Dear Somali women.

[Cauli]

This will be a red pilled comment.

Meghan Markle is in the extreme minority, she has more advantages and privileges granted by society that cannot be afforded to everyone:

1) She is s a mixed race almost Caucasian woman who is considered by society's standards as extremely attractive whilst you are talking to Somali women who are black African Muslim and thus do not fit the standard of beauty in the upper echelons unless to an audience of fellow Africans/blacks. Markle is considered attractive due to her having 'less blackness' and not more. Important point.

2) She is extremely educated and studied in private schools most of her life and has a double major in theatre and international studies. Had a successful career way before she met a 'Prince'. If she splits up with him, she can possibly bag another guy on her level.


It's always good to have hope, but Meghan Markle is an outlier example that doesn't suit the particular community you are talking to. The reality is the vast majority will not ever be afforded the same circle nor the same opportunities.

 

[HalimaJ]

Using scare and shame tactics to force women to settle says a lot about the mentality of some men. They are insecure and feel unworthy.

As a woman you should remember that everything is written for us.

If it is written for you to marry whilst your in your 30s then you will never marry in your 20s. No amount of chasing will change the outcome as your fate is to meet the one in your 30s.

Also, always follow your intuition. You will know deep down if someone is the one that is compatible with you. Do not listen to these scare tactics that are utilised to push women into desperation and to cheapen you.

Remember happiness is from within, no man can make you happy if you are not content with what Allah has written for you or confident about who you are. Do not allow an insecure man to strip that away from you.

 

[Samaalic Era]

Using scare and shame tactics to force women to settle says a lot about the mentality of some men. They are insecure and feel unworthy.

As a woman you should remember that everything is written for us.

If it is written for you to marry whilst your in your 30s then you will never marry in your 20s. No amount of chasing will change the outcome as your fate is to meet the one in your 30s.

Also, always follow your intuition. You will know deep down if someone is the one that is compatible with you. Do not listen to these scare tactics that are utilised to push women into desperation and to cheapen you.

Remember happiness is from within, no man can make you happy if you are not content with what Allah has written for you or confident about who you are. Do not allow an insecure man to strip that away from you.

This is a retarded statement. Its like your blaming your bad choices on Qadr and away from yourself and denying reality

 

[HalimaJ]

This is a retarded statement. Its like your blaming your bad choices on Qadr and away from yourself and denying reality

There is nothing retarded about this

When we are born, when we marry and when we die has already been written for us.

What bad choices is there if a woman doesn't find someone compatible? Is a woman meant to chase down men?

Accept that some women marry late as that is what Allah has written for them.

 

[Abdisamad]

@HalimaJ
We are not trying to scare you into anything sister.
This is a brotherly advice to all women walahi.. Get married before nature takes its course and you expire..
Think about this, when you grow old without any kids who will come and visit you in your old age? Do you wish to end up alone and eventually die alone with no one to bury you?
This fake pride anti male feminism will cause your demise walahi.. Caadi iska dhig.

 

[Samaalic Era]

There is nothing retarded about this

When we are born, when we marry and when we die has already been written for us.

What bad choices is there if a woman doesn't find someone compatible? Is a woman meant to chase down men?

Accept that some women marry late as that is what Allah has written for them.

A woman can marry and should marry young. Chasing a career and saying Qadr is being dishonest.
Don't use the deen for your own amusement

 

[HalimaJ]

@HalimaJ
We are not trying to scare you into anything sister.
This is a brotherly advice to all women walahi.. Get married before nature takes its course and you expire..
Think about this when you grow old without any kids who will come and visit you in your old age? Do you wish to end up alone and eventually die alone with no one to bury you?
This fake pride anti male feminism will cause your demise walahi.. Caadi iska dhig.

This isn't about fake pride, anti male or even feminism.

I know so many beautiful practising and educated sisters who are unable to get married as they have not yet met someone they are compatible with. These women are made to feel like failures and they start to believe there must be something wrong with them. Furthermore, this mindset leads to women becoming desperate and unhappy. The fact that you think women 'expire' like they are nothing but objects on a shelf tells me everything I need to know.

Ultimately, happiness is submitting to the qadr of Allah and being content.

