Bringing my foreign wife to the US?

[KhailTowers]

I'm not Somali, I'm actually Egyptian-American born and raised in the US, but can relate a lot to this forum.

I'm 29 years old and recently got married to a woman from back home (Egypt).

I wanted to marry an American raised Muslim woman, but none of them were Okay with living abroad in a Muslim country (Which I wanted). They all wanted to stay in America, and never leave.

That's the reason I went back home to find a wife, because many girls back home follow their husband wherever he goes.

My wife, for instance, never knew I planned to bring her to America.

I told her I was going to settle in Egypt, and not bring her to the US.

She liked that, because she wanted to stay close to her family. When the discussions of coming to America came up, she was very against it, and I had to convince her that I would let her visit her family regularly, and then after months she became Okay with it.

I never actually wanted to bring her to America, but after our wedding, we moved to Dubai and I became extremely homesick and missed my family in the US.

Also, I just couldn't get used to living in Dubai (small city, far away, lack of family there, etc)

Now I'm at the point where I'm about to sponsor my wife to come to the US, but I'm feeling hesitant again for many reasons.

1. Concerns of bringing her to the US

- Even though my wife is a traditional religious woman/virgin, I fear she could become Westernized and totally turn on me in the future. I feel this is really unlikely, because she comes from a very religious family, she fears her father and grandfather, and she never had the intention to come to the US in the first place. She is also very attached to me. She also has talked to me about how the West lacks family values, etc

- I'm worried that if I decide to move abroad in the future (Back to Dubai, Saudi, etc) she will not want to move back with me because of our initial negative experience in Dubai, and she'll just want to stay in the US

- I'm also worried that if we have a kid together in the US, she'll want our kid to grow up in the US, and not follow me back to the Middle East

- If my marriage doesn't work out for whatever reason, I am still legally responsible for financially supporting my wife (Part of the sponsorship/immigration rules in the US)

- Alimony and divorce laws in the US are very pro-women/anti-men, so I could owe her a lot of money if the marriage doesn't work out

2. Concerns of not bringing her to the US

- We've already tried living in Dubai twice and have had bad experiences due to my homesickness and desire to have my parents near me. This caused our relationship in Dubai to be really bad as she saw that I was always upset and sad in Dubai. My concern is if I decide to not bring her to the US, and give Dubai one more try, this may lead to the breakdown of our marriage altogether (Our relationship would probably be better in the US because my parents and family are near me)

- If I decide to take her back to Dubai and give the overseas thing one more chance, I would basically be agreeing to officially never live in the US again. I'm wondering if this is even practical. My wife is not the type of woman that would be okay with us living apart for several months (Like some immigrant men do, where they leave their women overseas while they work in the US/Canada/UK for a few months). Also, if we have kids, I'd have to raise them in Dubai and never bring my kids to the US as that would mean I have to bring my wife to the US. Is this even practical?

- I'd have to make Dubai my permanent home. In terms of visa, this is not a problem, because I have a renewable real estate visa in the UAE so I can never be kicked out the country, but there are a lot of things to deal with there. (Spoiled children, difficult heat, cost of child care, basically only seeing my parents once a year)

- My parents and family cannot move to the UAE with me because they have jobs in the US they cannot leave. I'd have to up and leave my entire family which would be hard to do (Although I may get over it after a couple of years of living in Dubai)

- I'm concerned if we try living in the Gulf one more time, and it doesn't work out for the same reasons, my wife will think I'm an unstable and weird husband, and this could lead to even more problems.

Question:

Would it better to just sponsor my wife to come to the US, or give living abroad with her one more chance, despite our first two very negative experiences?

You may be wondering, how will the third experience be any better? Well, I'm a lot more committed to sticking it out this time, and giving it more time to get used to a new country (The first time we tried Dubai, we stayed for 2.5 months; The second time it was only 1.5 months.)

For those wondering why we don't just live in Egypt. The reason is because I have an American passport and I need to live in a developed country (i.e. UAE) because the salaries are much better and the infrastructure in Egypt is horrible, so living in Egypt is not an option for us.

 

[DubatDiaries]

I’d say go with the US sponsorship route if you can’t resolve your homesickness. It seems like the best option from what you described.

Try to be considerate, your wife has left her family in Egypt and is following you around. Don’t you think she is probably homesick too?

 

[hinters]

Marhaban, izzayak. That's all I know in masri dialect.

 

[Calaami]

Don’t bring her to America. You’d be condemning your children to growing up in a Christian land. The greatest gift you could give them and her, your wife, is a life in Muslim lands. Even if she doesn’t see the wisdom in it now, she will one day.

