Deadbeat fathers

[Saalax Bidaar]

Oh yeah it's always the guys fault, never the Xalimo. Waa Xuural cayntii Janada oo soo xagaa baxay

 

[Zakaria Hussein]

This is a ongoing issue in the Somali community Fathers who have neglected their wife/kids and walked out on them

I know a handful like one father who left 9 daughters in the UK came to Sweden and got married twice and than went back and married a 18 year old

And one whose got 15 kids across 6 women the oldest daughter she works as a bartender and has changed her last name cause she don’t want any ties with her father

And one who got married at 17 instead of looking for work hanged with friends and came home late at night divorced the wife cause she kept nagging him about buying food for the baby

There’s many more like this

nobody should be offended by this thread all I’m saying is deadbeat fathers are a disgrace and we shouldn’t condone such behavior in the Somali community

Never knew my pops either, met each other during visits back home when I got much older. But I think it's toxic for women to use their kids to get back at their father or leverage.

Instead they'll subconsciously make the kid feel like they don't need the father in their lives (which is wrong) and discourage them from establishing a relationship?


I've seen this happen too often. This is a common mindset within the somali community and single mothers.
The kids should be incouraged to establish a connection with the paternal family. Cos their the ones who miss out at the end.

 

[dragonsin]

Somali parenting is trash in general.

While I agree with your initial statement, I’ve seen countless examples of bad mothering as well.

It seems like they take their marriage issues on their children hence the broken families. We need more counseling and therapy in our communities.

 

[Ferrari]

If you’re a strong man you shouldn’t feel threatened by a strong woman

A woman is meant to obey and serve her husband's needs. Case closed.

When they dont do that divorce happens. Every man should seek this type of woman, keep divorcing them until you find her.

Not everyone is a feminine lagaroone like you.

 

[bluebird]

Blame the mothers for creating a toxic inhospitable environment for the fathers.

Whats with people on here using that terrible excuse? I know a lot of the wives aren't angels, but these are men looking for an excuse to leave. Because if they actually value family, they would know how to deal with their wives and talk to them. Most somali men are too complacent and let their wives walk all over them until they've reached a boiling point, either that or they play the avoidance game and hide out in cafes all day.

 

[Ferrari]

Whats with people on here using that terrible excuse? I know a lot of the wives aren't angels, but these are men looking for an excuse to leave. Because if they actually value family, they would know how to deal with their wives and talk to them. Most somali men are too complacent and let their wives walk all over them until they've reached a boiling point, either that or they play the avoidance game and hide out in cafes all day.

Somali women dont behave until the man has had enough it's too late. Talk to me when you guys learn how to be a woman in a marriage.

 

[Abdalla]

If I was your dad, I'd leave you too @Mercury

My dad left me. When I was 8. I'm being raised by a single mother. When I have a family I hope I don't neglect them inshallah

Continue the family tradition and leave them when they turn 8. You wouldnt be acing uni if your dad was in your life.

 

[Rocca Littorio]

My awoowe married one woman and remained faithful to her to this day.

He never got divorced, cheated nor married another woman despite being a well-off/educated man.

Inshallah, I will be like him.

 

[bluebird]

Somali women dont behave until the man has had enough it's too late. Talk to me when you guys learn how to be a woman in a marriage.

It goes both ways, and no marriage is the same. Sometimes it will be the wife's fault sometimes its the husbands. I've seen enough of both to know that its not always so black and white

 

[Inquisitive_]

This is a ongoing issue in the Somali community Fathers who have neglected their wife/kids and walked out on them

I know a handful like one father who left 9 daughters in the UK came to Sweden and got married twice and than went back and married a 18 year old

And one whose got 15 kids across 6 women the oldest daughter she works as a bartender and has changed her last name cause she don’t want any ties with her father

And one who got married at 17 instead of looking for work hanged with friends and came home late at night divorced the wife cause she kept nagging him about buying food for the baby

There’s many more like this

nobody should be offended by this thread all I’m saying is deadbeat fathers are a disgrace and we shouldn’t condone such behavior in the Somali community

Why is it that you never talk about the other side of the problem ?

All of your criticism is exclusively directed towards fathers while completely absolving the hordes of irresponsible forever growing single mothers many of whom had multiple marriages too and children from different fathers?

The father in the west is nothing more then a toothless ceremonial figure, he can't enforce anything and is simply one flimsy accusation away from either ending up behind bars or a single impulsive reaction away from being thrown out and barred from his children.