 

[HalimaJ]

A woman can marry and should marry young. Chasing a career and saying Qadr is being dishonest.
Don't use the deen for your own amusement

No, everything isn't black and white. A woman cannot snap her fingers and a decent compatible man falls from the sky at her feet.

Don't use the deen to make women feel inadequate just of because your own deep rooted insecurities.

 

[Abdisamad]

This isn't about fake pride, anti male or even feminism.

I know so many beautiful practising and educated sisters who are unable to get married as they have not yet met someone they are compatible with. These women are made to feel like failures and they start to believe there must be something wrong with them. Furthermore, this mindset leads to women becoming desperate and unhappy. The fact that you think women 'expire' like they are nothing but objects on a shelf tells me everything I need to know.

Ultimately, happiness is submitting to the qadr of Allah and being content.

But women do expire and can't give birth after certain age this is the order of the nature which Allah has created its not from me.. I do respect you as my Somali sister. How come you cannot find a suitable husband? Are you setting the bar too high, so no one is good enough for you?
Think about this walaal.

 

[HalimaJ]

But women do expire and can't give birth after certain age this is the order of the nature which Allah has created its not from me.. I do respect you as my Somali sister. How come you cannot find a suitable husband? Are you setting the bar too high, so no one is good enough for you?
Think about this walaal.

It isn't me that is struggling atm btw. Although in the past because of work and being constantly busy, i would rarely meet people, but now that is not the case. Also, qadr when it comes to finding a spouse is something you should take serious. I've been in situations years back in which I would hardly see suitable guys and then all at once I started to meet suitable like minded faraaxs.

Its not about setting the bar high. Some are struggling to find someone who is adequate and on their level. Many young women, contrary to the female hating views of sspot, are pretty realistic in what they want in a spouse.

Furthermore, the no1 reason that my friends have is that they just do not meet/see decent educated Somali men, especially where we are atm. Many are practising, so they are not going to go out of their way to go certain places and are usually surrounded by other women. Its also doesn't help that we don't have a community that helps youngsters find people that are similar to them like halal events ect.

 

[Abdisamad]

It isn't me that is struggling atm btw. Although in the past because of work and being constantly busy, i would rarely meet people, but now that is not the case. Also, qadr when it comes to finding a spouse is something you should take serious. I've been in situations years back in which I would hardly see suitable guys and then all at once I started to meet suitable like minded faraaxs.

Its not about setting the bar high. Some are struggling to find someone who is adequate and on their level. Many young women, contrary to the female hating views of sspot, are pretty realistic in what they want in a spouse.

Furthermore, the no1 reason that my friends have is that they just do not meet/see decent educated Somali men, especially where we are atm. Many are practising, so they are not going to go out of their way to go certain places and are usually surrounded by other women. Its also doesn't help that we don't have a community that helps youngsters find people that are similar to them like halal events ect.

Just because you have a degree doesn't make you too good to get married to a brother without a degree.. A degree doesn't make someone a decent guy or a better husband than a man without a degree.. Usually when some women claim they can't find a suitable Somali guy to marry 99% of the time it's them who are not suitable for a Somali brother, because they have a bad attitude or they might be too stuck up and think they are gods gift to earth and nothing is good enough for them.. Most of the time these kind of women tend to end up with a foreigner which they offer them self to without any high demand or expectations.

 

[HalimaJ]

Just because you have a degree doesn't make you too good to get married to a brother without a degree.. A degree doesn't make someone a decent guy or a better husband than a man without a degree.. Usually when some womenc claim they can't find a suitable Somali guy to mary 99% of the time it's them who are not suitable for a Somali brother, because they have a bad attitude or they might be too stuck up and think they are gods gift to earth and nothing is good enough for them.. Most of the time these kind of women tend to end up with a foreigner which they offer them self to without any high demand or expectations.

Look, men and women are different and have different expectations in what they want in a spouse.

Stability and the ability to provide is high up in the list of any high quality woman. Unless you are of the opinion that women should be the providers and breadwinners.

And how have you come up with that statistic 99%?

Have you seen every case? I'm talking to you about the women I know who don't have bad attitudes.