 

[DubatDiaries]

Don’t bring her to America. You’d be condemning your children to growing up in a Christian land. The greatest gift you could give them and her, your wife, is a life in Muslim lands. Even if she doesn’t see the wisdom in it now, she will one day.

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

 

[hayag25]

Don’t bring her to America. You’d be condemning your children to growing up in a Christian land. The greatest gift you could give them and her, your wife, is a life in Muslim lands. Even if she doesn’t see the wisdom in it now, she will one day.

Nothing muslim about UAE, bunch of Indians, ajnabis with rich Arab isolated minority

 

[World]

what’s wrong with egypt?

 

[Calaami]

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

 

[DubatDiaries]

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

 

[El Nino]

Dad aad wiidiin sarkartid ma weyse.

 

[dekiteshim]

what’s wrong with egypt?

He said the salaries are too low and the infrastructure isn’t to par with that of countries like the UAE/Saudi/US

 

[dekiteshim]

I would say give Dubai another shot. It will be tough at first but you’re going to need to put up with it. If you wife is very religious and you want to raise your kids as such, you would be doing yourself a disservice by moving to the US where most Muslim immigrants forget about their deen and the schools teach kids about transsexuals. Your wife will also probably have an easier time adjusting to the UAE since the culture isn’t too far removed from Egypt’s.

 

[Bowda-dheer]

There’s a whole reason why you chose to get married from back home so have some balls and stay true to your choice. If you change your mind marry a woman from the States again much easier life.

 

[Nomadic lord]

Ultimately, there is no right or wrong answer here. It's important to trust your instincts and make the decision that feels right for you and your wife and good luck.

 

[Strawberry]

I'm not Somali, I'm actually Egyptian-American born and raised in the US, but can relate a lot to this forum.

I'm 29 years old and recently got married to a woman from back home (Egypt).

I wanted to marry an American raised Muslim woman, but none of them were Okay with living abroad in a Muslim country (Which I wanted). They all wanted to stay in America, and never leave.

That's the reason I went back home to find a wife, because many girls back home follow their husband wherever he goes.

My wife, for instance, never knew I planned to bring her to America.

I told her I was going to settle in Egypt, and not bring her to the US.

She liked that, because she wanted to stay close to her family. When the discussions of coming to America came up, she was very against it, and I had to convince her that I would let her visit her family regularly, and then after months she became Okay with it.

I never actually wanted to bring her to America, but after our wedding, we moved to Dubai and I became extremely homesick and missed my family in the US.

Also, I just couldn't get used to living in Dubai (small city, far away, lack of family there, etc)

Now I'm at the point where I'm about to sponsor my wife to come to the US, but I'm feeling hesitant again for many reasons.

1. Concerns of bringing her to the US

- Even though my wife is a traditional religious woman/virgin, I fear she could become Westernized and totally turn on me in the future. I feel this is really unlikely, because she comes from a very religious family, she fears her father and grandfather, and she never had the intention to come to the US in the first place. She is also very attached to me. She also has talked to me about how the West lacks family values, etc

- I'm worried that if I decide to move abroad in the future (Back to Dubai, Saudi, etc) she will not want to move back with me because of our initial negative experience in Dubai, and she'll just want to stay in the US

- I'm also worried that if we have a kid together in the US, she'll want our kid to grow up in the US, and not follow me back to the Middle East

- If my marriage doesn't work out for whatever reason, I am still legally responsible for financially supporting my wife (Part of the sponsorship/immigration rules in the US)

- Alimony and divorce laws in the US are very pro-women/anti-men, so I could owe her a lot of money if the marriage doesn't work out

2. Concerns of not bringing her to the US

- We've already tried living in Dubai twice and have had bad experiences due to my homesickness and desire to have my parents near me. This caused our relationship in Dubai to be really bad as she saw that I was always upset and sad in Dubai. My concern is if I decide to not bring her to the US, and give Dubai one more try, this may lead to the breakdown of our marriage altogether (Our relationship would probably be better in the US because my parents and family are near me)

- If I decide to take her back to Dubai and give the overseas thing one more chance, I would basically be agreeing to officially never live in the US again. I'm wondering if this is even practical. My wife is not the type of woman that would be okay with us living apart for several months (Like some immigrant men do, where they leave their women overseas while they work in the US/Canada/UK for a few months). Also, if we have kids, I'd have to raise them in Dubai and never bring my kids to the US as that would mean I have to bring my wife to the US. Is this even practical?