The amount of single mothers who regret their impulsive decisions to throw the father out is scary, and pretty much 90% of all divorces in our community is initiated by our women.

That figure stands at 70% for all the other ethnicity's in the west, I rarely come across a divorced Somali couple were the male is the one that is initiating the divorce.

It's almost always the female that demands divorce and hence the destruction of that entire household, despite the fact that she is the one that 'selected' him with no parental or family input. (usually against their advice)

 

[Inquisitive_]

My dad left me. When I was 8. I'm being raised by a single mother. When I have a family I hope I don't neglect them inshallah

There is a disease within our father/grandfather generation which only manifests itself outside of Somalia in cases of divorce.

They don't take humiliation and dishonour well, so when he is thrown out from the house which is something that never happens in Somalia and top of this his authority is questioned.

That humiliation, anger and hopelessness makes them bolt, they start a new life abroad to sooth the pain believing that his son/daughter will be brainwashed by the mother anyway and he can't do anything about it (therefore a lost cause to chase)

This is why this type of behaviour is not seen in Somalia in cases of divorce, because the society their is such that the father always has authority even after divorce. (in most cases he takes the children especially if the Ex wife remarries)

You can be the greatest father in the world but in the diaspora you will always be a toothless ceremonial figure and forever at the whim of your wife's erratic impulsive emotions from being thrown out.

It's easy sitting on the sidelines and wishfully think that you will never be that type of father, but you simply don't have that choice nor the authority to enforce anything in the West and forced to play by her dirty rules.

Hell hath no fury then a scorned Xaalimo, they are the most vicious of women when it comes to emasculation and humiliation because unlike other feeble women from other ethnic groups, they believe they can raise kids alone.

You will watch her remarry several times while the new husband is around your kids and there is nothing you can do about it, the new generation wan't civil marriage so on top of all of this you will pay her for these shenanigans.

You have two choices in scenario's like these which are very common after divorce, you either fight a hopeless unwinnable fight which will lead to self ruin and an early trip to the grave or psychiatric unit.

Or you at least safe your own life and start again in a country were your no longer a ceremonial toothless figure and you can exercise authority while getting over the loss.

Majority of the males go for the second option only to be bombarded a decade or two later by that scorned Ex wife who has tasted tremendous difficulties and punishments in life for her irresponsible reckless actions and now begs the father to get involved.

If I was in your shoes, I would establish contact with my father and have an open-mind and not look at things black and white.

But like most people I suspect your mother has filled you with anger or rage that you would probably refuse in which case you proof that your father made the right decision.

 

[Mercury]

I know many wallahi. Forget this gender war thing but I know MANY and nobody can tell me it doesn't happen in the Somali community.

Even one of my own uncle is affected by this mess. He can't go see his kids, he works hard and always pays for child support and sometimes you'll see the mother abusing the money for her selfish needs.

If the Somali diaspora community is going to move forward then let's stop demonizing Somali fathers and accept some faults from Somali mothers too.

I don’t exclude that from happening But I believe there’s much more Somali dads who divorce their wife and never sees them or provide for them

 

[Muji]

My own cousin got finally divorced a while back. His now ex-wife explicitly stated that if they parted, she doesn't want him 'half-way' in her baby's life. Staying married wasn't an option either because the marriage was both personally and professionally crippling (location). Both families were up in arms about the divorce, a lot coaxing and harrassing from family. But the boy made it out after all the fake concern, living well up north. Though I'll admit bro was shockingly unexpressive and blunt during the whole thing. Everyone including my own parents seem to leave that out that she wasn't interested in co-parenting. A lot of Somali marriages shouldn't have happened in the first place. But f*ck it, shit happens and divorce exists for a reason.

We read about your cousin and he was planning to leave his kids whilst he was married to her. Another deadbeat Somali dad in the community

 

[Muji]

Lol I’ve seen cadans go through the worst divorces who despise eachother and because the father went to court was given access by a judge he still gets to see kids.

What’s your excuse Somali dads?

 

[Mercury]

A woman is meant to obey and serve her husband's needs. Case closed.

When they dont do that divorce happens. Every man should seek this type of woman, keep divorcing them until you find her.

Not everyone is a feminine lagaroone like you.

With that kind of mentality you should just marry a blow up doll

 

[Mercury]

There is a disease within our father/grandfather generation which only manifests itself outside of Somalia in cases of divorce.

They don't take humiliation and dishonour well, so when he is thrown out from the house which is something that never happens in Somalia and top of this his authority is questioned.

