Dilemma

hamar_oo_iidil

hamar_oo_iidil

I grew up with a particular xalimo. We went to the same nursery, primary, middle and high school. After high school we went to two different universities. I always saw her as a sister, nothing more. But in the past year the cordial vibe we shared took a different tone. From our siblings talking about how we should get married to her liking all my IG posts within a few minutes of me posting, to giving me hugs whenever she sees me.

A couple of weeks ago a Abdi from out of town came to ask for her hand in marriage - he went about it the right way, is a genuine brother - is handsome and educated, and offers up a decent mehr. And I'm geniunely happy for the sister. So much so that I sent her flowers via my sister congratulating her on her engagement and hoping her marriage is a blessed one. But after my sister returned that evening however, she had a very confused look on her face. When I confronted her on what was bothering her, she said that the xalimo told her to tell me its not too late to still marry her. I tried to laugh it off but neither me nor my sister could understand why such jokes would be made.

So I ask you all, am I looking too deeply into this or do you think this girl actually likes me? She hasn't spoken to me directly about any feelings she has for me.
 
D

Darood

If she hasn’t said anything to you directly then I would assume she probably doesn’t. Generally, your intuition tells you if a person has feelings for you.
 
O

Odious Delirium

VIP
If you like her pursue marriage. The hint doesn't get more clearer than that. She's probably fed up with you not making a move.

Man up bro you got this.
 
hamar_oo_iidil

hamar_oo_iidil

Rakoon said:
Walahi dheh! Subxanallh guys like him fucck up the market
Click to expand...
Bro, 10k mehr isn't actually a lot. Save up 1k a month for 10 months, or get a hagbad. Wallahi 10k isn't a lot. I want to give my wife a lot more than 10k inshAllah.. hopefully 1/2 kilo of gold / 500g of gold which is like 34k
 
hamar_oo_iidil

hamar_oo_iidil

induction said:
was a joke lol. like u lucky man. bag her while you can man haha. but in all seriousness i'd probably talk to her. maybe she was just super shy?
Click to expand...
Javelin said:
If you like her pursue marriage the hint doesn't get more clearer than that. She's probably fed up with you not making a move.
Click to expand...
I honestly did not know until very recently that she liked me. And her hooyo is super worked up about her daughter getting married, I really don't want to be caught up in a situation where I'm latching onto a woman who's about to get married. We can always still be friends, I'm sure someday our children will go to the same schools and we'll be on the same school boards together.
 
hamar_oo_iidil

hamar_oo_iidil

Javelin said:
It's not latching on until things are finalised basically there not engaged yet so it's still OK to pursue her and she wouldn't have sent the message via your sister if it was finalised in the first place.

If you want more details your going to have to go to her house and find out yourself by talking it out.

Or do you not want this? And aren't you like 40 get married already it's not a good look at your age.
Click to expand...
haha I'm not looking for marriage at the moment bro, I'm 24 not 40. And besides I'm pro young marriage I think its beautiful to grow together and go through life with a qalanjo besides you. And have children who you can parent while you're both still young and energetic. Also, her mother wants her daughter marrying a guy from the same clan. And I myself am not financially where I want to be. I'm definitely on the right track but its going to take me a couple more years to have all my cards stacked right for marriage and parenthood. And finally, me and this xalimo no longer live in the same place anymore, and she and I are both unwilling to relocate because of work commitments. So even if we did get married it would be a long distance one which I'm not a fan of. Hence why I am not pursuing it.
 
Abba Sadacha

Abba Sadacha

If another brother has proposed, in Islam, we are told to not propose or suggest marriage... if that initial proposal is rejected, then sure, if you like her, and the feeling's mutual as it apparently is or may be(?), then propose and inshaaAllaah be united in a halal way.
 
hamar_oo_iidil

hamar_oo_iidil

Abba Sadacha said:
If another brother has proposed, in Islam, we are told to not propose or suggest marriage... if that initial proposal is rejected, then sure, if you like her, and the feeling's mutual as it apparently is or may be(?), then propose and inshaaAllaah be united in a halal way.
Click to expand...
appreciate the hikma bro
 
O

Odious Delirium

VIP
Abba Sadacha said:
If another brother has proposed, in Islam, we are told to not propose or suggest marriage... if that initial proposal is rejected, then sure, if you like her, and the feeling's mutual as it apparently is or may be(?), then propose and inshaaAllaah be united in a halal way.
Click to expand...
That only applies if progress has been made and she's happy with the first man. If things haven't been finalised there is no issue with proposing. Multiple people can propose at the same time. We are told not to propose to someone who is basically engaged.
 
