It makes all the sense in the world, at least to me, bc your aims are obvious to me. You want to give your life meaning, and you especially want to prove yourself. You think warfare will do that for you, because that's the lense through which you view your sense of masculinity.It doesn't make sense, I know. i know that its not as glorious or extravagant... More of a small desire on my end. Part of the male experience I guess.
What I'm saying is war won't accomplish that for you, but you can always enlist if you're determined to.
I'm objecting to your misguided romanticism of war, but I've always maintained that military training is a great source of discipline, which is something you can use and will add value to your life.