“A lot of the time in marriages these days men are the problem”

[Desert Flower]

One hard thing about marriage I have found talking to a lot of girls over the years. Most expect to stay home even before getting pregnant. I had a girl mock me once because she found out she makes more than me and questioned why she should settle down with someone if he can’t provide the same level of earnings she currently has.

I am not poor by any means earnings wise and even wealthier than most people that are in her pay grade and higher because I am very good at saving money but it really opened my eyes a lot of girls just want a guy that racks in a lot of dough, which to me seemed odd cause most high paying jobs aren’t that stable outside of medicine, that potential hubby will hit a rough patch eventually when it comes to employment. We have had 2 major recessions in 12 years.

She sucks and is the type to believe that her money and degree entitles her to a high earning fella. They’re living out their hooyos dream.

Find someone who matches you and can grow alongside with you. Who you love and loves you. Don’t settle please! You’ll resent her and yourself if you do.

 

[Mercury]

May Allah make it easy for you sis. I agree with the background checks. It’s seems though you have to be very thorough. I don’t know about you though, but I’m really weary of “super religious wadaad guys.” There always seems to be a huge skeleton hiding in their closets.

I find normal Somali men (pray, fast, etc) but also go to work and school and are productive members of society to be the ones you should go for.

From what I've heard from others is that the ones who are wadaads are very controlling and will use the religion to justify their behaviour

 

[Mercury]

Yes! I'm borderline psycho when it comes to background checks. Especially in this day and age when people are getting to know each other for marriage online (social media, Muslim matrimonial sites etc.) If a guy tells me he graduated from a specific university, I will look up that school's commencement list to see if his name is on it (you can even find videos of them walking across the stage sometimes lol). You have to "trust but verify" everything that these guys tell you. I agree with what the sister said in the video that you should see who his family and friends are but also do a random check on him aka find out what masjid he goes to and call them up and ask about him. It sounds crazy but it's marriage that we're talking about! I don't want to be emabrassed/one upped by some information that I didn't know when I could've easily researched beforehand.

Long time ago when I was looking to get married I was courting this girl I was doing background checks on stuff she told me she was 27 turns out she was 33 and than she got angry at me for digging stuff about her

 

[binthalal]

Long time ago when I was looking to get married I was courting this girl I was doing background checks on stuff she told me she was 27 turns out she was 33 and than she got angry at me for digging stuff about her

Well I'm glad you did the background check. People lie so much on the internet. And I hope you don't let her reaction deter you from doing other background checks in the future!

 

[jabsveg276]

Well, that is her opinion, based on her experience.

Marriage is give and take, what did she think it would be?

Yes, a lot of the times men create the problem. But the issue is the xalimos would rather be gasoline then water to spray on the fire. Whenever a problem/situation happens the [somali] girl will fight and make an even bigger problem, instead of calming down and trying to slow down the situation.