Abba Sadacha

Abba Sadacha

Javelin said:
That only applies if progress has been made and she's happy with the first man. If things haven't been finalised there is no issue with proposing. Multiple people can propose at the same time. We are told not to propose to someone who is basically engaged.
Click to expand...


Unless the proposal, the initial, was accepted or rejected, another brother shouldn't propose.


abukhadeejah.com

Asking for a woman’s hand in marriage when another man has already proposed: By Shaikh Al-Fawzān (Bulūgh al-Marām)

Al-Hāfidh Ibn Hajr (rahimahullāh) said: 978. Narrated Ibn `Umar (radiyallahu ‘anhuma) said that Allaah’s Messenger (salallaāhu ‘alaihi wasallam) said: “None of you should as…
abukhadeejah.com abukhadeejah.com

Al-Hāfidh Ibn Hajr (rahimahullāh) said:​

978. Narrated Ibn `Umar (radiyallahu ‘anhuma) said that Allaah’s Messenger (salallaāhu ‘alaihi wasallam) said:

“None of you should ask for a woman’s hand in marriage when his brother has already done so until the one who has already proposed leaves off his desire to marry her, or he gives him permission.”

Agreed upon, and this is the wording of al-Bukhari. (See Bukhari, no. 5142 and Muslim, no. 1412)

Shaikh Sālih al-Fawzān (hafidhahullāh) said:​

This hadeeth contains within it respect and honour for the rights of the Muslims and the forbiddance of transgressing those rights. And from them is: when a man proposes to a woman. Then thereafter it is not permitted for anyone to come along and propose to her until the one who made the first proposition finishes, either because his proposal was accepted or it was not accepted, or if he gives the second proposer permission after he himself decides to step back. This is because of the fact that since he was first to propose, it became his right. So it is not allowed for anyone to transgress that and propose to her after he has proposed to her, because if one was to propose that would be considered as a transgression against the right of a Muslim. And also because this sows the seeds of animosity and hatred between the Muslims.

So it is forbidden upon a person to propose to a woman who has already been proposed to before him unless it is clear to him that the first proposer has been rejected or that the first proposer gives him permission; because that was his right first. However, if a second proposer was to come along and propose regardless of the first proposer and then was to marry her, then the majority of the Scholars hold that the marriage contract is sound and valid, even though he is sinful. Some of the Scholars such as the Dhaahiriyyah [1] hold that such a marriage contract is not valid.

[See Badā’i As-Sanā’i of al-Kāsāni 3/479; Bidāyatul-Mujtahid 1/754; al-‘Umm 5/62; al-Insāf of al-Mardāwayy 8/35.]

And this is just as it is forbidden for a Muslim to outbid his brother once a purchase of a commodity has concluded, or to try and buy what his brother has already bought, or to put in a counteroffer against his brother once a price has been agreed.

So these are the rights of the Muslims that it is not permitted for a person to transgress against. And for this reason, the Prophet (salallaāhu ‘alaihi wasallam) said, “when his brother has already proposed.” So brotherhood necessitates the forbiddance of transgression between brothers, and that every person respects and honours his brother.

—-

[1] The Dhaahiriyyah are ascribed to Dawood b. ‘Ali al-Asbahāni Adh-Dhāhiree (rahimahullāh). They take the fiqh rulings of the Qur’an and Sunnah more “literally” than the other schools of thought. Other scholars of the Dhāhiriyyah include Abu Hayyān al-Anduloosi, Ibn Hazm al-Anduloosi (author of the famous al-Muhalla and Ihkām al-Ahkām).
 
