Dilemma

Somali gender dynamics are dysfunctional/broken, a guy and a gal can have a crush on one another, but none will make that move, sometimes this will even result in passive-aggressive behaviours from both parties.:axvmm9o:

We need a revamp.
 

Basra

LOVE is a product of Doqoniimo mixed with lust
Let Them Eat Cake
VIP
I grew up with a particular xalimo. We went to the same nursery, primary, middle and high school. After high school we went to two different universities. I always saw her as a sister, nothing more. But in the past year the cordial vibe we shared took a different tone. From our siblings talking about how we should get married to her liking all my IG posts within a few minutes of me posting, to giving me hugs whenever she sees me.

A couple of weeks ago a Abdi from out of town came to ask for her hand in marriage - he went about it the right way, is a genuine brother - is handsome and educated, and offers up a decent mehr. And I'm geniunely happy for the sister. So much so that I sent her flowers via my sister congratulating her on her engagement and hoping her marriage is a blessed one. But after my sister returned that evening however, she had a very confused look on her face. When I confronted her on what was bothering her, she said that the xalimo told her to tell me its not too late to still marry her. I tried to laugh it off but neither me nor my sister could understand why such jokes would be made.

So I ask you all, am I looking too deeply into this or do you think this girl actually likes me? She hasn't spoken to me directly about any feelings she has for me.


I think you giving flowers to your sister to deliver, disturbs me more than this fake story. How dare you!

1670582460498.png
 

Lebron James

4 Time NBA Champion
VIP
If she said that after the other guy proposed then she clearly wants you, i would play it smart though just test the waters and don't get too attached so you arent hurt in the end
 

Basra

LOVE is a product of Doqoniimo mixed with lust
Let Them Eat Cake
VIP
Basra I am being truthful wallahi. And the flowers were white roses. I had to give to my sister to deliver because she had only women/girls at her house at the time.


HA HA HA HA HA HA


Why send White roses? White is the color of Funeral . At least u should have sent Yellow Roses - yellow is the color of friendship. Of course sending Red roses would be confusing af
 

Basra

LOVE is a product of Doqoniimo mixed with lust
Let Them Eat Cake
VIP
If she said that after the other guy proposed then she clearly wants you, i would play it smart though just test the waters and don't get too attached so you arent hurt in the end


Too late. Hamar is afraid to be hurt



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HA HA HA HA HA HA


Why send White roses? White is the color of Funeral . At least u should have sent Yellow Roses - yellow is the color of friendship. Of course sending Red roses would be confusing af
wow I did not know that. I thought white was wedding vibes. Yellow makes sense come to think about it. Wish I consulted you before
 

Basra

LOVE is a product of Doqoniimo mixed with lust
Let Them Eat Cake
VIP
wow I did not know that. I thought white was wedding vibes. Yellow makes sense come to think about it. Wish I consulted you before


Yes white is used in weddings- and parties as banquets - but personally sending white roses to a person- usually it is for i am sorry
 
Bro, 10k mehr isn't actually a lot. Save up 1k a month for 10 months, or get a hagbad. Wallahi 10k isn't a lot. I want to give my wife a lot more than 10k inshAllah.. hopefully 1/2 kilo of gold / 500g of gold which is like 34k
Man get that ludicrous shit out of here we don't fork over more than 3k over here and most of the time the nigga never even pays it all out :mjlol:
 

Sophisticate

~Gallantly Gadabuursi~
Staff Member
I think you already know the answer to the dilemma. There are incompatibilities - geographic, financial and timelines which are difficult to broach, along with the complication of someone else in the picture that is providing more of a firm and tangible commitment.
 
I think you already know the answer to the dilemma. There are incompatibilities - geographic, financial and timelines which are difficult to broach, along with the complication of someone else in the picture that is providing more of a firm and tangible commitment.
But what if its true love that I'm passing up on? I don't expect to ever meet a woman who I've known and has known me for so long as her. And I've always wanted to have a traditional marriage with a woman I've always known and have grown up with. For all the years I've known her since we were children she was always a decent young girl who stayed out of trouble. I really respected that about her. Just didn't known that she may have liked me all along until it was too late
 

Sophisticate

~Gallantly Gadabuursi~
Staff Member
But what if its true love that I'm passing up on? I don't expect to ever meet a woman who I've known and has known me for so long as her. And I've always wanted to have a traditional marriage with a woman I've always known and have grown up with. For all the years I've known her since we were children she was always a decent young girl who stayed out of trouble. I really respected that about her. Just didn't known that she may have liked me all along until it was too late
In theory, that sounds very nice. To have known someone since your youth and end up marrying them. However, good people who have a tenure in your life might not be best suited for you because of circumstance and difference in life plans. For instance, neither of you wish to move, you exclaimed you aren't ready for marriage quite yet. While she likely is judging from her actions. Also, as you said her mother is tribally fixated which may not be a deal breaker but does not make it easy.

However, I would err against the thinking that someone is 'the one'. It may prevent you from being satisfied with a future prospect. That may be good enough and who should not be penalized since you met them later in your life.
Have you considered voice acting?
It is more for my amusement. I never seriously considered making a career out of it.
 
In theory, that sounds very nice. To have known someone since your youth and end up marrying them. However, good people who have a tenure in your life might not be best suited for you because of circumstance and difference in life plans. For instance, neither of you wish to move, you exclaimed you aren't ready for marriage quite yet. While she likely is judging from her actions. Also, as you said her mother is tribally fixated which may not be a deal breaker but does not make it easy.

However, I would err against the thinking that someone is 'the one'. It may prevent you from being satisfied with a future prospect. That may be good enough and who should not be penalized since you met them later in your life.

It is more for my amusement. I never seriously considered making a career out of it.
Thank you for your sound advice abaayo, really appreciate it.
 
Tbh you should just wife her. Waiting until you’re ready is nonsense, if Allah subhana wa ta’ala gives you an opportunity to marry a good woman you should just take it. It’s better for the other farax too because the xalimo clearly isn’t into him.

Actually maybe you should steer clear. A girl who entertains other men like that while she’s engaged probably isn’t wifey material
 

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