- I'd have to make Dubai my permanent home. In terms of visa, this is not a problem, because I have a renewable real estate visa in the UAE so I can never be kicked out the country, but there are a lot of things to deal with there. (Spoiled children, difficult heat, cost of child care, basically only seeing my parents once a year)

- My parents and family cannot move to the UAE with me because they have jobs in the US they cannot leave. I'd have to up and leave my entire family which would be hard to do (Although I may get over it after a couple of years of living in Dubai)

- I'm concerned if we try living in the Gulf one more time, and it doesn't work out for the same reasons, my wife will think I'm an unstable and weird husband, and this could lead to even more problems.

Question:

Would it better to just sponsor my wife to come to the US, or give living abroad with her one more chance, despite our first two very negative experiences?

You may be wondering, how will the third experience be any better? Well, I'm a lot more committed to sticking it out this time, and giving it more time to get used to a new country (The first time we tried Dubai, we stayed for 2.5 months; The second time it was only 1.5 months.)

For those wondering why we don't just live in Egypt. The reason is because I have an American passport and I need to live in a developed country (i.e. UAE) because the salaries are much better and the infrastructure in Egypt is horrible, so living in Egypt is not an option for us.

I don't know why you are asking this in a Somali forum, but since you made the choice, I will say this:

So you want her to move back and forth from one end of the earth to the other as you see fit? And you are afraid she won't agree every time? Sir, you seem indecisive. You can't treat your wife's opinion as whatever.

Second, it's not as if the Middle Eastern people are great and religious; you have more Christians and Jews than most other Muslim countries, and Egypt is more like Western society than Western society and I'm saying this since I went there to learn Quran.

My time in Egypt (1yr) and Saudi Arabia(1yr) was positive, but there were many negative aspects. Many were no different from other Muslims in the west, and white Arabs are very racist towards their afro-Arabs and foreign black people (non-Arab black), and many people became arrogant when they discovered I was Somali. Not only that, one man did not want us to rent the apartment after he saw me, my mother, and my brothers, but initially, he seemed fine when we spoke to him on the phone through our agent, who was helping us.

I've always struggled with music (and still do) and thought that if I went there, there might be a change while I'm studying the Quran. Guess what? No, you all listen to music and enjoy concerts just as much as anyone else in the world. Not only that, but the entertainment on television is as bad as the kiss scenes, with their revealing clothes, male body shots, and black faces; could you not even hire a black actor? How difficult is that? or maybe change the character's race? but chose to participate in racist rhetoric.

inconclusion If your wife is a practicing Muslim and holds her religion close to her heart, she will be fine. It's all about how close we are to Allah(sw), no matter where we are in the world.
Arab countries are not superior in terms of deen; it is all about culture; if she wants to stay where her culture and family are, that is fine; after all, you stated that you were an American.

also why are you even thinking of this already?
'Alimony and divorce laws in the US are very pro-women/anti-men, so I could owe her a lot of money if the marriage doesn't work out'

So they're pro-men in the Middle East and not pro-women? If you want your wives to stay at home and not work, take the damn responsibility, even after divorce, until the kids grow up; she can't be feeding you and caring for the family, and this is what you're concerned about.


However, as I suspected, this appears to be a cultural mindset, so I recommend You should take this to an Egyptian forum with your own people. Maybe they will help you. It seems your view is also very culturally based. They might relate.

In Somali, we call this madax xanuun iyo waalli

Thank you for attending my TED talk.

 

[Strawberry]

Don’t bring her to America. You’d be condemning your children to growing up in a Christian land. The greatest gift you could give them and her, your wife, is a life in Muslim lands. Even if she doesn’t see the wisdom in it now, she will one day.

News flash: Arab countries have a large non-Muslim population, and they are no different from the West except for the fact that they have a lot of mosques (which is nice). It's all about us and our connection to Allah (sw).
So your point does not make sense here, does it?

 

[Calaami]

News flash: Arab countries have a large non-Muslim population, and they are no different from the West except for the fact that they have a lot of mosques (which is nice). It's all about us and our connection to Allah (sw).
So your point does not make sense here, does it?

Eh tbh just being able to hear the adhan makes living in a Muslim country superior than not living in one. And I never said you had to live in an Arab country, I do concede many of them are headed down a kufri path.

 

[Testo 21]

you need M1 visa, its eesi. Trust me!

 

[Barni]

Somalispot more like ajnabispot

 

[𐒋𐒖𐒆𐒔𐒖𐒕𐒈]

I'm not Somali, I'm actually Egyptian-American born and raised in the US, but can relate a lot to this forum.

I'm 29 years old and recently got married to a woman from back home (Egypt).

