts. All on the mother's side ofc. Obviously there's a shit load more to this but damn.

I never thought I'd ever contemplate it. I don't think I'll ever be in his position.. But after hearing him out, I think what he's doing is... okay to be honest. Fucked up, selfish but I can understand. My brother and his brother aren't co-signing him tho lol

He had a job and was the bread winner and man of the house. He should of never listened to his wife. You gotta be a man in the relationship. She has a good home, food on the table and money to spend of vacations. If he held his guns, he'd be fine. As for leaving the kid, I don't co sign that.

All in all, this pretty much gave me a strong warning on marriage in general. I'm marrying a down to Earth woman. Somali or non-Somali. My happiness is worth more than being with a dumb selfish woman.

Now he's selfish as well. I get leaving the wife. But to leave your own kid. That's fucked up.

 

[YourBroMoe]

He did the first mistake by listening to her in the first place. He should NEVER have moved and stuck to his guns. I am sorry, but if u r the man of the house, u make that kind of a decision. This wife obviously her focus is not inward. It is outward. She is not concerned on how to make her household, her FAMILY- GREAT. She is concerned about how the outside world will make her GREAT.

Divorce is a good idea. Calaf is over. Now both of their focus should be the child.

Wallahi these are my exact thoughts.

 

[Muji]

Wallahi these are my exact thoughts.

@Basra and you don’t understand.

I can send you the abuse Muslims get for living in the north part of England..all for simply wearing a hijab. What crime did she commit for saying she wanted to live somewhere safer, where she had family? Isn’t it his duty to make his wife happy and keep he safe? I can’t believe you guys are blaming the divorce on this.

 

[YourBroMoe]

@Basra and you don’t understand.

I can send you the abuse Muslims get for living in the north part of England..all for simply wearing a hijab. What crime did she commit for saying she wanted to live somewhere safer, where she had family? Isn’t it his duty to make his wife happy and keep he safe? I can’t believe you guys are blaming the divorce on this.

You're right, I'm not from the UK, so I don't know the environment of the north part of England. However, my point was simply that if he's the only one contributing to the financial security of the family, then trying to force his hand when he can't deliver doesn't make any sense. Jobs don't grow on trees. It took me a year and a half after graduating uni to get my job in Amazon. I was depressed and stressed out as f*ck. It's not as easy as you make it seem. Instead of only looking at it on her perspective, also look at it on his. That's the only way you'll have an objective grasp on things.

I mean, what if him staying for 2 years results in the experience needed for him to have the option to leave? Opportunities rise when you hustle hard. Is she willing to stand by him and support him? These are the thoughts I'm talking about.

 

[Basra]

@Basra and you don’t understand.

I can send you the abuse Muslims get for living in the north part of England..all for simply wearing a hijab. What crime did she commit for saying she wanted to live somewhere safer, where she had family? Isn’t it his duty to make his wife happy and keep he safe? I can’t believe you guys are blaming the divorce on this.

Knowles arent u a non muslim?? How can u speak for a Hijab wearing muslim woman using a muslim wajiib thing like Hijaab?

 

[YourBroMoe]

Knowles arent u a non muslim?? How can u speak for a Hijab wearing muslim woman using a muslim wajiib thing like Hijaab?

I personally don't think that kind of response is productive to this conversation.

 

[Basra]

I personally don't think that kind of response is productive to this conversation.

It is the TRUTH. Saddaaqul Haaq

 

[Muji]

Knowles arent u a non muslim?? How can u speak for a Hijab wearing muslim woman using a muslim wajiib thing like Hijaab?

Basra you are too old to behave like this.

I know more about England than you do and I know more about how cadans treat Muslims in the North of England than you do. I’ve never denied the existence of islamophobia. But you enjoy typing away from little Mogadishu Minnesota

 

[Basra]

Basra you are too old to behave like this.

I know more about England than you do and I know more about how cadans treat Muslims in the North of England than you do. I’ve never denied the existence of islamophobia. But you enjoy typing away from little Mogadishu Minnesota

Knowles Saddaaqul Haaq Yaa Binti!

 

[Muji]

You're right, I'm not from the UK, so I don't know the environment of the north part of England. However, my point was simply that if he's the only one contributing to the financial security of the family, then trying to force his hand when he can't deliver doesn't make any sense. Jobs don't grow on trees. It took me a year and a half after graduating uni to get my job in Amazon. I was depressed and stressed out as f*ck. It's not as easy as you make it seem. Instead of only looking at it on her perspective, also look at it on his. That's the only way you'll have an objective grasp on things.

I mean, what if him staying for 2 years results in the experience needed for him to have the option to leave? Opportunities rise when you hustle hard. Is she willing to stand by him and support him? These are the thoughts I'm talking about.

I guess it’s a tricky one but I think breaking up because of where you live is such a silly reason. Makes me think why did they get married in the first place? Marriages survive bankruptcy, illnesses and worse stuff, the youth are getting married too soon to people they barely even know!

 

[YourBroMoe]

I guess it’s a tricky one but I think breaking up because of where you live is such a silly reason. Makes me think why did they get married in the first place? Marriages survive bankruptcy, illnesses and worse stuff, the youth are getting married too soon to people they barely even know!

I agree with you completely. Get married to someone with the same mindset as you. Work together as a unit. Build a family together that'll last. Support each other. That's all you need man.