That humiliation, anger and hopelessness makes them bolt, they start a new life abroad to sooth the pain believing that his son/daughter will be brainwashed by the mother anyway and he can't do anything about it (therefore a lost cause to chase)

This is why this type of behaviour is not seen in Somalia in cases of divorce, because the society their is such that the father always has authority even after divorce. (in most cases he takes the children especially if the Ex wife remarries)

You can be the greatest father in the world but in the diaspora you will always be a toothless ceremonial figure and forever at the whim of your wife's erratic impulsive emotions from being thrown out.

It's easy sitting on the sidelines and wishfully think that you will never be that type of father, but you simply don't have that choice nor the authority to enforce anything in the West and forced to play by her dirty rules.

Hell hath no fury then a scorned Xaalimo, they are the most vicious of women when it comes to emasculation and humiliation because unlike other feeble women from other ethnic groups, they believe they can raise kids alone.

You will watch her remarry several times while the new husband is around your kids and there is nothing you can do about it, the new generation wan't civil marriage so on top of all of this you will pay her for these shenanigans.

You have two choices in scenario's like these which are very common after divorce, you either fight a hopeless unwinnable fight which will lead to self ruin and an early trip to the grave or psychiatric unit.

Or you at least safe your own life and start again in a country were your no longer a ceremonial toothless figure and you can exercise authority while getting over the loss.

Majority of the males go for the second option only to be bombarded a decade or two later by that scorned Ex wife who has tasted tremendous difficulties and punishments in life for her irresponsible reckless actions and now begs the father to get involved.

If I was in your shoes, I would establish contact with my father and have an open-mind and not look at things black and white.

But like most people I suspect your mother has filled you with anger or rage that you would probably refuse in which case you proof that your father made the right decision.

Many Somali fathers have the wrong mindset to only think your job is to provide for the family that’s it

There’s other things like bathing the kids helping with chores around the house and working together with your wife instead of acting like a authoritive brute

 

[Mercury]

Oh yeah it's always the guys fault, never the Xalimo. Waa Xuural cayntii Janada oo soo xagaa baxay

There’s bad Somali women but I believe there’s more bad Somali guys
The ones who divorce and never look back at their kids life

You know islamically even if you divorce your wife you have to still provide for your kids

In Arab countries if the husband isn’t providing the state will pay it until the kid reaches 18 when he does they gonna hunt down the dad if he doesn’t pay it up he will serve in jail

 

[HalimaJ]

If Somali women in the west are the real culprits please explain why some Somali men are abandoning miskeen poor Somali Kenyan girls who cannot afford to have the whole 'independent woman' mindset?

Things are so bad, that a doc was made that disgraced the Somali community, as it revealed to the world how irresponsible SOME Somali men are. We all know a couple of odeys that go back to Africa to have some fun with a young 18 yr old and then decides to marry and divorce. These are the same ones usually that have abandoned their first wives.

Lack of accountability is why things are going to stay the same. Blaming women, isn't going to bring your abo back, nor is it going to improve you're crippling self esteem.

 

[repo]

If Somali women in the west are the real culprits please explain why some Somali men are abandoning miskeen poor Somali Kenyan girls who cannot afford to have the whole 'independent woman' mindset?

Things are so bad, that a doc was made that disgraced the Somali community, as it revealed to the world how irresponsible SOME Somali men are. We all know a couple of odeys that go back to Africa to have some fun with a young 18 yr old and then decides to marry and divorce. These are the same ones usually that have abandoned their first wives.

Lack of accountability is why things are going to stay the same. Blaming women, isn't going to bring your abo back, nor is it going to improve you're crippling self esteem.

Ceebta aduunka

 

[Mercury]

If Somali women in the west are the real culprits please explain why some Somali men are abandoning miskeen poor Somali Kenyan girls who cannot afford to have the whole 'independent woman' mindset?

Things are so bad, that a doc was made that disgraced the Somali community, as it revealed to the world how irresponsible SOME Somali men are. We all know a couple of odeys that go back to Africa to have some fun with a young 18 yr old and then decides to marry and divorce. These are the same ones usually that have abandoned their first wives.

Lack of accountability is why things are going to stay the same. Blaming women, isn't going to bring your abo back, nor is it going to improve you're crippling self esteem.

Here’s what I think when it comes to responsibility a lot Somali girls have been taught from a young age how to be responsible of a household cause of years of doing chores and housework while living in their parents house

But majority of guys are the opposite later when they get married they don’t feel responsibility towards helping in their home