I wanted to marry an American raised Muslim woman, but none of them were Okay with living abroad in a Muslim country (Which I wanted). They all wanted to stay in America, and never leave.

That's the reason I went back home to find a wife, because many girls back home follow their husband wherever he goes.

My wife, for instance, never knew I planned to bring her to America.

I told her I was going to settle in Egypt, and not bring her to the US.

She liked that, because she wanted to stay close to her family. When the discussions of coming to America came up, she was very against it, and I had to convince her that I would let her visit her family regularly, and then after months she became Okay with it.

I never actually wanted to bring her to America, but after our wedding, we moved to Dubai and I became extremely homesick and missed my family in the US.

Also, I just couldn't get used to living in Dubai (small city, far away, lack of family there, etc)

Now I'm at the point where I'm about to sponsor my wife to come to the US, but I'm feeling hesitant again for many reasons.

1. Concerns of bringing her to the US

- Even though my wife is a traditional religious woman/virgin, I fear she could become Westernized and totally turn on me in the future. I feel this is really unlikely, because she comes from a very religious family, she fears her father and grandfather, and she never had the intention to come to the US in the first place. She is also very attached to me. She also has talked to me about how the West lacks family values, etc

- I'm worried that if I decide to move abroad in the future (Back to Dubai, Saudi, etc) she will not want to move back with me because of our initial negative experience in Dubai, and she'll just want to stay in the US

- I'm also worried that if we have a kid together in the US, she'll want our kid to grow up in the US, and not follow me back to the Middle East

- If my marriage doesn't work out for whatever reason, I am still legally responsible for financially supporting my wife (Part of the sponsorship/immigration rules in the US)

- Alimony and divorce laws in the US are very pro-women/anti-men, so I could owe her a lot of money if the marriage doesn't work out

2. Concerns of not bringing her to the US

- We've already tried living in Dubai twice and have had bad experiences due to my homesickness and desire to have my parents near me. This caused our relationship in Dubai to be really bad as she saw that I was always upset and sad in Dubai. My concern is if I decide to not bring her to the US, and give Dubai one more try, this may lead to the breakdown of our marriage altogether (Our relationship would probably be better in the US because my parents and family are near me)

- If I decide to take her back to Dubai and give the overseas thing one more chance, I would basically be agreeing to officially never live in the US again. I'm wondering if this is even practical. My wife is not the type of woman that would be okay with us living apart for several months (Like some immigrant men do, where they leave their women overseas while they work in the US/Canada/UK for a few months). Also, if we have kids, I'd have to raise them in Dubai and never bring my kids to the US as that would mean I have to bring my wife to the US. Is this even practical?

- I'd have to make Dubai my permanent home. In terms of visa, this is not a problem, because I have a renewable real estate visa in the UAE so I can never be kicked out the country, but there are a lot of things to deal with there. (Spoiled children, difficult heat, cost of child care, basically only seeing my parents once a year)

- My parents and family cannot move to the UAE with me because they have jobs in the US they cannot leave. I'd have to up and leave my entire family which would be hard to do (Although I may get over it after a couple of years of living in Dubai)

- I'm concerned if we try living in the Gulf one more time, and it doesn't work out for the same reasons, my wife will think I'm an unstable and weird husband, and this could lead to even more problems.

Question:

Would it better to just sponsor my wife to come to the US, or give living abroad with her one more chance, despite our first two very negative experiences?

You may be wondering, how will the third experience be any better? Well, I'm a lot more committed to sticking it out this time, and giving it more time to get used to a new country (The first time we tried Dubai, we stayed for 2.5 months; The second time it was only 1.5 months.)

For those wondering why we don't just live in Egypt. The reason is because I have an American passport and I need to live in a developed country (i.e. UAE) because the salaries are much better and the infrastructure in Egypt is horrible, so living in Egypt is not an option for us.

From the sound of it, and in practice, its sounds as if you are unsettled in your own life, and I would not advise any wo(man) to marry till one has resigned oneself to a family life, and the responsibilities, which go along with it, but committed, and married, you are.

Allow me ask a few questions:
i) On a scale of 1 - 10, how much of a practising Muslim are you?
ii) What are the primary reasons for your choosing to migrate to the Middle East, and not raise a family in the U.S?

iii) Did you get married for the sake of being married? Or were there other reasons?
iv) What was the primary reason for your getting married?

v) Could you trully imagine life without your wife?
i. Or is she just a wife? And any other female would have sufficed for the pleasures of life, and procreation?

I am no agony aunt, but shall offer suggestions post your responses.

Postscript:
There are a few notable signs of trouble, if discouraging statements in your posting, but I shall await.