O

Odious Delirium

VIP
Abba Sadacha said:
Unless the proposal, the initial, was accepted or rejected, another brother shouldn't propose.


abukhadeejah.com

Asking for a woman’s hand in marriage when another man has already proposed: By Shaikh Al-Fawzān (Bulūgh al-Marām)

Al-Hāfidh Ibn Hajr (rahimahullāh) said: 978. Narrated Ibn `Umar (radiyallahu ‘anhuma) said that Allaah’s Messenger (salallaāhu ‘alaihi wasallam) said: “None of you should as…
abukhadeejah.com abukhadeejah.com

Al-Hāfidh Ibn Hajr (rahimahullāh) said:​

978. Narrated Ibn `Umar (radiyallahu ‘anhuma) said that Allaah’s Messenger (salallaāhu ‘alaihi wasallam) said:

“None of you should ask for a woman’s hand in marriage when his brother has already done so until the one who has already proposed leaves off his desire to marry her, or he gives him permission.”

Agreed upon, and this is the wording of al-Bukhari. (See Bukhari, no. 5142 and Muslim, no. 1412)

Shaikh Sālih al-Fawzān (hafidhahullāh) said:​

This hadeeth contains within it respect and honour for the rights of the Muslims and the forbiddance of transgressing those rights. And from them is: when a man proposes to a woman. Then thereafter it is not permitted for anyone to come along and propose to her until the one who made the first proposition finishes, either because his proposal was accepted or it was not accepted, or if he gives the second proposer permission after he himself decides to step back. This is because of the fact that since he was first to propose, it became his right. So it is not allowed for anyone to transgress that and propose to her after he has proposed to her, because if one was to propose that would be considered as a transgression against the right of a Muslim. And also because this sows the seeds of animosity and hatred between the Muslims.

So it is forbidden upon a person to propose to a woman who has already been proposed to before him unless it is clear to him that the first proposer has been rejected or that the first proposer gives him permission; because that was his right first. However, if a second proposer was to come along and propose regardless of the first proposer and then was to marry her, then the majority of the Scholars hold that the marriage contract is sound and valid, even though he is sinful. Some of the Scholars such as the Dhaahiriyyah [1] hold that such a marriage contract is not valid.

[See Badā’i As-Sanā’i of al-Kāsāni 3/479; Bidāyatul-Mujtahid 1/754; al-‘Umm 5/62; al-Insāf of al-Mardāwayy 8/35.]

And this is just as it is forbidden for a Muslim to outbid his brother once a purchase of a commodity has concluded, or to try and buy what his brother has already bought, or to put in a counteroffer against his brother once a price has been agreed.

So these are the rights of the Muslims that it is not permitted for a person to transgress against. And for this reason, the Prophet (salallaāhu ‘alaihi wasallam) said, “when his brother has already proposed.” So brotherhood necessitates the forbiddance of transgression between brothers, and that every person respects and honours his brother.

—-

[1] The Dhaahiriyyah are ascribed to Dawood b. ‘Ali al-Asbahāni Adh-Dhāhiree (rahimahullāh). They take the fiqh rulings of the Qur’an and Sunnah more “literally” than the other schools of thought. Other scholars of the Dhāhiriyyah include Abu Hayyān al-Anduloosi, Ibn Hazm al-Anduloosi (author of the famous al-Muhalla and Ihkām al-Ahkām).
Click to expand...
Well in this brothers case technically she's the one proposing meaning she has show she's not interested in the first guy but these things are complicated and I agree with what you have said
 
D

Dansal

hamar_oo_iidil said:
I grew up with a particular xalimo. We went to the same nursery, primary, middle and high school. After high school we went to two different universities. I always saw her as a sister, nothing more. But in the past year the cordial vibe we shared took a different tone. From our siblings talking about how we should get married to her liking all my IG posts within a few minutes of me posting, to giving me hugs whenever she sees me.

A couple of weeks ago a Abdi from out of town came to ask for her hand in marriage - he went about it the right way, is a genuine brother - is handsome and educated, and offers up a decent mehr. And I'm geniunely happy for the sister. So much so that I sent her flowers via my sister congratulating her on her engagement and hoping her marriage is a blessed one. But after my sister returned that evening however, she had a very confused look on her face. When I confronted her on what was bothering her, she said that the xalimo told her to tell me its not too late to still marry her. I tried to laugh it off but neither me nor my sister could understand why such jokes would be made.

So I ask you all, am I looking too deeply into this or do you think this girl actually likes me? She hasn't spoken to me directly about any feelings she has for me.
Click to expand...
If a man never says anything to a beautiful girl, he will become server at her wedding day.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Trending

Latest posts

Top