Are there any former bigger persons here

[*velvet*]

I was raised by my parents to be, I guess you could say proper and with akhlaq. My family is mainly composed of loud voices and hot-tempered individuals so if an altercation or disagreement were to occur between me and my sibling/parent it was required that I submit and just be the bigger person. This attitude transferred onto outside life and so when someone would do me wrong I would just stand there. These moments randomly hit me once in a while and I can't help but cringe, I just
would literally let the most craziest of takes slide. Thankfully I recognized this behavior years ago and became more assertive and the way my family treats me now is very negative and the lament on my former self, I find that even cringier

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[Garaad diinle]

While it's great to be assertive and stand for oneself it's also crucial to know when to back down and be the bigger person. You just have to know how to navigate your way through the situation and assess which of these two you should be doing. Being assertive all the time might led you to pointless and ardours arguments that leads nowhere.

 

[Kalsoon]

There should be a happy medium between being a people pleaser and an overly dominant and aggressive person who is trying to assert their boundaries/views all the time. It’s a delicate balancing act that requires humility and careful thought when interacting with people.

This is my current view on this as a former people pleaser who learned numerous lessons. Being the bigger person for the sake of Allah never brings regret. You always win in that regard. Don’t argue with people with ignorant views. Don’t be a pushover but also be flexible when necessary. Learn when it’s worth being assertive and when it’s not. Sometimes, being lenient and merciful are better at helping get the point across than being assertive.

 

[Basra]

 

[Smokybob03]

Not gonna lie I thought this was a weight loss thread with that title

 

[mrlog]

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[𐒋𐒖𐒆𐒔𐒖𐒕𐒈]

@*velvet*
At first, let me try to split the kernel so as to construct an elevation for clarity.

Let us distinguish between dealings with family along with dear friends versus strangers and acquaintances. In the case of the former, particularly in the company of the youth, be it siblings, cousins, nueces, nephews etc., one must be gentle to a fault, and almost always set an example, and be the bigger person, even if wronged, especially if a male, and mostly if one of the elders in the family; dear friends come next, and one must apply pull-push strategy, where one does not wish to be harsh, nor too lenient by default.

With respect to strangers, and acquaintances, esp. in the West, particularly if a young man of ethnic extraction, one must not be a supine sod swimming sideways, but nigh savage, with wit at hand, and chops to match, if need be. I learnt that early on, when I started boxing in the mean streets of E17. There is nothing worse than picking a fight, or being aggressive, and not having the skills to turn it in your favour.

As @Garaad diinle noted, one must be pragmatic, for surely one could not afford a criminal record at the nubile age of 15, say in cleavy cobbles of London, or springly Prairies of Minneapolis.

Now, parents are in a special category altogether, for they could do no wrong, in my eyes; so do the ladies in the family, even the few I classify as feminists, which I learnt is a rite of passage for all young women.

A different category, I create for Muslims, and approach them with caution, but with leniency, as Islam directs.

In a nutshell, that is I.

 

[𐒋𐒖𐒆𐒔𐒖𐒕𐒈]

@JackieBurkhart @mrlog
Cetain I am to have missed something, or said something untoward; perhaps one you could be good enough as to radirect as to the what.