A Question About Divorce!!!!

[Gooney112]

I know a xalimo who divorced after three months for this reason. She thought the wedding was long enough to be convincing that it was out of love but she absolutely hates the guy.

The second one, married and even had a kid (although accidentally) she admitted to me that she first got married to get out of the house but painfully regretted it once she moved in with him. For some of these xalimos it’s out of the pan and in to the fire when they go from their family home to an equally controlling husband. Hence why divorce leads to freedom from both without being disowned by the parents.

But these girls are already damaged. The marriage was doomed from the start no matter how the guy treated them. Wallahi a lot of somali girls live sad lives stuck in family home looking for freedom. And once they get married at 20-21 they have far less experience with guys and life in general. Even after divorce a lot of these girls need some healing and maybe therapy imo. They run around few years and marry again without having learned from the past. I had one say to me this summer I will marry within this year. If not you then someone else. I was like you dont even have someone else except me...fvck you talking about. She said there are plenty guys out there ready. And yes she lived at home lool

 

[VixR]

I know a xalimo who divorced after three months for this reason. She thought the wedding was long enough to be convincing that it was out of love but she absolutely hates the guy.

The second one, married and even had a kid (although accidentally) she admitted to me that she first got married to get out of the house but painfully regretted it once she moved in with him. For some of these xalimos it’s out of the pan and in to the fire when they go from their family home to an equally controlling husband. Hence why divorce leads to freedom from both without being disowned by the parents.

I also think girls and guys get pressured into getting married to the extent it doesn’t seem like so bad a thing to just get it over with come hell or high water, and getting out of the house is seen as a perk. I’ve even seen Somali boys being forced to marry. They just hook em up on the fly. “Prospects” are thrown at you like meat on sale.

And I think Somalis also don’t know how to fight in a relationship. There’s a productive way to argue. But what’s the point if there was no value to it to begin with.

 

[Gooney112]

I also think girls and guys get pressured into getting married to the extent it doesn’t seem like so bad a thing to just get it over with come hell or high water, and getting out of the house is seen as a perk. I’ve even seen Somali boys being forced to marry. They just hook em up on the fly. “Prospects” are thrown at you like meat on sale.

And I think Somalis also don’t know how to fight in a relationship. There’s a productive way to argue. But what’s the point if there was no value to it to begin with.

We are proud people with huge egos lol. Comprimise is seen as weakness. I just had a family member at 22 get married to girl same age. Both have no money and live at home. So their parents paid for the wedding and a flat they can live in. Everything was handed to them in fear of them sinning. But how do youbknow the value of marriage when you put so little effort and time in making it?

 

[VixR]

We are proud people with huge egos lol. Comprimise is seen as weakness. I just had a family member at 22 get married to girl same age. Both have no money and live at home. So their parents paid for the wedding and a flat they can live in. Everything was handed to them in fear of them sinning. But how do youbknow the value of marriage when you put so little effort and time in making it?

That’s what my parents wanted. They at least made an effort with the education

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in comparison to my uncle who was all about is he religion-minded

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, so it wasn’t so barebones as that, but they were really pushing it. I almost started thinking something must be wrong with me.

 

[Gooney112]

That’s what my parents wanted. They at least made an effort with the education

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in comparison to my uncle who was all about is he religion-minded

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, so it wasn’t so barebones as that, but they were really pushing it. I almost started thinking something must be wrong with me.

Daaamn girl you went through some sh1t wallahi. Sorry to hear that. But Im sure it made you stronger as well. Do you still live same city aa family or you live different area?

 

[VixR]

Daaamn girl you went through some sh1t wallahi. Sorry to hear that. But Im sure it made you stronger as well. Do you still live same city aa family or you live different area?

Nah I’m fine.

 

[Mercury]

Knowles

Half of my mates (a dozen) who married at a very young age are now divorced. The majority are reasonable and logical guys and theorise their dilemma to be the result of lack of knowledge of one another’s expectations which has led to the breakdown of communications and their marriages. About two of them put the blame totally on their ex’s shoulders and formed an extreme theory that Somali women marry just to become garoobs because they will have a fully furnished place to their own and since they are no longer virgins, they start the “real” dating game. I don’t know if you subscribe to that notion with your “moving out from mum’s home” quote, or some other interpretation.

It does happen especially if the chick is young and got no life experience she will take any guy just to Move out of her parents house just messed up they see no wrong with taking advantage of a person

This why it’s best to go for a girl that genuinely cares about you even if you struggling with finances work etc she will be there to support you a lot of Somalis focus on the physical not that it’s bad but they should focus more on character and personality

 

[Mercury]

I also think girls and guys get pressured into getting married to the extent it doesn’t seem like so bad a thing to just get it over with come hell or high water, and getting out of the house is seen as a perk. I’ve even seen Somali boys being forced to marry. They just hook em up on the fly. “Prospects” are thrown at you like meat on sale.

