Shmurda
King Of NSFW
This will probably be very long so buckle up i guess haha.
Growing up I was raised very white compared to my other somali friends. I grew up in an all-white neighborhood, went to an all-White school and was never forced to go to dugsi or read the quran at a young age. I started wearing the hijab by choice when I was 10 and that was pretty much the only islamic thing about me. In my early teens my dad wanted to give me quran lessons on the weekends but that didn’t last long
In my early teens I made new friends who introduced me to all the new and cool thing. Although I was still a muslim at that time, I decided to take of my hijab because I believed I could be a believer without having to wear the hijab. I started staying out late without telling my parents, shoplifted like any other 14 year old girl at that time and was just enjoying my time without realizing I was becoming bad.
That didn’t sit well with my parents and within a year I was tricked to somalia. I spent 4 years there and although I’m mad at my parents for bringing me there and making everything harder for me, right now i’m just glad to be back and i’m focused on getting my life together. I decided to just drop the hatred for them and just move on.
(It was in somalia I left islam.)
After begging my parents to think of my school and future, they let me go back on the condition that I would wear the hijab and a skirt everyday which I agreed to. Within a week of being back I threw my skirts away, bought some jeans and started wearing them but decided to wear the hijab because I knew what horrible comments i’d get from the somali community if I took that off too.
Long story short, my mother went crazy. She called me from her work crying her eyes out and asking me how I could do that to her. I told her I was sorry but I had to lie because I didn’t want to stay in somalia any longer and that I was still wearing the hijab. She them told me she didn’t have anything to live for anymore and would just kill herself because she knew somali people would talk about me. She told me everyone expected me to become a great woman after being in somalia for 4 years and will be very disappointed and will talk shit about me and her.
I told her she was overreacting and that people’s opinions on me isn’t a reason for her to kill herself. That argument went on for a while and I ended up hanging up on her.
She came home and called me to the living room to talk. She proceeds to talk about how much money she has wasted in somalia for us to live comfortably, how much money she spent on school and how much money she spent on my braces. She told me she did all that for me but I couldn’t even do one little thing for her, that she was regretting to have brought me back.
I told her that taking me to somalia wasn’t my idea, if we had stayed we could’ve gotten free education, free dental care and everything would’ve been way easier and that she can’t put the blame on me. I told her I was looking for jobs and I’d pay back whatever she wanted if it was that important to her but she told me “this isn’t about money”. If it isn’t about money then why would you bring it up so much?
I told her that I had to lie because staying in somalia would only ruin my future and for once, I decided to put myself first. I told her that I had contemplated reporting them to the authorities many times but I didn’t because they were my parents. She had nothing to lose from me being in somalia except for money, especially since she never lived with us in somalia to begin with. I also reminded her that if she stopped giving a f*ck about what other somalis have to say, we wouldn’t have this conversation and that it’s only jeans ffs.
I told her that if me wearing jeans bothered her so much, i’d gladly move out. Whatever money she wants, I can pay her back and after that I will never talk to her again but after I said that, she dropped everything and told me she’d leave me alone so I could just continue staying at home.
We haven’t spoken much about it since that but she can’t go a day without making rude comments about my body or me wearing jeans. My aunt nearly gave birth the other day and she told me if I wanted to see the baby i’d have to wear a skirt because we wouldn’t want the girl to dress like me.
The other day I got a job and I told her about it and after congratulating me, she said she wants me to start paying rent. I asked her why? I told her I’m only 18 and would like to save my money for the future in case I need it and she said because it’s not fair on her to pay everything in the house by herself.
She then changed and said she wants the money because it’s the least I can do as she has carried me for 9 months and raised me for 18 years. I told her that I haven’t taken any money from her since I turned 18 and I won’t do that now either so any money she would’ve spent on me, she can use that for the bills or the vacation/girls night out she wanted to spend my money on and that she should put money to the side too that she can use. She told me every other somali kid does the same and I should too, but I told her then i’m not like other somali kids and I don’t want to.
She told me that she gives my mid 20’s, jobless brother money so he can go out and have fun with his friends out the kindness of her heart and that I should do the same. I told her it’s not fair for her to take the little money I earn while giving my brother money he needs and I also told her that me giving her money wouldn’t be out of kidness, but out of force because she making me do it.
She ends up telling me i’m just like my sister and this is why she prefers the boys over the girls, because the boys would give her anything she wanted. I told her then go ask the boys because I won’t give you anything and if she wants me to pay for bills and groceries, I might as well move out and pay everything myself.
All this arguing happened within 2 weeks of being back from somalia.
I’m already too stressed out about catching up with school and all the missed courses i’ll have to take alongside the regular courses, starting to work and being an adult who hasn’t been prepared for the adult life.
I know what shoplifting was wrong of me and that everyone else did it too is not an excuse, but i was a 14 year old kid who didn’t know any better and should have been given the chance to learn from my mistakes just like my friends did.
I don’t hate somalia and I’m glad I got to see what my home country was truly like, but I wish I could’ve seen it by my own choice.
Now i’m just a depressed, very stressed and anxious 18 year old who’s constantly wondering if suicide might just be the easy way out.
I always thought moving back to the west would make me all happy again but now I feel worse about everything.
I really wish I wasn’t lured to somalia.
How dare she wear jeans and go against her motherd word! She is a let me spell it out W H O R E. Nacalah kuguyaal fucking athiest dog her hooyo shouldnt kill herself she should smoke this spoiled brat instead.