Furthermore, your last line is laughable. I grew up in an area with a lot of reverts and i've seen Somali girls marry these types. Shall I tell you a prevailing theme that I saw in these marriages? The girls were generally not educated, and were usually sixthform dropouts and were generally between the ages of 18-21. I'm talking about professional Somali women, who are obviously not going to be interested in a penniless revert.

Also, you sound young. How old are you?

Furthermore, my point wasn't even about rejecting decent Somali men, as many of the girls don't see them due to location ect and we don't have a strong community that do matching services ect.

 

[Abdisamad]

Look, men and women are different and have different expectations in what they want in a spouse.

Stability and the ability to provide is high up in the list of any high quality woman. Unless you are of the opinion that women should be the providers and breadwinners.

And how have you come up with that statistic 99%?

Have you seen every case? I'm talking to you about the women I know who don't have bad attitudes.

Furthermore, your last line is laughable. I grew up in an area with a lot of reverts and i've seen Somali girls marry these types. Shall I tell you a prevailing theme that I saw in these marriages? The girls were generally not educated, and were usually sixthform dropouts and were generally between the ages of 18-21. I'm talking about professional Somali women, who are obviously not going to be interested in a penniless revert.

Also, you sound young. How old are you?

Furthermore, my point wasn't even about rejecting decent Somali men, as many of these don't see them due to location ect.

Abaayo I'm not that young.. I'm an old lion with lots of scars and experience.. I'll repeat a degree doesn't make you a better husband.. There are other qualities to a man than his degree. There are plenty of jobs to do for a man without a degree.
I personally have an engineering background and I'm working alhamdulillah.. But I see a trend which is most of the women have a list of demand but little to offer themselves to a potential spouse. This is obviously one of the reasons why they end up alone.. A woman should be humble and down to earth with a good kind heart.. No man wants a woman with a long list of demands upfront before she even get to know the guy.

 

[HalimaJ]

Abaayo I'm not that young.. I'm an old lion with lots of scars and experience.. I'll repeat a degree doesn't make you a better husband.. There are other qualities to a man than his degree. There are plenty of jobs to do for a man without a degree.
I personally have an engineering background and I'm working alhamdulillah.. But I see a trend which is most of the women have a list of demand but little to offer themselves to a potential spouse. This is obviously one of the reasons they end up alone.. A woman should be humble and and down to earth with a good kind heart.. No man wants a woman with a long list of demands upfront before she even get to know the guy.

Walal, not having standards is detrimental for women. Obviously who you end up marrying is calaaf.

I know many women who have ended up with lazy faraaxs with no work ethic or education and now these said women are running around on benefits when they have a husband at home, stressed with 6 kids.

Also, it is the nature of a man to value youth and beauty.It is the nature of a woman to value stability and a man that can provide. You cannot strip that away from women.

When a woman, has no standards (which, lets face men seem to advocate on here) they are not there to pick up the pieces and would blame such women for choosing a useless husband. We already have a community problem of women with husbands that don't fulfill their role, as a group I genuinely believe that our women have low standards and even the most laziest who just sits in a cafe all day has a wife that is slaving away on her own with the kids. You can't deny this.

Men have demands so do women, yet here women are vilified for having them. Wanting a practising, educated and well mannered husband isn't a demanding requirement. If you have requirements which I know you do, why is it a problem for women to have them?

Also, by 'humble' is that your code word for not having any standards loool?

But I agree humbleness and being down to earth are good qualities to have. That doesn't mean you can't be these things and have standards that you feel are important to you.

 

[Abdisamad]

@HalimaJ

I'm not advocating for women to marry lazy men or loosers.
Most guys who are sitting at cafés all day long belong to the older generation..
I'm a reasonable brother, that's why I believe a man should help out his wife with the kids and the daily chores if he's not out there working.. A wife and a husband needs to plan their life together..and please don't have more kids than you can manage.. A marriage is not only about having kids, a marriage should be fun and joyful. A husband and a wife should have time to be romantic and do stuff together, such as going out and eating together, traveling and experiencing new things together.

 

[Seen su'aal]

What a nice debate. Well put arguments for both sides . I applaud you both