And I think Somalis also don’t know how to fight in a relationship. There’s a productive way to argue. But what’s the point if there was no value to it to begin with.

Many Somalis got this mindset that marriage is gonna fix all your problems and change the person I hear it all the time it’s gonna make you more responsible,caring ,unselfish ,kind it’s bullshit lol you can be all those things before marriage

 

[Mercury]

We are proud people with huge egos lol. Comprimise is seen as weakness. I just had a family member at 22 get married to girl same age. Both have no money and live at home. So their parents paid for the wedding and a flat they can live in. Everything was handed to them in fear of them sinning. But how do youbknow the value of marriage when you put so little effort and time in making it?

Imo a guy should pay for his wedding fees if he can’t than just save up until you got enough

I think it’s unwise to pay for the wedding I mean if you get everything handed to you you’re not gonna cherish it the same as when you worked hard for it

 

[VixR]

Many Somalis got this mindset that marriage is gonna fix all your problems and change the person I hear it all the time it’s gonna make you more responsible,caring ,unselfish ,kind it’s bullshit lol you can be all those things before marriage

My parents were the type who believed to get the kids matched and hitched, their education relative to the general community and being here so long didn’t change those attitudes. They tried it with all of us. It just didn’t pan out. They might be more strict in some ways compared to the typical Somali parent (though lax in others). I noticed not every parent is like this, even though I agree with you on the marriage fixing problems attitude that’s common.

 

[Inquisitive_]

Those that were raised in single households are the quickest to opt for divorce as opposed to those that are not.

The single household raised women is used to a single household and in most cases already harbours disdain for her father and thus by extension other man due to brainwashing by the mother.

Even in cases of no brainwashing the environment these women were raised in is not conducive to nurturing patience, tolerance or compromise.

Even research backs this, the offspring's of these households have the highest divorce rates and are statistically academically and financially worse off which is no surprise.

The males are more likely to end up in prison while the women tend to end up in dom/depression because of these 'freedoms' that others don't have.

I have met many women like these over the years and they are a deadly cocktail of toxicity beyond any reprieve, to the point were I began to rule all of them out by default.

 

[Gooney112]

Imo a guy should pay for his wedding fees if he can’t than just save up until you got enough

I think it’s unwise to pay for the wedding I mean if you get everything handed to you you’re not gonna cherish it the same as when you worked hard for it

I agree. But I also dont think a guy should pay for thecwhole wedding. I think theccouple should pay together. Having said that I hate wedding and think they are waste of money. Give me a sheikh and blessings andvim good to go

 

[Zahra]

Sahra

Preach sister, for us. Somalis, divorce became the norm. We barely know one another before the marriage. When the going gets tough, he’s carrying his suitcase on his way to his mum’s place. It turns into families feuding and reconciliation becomes impossible. Very little sacrifice.

It's easier to give up, that's the mindset of many people. If we dont fight for what we want then of course walking out and just being done with a situation is simple but if you want a marriage to work and not end up in divorce sometimes you have to put in effort and make some changes. Whatever the reason for divorce that might come up people have to remember the reason they fell in love in the first place and let that be the factor to keep them pushing everyday to make it work. Families feeding isnt good but many times the spouse complains the then in laws or even to their own parents and once you do that you open the door for the families to get more involved then what they should. I knew a somali girl who called her husbands mom every week complaining about him. I couldn't believe it. When I asked her why she said either he will listen to his mom or I will divorce him. How ridiculous! Why not call his mom when he was doing right by her, why only call when she feels like we was stepping out of line.

 

[Zahra]

It's easier to give up, that's the mindset of many people. If we dont fight for what we want then of course walking out and just being done with a situation is simple but if you want a marriage to work and not end up in divorce sometimes you have to put in effort and make some changes. Whatever the reason for divorce that might come up people have to remember the reason they fell in love in the first place and let that be the factor to keep them pushing everyday to make it work. Families feeding isnt good but many times the spouse complains the then in laws or even to their own parents and once you do that you open the door for the families to get more involved then what they should. I knew a somali girl who called her husbands mom every week complaining about him. I couldn't believe it. When I asked her why she said either he will listen to his mom or I will divorce him. How ridiculous! Why not call his mom when he was doing right by her, why only call when she feels like we was stepping out of line.

He* Fueding *