30 year + old unmarried people: COME IN

Finesse

Finesse

When many of us were younger, we all had a vision that we would achieve certain things by a certain age, for instance,

1. Finish highschool/college by 18-21 (depending on what country you are in)
2. Getting a license
3. Getting a good career/job

etc. etc.

Right?

How many of you passed your drivings test on your FIRST attempt? How many on your second/third attempt?

When you failed, did you give up and blame yourself? Or did you try again and again, until you achieved your goal?

Same goes for any other goal you have in life, you tried and tried again, with many failures and finally, you tasted SUCCESS.
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Is MARRIAGE an achievement? NO, but it is an important milestone in ones life as it allows you to finally be ready to GIVE life to another soul: CHILDREN.

NOT EVERYONE will be ready to be a wife/mother at 21! Some people need more time to "bake", some of you need more life experiences, some of you need to perhaps, wait for your Mr right/Mrs right to get ready.

I say all this to say: Your time is YOUR time, don't follow other people's timetables!

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If you're a young parent, you can grow with your children and raise them as you achieve many goals. If you're an older parent, you can slow down a little bit and impart wise lessons on your children.

BOTH options are great for you and your children. If you don't have children, that's fine also, remember this dunya is temporary. Use your money and time to help others and advance yourself and the deen!

Don't feel rushed, don't feel judged, otherwise you will make the wrong decision.

Finally, when you do meet eligible people, give them a chance but if you feel doubt AND istikharah says NO!
SAY NO!

Finally, work hard, prepare for any great eventuality and when your rizq is ready, nobody can stop it.
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Thanks for reading and I welcome all comments, whether you agree or disagree. :it0tdo8:
 
Finesse

Finesse

IftiinOfLife said:
If you are not married , how can you give marriage advice :ayaanswag:
Click to expand...


I am married

I had to take you off ignore to see your comment.

I don't usually put people on ignore so it must mean you really annoyed or offended me so you can go back on ignore.

I don't understand people who come online just to annoy or argue with other people.
 
Finesse

Finesse

Ayubi said:
Marrying much younger is the best choice
Click to expand...

Choice and fate are different things.

How often have you wanted something and it just wasn't the right time?

For example, sometimes you want to eat a certain dish but the restaurant/supermarket is closed or you don't have the ingredients?
 
Finesse

Finesse

I just believe, that we cannot have what we want WHEN we want it. Isn't this what Islam teaches us?

For example, when we make duah, we are told that one of 3 things can happen:

1. It is accepted
2. Something bad was diverted from you
3. It is delayed, maybe even until the afterlife.
 
Finesse

Finesse

I once read that Sheekh Bukhari or another eminent scholar, never married.
Perhaps it's because marriage would deter him from doing such great work.

Some people are not meant to ever get married, ever have children.
For example, how many people do we know that died young?

As a community, I believe we place far too much focus on marriage as if it's THE greatest achievement.

Worshipping Allah SWT is the greatest achievement.
 
Finesse

Finesse

I have a controversial comment now..

Do you think the Somali community focuses on marriage so much in order to avoid life?

In the sense that it helps people feel that they didn't fail in the dunya and in the hereafter?

No educational achievements, nothing much in the way of Ibadah (worship)?

BUT they can say "I AM A WIFE/MOTHER- HUSBAND/FATHER"... (even though a good mother/father should be educated, productive and so forth)

Thoughts?
 
Finesse

Finesse

Sharmaarke said:
You know your womb expires so you better use it before it does instead of "exploring life and being adventerous"
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I said, and I reiterate, everyone should get ready and be open for any eventuality but you cannot rush your rizq.

For instance, when you are looking for a job and you get rejected countless times even though you are qualified for the job, is it your fault? No. But you keep trying and trying until you finally get it.

Same goes for marriage and even children!

Not every couple gets children immediately or sometimes ever!
 
Veteran

Veteran

Finesse said:
I said, and I reiterate, everyone should get ready and be open for any eventuality but you cannot rush your rizq.

For instance, when you are looking for a job and you get rejected countless times even though you are qualified for the job, is it your fault? No. But you keep trying and trying until you finally get it.

Same goes for marriage and even children!

Not every couple gets children immediately or sometimes ever!
Click to expand...
I don't agree, have children as fast as possible and marry someone it's not some huge spiritual thing which is important.

Just marry and have children, don't make it more complicated.
 
Finesse

Finesse

Sharmaarke said:
I don't agree, have children as fast as possible and marry someone it's not some huge spiritual thing which is important.

Just marry and have children, don't make it more complicated.
Click to expand...


Getting married and sharing a life is a spiritual thing, in fact, we are told to make duah when we consummate/get intimate with our spouse.

The entire act of being with another person is very personal as it ties two souls together.

None Muslims call it "soul ties", when you sleep with someone as they all know deep down that they have somehow left a part of themselves with another person.

That's why promiscuous people have emotional "issues" or cannot get over random people they slept with.

You are not supposed to share your body/soul with any random person...hence ISTIKHARAH.
 
D

Desert Flower

VIP
Finesse said:
I have a controversial comment now..

Do you think the Somali community focuses on marriage so much in order to avoid life?

In the sense that it helps people feel that they didn't fail in the dunya and in the hereafter?

No educational achievements, nothing much in the way of Ibadah (worship)?

BUT they can say "I AM A WIFE/MOTHER- HUSBAND/FATHER"... (even though a good mother/father should be educated, productive and so forth)

Thoughts?
Click to expand...

Yes. They hide behind the label of wife and mother in order to avoid responsibility. How can you teach kids when you yourself are a failure and haven’t amounted to anything? They also use the deen as a crutch to be lazy stay at home moms who just wanna go out and eat all day.
 
Veteran

Veteran

Finesse said:
Getting married and sharing a life is a spiritual thing, in fact, we are told to make duah when we consummate/get intimate with our spouse.

The entire act of being with another person is very personal as it ties two souls together.

None Muslims call it "soul ties", when you sleep with someone as they all know deep down that they have somehow left a part of themselves with another person.

That's why promiscuous people have emotional "issues" or cannot get over random people they slept with.

You are not supposed to share your body/soul with any random person...hence ISTIKHARAH.
Click to expand...
I think I misunderstood, if it's like that then I agree but if you're advocating to wait for Mr/Ms Perfect then I don't agree.
 
D

Desert Flower

VIP
Finesse said:
I once read that Sheekh Bukhari or another eminent scholar, never married.
Perhaps it's because marriage would deter him from doing such great work.

Some people are not meant to ever get married, ever have children.
For example, how many people do we know that died young?

As a community, I believe we place far too much focus on marriage as if it's THE greatest achievement.

Worshipping Allah SWT is the greatest achievement.
Click to expand...

Ibn Taymiyyah
 
Finesse

Finesse

Desert Flower said:
Yes. They hide behind the label of wife and mother in order to avoid responsibility. How can you teach kids when you yourself are a failure and haven’t amounted to anything? They also use the deen as a crutch to be lazy stay at home moms who just wanna go out and eat all day.
Click to expand...


!!

It's quite sad to be honest and I think it's like committing a sin against your children when you don't try to be the best you can be, for them at least!

I love seeing those mothers who clearly do their best for their children even though they may not have achieved much. You can see clearly, who cares and who is selfish/lazy and just got married to hide from life.

As in, messy houses, unkempt/ill-mannered children etc. etc.
 
Abdisamad

Abdisamad

VIP
Marriage is not easy unless both the husband and wife are patient with each other.. Many youth marry but then quickly divorce, because they lack patience and experience in life.. Before you marry someone you and your partner should have a clear idea of what you expect from each other, from kids to economy.. This will save your marriage down the line.. Many couples divorce due to disagreement about money.. Some couples divorce because when they get kids they drift apart and sooner or later they don't feel any affection for each other.. This is a result of lack of intimacy.. Some wife's lose respect for their husbands if they end up unemployed and bring nothing to the table.. Keep in mind if you are a man it's really important to be there for your wife both emotionally and economically. You should be her rock.. The only person she can count on in the world.. Once you make your woman feel like this, she will always respect you. This will minimize the risk of divorce... As for the ladies be kind to your husband, do small things to show you love him.. It could be small simple things like a head or shoulder massage.. Hugs lots of hugs.. Say nice words to him.. If you treat your man well, he will feel like he can take on the world. Both husband and wife should uplift each other.. Support each other on achieving any goals that are realistic be it in career or education...be each others best friends and don't let anyone come in between you.. If you do this you'll have a successful marriage.
 
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Finesse

Finesse

Abdisamad3 said:
Marriage is not easy unless both the husband and wife are patient with each other.. Many youth marry but then quickly divorce, because they lack patience and experience in life.. Before you marry someone you and your partner should have a clear idea of what you expect from each other from kids to economy.. This will save your marriage down the line.. Many couples divorce due to disagreement about money.. Some couples divorce because when they get kids they drift apart and sooner or later they don't feel any affection for each other.. This is a result of lack of intimacy.. Some wife's lose respect for their husbands if they end up unemployed and bring nothing to the table.. Keep in mind if you are a man it's really important to be there for your wife both emotionally and economically. You should be her rock.. The only one she's counting one person in the world she can count on.. Once you make your woman feel like this she will always respect you. This will minimize the risk of divorce... As for the ladies be kind to your husband, do small things to show you love him.. It could small simple things like a head or shoulder massage.. Hugs lots of hugs.. Say nice words to him.. If you treat your man well, he will feel like he can take on the world. Both husband and wife should uplift each other.. Support each other on achieving any goals that are realistic be it in career or education...be each others best friends and don't let anyone come in between you.. If you do this you'll have a successful marriage.
Click to expand...



Perfectly said!

Many people don't even get this level of wisdom and insight until they are much older, so had they gotten married at 21, they would have gotten divorced or been unhappy.

Whereas some people are already emotionally intelligent/prepared to do this at an early stage.

This is what I meant earlier, it could be that you are not married yet because you are supposed to resolve some issues or achieve some milestones.
 
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